*sigh* Would you like to hear what my family said when I told them? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 09-28-2005, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
guestmama9906's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 611
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here's a few nuggets:

"Don't you feel like you are losing your identity?"

"That's not good."

"You know you're overburdening the planet."

"What?!?!"

I didn't even hear a congratulations from one set of parents.

Both my dad and stepdad are disgusted. I haven't spoken to either of them yet.

Woohoo.
guestmama9906 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-28-2005, 12:17 PM
 
NYCVeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: On my couch
Posts: 4,949
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, Louise...

People are just...idiots.

I went to your blog and saw the pictures of your family--your kids are gorgeous! I think it's fantastic that you're adding another little one to the mix.
NYCVeg is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 12:21 PM
 
ellymay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 2,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh I am so sorry they are being so unsupportive of this pg. I can only imagine how
you must feel....Some people just don't think before they speak or even think
of how it is going to make someone else feel....(((((((HUGS)))))))
ellymay is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 12:28 PM
 
Breathless Wonder's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 4,133
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
Breathless Wonder is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 12:40 PM
 
lilsishomemade's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: With Dorothy
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry, my mom was upset at me, too. She told me that I needed to get my tubes tied after this one was born, and that I really needed to stop having kids (this is my third, she's had four). It's so sad. Besides her, everyone said, "Congrats, I think?" which can also be a little hurtful. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, too. At least you have a huge community that's happy for you!
lilsishomemade is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 01:11 PM
 
Naughty Dingo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: controlled chaos baby
Posts: 3,191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Aw Louise Man, that is just plain wrong. I am so sorry that they couldn't express happiness at your news, regardless of what thier opinions may be. Not very caring or tactful.

Your family, and how big or small it is, is nobody's business but you and your DP's. Hello! You are giving them another grandchild. What is not to like about that? What is their problem.


I bet you are feeling pretty sad and angry about this. Do you think you are just going to back off and give yourself some space? Or do you think you may address it? How did your DP react? Mine would have been really angry had someone said something like that to me.

Whatever way you deal with this, know we support you and celebrate your newest addidion-to-be.

ND

Mama to 3 daughters, expecting #4chicken3.gif

Naughty Dingo is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 01:17 PM
 
starlein26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
what's going on here? what's wrong with our families. when i announced my pregnancy to my mom, she said "are you happy about that?" what does she expect, like, no mom i want an abortion! i made the mistake of telling her i was tired and she laughed and goes "too bad, you can't be tired now!"
i was *so* hurt...i'm still not totally over it 4 weeks later. dh and i were *so* happy to be pregnant and i feel like she put such a damper on it. we're trying to regain our excitement but it's very devastating to have those kinds of responses from your own family. it's like when it's not your first anymore, noone cares. i also got tons of 'questions/comments' regarding how our parenting style would support 2 children: like "where's ds going to sleep now?" and "is ds going to stop nursing finally!?" and "you need to detach him from you soon!"

i'm trying hard to continue being positive these days!

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
starlein26 is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 01:23 PM
 
Shenjall's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Canada!
Posts: 3,764
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Shenjall is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 01:25 PM
 
Mamabeakley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: In the labyrinth
Posts: 2,080
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My family, and in-laws, are fortunately able to be happy - for me. But my cousin-in-law is also pregnant and (probably because she knew what kind of reaction she was going to get) has only just now announced - at 23 weeks! Everybody is flipping out. She is young, not married, has a 2 year old, and her partner is a jerk who will be going to jail for a few months in the near future.

Still, where do they get off deciding whether she's making the right choices for herself?!? Besides which, it's WAY too late for her to change this fact now, so what is the POINT of being upset about it? And they're all really anti-abortion, too.

I just don't get it. I'm not upset. I'm not thrilled to death that her life is a mess in many ways, but I don't really see how being pregnant makes it any worse - and maybe it'll make it better. I am not God to decide that. And neither are they!

Okay. I've been holding that in for a while since DH is too caught up in his family's freaking to listen to my opinions about it. Anyway.

Congratulations to you, Louise!

Here as mama to W (2/04), R (5/06), D (7/09), and J (12/9/12!), co-parenting with my DH

I WOH part-time, am a doula & childbirth educator, home/unschool, and hope we are nearing the center of chaos


 
  

Mamabeakley is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 01:28 PM
 
starlein26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shenjall
CONGRATULATIONS!!!

t h a n k s ! ! that's so sweet!!

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
starlein26 is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 02:09 PM
 
Peppamint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Not here
Posts: 12,887
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamabeakley
Still, where do they get off deciding whether she's making the right choices for herself?!? Besides which, it's WAY too late for her to change this fact now, so what is the POINT of being upset about it? And they're all really anti-abortion, too.
This bugs me... I'm Pro-Life or whatever you call it... so if you're against abortion what do you expect people to do when they get pregnant? Be happy for them. If you can help in any way- financially, mentally, physically- then do so. Hope and pray that they are good parents and that they are wonderfully blessed by their coming child! Duh.

Cicero'smom and Starlein- to you both, how awful! I just can't understand how people can be so stupid about it.

A BLESSING! We each are wonderfully blessed... so poo-poo on anyone who thinks otherwise!
Peppamint is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 02:17 PM
 
radicalmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 321
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so relieved that someone brought this up!!!!
We have the right to be thrilled that we are pregnant, no matter the circumstance or the attitudes of those around us. I am divorced and pregnant with my fourth (unplanned), my boyfriends first. We were each others first love reunited after fifteen years...and I think its amazing that we're having a baby together, even if we didn't expect it. His mother is being awful. I work teaching nursery school with her, and had to quit this week, mostly due to extreme morning sickness, but also because I can't deal with her silent treatment. My own mom has also been telling me I can't complain about my morning sickness, because I did this to myself?!!!

I wrote a big blog reclaiming all the things that I want for this pregnancy...
including the right to be happy and unashamed, and the right to indulge in the same things other pregnant moms do...like talking about this baby as a blessing and being able to float in the tub and send happy thoughts to my kid!!!
radicalmama is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 02:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
guestmama9906's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 611
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lavenderiot
but also because I can't deal with her silent treatment. My own mom has also been telling me I can't complain about my morning sickness, because I did this to myself?!!!
WOW. I cannot believe women treat other women this way. Especially family. That is dysfunctional and unforgivable. No wonder our daughters grow up with such a warped sense of self, no wonder they doubt themselves. That's just disgusting.

I really want to thank you all for the supportive replies. I would cry, but I'm not the crying type--although the attitude I'm getting from FAMILY makes me want to cry, but then again it makes me angry and that tends to overrule the sadness.

Anyway, it's not like we're asking for handouts, money, support or help in raising our children. This will have absolutely no impact on their lives at all (they all live over 2500 miles away from us, excepting my sister), so I'm not exactly sure why they are so unhappy. I'm not 18 for chrissakes, we own a home, have a very stable marriage and treat our kids pretty darn well. I have a hard time understanding the problem. Perhaps I never will.
guestmama9906 is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 02:40 PM
LBW
 
LBW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 59
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I suspect that sometimes our mothers worry that we're going to be exhausted or overworked by having more children -- I think some of them had no choice in the matter and that's what happened. My mother is thrilled, but she does worry about me taking on too much all the time. I'm hoping that's part of why some of you have gotten "negative" responses.

If not, and it's just because *they* think your family is big enough, then they should keep that opinion to themselves!
LBW is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 02:45 PM
 
starlein26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
let's be happy guys! this is another wonderful child after all!!

as far as the reason why, i don't get it either. dh and i spend a lot of time talking and we think that possibly it stems from jealousy. my family is all *very* unhappy and have made poor life choices. dh and i are really in love, we love our son to pieces and raise him with love and dignity and maybe they can't stand that. for my family i think this has a lot to do with it.

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
starlein26 is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 05:04 PM
 
Sydnee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,429
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, the words that could come out of my mouth right now, but I won't... : I'm with all of you, I don't understand why they take it upon themselves to decide what is best??? I'm fortunate to have wonderful family, on both sides, and everyone is thrilled. I can't imagine having those kind of reactions tho. Hugs to you mamas having to deal with such ignorant people.

Busy Mama to three beautiful girls and loving wife to my hubby
Sydnee is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 05:21 PM
 
nitareality's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 868
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Both of our Mom's said "hm". That was it for a minute, then one said "congratulations" and changed the subject, the other (mine) just changed the subject.

We all deserve what EVERY mother deserves, a loving welcome to the new life that will be joining the family! And would it hurt so bad to act happy, or even worse, BE HAPPY?
nitareality is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 05:50 PM
 
NYCVeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: On my couch
Posts: 4,949
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydnee
Oh, the words that could come out of my mouth right now, but I won't... : I'm with all of you, I don't understand why they take it upon themselves to decide what is best??? I'm fortunate to have wonderful family, on both sides, and everyone is thrilled. I can't imagine having those kind of reactions tho. Hugs to you mamas having to deal with such ignorant people.
Ditto. Although when we told my mom that we were doing a birth center birth and using midwives for pre-natal care, we were greeted with...silence. Total, horrified silence. I have to say, I appreciated her not actually telling us we were insane (which is what she was thinking), but still...

Dh's parents, OTOH, are totally cool w/ it. Dh's mom had natural childbirth with both her kids (in a hospital, though).
NYCVeg is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 06:08 PM
 
mamacatsbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Watchin' spooky action at a distance...
Posts: 4,620
Mentioned: 9 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Ugh, this is absolutely horrible. was how I first reacted when I started reading this. What is wrong with people? What makes them think they have the right to have no tact or sense of respect anyway? B/c they're family? Bullcrap, that should make a person even more loving. I'm so sorry about you mamas having to deal with this ignorance, from your families of all people. Many hugs to all of us!

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

Me, DH, DS1, DS2, November 2012 brokenheart.gif, July 2013 brokenheart.gif, March 2014 brokenheart.gif

candle.gif Waiting on my SunshineBaby om.gif

 

  
 
mamacatsbaby is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 06:20 PM
 
starlein26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
amanda---are you using the mc? i gave birth to damien there...and then we moved to south carolina, yuck, for dh. i'm planning a homebirth with an awesome woman though...but i can't wait to get out of here (lived in d.c. for 15 years!) i wish both my babes could have been born in bethesda!

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
starlein26 is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 07:12 PM
 
maybebaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Ohio
Posts: 510
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry to say you guys are not alone : we haven't told anyone yet JUST because we know what the response will be.

I'm trying to talk my dh into letting me write a letter so we won't have to deal with their negativity but he doesn't think that's necessary. I do after his mom didn't speak to us for almost a week after we told her about our third pg. I'm sure this one will get a worse response

I'm actually pretty stressed about it all, even though I know I shouldn't be! She's the one being small minded, but I stress about it. Oh well...

My family will also not be happy, though that will be over their concern about my homebirthing.

It's odd that so many of us here have gotten/expect negative reactions. I think probably because we all do similar things that make our families upset - from homebirthing to homeschooling and ap parenting.

Oh well...I'm going to be happy and I'm glad to hear all of you are too!! I'm sorry there are so many stupid people in the world

C ~ mama to (16), (13), (9) (5)

maybebaby is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 07:43 PM
 
Throkmorton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: The sunny beaches of Canada
Posts: 4,043
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That is awful what they said, so to make up for it, I shall now unleash my 3 year old on the smiley page to throw you guys a party:

: : : : : :
Throkmorton is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 08:13 PM
 
Bkwyrm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Throckmorton: that's a lotta smilies! Must be a pretty happy 3-year-old!
Bkwyrm is offline  
Old 09-28-2005, 08:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
guestmama9906's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 611
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nitareality

We all deserve what EVERY mother deserves, a loving welcome to the new life that will be joining the family! And would it hurt so bad to act happy, or even worse, BE HAPPY?
AMEN!!! Well said!


And thanks to you all, you have made my day.

And to those of you getting the negativity as well.
guestmama9906 is offline  
Old 09-29-2005, 02:38 PM
 
Rowenta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 118
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
oh dear, i remember those days!!! That was a bit ago (look at my signiture).
It will pass, soon they will realize that children are a blessing... OR that you are going to do what you want anyways, they might as well be happy about it!
This is what happened this time around for me. Everyone is sooo excited about #6!! My step mom said....well, you're going to do it anyways, we might as well be happy about it! lol
The only one I WILL hear flack from is my sister and I have not yet told her! She would not tell me when she was prego for #3 because she had HARPED on my about 2 is ENOUGH and then she was having #3, hahahahaha
She waited until she was 6 months pregnant to tell me!!! (we live far away)

I have come to laugh at peoples ignorance and praise the Lord for giving me clarity.

kristi
Rowenta is offline  
Old 09-29-2005, 03:00 PM
 
~*max*~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Where The Wild Things Are
Posts: 3,596
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sad to say I am in this boat too. My mother first words were to the effect of, "Oh no!... are you sure?... I hope you're done after this!" Gee, thanks for the love & support mom. I knew it would be like this, and put off telling her. Then I didn't hear from her for over a week, when she called to complain about something else. When I told her I was really sick with m/s, she actually laughed, as in "well, you wanted to have another baby." I can't even express how sad and angry I am about this.

Many hugs and warm congratulations to all you mamas-to-be. I love that this community is so supportive.

Happy mama of four Wild Things
"And now," cried Max "let the wild rumpus begin!"
~*max*~ is offline  
Old 09-29-2005, 06:50 PM
 
LovinLiviLou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: dreaming of a day when . . .
Posts: 474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just thought I'd throw this out in case any of you with larger families ever need it and haven't heard it. I read something from Martha Sears once where she said that her response to people's comments about how many children they have is "the world needs my children."

CONGRATS!!!!!!!
LovinLiviLou is offline  
Old 09-29-2005, 07:36 PM
 
Peppamint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Not here
Posts: 12,887
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovinLiviLou
Just thought I'd throw this out in case any of you with larger families ever need it and haven't heard it. I read something from Martha Sears once where she said that her response to people's comments about how many children they have is "the world needs my children."

CONGRATS!!!!!!!

:
Peppamint is offline  
Old 09-29-2005, 07:53 PM
 
Boobiemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Idaho!!!
Posts: 4,014
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry. It sucks to be treated that way. i dont have any advice because the only one who knows I am pregnant is my mom! And I am 21 weeks. I know my dad will just talk crap..
Boobiemama is offline  
Old 09-30-2005, 11:46 PM
 
zrhmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: myrtle beach south carolina
Posts: 46
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i am sooo glad i found this post- ive been hating my mom for almost two years over this exact thing!!! i thought she was the only person in the world crazy enouph to say somthing like that!! with my last preg when i told her she got very angry and said"well, are you at least going to put THIS ONE up for adoption?" when i said uh, no! she replied"so, your not even going to give this one a fighting chance?!" as if to suggest im some sort of crack head that doesnt know how to love and care for and protect my baby! keep in mind this was baby #3!!! well anyways now that i know that she is not the only crazy one i feel better, and maybe be able to move on!!
zrhmom is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off