I have no kids yet, so I won't pretend to know the level of frustration of what you're feeling, but I will tell you that from an outsider's perspective, I'd knock some sense into my husband fast.
YOU NEED HELP.
And he is a parent too -- it's half his responsibility, sorry if I'm laying blame but you're having to deal with your daughter's behavior issues alone and if it's hard now while you're pg, it likely won't get easier when you're sleep deprived with a newborn, I'd imagine.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, but seriously can you talk to your husband? I understand that if he's the breadwinner then he has to leave to work but there's got to be a better way. Abandoning you so that the time you most look forward to is when your daughter's unconscious? That's a bad sign, sweetie.
You're not a bad mother. You're just TIRED and that's absolutely undertandable. You need help!
There has to be a better way and it's a partnership, yes? Can you sit him down and figure out a way to make this so you have some help at least? If not him (though that'd be best, IMO) then someone else? I may not have experience in frustrations of parenting, but I'm a married woman, and I have experience in dealing with the very difficult issue of expressing the things I absolutely need. No matter how hard it is, it's necessary and men often don't know what we need unless we TELL them! And it can't be a "Oh, honey I'd like it if..."
It has to be: "THIS IS WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN!" Your sanity and your relationship with your daughter is more important than his paycheck.
And sometimes it takes that straightforwardness to get their attention to the seriousness of the situation.
And your situation is very serious. To be honest, I *can* identify a little with it -- but from your daughter's perspective.
My father was a serious workaholic and there is a part of me that resents him to this day for it. We never saw him -- he came home after we were in bed and left before we got up. My mother ended up sleeping through my adolescence because of depression problems and it took me nearly 20 years to get to a place where I could forgive her, when really all she was doing was reacting to the overwhelming pressure of being abandoned to deal with something she wasn't supposed to have to deal with alone.
Had my father spent more time being a father and less time being a worker, our life would have been very different. I don't blame my parents for *my* problems -- but I do hold them responsible for their roles (or lack thereof) in my upbringing. I had a miserable childhood.
And I would do anything I could to help prevent another family from going through that misery. It's not fair to anyone -- not the child, nor the mother, nor even the father.
But the path your family is on sounds eerily familiar.
Does your husband realize what his absence is doing to your family?
Is making money worth that?
These are hard questions and I'm sorry -- maybe all you wanted right now was a hug and a shoulder and if so, then I'll shut up and just say Bless your heart and I'm sending you warm thoughts. (Because I am
But if it were me, I'd be wanting some serious changes in my home and sometimes kind words don't help as much as an encouragement to take action does. You're reaching out and you need help. It'd be nice if the man who pledged to give you that help could be the one to respond.
You're in my thoughts and please know that I think you are a good mother -- you just aren't Wonder Woman. No one is. Nor should they have to be, especially when they have a partner to help out. You're tired and you deserve a break.
<sending good thoughts and a BIIIIIIIIIG hug>