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#1 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 05:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay this might be completely silly, but is anyone else scared of having sex again? We are quickly approaching the 6 week mark and dh is getting excited. I on the other hand am terrified. I don't know why I am so scared, I didn't tear, have had an easy recovery, I am just scared. I didn't go through this with Guyler because I had a CSect. Not to mention I have absolutely no sex drive right now, will it ever come back? Can anyone relate, give advice?, tell me I'm not alone.
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#2 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 06:04 PM
 
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Two things: use lubricant and be on top (so you are in control). I never waited 6 wks, even after my vag deliveries. I think we waited 4 with our first (I had a huge epis) and 2 with our second. After my c/s's we waited about 2 wks.

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#3 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 06:06 PM
 
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Not from you DDC, but I had to comment.

I was terrified after having ds, the 6 week mark came and went and I was still scared (I had labial tears though.) finally, at 10 weeks pp I took the plunge. I can't say I enjoyed it, but it did get better. I'd say prepare your dh to be extra gentle during those first few weeks and probably some sort of lube will make things so much more comfortable for you (did for me anyway.)

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#4 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 06:08 PM
 
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BTDT! On top of having 'just' given birth, you still don't have your body back...this little person still has claim to it and sharing it is sooo hard! And it is scary the first time you have sex again...dont be surprised if you feel the urge to push again when you do have sex...seems to be a common thing i've heard from new moms.

and be prepared for extra dryness,..nursing moms are notorious for it....grab a bottle of your favorite lube..and dive in....lol

i'm actually looking forward to it this time ..lol...I 've been to a few *um*...toy parties in the last few weeks and am dying to try some of the fun stuff out!! *BLUSH*....don't tell hubby...

there is a book i read an excerpt from a while back..can't remember it...trying to find it...that was the funniest thing i have ever read about having sex after baby....i'll try to find a link...we could allll use the laugh and humor!

thinking of you and your impending *mommy daddy time*

sandra

It was from "Little Earthquakes" by Jennifer Wiener.... I will try to get a copy of it to post for everyone... hysterical!!
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#5 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 06:09 PM
 
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Yes, afraid with the tear and having hemhorroid issues at the moment, hopefully will clear up by 6 weeks. Really afraid. But right now I'm afraid to go to the bathroom too.

Sorry for the TMI.
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#6 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 06:10 PM
 
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I had a big tear from having such a fast birth, which first of all the stitches popped out a few days pp. The MW thought it would heal okay on its own (the muscle layers were still closed up okay, just the top layer wasn't sutured anymore) but then it reopened a week and half pp after I lifted my leg in the shower So yeah I'm a bit terrified of dtd We tried at 4 weeks pp with dd and it was fine, but I can definitely see waiting until 6+ weeks this time! I'm still somewhat sore down there

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#7 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 06:11 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aprilushka
But right now I'm afraid to go to the bathroom too.
I loooveee my stool softners!!

s
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#8 of 28 Old 05-08-2006, 09:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aprilushka
Yes, afraid with the tear and having hemhorroid issues at the moment, hopefully will clear up by 6 weeks. Really afraid. But right now I'm afraid to go to the bathroom too.

Sorry for the TMI.
I'm so glad someone brought this up. Me too! Esp. the bathroom issue. It's really bad.: My midwife told me to take fish oil to help. I want to wait until I have my six week appt. (which will actually be 7 weeks) : I really want to DTD , but that's when hubby can come. She will access my tear and do a pap. Yes, planning on lots of lube cause there is none down there. I've actually been dreaming about it since about a month before I was due. But I am afraid. It's still sore down there, but mostly b/c of the bathroom issues.

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#9 of 28 Old 05-09-2006, 01:43 PM
 
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I'm only 2.5 weeks PP and DH is already counting down the days LOL.

I'm feeling very ambivalent about it. On the one hand I generally enjoy it, and I like pleasing DH, but I'm SO not "in the mood" at all.

I second the lube idea, and add foreplay. Some good kissing and snuggling before will definitely help. Of course, finding time with a newborn is another issue :P

DH and I have never actually made it to the 6 week mark after previous babies... We were both ready well before that! With #4 though I had a much lower drive after he was born, I didn't get my full libido back until I started cycling again.

Kathryn
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#10 of 28 Old 05-09-2006, 05:22 PM
 
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we are at a week 1.5 mark and ive started to think about it. seems like everything is healed down there but my muscles are still sore and of course my "hamburger" belly is oh so pretty!! not to mention i have to wear an ugly granny nursing bra all the time or i'll leak everywhere..........none of these things get me in the mood. we will see, my DH never is pushy about these things so i can probably wait as long as possible. i am more scared of getting pregnant then anything else. i know it is so unlikely but in my head sex=baby and i dont want another one anytime soon.

there is such a thing as siblings being 9 months apart!! what do you all do. we dont use birth control but for those who do use it do you worry about it before you get your cycle back??

Angela: Catholic Homeschooling Mom to Sierra(11/00), twins Addison & Kendall(3/03), Jack(4/06), Brielle (7/08), Levi (2/2011); due with#7 (9/13). Birthed every witch way.....hospital. C section. VbAC. Unassisted water birth (hypno/painless). Assisted waterbirth to an almost 10lber! (Not painless!)
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#11 of 28 Old 05-09-2006, 08:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smlwieber
I loooveee my stool softners!!

s
What do you use? I ate a bunch of prunes which helped some-- need to get more
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#12 of 28 Old 05-09-2006, 08:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stayathomemommy
we are at a week 1.5 mark and ive started to think about it. seems like everything is healed down there but my muscles are still sore and of course my "hamburger" belly is oh so pretty!! not to mention i have to wear an ugly granny nursing bra all the time or i'll leak everywhere..........none of these things get me in the mood. we will see, my DH never is pushy about these things so i can probably wait as long as possible. i am more scared of getting pregnant then anything else. i know it is so unlikely but in my head sex=baby and i dont want another one anytime soon.

there is such a thing as siblings being 9 months apart!! what do you all do. we dont use birth control but for those who do use it do you worry about it before you get your cycle back??
I'm planning to use FAM-- could be risky though. Last time I didn't have cycles for 14 minths, but I guess I can't count on that
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#13 of 28 Old 05-09-2006, 11:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aprilushka
What do you use? I ate a bunch of prunes which helped some-- need to get more
probably not the best stuff but walmart brand stool softner..W/O the laxative in it. I had to stay on them pretty regularly with all 3 preg..and fairly regularly when not preg....

good luck!!
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#14 of 28 Old 05-10-2006, 12:54 AM
 
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Well, I ended up with a partial third degree tear but once my bottom stopped hurting around day 5 or so I started thinking along these lines. I even had a dream a couple of nights ago about postpartum sex, though we didn't get that far in the dream. My first thought was terror at the slim chance of becoming pg, followed by some concern about it hurting. I know my tear still needs to heal more, I've still got a decent flow, and my breasts are the never ending fountains, so it will be a while. But I'm certainly more in the mood now than I have been in a long time. I think it is partly how much more I've fallen in love with dh watching him with our little guy...he's amazingly sweet and tender with him and it makes me melt

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#15 of 28 Old 05-10-2006, 11:52 AM
 
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We tend not to use birth control. DH says he doesn't want another until 2010 at the earliest. We'll probably use FAM and barrier methods, if we use anything.

I've gotten pretty good at following my fertility signs, enough to know if sex is likely to result in a baby or not.

How DH wants to act based on that info is left up to him, I'm not really worried about it.

Co-sleeping and babywearing help with delaying the return of AF, when used along with ecological breastfeeding.

Kathryn
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#16 of 28 Old 05-10-2006, 04:36 PM
 
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I'm 2.5 weeks PP and ready to go I actually wasn't ready for months after my first DD, but this time... DH has been so supportive and wonderful and its made me fall even more in love with him. It also helps that Autumn is sleeping like a dream, so I'm doing much better this time.

I'm a fertile myrtle, so I will be using something other than bfing as BC. As much as I love being pregnant and having a baby, I want to wait another two years before we do this again!

I am afraid of it though, which is what is holding me back and why I'm subbing to this thread. It hurt really bad last time and I tore a tiny bit, so I'm afraid of ripping something I'm not bleeding or sore anymore, but I'm not sure of what is going on down there so I'm hesitant. You are not alone!!!!

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#17 of 28 Old 05-10-2006, 09:28 PM
 
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I just hit 5 weeks and dh cant wait for my appointment. I on the other hand am not so excited. I can still feel my internal sutures from the second surgery and my pelvic bone is still pretty sore. Luckily dh is OK with waiting for me to be ready I just know he misses it. He's been getting taken care of in other ways though so that helps him wait it out a little more patiently Im not worried about b/c. My tubes were tied with the surgery, but I woulnt be surprised if the dr. messed that up too:
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#18 of 28 Old 05-11-2006, 01:23 AM
 
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I am only 11 days PP, but I, too, dread it! I did after DD, too... I have NO drive at ALL whole nursing! DH, of crouse, is TOTALLY looking forward and counting down the days until my PP appt, but I could easily wait! LOL It just holds NO interest for me! *sigh*

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#19 of 28 Old 05-11-2006, 04:12 PM
 
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I was *terrified* after DD1. We waited three months, and then I finally told DH to get the lube bottle, douse everything with it, and just get it over with--don't worry about me, LOL! I had to get past the mental block, and that was the only way it was gonna work, KWIM? After that first time, it was much easier. It did hurt a little--I had a first degree episiotomy : - but the lube helped a lot.

Buy a BIG BOTTLE of it! We used it for probably a year or better. Oh wait, then we got pg again, LOL.

I had hoped to use bfing last time, but AF came back at 4 months pp, despite DD1 nursing every two hours around the clock. : We use NFP along with barrier (if we're in the mood at a fertile time ).

This time I am more "in the mood," but still sore and still bleeding a little (13 days pp). I'm positive we'll be waiting until the six-week appointment with these labial tears--ouch!
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#20 of 28 Old 05-11-2006, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Update, not that you care, but. I basically did like clynnr. I just said okay let's do this, don't worry about me just go slow. I can't say I "enjoyed" myself but it wasn't painful and that was my main concern.
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#21 of 28 Old 05-12-2006, 01:55 PM
 
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I promised DH that I would be ready at 4 weeks... that is next Friday. I was told to wait 6 weeks, but everything basically has felt fine since about 1 week PP. So he is counting the minutes and I'm praying that nothing rips!

Lydia- congrats on taking the plunge! I think I'm going to be the same way regardless of how in the mood I've been!

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#22 of 28 Old 05-15-2006, 04:33 PM
 
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With my first, I had no desire until my cycle came back when she was around a year old. This time, baby is 3 1/2 weeks, I had sex dreams last night and I'm actually kind of looking forward to DTD! Of course that makes me paranoid that AF will return too soon.

So, yeah, relax, take it slow, and use lots of lube. I think we had to "try" several times before I actually enjoyed it.

This time I'm not going in for an exam until 8-10 weeks because I'm going to get the Paraguard IUD and MW wants to wait until my uterus is completely done shrinking back down. I'm actually glad to have the extra couple weeks because I'm scared of having the speculum in there right now, even though everything feels fine. It just feels a little different. And I know it won't hurt...it didn't hurt last time at 6 wks but I'm still scared anyway.
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#23 of 28 Old 05-15-2006, 08:48 PM
 
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Ummm. I could have written your post! Does that answer your question?

But, suddenly today something dawned on me. I PASSED AN 8 POUND KID FROM DOWN THERE! WHY AM I AFRAID OF THAT LITTLE THING?

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#24 of 28 Old 05-15-2006, 09:59 PM
 
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But, suddenly today something dawned on me. I PASSED AN 8 POUND KID FROM DOWN THERE! WHY AM I AFRAID OF THAT LITTLE THING?

There is a skit from Mad TV where the mom has just delivered and the dad is like..wink wink..lets go honey..and she tells him..are you crazy! that would be like a pencil in a mine shaft!!!

cracks me up every time i see it!!!
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#25 of 28 Old 05-16-2006, 04:17 AM
 
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I remember a joke along the same lines, but that one called it "throwing a hotdog down a hallway"
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#26 of 28 Old 05-16-2006, 04:57 PM
 
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Speaking of which, how long is it supposed to take before your muscles go back to "normal"? I've been doing kegels, but I think it's going to take quite a while longer before things seem like they were before the baby came out.

Is that too much TMI for ya?
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#27 of 28 Old 05-18-2006, 05:23 PM
 
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We finally took the plunge when I was 4 weeks post partum and it HURT! We used lube... I'm terrified to try again. I read online that breastfeeding women can expect this to be the case for a few months up to a year because estrogen levels are much higher than normal. Sigh... Luckily my mate is so busy finishing up grad school that he's fine with waiting. He's even more sleep deprived than I am!
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#28 of 28 Old 05-19-2006, 03:08 PM
 
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Well, we finally did it last night. Saturday will be 7 weeks. I had prepared DH for what I needed from him (slow, gentle, etc). So, last night I got ds nursed to sleep, put him in his swing, took a bath, drank some wine, shaved my legs, lotioned up, put on a pretty gown, turned on some music and took our time (used lube too!).

It wasn't that bad! I did have to remind him twice to be gentle, but all in all...not nearly as bad as I had expected. I enjoyed it...I'll put it that way.

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