Dealing with negative comments and remarks? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 08-08-2005, 10:12 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi, ladies!

Does anyone have any ideas about how to best deal with negative comments/remarks about our pregnancy?
I'm only 6 weeks into my first pregnancy, and am already finding that my DH and I are receiving some bad and disheartening vibes from our closest family/friends. :
Some of my family had children very young and found raising a family to be difficult and are now projecting their feelings & insecurities about pregnancy and raising a child on to us....
Others, who already know that I plan to have a natural and unmedicated birth, are already harrassing that decision....
My husband and I have already decided to it will be best to keep some of other "non-mainstream" choices and plans to ourselves, because of what we're already experiencing.

Can anyone offer any advice?
I don't think I can deal with this for my entire pregnancy!
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#2 of 9 Old 08-08-2005, 12:21 PM
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((huggs)) to you Tory!!

I know what you mean at a time when you are so happy, and emotional, it is hard to hear anybody's negativity. Especially when you've made some not so traditional choices. Unfortunatly I can't say it will get better the more pregnant that you get. I found that the unwelcome advice only increased the more pregnant I becam with dd1.

My best advice to to surround yourself with like minded mama's and try not to internalize everyone else's comments. They are just showing you their fears and insecurities.

Good Luck!
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#3 of 9 Old 08-08-2005, 01:24 PM
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Tory I am sorry people are already bombarding you. I think it should be illegal to say that kind of stuff to pregnant women. I hate how everyone has to tell you their horror birth stories and tell you how hard parenting is. Heres my story. The greatest day of my life was when my ds was born, it was then equalled in greatness when my ds2 was born. The best most important thing i have ever done in life is raise my children and they have made my heart grow in leaps and bounds. My ds's both are verya ttached to us and still like to snuggle in bed with us a lot and we love it and wouldnt have it any other way. Whenever someone says something negative about being pregnant/having kids, come here or pm me and I will give you 3 great things about it .
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#4 of 9 Old 08-08-2005, 04:46 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you, mamas!

I appreciate your advice and support very much.
DH and I have are working very hard to surround ourselves with people who are positive and excited about our pregnancy. I’m going to have to realize, though, that not even all of those people are going to have the same values and outlooks as we do.
And, norasmom, I definitely think you’re right – those people who make negative comments are more than likely projecting their own fears and insecurities on us.
I know that I can trust my body throughout pregnancy and labor, and that being a parent is going to be a wonderful blessing!

When the negativity gets too thick – I may just have look to like minded mamas like you for a little help to get through it!

Thanks again!
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#5 of 9 Old 08-08-2005, 07:15 PM
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So sorry that you are hearing such negative things so early! One of the most unfortunate parts of being pregnant is that it seems to give every other person in the world carte blanche rights to say whatever they want to about your body, your baby and your parenting style. Ugh!

We are having similar issues - but this is our 3rd baby. My mom really does not think that we should be adding another baby to our family. It's been tough because she's one of the only people who knows about this baby - and she's now pretending I never even told her. It's so annoying - but I am just going about my business as usual and hoping she'll come around.

We also took some hits with when I was pg with my son - for using a midwife instead of a doctor - and doing "wierd" things like waterbirth and hypnobirthing and having a doula.

Thing is - those comments were NOTHING compared to what I hear for having a 2-year-old who nurses.

I think it's great that you are here - because you;'ll have lots of support and constant affirmations that you are doing what's best for you and your baby!
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#6 of 9 Old 08-09-2005, 04:37 PM
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Wish I had good advice to share... This will be baby #4, we are SO EXCITED, but at 33 I'm scared to tell my parents! YIKES! (((((HUGS))))) sandi
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#7 of 9 Old 08-10-2005, 12:22 AM
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I'm sorry you're going through this already.
We caught a lot of flak when I was pg with ds about wanting a natural birth, planning to cd, co-sleep, etc. It bothered me a lot, and I would give people info, etc etc on why I was making these choices.
Finally, I realized that it was OUR life and OUR family, and the choices are ours to make. Now I just smile and nod a lot.
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#8 of 9 Old 08-10-2005, 07:36 PM
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I'm bracing myself, also. This is an "oops" baby, though we have always intended to have 3 (it looks like #3 is coming a year earlier than we had planned). But a lot of people out there seem to have "ideas" about how many babies people should have (generally no more than 2), when/why they should have them, whether they can afford them, etc.

We're still in shock, so we're not going to tell anyone who is guaranteed to give us a big "congratulations!" back.

My mil has made snippy comments in the past about our wanting 3 kids (because *she* never wanted 3, like I give a darn, y'know?)... I imagine she won't be finding out till, oh, Thanksgiving.
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#9 of 9 Old 08-13-2005, 01:37 AM
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First of all, congratulations! The first pg is tough, as everyone and their mother will give you advice. Just "yes" them and thank them, then let that crap go right out the other ear. Wait a might want to hang on to some of it as advice of what NOT to do. :LOL

This is the biggest change of your life and what you will slowly discover is that you do not have the same values and are very unlike many who you thought you were great friends with. You and your dh will naturally begin to distance yourself from those you are different from and gravitating towards those you are more like. You may even have to seek out others more like yourself, as the "natural" way is not very common, depending on where you live. You will begin to notice how your friends treat their children, feed their children, etc. It's your maternal and paternal instincts coming to life. It's your parenting style beginning to form. It's part of growing. Embrace having to move on from certain people. It's not that you are better than them...just different. And you shouldn't be made to feel badly for that.

Hang in there!
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