Wow...I mean, their hearts are in the right place, but it's not cool that they're being insensitive to your wishes for that day.
I totally understand where you're coming from...my parents were 3 hours away, but dh's family (parents, three brothers, two SILs) were here in town. I told them repeatedly that we didn't plan to call anyone until after the baby was born....they kept requesting to hang out in the waiting room. For some reason, I *really* disliked the idea of having a troop of people waiting for the delivery of the twins....it felt like pressure, and I didn't want people bugging me (in person or over the phone) while I was laboring. The birth I just attended in July....man-oh-man....the MIL called about every 2 minutes, and my friend was so distracted by the annoyance and anger it started to cause. Wouldn't want that!!
In the end, with that first birth, we stuck to our decision not to call anyone...._ANYONE_...until the babies were born and we were settled in our hosp. room. The babies were born at 10am or so, and we didn't call people until 5 or so that night. I was so tired (24 hours of labor), that even then we said we didn't want visitors until the next morning. It was perfect that way. Dh and I had hours and hours of beautiful, wide-eyed, "wow-what-just-happened" bonding time
, I had time to get a hang of nursing without the constant flow of visitors, and I didn't feel rushed to shower, get neat, etc.
If your in-laws are four hours away, don't worry about not calling them until the baby is born. No kidding...it'll take at least four hours for you to go through all of the "settling in" that happens at a hospital...they'll watch you closely to make sure your bleeding tapers off, you'll have that blessed couple of hours where you learn to nurse, the staff will get the room cleaned up, you'll start eating a little food, etc. etc. etc. It takes longer than you'd imagine. If you call your in-laws after the "birth" process is over (I define that process as "over" when you have no medical staff or doctors between your legs), your inlaws will have MORE than enough time to get the hospital....AND you'll have a little buffer to be with your *new* family, bond, and be quiet for a while.
If you want your mom at the hospital with you, you must have a close relationship with her. Tell her, as clearly and firmly as possible, that part of her assisting you in labor means keeping your labor private. If she and your father can't promise you to keep their fingers off the phone (or telling others who call), then that's a problem. Your mother should also be on your side when it comes to your hospital wishes--try to get her help in defending your wishes (to your brother, etc.). If you have a heart-to-heart with her and tell her how you feel, and how much you need to count on her following your wishes, I would hope she'd become more of an ally.
This might be your only birth where you get to keep things private, between you and dh and the small circle that helps you in the labor room. Once you have a child, you're sort of forced into telling people you're in labor....in our situation, we need someone to come over and care for our sons when I go into labor this time...that kind of shoots the "we tell nobody" idea in the foot. That being said, my in-laws _know_ I don't want any company or calls at the hospital....I was so firm about it last time, I don't think anyone would dare interfere with our private moments.
I know I'm writing too much....I just can't emphasize enough how special those first few hours are, how sacred it feels to be next to your husband, holding your new child.... the wants and desires of other family members can wait. CERTAINLY they can wait a few hours, if not a day or overnight.
Good luck, and be firm!