So that's my next ? - how many of you are planning on letting your DC be present for birth of baby? How many already have and how did it go? Again I don't want to traumatize my DD KWIM?
I would explain it in very basic terms, and not go into too much detail next time she asks.
DS probably won't be present because we will be having a hospital birth and they keep kids off of the maternity floor to prevent the spread of certain viruses. NICU, L&D and maternity are all on the same floor.
Some I found on amazon are:
Waiting for Baby
The New Baby
My New Baby
On Mother's Lap
Barfburger Baby, I Was Here First (this one sounds intriguing!)
A Pocket Full of Kisses
Just do a search in "Kid's books" for "new baby". These are less technical (i.e., where the baby comes from) and more about the psychology of a new sibling, but I'm sure you can find appropriate things if you dig a little.
My ds was three when his brother was born, and by that time he knew all about the baby coming out of my vagina and growing inside my uterus. I didn't make a big deal out of it, just anwered his questions as they arose: "Mamas have a special place inside them called the uterus where the baby grows." He already knew what a vagina was (from following me into the bathroom from an early age, alas for any illusions of privacy I might have wanted to maintain!), so telling him that the baby was going to come out of my vagina was easy.
There are some good books out there that explain things, but I think the first explanation should really come from the parent. Although I wasn't uncomfortable explaining it to ds, I understand that others are. But the thing to remember is that kids don't have all our preconceived notions and hangups about sex and reproduction. They don't understand that the topic of a baby coming out of a vagina is any more fraught with cultural baggage than the topic of snot coming out of the nose, or hair growing out of the head. And if you approach it in a matter-of-fact way, just as you would answer any question, that will be far healthier than hemming and hawing and giving your dd the idea that there is something about this whole baby thing that makes mama really uncomfortable. That there is something about her questions that are somehow wrong.
As for having her there at the birth, that's something I can't comment on as I didn't want ds there. But I have friends who have done it without problems. But if you're going to do it, better have that conversation REAL soon! Because the whole topic is just so dang interesting to most kids that you're going to be talking about it a whole lot between now and the birth.
With this pg, she really loves the Nilsson book "A Child Is Born" but that might be much for a 3.5 yr old. Mace is almost 3, and he's totally different than Maddie was in that he really has no interest except occasionally saying "baby!" and patting my belly.
I guess it all depends on the kid!
I had Maddie and Gage at the birth with Mace; they were fine but mostly went upstairs and watched cartoons with their aunt they got bored during some of it. But I think it's great to have them there! Maddie was even in the birth pool with me during early labor! I'm hoping to have another homebirth this time and if I do they'll all be with me again!
C ~ mama to (16), (13), (9) (5)
i've told dd (2.4 months) that the baby will come out of mommy's yoni. she's pretty fascinated with her yoni and vagina, so i suspect there will be a lot more discussion about that.
are you having a homebirth? there are a couple of great books for kids on homebirths, but i can't remember the names... A Baby for Sophie maybe? anyway... i'm sure it would come up on amazon.
you might consider showing her a few videos ahead of time. pre-screen them to see which ones you think are the most appropriate, but if i was going to have dd at our birth, that is what i'd do. i might show her a few anyway because i think she'll be curious, but i am fairly certain i don't want her there. i don't think i'd be able to totally focus. but, i think it's awesome when kids can be there... your dd is in for a treat!!
Anyway - thanks again! And also for the encouragment to let her be there. I think she would love it.
So now I am worried she will be angry if she thinks I am in distress while I am in labor and it becuase I am having the baby. She is sensative to me and I also forsee her wanting to nurse if she gets worried. I know nursing in labor will move things along, but is that something I will be able to do? Can anyone share a story about this?
generally I want her there, I don't want to be away from her, and I want to share this experiance with her- she will only be 2 and a half.... what do you all think?
I keep daydreaming of how when I deliver I will hold my new baby and Katie will crawl up in bed with me and they will nurse together and bond right away. katie has been teaching her babydolls how to nurse on me lately, and is proud of them( she also likes to switch sides with them though)
I would love to hear stories!
It is about a homebirth. One picture is of the baby coming out, you can see the sweet scrunched up face. The mother is leaning on the father, and the baby is kind of coming out behind the mother's legs.
I waited until after reading the book to explain where exactly the baby came out of. I waited for ds (2.5 yrs) to bring it up. I explained to my construction loving boy that the vagina was like a tunnel that the baby moved through. He understood.
He will be at the birth (at home) unless he's distracted by something more fun around the house or asleep. I was at the births of my two brothers, so I have no anxiety about how it will affect him and I know I will be more comfortable with him close by (but under the care of someone else) than I would be with him "whisked away" to be out of the way.
Whoever said that kids don't have the sexualized hang-ups about the body parts involved in birth is absolutely right. It's the same as how babies and toddlers don't understand that breasts are sexual objects in our culture. And, even when one explains the sexual process of making a baby to a child, he or she may still not understand it in the same way an older child or adult might. When my parents announced their third pregnancy to me and my brother, I was 4. I am told that I said, "you mean you had sex without letting us watch?!?!" I guess it had been explained to me that sex was something grownups who loved each other did to make a baby, but I didn't get that that meant it was a private thing - I thought it ought to be a family activity!!! Which is actually entirely developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old . . . but I always get a kick out of telling that story!
Here as mama to W (2/04), R (5/06), D (7/09), and J (12/9/12!), co-parenting with my DH
I WOH part-time, am a doula & childbirth educator, home/unschool, and hope we are nearing the center of chaos
She did see me while I labored having her sister, but not for the birth. I was already in pretty hard labor and it was hard to focus on her. I think she was a little freaked out.
Mama to 3 daughters, expecting #4