Are you planning on finding out the sex or being surprised? - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: will you find out the sex of the baby?
yes 25 49.02%
no 21 41.18%
undecided 5 9.80%
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 08:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just curious! I know me well enough to know I will - even though I would love to be surprised, I know I won't be able to wait...
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#2 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 08:42 PM
 
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We'll be finding out. I'm too curious not too!
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#3 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 08:44 PM
 
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No way. I love the anticipation and wonder. It is the ultimate surprise and I am too afraid of being let down if I were to find out ahead.

Edited to add that by let down, I mean disappointed that I knew the answer and now no longer have the mystery. Not that I want one gender over another.

My poor DP each time he rallies and tries to convince me to find out. But I stand firm on this one LOL

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#4 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 08:59 PM
 
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I love the idea of not knowing, but I can't bring myself to do it. Besides this time around, if it's another boy, then I'll keep all of ds's clothes. But, if it's a girl, then I'm sending all of his clothes to my sister. She's having boy/girl twins in November. I figure I'll find out a month or two later, so most of them should still fit her boy.
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#5 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 09:05 PM
 
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Oh, I HAVE to find out.

If it's another girl, I can relax because I've already got all the girly stuff. If it's a boy, I've got to start hunting for clothes & stuff (I'm a HUGE thrift/consignment store shopper).
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#6 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 09:16 PM
 
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We're not going to find out this time around.

We did find out with DD and it was AWESOME! DH was the one who really pushed for it and I gladly went along and really enjoyed knowing. (We told family/friends the gender but kept her name a surprise.)

This time around I'm really looking foward to the experience of not knowing until s/he is born!!

~Erin
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#7 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 09:34 PM
 
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I voted no but DH is trying to convince me otherwise.
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#8 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 09:55 PM
 
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We found out last time because I really needed to have a vision of my future so I could get prepared. Then the OB said something weird that led me to believe that the ultrasound tech had indicated on her report that it was inconclusive, when she'd told us it was a girl. I was positive dd was a girl the second I found out I was pregnant, but those last few weeks, when I ran out of things to worry about, I worried that she was actually a boy and I was going to have to make some big mental shift.

Now, I know it totally doesn't matter. I don't care what the baby is (though this time I'm just as convinced it's a boy). That first year the baby is a baby and gender is pretty moot.

So, I don't want to know. BUT, dh was horrified when I said that. We are never good at keeping things from each other so it won't work for him to know and me not to know. Likely, I'll give in and find out. Like I said, it doesn't matter to me what the sex is, so if it's important to dh, I'll do it. I'd love to have that surprise, but dh needs the mental preparation this time.

Kat - mama to Clara (9/29/03): & Iris (5/30/06)
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#9 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 11:03 PM
 
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since i'm not planning on having any ultrasounds my answer is no...though even if i was going to have a u/s i still wouldn't want to find out--but i'd be much more tempted! good question!
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#10 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 11:04 PM
 
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oh, and kat, probably the whole inconclusive thing is b/c usually w/girls they don't really see the girl parts--so it's usually only conclusive when they confirm boy parts.
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#11 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 11:12 PM
 
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Yes. I actually would rather be surprised, but we're finding out for a couple of reasons:
1) Dh--who has been totally supportive of the whole midwife/birth center thing, despite being a fairly mainstream guy--will feel more comfortable if we have one u/s at 20 weeks to confirm that everything is kopacetic. HE would like to find out the sex at the u/s, if possible, and I can't stand for him to know something that I don't! :LOL
2) Dh does not yet know this reason, but I want to find out if it's a girl or a boy b/c, if it's a boy...there's a whole circumcision debate/discussion we have to get into. I'm not sure how this will go over. We're Jewish, so the situation is a lot more fraught than it might otherwise be. To be honest, I'm hoping for a girl to avoid the whole thing. Well, that and I My Little Pony!
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#12 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 11:14 PM
 
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We won't be finding out our baby's gender because we won't be having any ultrasounds. Research indicates that routine ultrasounds do not improve baby outcomes in low-risk pregnancies, according to Henci Goer. Last time 'round I was actually pretty shocked that we had a boy - but happy.

sharing life with | 9.5 yo ds | 7 yo dd | love of my life new husband

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#13 of 40 Old 09-27-2005, 11:25 PM
 
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I think it'd be fun to make it a surprise, and even better to frustrate everyone else! How many chances do you have in life to enjoy such big surprises? Plus, I don't want to stress about something, or start with expectations so early. DH has said that he wants to know, so we'll see how it actually goes. I'm going to read Ksenia's link to find out about u/s and see if we need to go that route or not. So maybe it won't even be an issue. . .
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#14 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 12:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg
2) Dh does not yet know this reason, but I want to find out if it's a girl or a boy b/c, if it's a boy...there's a whole circumcision debate/discussion we have to get into. I'm not sure how this will go over. We're Jewish, so the situation is a lot more fraught than it might otherwise be. To be honest, I'm hoping for a girl to avoid the whole thing. Well, that and I My Little Pony!
We had the same issue last time, and I was relieved to hear we were having a girl. But when we took our baby care class at the hospital they were actually very anti-circ (which surprised me--I expected a neutral stance) and made us watch pictures of one so we knew what a circumcision was about. Dh may have been on the fence about it, but after those photos, and after hearing that most of our friends, even the most conservative ones, weren't circumcising their boys, he decided against it. But really, it was the pictures.

My best friend is Jewish, and though she wasn't very observant until recently, she didn't circ her boys and instead had very lovely naming ceremonies for them led by their cantor. But still, I understand that there is a whole other layer of emotional decision-making to go through and my heart goes out to you.

Kat - mama to Clara (9/29/03): & Iris (5/30/06)
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#15 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 01:36 AM
 
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Oh, I'm certain we'll cave and find out, we have with all the others.

I have high-risk pg's, so u/s is a necessary evil for me, and so I figure, if I have to have them, anyway, why not know? As someone else put it, the temptation is simply too great!

Plus, I fully admit it fits in with my personality, which is 1) alas, SUPER impatient and 2) plan-ahead, control freak! :

I have clothes for either sex, no problems there, but our girls' and boys' bedrooms are of disparate sizes (girls' room is larger), so depending on which sex we're having this time round, I may very well switch their rooms! And since I will undoubtably start my usual nesting/house renovation within the next several months (just ask my poor DH about the remodelling I made him/us do whilst pg with the others! ), I might as well use that energy to decorate the kids' rooms properly. So, you see, I NEED to know!

DH, for the record, claims he doesn't want to find out. Which is fine. I just won't tell him! (yeah, right!) :LOL Poor, poor man, dealing with a whirling dervish for a wife...

Guin

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#16 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 02:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guinevere

Plus, I fully admit it fits in with my personality, which is 1) alas, SUPER impatient and 2) plan-ahead, control freak! :

...And since I will undoubtably start my usual nesting/house renovation within the next several months (just ask my poor DH about the remodelling I made him/us do whilst pg with the others! ), I might as well use that energy to decorate the kids' rooms properly. So, you see, I NEED to know!


Guin
Guin, we are soul sisters! But really, this time, I want to be surprised, since I never allow myself that joy and anticipation. I just have to convince DH.

We are in the middle of a kitchen renovation. My kitchen right now is GUTTED. No walls, ceiling or floor. This is supposed to be done by Thanksgiving, but we are already behind. Then our plan is to turn our 2nd floor of our bungalow into a master suite, and it was supposed to be done by the time the next baby comes, but that was when we thought that wouldn't be until end of 2005! No idea how we're going to do this now. BUT IT MUST BE DONE.

Last time DH did DD's room...but he didn't finish until her FIRST BIRTHDAY. It was a serious problem in our marriage. Now, we HIRE CONTRACTORS. At least for the hard stuff like drywall.

Ok. Back to our regularly scheduled thread regarding finding out the sex...

Kat - mama to Clara (9/29/03): & Iris (5/30/06)
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#17 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 02:39 AM
 
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Kat,

DH has made me solemnly swear not to do anything this time around that involves drywall, tiling, plumbing, or electricity.

(ahh, but he failed to mention paint, wallpaper, laminate wood flooring, or landscaping...mwahaaaahaaaaa!)

But seriously, how very handy that your kitchen is torn apart right now! It provides you with a bulletproof excuse as to why you can't cook anything! I don't cook much during the first trimester, as a general rule, due to nausea/general yuck, but if I had a non-functioning kitchen, too, why, I could get out of cooking for MONTHS!

Guin

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#18 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 06:37 AM
 
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I will find out. I'm way too impatient to wait!
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#19 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 10:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KatSG

My best friend is Jewish, and though she wasn't very observant until recently, she didn't circ her boys and instead had very lovely naming ceremonies for them led by their cantor. But still, I understand that there is a whole other layer of emotional decision-making to go through and my heart goes out to you.
I've been compiling a whole folder of info on circ (including photos and some info on alternative baby naming ceremonies). I think it will just be harder for him b/c HE'S circumcized. That is, I think it will be difficult for me to explain why I think it's wrong without somehow making it seem like I think HE'S defective (or that his parents--and mine, for that matter--are somehow butchers). Uch...what a mess.

My sister is pregnant with a boy and I'm very interested to see what they'll do. They're raising their kids Jewish, but her husband is Polish and not circ'd. They split their time between the US and Eastern Europe (she owns businesses in Bulgaria and Croatia), where it is really uncommon to circ.

Well, I hear vegetarians are more likely to have girls (it has to do with bodily pH), so maybe as a vegan I'll just end up with a pack of daughters!

Okay...now I've completely derailed this thread! Uh...finding out the sex. Right.
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#20 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 12:15 PM
 
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Not planning an ultrasound or an amnio, so I won't find out! But if for some medical reason an ultrasound became necessary, I wouldn't make the tech, etc. not tell me.

I was totally surprised that DS was a boy. I was convinced he was a girl. It did take some mental adjustment, but it was really more that he wasn't quiet or calm that took the adjustment - which just happens to be a stereotypical gender difference.

I 'feel' like this one is girl, but I don't trust that feeling after last time. So I'm looking forward to being surprised either way.

Here as mama to W (2/04), R (5/06), D (7/09), and J (12/9/12!), co-parenting with my DH

I WOH part-time, am a doula & childbirth educator, home/unschool, and hope we are nearing the center of chaos


 
  

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#21 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 12:23 PM
 
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Kat, that is really cool that the hospital presented it in a non-neutral fashion. Very good

I have been convinced that we were having boys both times. The first time DP wanted to Circ. and I hadn't learned much about it. The second time we read and discussed and decided not to. Of course, out popped two surprise girls :LOL

In both pregnancies my very first vibe was girl, and then everything else I felt pointed to boy. By the end I was totally convinced. This time, I am thinking girl, but my very first inkling was boy. We shall see won't we?

I have had two friends whose ultrasonographer saw a penis and scrotum on the US, and then went on to have beautiful baby girls. How crazy is that?

ND

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#22 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 12:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYCVeg
I've been compiling a whole folder of info on circ (including photos and some info on alternative baby naming ceremonies). I think it will just be harder for him b/c HE'S circumcized. That is, I think it will be difficult for me to explain why I think it's wrong without somehow making it seem like I think HE'S defective (or that his parents--and mine, for that matter--are somehow butchers). Uch...what a mess. ..
With our first, DH initially wanted to circ.."because that's what you do" and "Of course we would, I am".
I just approached it as a "they used to think it was necessary, but now we know it's not any healthier" thing...I never said anything about intact being better or worse just that if we could avoid the worry and the pain, why not?
Of course, we are not Jewish, but maybe you can try a tack like that - not making him feel inadequate or anything, just saying, "they're about equal, so why not take the less painful one?".



We don't know if we're finding out gender...don't know if we will have a U/S. I want to have midwife instead of OB/GYN care so I think an ultrasound is less likely. I want to KNOW, but I want to be surprised also. :LOL
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#23 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 01:17 PM
 
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We're planning a homebirth and I really hope to avoid stepping even a toe in a doctor's office (I'm so over doctors these days ) so I won't be having an u/s. If I did we still wouldn't find out the gender.

We found out the gender of #1 and #2 as dh wished so this time I get my way.

BTW... so far I'm guessing boy because the hair on my legs is growing really slowly while my armpits grows at the normal rate. Just the way it did with ds.
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#24 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 01:36 PM
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I did last time and am pretty sure we will this time. I'm just too impatient not to find out!
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#25 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 03:43 PM
 
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We won't. I LOVE the anticipation of the surprise! Plus I already have one of each so there are plenty of boy or girl baby clothes ready to be put back to use.

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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#26 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 03:58 PM
 
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We will not be finding out, we didn't find out with the girls either.

NYCVeg- We'll be in this together!!! We haven't had the whole circ discussion yet, but I was THRILLED that My Mothering mag that came in the mail this week, has a good 3-4 pages on circ!!! :LOL And if I have too, I will get vidoes, books, etc. to prove my point. :LOL

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#27 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 04:26 PM
 
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I'll find out - my father's younger brother had Down's, so we're going to do testing to find out if the baby is likely to have any problems. Plus, we're also the type of people who peek in the closet for an early look at Christmas presents. VERY impatient.
(I think it's a boy.)
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#28 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 04:53 PM
 
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Bkwyrm, this is totally OT but I LOOOOOVE Terry Pratchett :LOL

ND

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#29 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 05:38 PM
 
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Amanda- We're Jewish too, and with ds it was a 6 month long discussion. In the end, we did circumcise for religious reasons. We had a mohel (who was also and anesthesiologist) come to our home for the ceremony. We interviewed a few mohels, before settling on the one we chose. Ds wasn't strapped down, he was held by a family friend. We felt good about it, because we knew since the mohel was an anesthesiologist, ds would feel as little pain as possible, and I was able to nurse him right away to comfort him, since we were at home. I know that many on this board will disagree with our decision, but it was not made lightly. Good luck. It's a hard decision to make.
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#30 of 40 Old 09-28-2005, 07:26 PM
 
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We're finding out, for exactly the same reasons Amanda is.

I'm also kinda hoping for a girl just so we don't have to get into the circ debate with our families (and all my friends), but with us it's the other way around: DH's mom (who is Jewish) is adamantly opposed to circ and has already threatened to raise a ruckus about it. We're more observant than she is, tho and feel strongly that circ is a valid religious custom. (I am anti-routine circumcision, but religion bypasses this question for me.)

We'll also be looking for an at-home mohel, if we are blessed with a boy. They cut less off than regular circs, too, is what I hear.

I don't talk about my views on religious circ on MDC much, obviously. Not a popular opinion. But there you go. I'm not ashamed of my religion -- I choose it freely, as an adult, and part of the conversion process entailed making the decision that my future children would be Jewish. So, it's already been decided, in my mind.
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