OH MY G*D....switching to homebirth at 24weeks - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 12-14-2005, 11:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have been planning all along on a hospital birth with an OB and latley i've had a bug up my b*tt to do a homebirth. always wanted to do it, but 1) dh is worried about the safety aspect and 2) i have flashbacks of the horrific back labor i had with ds b/c he was posterior. but....today we met with the homebirth midwife and i think we're going to do it. HOLY CRAP!!!! i'm excited, but nervous. anyone else feel like homebirth is the right decision for them, but still feel a bit apprehensive??? maybe its just that it hasn't sunk in yet for me.

oh yeah, i have NO IDEA how i'm going to tell the OB i work with (the one that's been my OB so far) that i'm leaving her and instead i'm doing a homebirth. Eeeck! i'm dreading that conversation. of course, it may be better than breaking the news to my mom who is so antihomebirth.

but overall, i'm excited and wanted to share!
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#2 of 22 Old 12-14-2005, 11:15 PM
 
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No advice, but congrats on your decision.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#3 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 12:04 AM
 
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I was just wondering what prompted you to change and how this affects your overall financial picture?

Maybe these are some good reasons you can use to explain why you want to do home birth to your mom and OB?
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#4 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 12:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by hairpin
I was just wondering what prompted you to change and how this affects your overall financial picture?

Maybe these are some good reasons you can use to explain why you want to do home birth to your mom and OB?
i have always wanted to have a hombirth....but dh has been resistant and i never pushed the issue. i never pushed the issue b/c i was really concerned about the whole pain issue (after a bad experience with back labor during ds's birth). but i would really like to do it naturally without all that intervention and i know i have a much better shot at that if i'm home.
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#5 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 12:49 AM
 
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Good for you!! I'm tempted, but don't think I'd do well delivering a preemie at home. I'll admit....I'm a bit jealous.

Tamara: hs'ing Christian mom of five here and five in Heaven. Joyfully awaiting Punkin, coming mid-Sept!
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#6 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 01:51 AM
 
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If your dh is apprehensive, it is extremely important that he come with you to the prenatal appointments...your midwife should be able to put him at ease very well. it's important to note, that many problems that happen in a hospital happen because 1)the doctor isn't with you all the time and doesn't pick up on as much 2)doctors are too worried about getting sued 3)doctors/hospitals usually are not woman centered. Pretty difficult to work through the pain when your connected to equipment, laying on your back, have people offering you pain meds constantly, and your in a strange environment.

I would highly suggest getting a birthing pool, even if you just labor in it. water will do wonders for your pain. Make sure your dh turns the thermostat up on your house water, so if you get in your shower, your hot water will last longer. if you have back pain, that will also help with that.

I personally am looking forward to the pain this time. My birth to dd was pitocin induced and the pain was totally un-natural and so constant and horrible I couldn't even look anyone in the eye for like 4 hours (that's how long it took to get the #$^#$^ anesthesiologist out of surgery apparently.) So,this time, i am looking forward to letting my natural body rhythms take over.

Also, remember that 2nd births generally go a lot faster than 1st births. So, if you do have excruciating back pain, it won't be for very long

i have NEVER met anyone who had a planned homebirth that wasn't happy with their decision. the care you will get from your midwife will beat anything an OB will be able to provide you with.

Here's a suggestion though...be prepared for your OB to tell you how dangerous homebirth is, how it's not a good idea for you, they are totally against it etc.etc. It may or may not happen, but remember that they are watching their butts and if they tell you "go ahead" and then something did go wrong, you could probably sue the h$ll out of them.

good choice!
sarah

Mama to girl (11), boy (7) and girl (4).  "Can't we all just get along?" joy.gif
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#7 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 02:38 AM
 
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YAY! congrats on your decision. I'm having a homebirth and its absolutely the right decision for some people.

I thought my parents would flip, but they've been awesome. my dad was like "you don't have to sell me on it. I think hospitals are damn sloppy!" hahaha.

The reassurance people get from a hospital is really a facade in my opinion. The research says its not any safer, and the results at home are just as good.

A friend of mine works in labor and delivery and its ATROCIOUS to hear her stories. Doctors coming in and saying just the right thing so the woman will consent to a C section because he has an important dinner date and wants to get the show on the road. AHHHH. She said when its 5pm, the C-sections start like clockwork....insane.

I would suggest giving them the book MEDICAL MYTHS VS. RESEARCH REALITIES if they are really concerned. Then they will know your decision is coming from a place of information.

Congrats mama!!
XOXO
Beth

mama to Milena Anjali (4/26/06) and Vincent Asher (4/13/09) ~ married to the love of my life since 2002.
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#8 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 03:13 AM
 
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Congrats to you! My advice on dealing with your current OB is . . . don't bother telling. It's really not her business and she's more than likely to give you crap about it. Just call and cancel your next appt. and have the paperwork sent/faxed over to get a copy of your records. You don't need to explain yourself to her or be confrontational in any way. Just let it go.

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#9 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 03:32 AM
 
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Not in your DDC but I just had my first homebirth 9 days ago with my third son. I, too, switched to a homebirth midwife late in my second trimester. I also had a terrible first birth with a posterior babe and labor was awful! There's a website http://www.spinningbabies.com that talks about optimal fetal position and how to prevent and correct a posterior baby. Also, giving birth in an upright position really helps.
This birth was by far the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. You won't regret your decision to birth at home.
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#10 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 03:41 AM
 
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You can do it!

I had 40 hours of back labor with my first due to posterior presentation, only a few hours of back labor with my second before he turned and then it was wonderful and NO back labor with my thrird, who was born at home. Every labor is different, you are not destined to have the same labor over again each time, and very likely it will be different.
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#11 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 04:22 AM
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woohoo!!

Welcome to the club!


winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#12 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 06:55 AM
 
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Yay great news this will be out first homebirth too
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#13 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 11:43 AM
 
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Congratulations!

I'm new to this board, but lurk here all the time!! I had to respond to your post and tell you that I'm in awe of your decision and can also totally relate to the anxious feeling about your dh's support and telling the ob.

I so wanted a HB for this baby, and I know I'm letting people (medical community, mostly) push me away from that dream. It's not too late, but I am still too chicken to stand up for what I feel in my gut is the right thing to do. So, I'd have to agree with the advice to just call the OB's office and not even bother having that discussion. It can't really help you in any way, and the OB will feel obligated to give you advice.

So besides being jealous , I absolutely believe that it's the bravest (because it is going against the flow) and best thing to do for yourself and your family. I love reading the HB birth stories - they are inspiring and beautiful and I'll look forward to reading yours, too!

Melissa
mom to 3 lovely kids
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#14 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 02:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by love_homebirthing
Congrats to you! My advice on dealing with your current OB is . . . don't bother telling. It's really not her business and she's more than likely to give you crap about it. Just call and cancel your next appt. and have the paperwork sent/faxed over to get a copy of your records. You don't need to explain yourself to her or be confrontational in any way. Just let it go.

ITA. She doesn't need to know, just stop going. It's really a matter of prudence not to tell her. If anyone from her office ever asks, just say you found a different care provider.

Most of the time they don't notice anyway.
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#15 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 04:04 PM
 
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There is a lot of info on here and other places about how to prepare for homebirth, which I think will be very useful for both you and your husband!

One way to help with misgivings is to have a SOLID backup plan. I would also be worried if I knew someone was planning a homebirth without a backup plan. If there are complications, and sometimes there are- you want to be prepared. You want to know how you're getting to the hospital, and who is going to be there. Who is your midwife's backup OB? Could you use your present one as a backup? Will insurance cover it if you do have problems? Etc. These are all important questions.

Homebirth is great, I wish it were more available where I am (in IL it's practically illegal), and I wish it was the standard of care- but it's no panacea. Things can and do go wrong. There is a whole thread on these boards about people who had trouble and were dissapointed with their homebirths- it's important to consider both the positive AND the negatives. Someone above made a comment that she's never known anyone to not be happy with their decision to have a homebirth, but there are a significant number of people on the thread I mentioned above who did. The skill of the midwife, it seems, is certainly a factor.

It's best to be prepared for all situations, and I think having those preparations will greatly reduce the worry of your husband and/or relatives. (The ones you choose to tell- you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.)

I think the suggestion about the birthing pool is excellent- you can rent them (just be careful if you put them on an upper floor, as they are heavy!!! If you have a house/apartment with a "no waterbed" rule, you won't want a birthing tub there), and I've seen just so much positive feedback about them on here and other places.

I'd also suggest to get a doula in addition to your midwife. That might help a lot especially if your husband is nervous!
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#16 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 04:17 PM
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Hmm...interesting. I don't have a backup plan. Other than I know my midwives will take me to the hospital if the situation warrants it, and will stay with me. Which is good for me!

I just switched from an OB to midwives...and they called when they got the request from my midwives for my chart. They asked if I was transferring care, I said yes, they said okay, we will be sending you a letter saying that we are cancelling your care. (Total CYA thing for the doc) And that was that. Truthfully, most OBs offices are too busy to notice or care if you leave.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#17 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 04:38 PM
 
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FYI - Birthing tub on an upper floor will rarely present a problem (possibly in very very old homes). I rent them out myself now, but with my first pregnancy I rented one for my 3rd floor apt. (no waterbeds allowed there). It was a non-issue. I didn't mention it to the management, but I didn't see anything in my contract about no hot tubs. Plus the concern with waterbeds is not just that they might leak, but the continuous weight they'll put on the support beams. With a birth tub it's only temporary. Just saying, I wouldn't let being on an upper floor deter me one bit. Put it in the corner of the room if you're concerned about weight issues (but like I've said in threads before, it's similiar to having 10 150lb people standing in a 5' circle - can your floors tolerate that?).

Mama to four remarkable kiddos, all born at home.
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#18 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 05:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you everyone! I wish i could just not say anything to my OB, but unfortunatley i work at my OB's office. : so not only do i have to say something but i will probably hear slack every day until i deliver. i personally don't care what they think, i just don't want all that negativity feeding my subconcious. ya know???? i'm thinking about fibbing a bit - telling them i'm switching to a mw so that i can deliver at the new birth center. not that she'll be thrilled about that but at least i won't hear all the slack about homebirth.
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#19 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 07:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AdinaL
Hmm...interesting. I don't have a backup plan. Other than I know my midwives will take me to the hospital if the situation warrants it, and will stay with me. Which is good for me!

I

Often this is all that happens anyway because even if one sees an OB at the same time, unless the midwife is part of a collaberative group, you get who's on call. I debated doing "shadow" care (in my state there is no other choice in order for me to have a homebirth and OB care) and decided in the end not to b/c of the stress and b/c I would have to lie to the OB, since no OB will agree knowingly to be the backup for non CNMs, and the best OBs for VBAC are solo and there's a high chance they wouldn't be on call when I got to the hospital. My mw goes to hospitals now and is keeping a prenatal record for me, so I know that if we go we just have to deal with whoever is on call. I'm in the process of thinking through certain nightmare scenarios that could happen and how best to deal with them.
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#20 of 22 Old 12-15-2005, 08:12 PM
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Yep..that is kind of the case here. I don't know which hospital I am going to be living closest to, since we are trying to move, and my insurance is changing at the beginning of the year - again, so I wouldn't even be able to keep up with my old OB anyway. I have three midwives, and I know they will stay with me (at least one of them) and be a part of the transfer if I need. When we get closer, I will talk to them about what could arise in transfer and how I would deal with it. For right now, I am more concerned with setting myself up for success than worrying about what ifs...you know? I can get waaaay too caught up in what ifs.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#21 of 22 Old 12-17-2005, 03:36 AM
 
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Go for it.

I do have a backup plan, because I'm much more open to the idea that something might not go as I plan it this time around. BeanBean's birth, I had only one birth plan and nothing went as I had hoped. So I've actually got a Plan A ("accidental" UC), Plan B (hospital vaginal delivery) and Plan C (hospital c-section), all chock full of details and fun bits. Mike and I will probably be the only people to read all three plans (if Mike bothers ), but they're around.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#22 of 22 Old 12-17-2005, 05:27 AM
 
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I had thought about it for a bit, but since we are going back to RI it's a definite no. They don't allow homebirths not even with a midwife.
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