I was posting on the Nursing Mommas TTC when I got my BFP a couple of weeks ago, but it's taking me a little while to adjust to the news this time around, so I'm only just now venturing out into the Pregnancy Forum...
I'm 33 and currently a SAHM, DH is 38, and we're expecting baby #5 around May 27th (I think.) This baby was planned, so you'd think I'd be over the moon, yet I've been feeling surprisingly ambivalent about the pregnancy so far
I think it's a combination of things -- for one thing, although I knew almost as soon as I gave birth to Charlie that I wanted another baby, DH really thought we were DONE after four!
So it took the better part of a year to convince him that a fifth (and final, so he insists) baby was a good idea. As a result, I spent so much time talking up the positive aspects of adding one more child to our family that I never got the chance to express any doubts about it myself, because I thought that would only undermine my position, kwim? Ah, the intricacies of the marital dance!
Therefore, ironically, I'm having all those doubts NOW (which, of course, is pointless, but what can you do?) Ugh.
The other thing that's made it hard is that my best girlfriend had a m/c only days before I found out I was pg. We were deliberately trying to be pg together this time around and were both so excited about sharing this journey together! Instead, I sat there with her while she lost her baby, holding her hand through the whole experience. It was so sad!
Afterwards, I just silently prayed that we HADN'T conceived this month, so as not to cause her further pain. But of course it was too late....
She asked me point blank the day I tested, and I'm a terrible liar, so I confessed. She's very happy for me, but very sad that we won't get to be pg together (due to health reasons, she won't be able to TTC again for another four months.)
The whole situation has just sort of thrown me completely; I want to be there to support her grieving process, but I'm currently really tired and nauseous and feel like I have to hide my symptoms from her so as to spare her feelings. It's complicated!
So, anyway, I thought joining in on some more normal "expecting baby" chatter would be really good for me and help pull me out this funk and better appreciate the miracle of this sweet baby-to-be...
I'm looking forward to getting to know you all better!
I usually stick to the Diapering Board, but felt it was high time I ventured out to other forums! :LOL