She did not give me any additional instructions -- we had talked for a long time really about what was going on with me and I explained how I used to take Xanax (lowest dosage .025, half a pill, only as needed rarely) and that the other day I actually opened the medicine cabinet and looked at the bottle of Xanax. I didn't take any but I considered it. And that scared me.
Yes it troubles me that she prescribed me a cat D drug with no mention of it being unsafe -- but I am a responsible person -- I don't go overboard on drug taking and she knows that.
I also know that Ativan is presribed regularly for epileptics during pg to prevent GMS (Esp after first trimester), with few ill side effects. You weigh the pros and cons of the need and the timing.
Yet for her to give me the script and not TELL me it was cat D is very troubling!
And it begs the question: why not just have me take the Xanax? My pdoc had mentioned Buspar and Prozac but I am so against taking a daily preventative -- no clue on the Buspar but the Prozac can trigger my manic phase and the side effects are hell. It's not worth it imho. The baby is more affected by depression than stress though I do know this, so my pdoc is being proactive against the potential low/swing I'm sure. I only spoke with her on the phone the other day and am waiting on a call back today about the Ativan. (She just called back and said Ativan is really no diff than Xanax and I should only take it if I'm having the most horrendous day ever. I'm making an appt to see her and sit and talk about options for next week.)
Bottom line is that I wish my regular midwife were here. But she's not and so I'm making the best of a situation. And I'll have to weigh the pros and cons of the medication. In the past it helped just to carry the Xanax in my purse -- I didn't take it very often but just knowing I could made it easier to cope. I imagine it'll be the same with this medication. But I will know more when I am able to sit down with the pdoc.
BTW, I do have LOTS of other things I do (incl. rescue remedy, calms forte, lav oil, yoga, etc.) But none of these things address the fact that my brain chemicals are wacky. But what has worked in the past to temp relieve symptoms isn't working right now -- and what worked to prevent the symptoms isn't either, meds (I'm off those), changing my diet (I used to be strict Blood Type A diet, now I'm eating meat) and all that because I'm pregnant and am eating what my body's craving. It's what my body needs, and even if I wanted to there's some things I just can't stand right now.
And it's not just an insomnia issue -- yes, it tends to be worse late at night but I don't take benadryl and Ambien is highly addictive. I've taken coffea cruda sometimes and phos cell salts and even phenargen at times, but it's not just a can't sleep thing -- it's a brain thing. Make sense?
So I have to do something -- I know my limit and I'm fast approaching it and it would be very bad for me to spin off into a full blown BPD episode. I wonder if it isn't the holidays honestly -- I started freaking out about this time last year too, only I was still on Xanax as needed at the time. It's bizarre though as I love the holidays!
Anyway, I really appreciate the concern and the PM -- you sound like me with the whole raw egg/cheese thing -- bless your heart -- I know how it feels to be horrified by another person's uninformed choice. I'm not an idiot though and I'm very cautious about most things so I would only take the Ativan if I were absolutely freaking out, and I'll see what options the pdoc has for me, even if it means going on a daily preventative sigh, so long as it's safe.
But regardless, something's got to happen soon, for both my sake and the baby's. I am just incredibly thankful that I made it through the whole first trimester without having issues. Someone's definitely looking out for me. Who knows, maybe the flax seed oil will start kicking in and make everything better
Thanks for the concern though. I appreciate it