There was a bit of an incident at my house last night, and I'm having a heck of a time processing it... Let me give some background information first.
I have always been glad that I had a semi-crunchy MIL. She BFed, cloth diapered, and was VERY "do your own thing" with the kids, to me, that's the most important thing, and I only hope I can be a laid back with my children as she was with hers. She was at DS's birth, and I was so happy to have her there. She was SO excited about the way I was doing things, and thanked me with tears in her eyes many times. I know I am the kind of woman she wished her son would marry. That makes me really happy.
Last night she was over with SIL. DS was crying and I got up to bounce him a little and try to get him to go to sleep, he was overtired from the company. She looked at me with a totally sweet, normal look on her face and said the most horrific things I have ever heard out of someone's mouth. (All said in the most loving tone you can imagine)
"Honey, don't you ever just let him cry?" My eyes must have looked like they were going to fall out of my head. "No, I don't" I replied. "You know, you could just put on some headphones and..." I cut her off and snapped a little "NO!" Then continued "I can't stand hearing him cry." (Mind you to me this was like the president sitting there and saying Democracy sucks... I was in total shock) She goes on to say "I love hearing babies cry, it's so sweet, plus it's good exersize for their little lungs!" Still shocked all I could get out was "Actually, that's an old wives' tale" she replied with "Well, I used to let the kids get their exersize in the evenings before their dad came home from work." Then she added "But your the boss, he's your baby, do things your way" Which I appreciated, but this situation has totally floored me.
I almost feel like I was violated, she was at the birth of my son, and now she's reccomending I let my two week old baby cry?! How could she do that?! And worse yet, I know she did it to DH. (He says it doesn't bother him, and we know better... but still... ) Keep in mind this was all coming from someone I idealoize as a mother, and she said it in such a sweet, loving tone that made it sound like she couldn't possibly imagine it being bad advice.
After she left SIL and I talked about it a bit, and she totally agreed with me, and said she used to get really upset when her mom let the boys cry and she would pick them up and rock them... etc
I have no intention of trying to 'educate' her, because I know she would never let him cry if that's not how we do things, plus I just don't want to rock the boat... I know she will respect our decisions, and that's all I need from her.
BUT, I just can't seem to get past this... I feel sick every time I think about it, the sound of DS SCREAMING keeps running through my head, and makes me want to cry...
I guess I'm not really looking for any advice, I just needed to complain... I expressed my feelings to DH, but it's his mom, and he loves her, and I feel bad venting about her to him.
Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!