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*Sigh* Please help with non circ'ing...

766 views 19 replies 18 participants last post by  Girl Named Sandoz 
#1 ·
How, oh how, do I get my way on this?? DH is 100% FOR circ'ing, and I am 100% AGAINST it. we just cannot see eye to eye on this. It's really bringing me down, becuase I do not want to make a decision like this when neither of us are comfortable with it, kwim?

I have stated my case: not medically needed, hurts the baby, stupid to cosmetically alter a newborn baby, etc. etc. And he feels that the boy will be teased in school, wonder why he doesn't look like "daddy's peepee", and on and on. I'm so freakin frustrated with this!!
: To me, as far as the teasing goes, is it any different than me being teased because I have small boobs??? I don't think so. And look what my boobs have doen, nourished 2 babies for almost 2 years so far!!!


Please help me with my case!!
 
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#2 ·
Okay, how often has he seen his father's ****?
My DH is intact and has never been teased about it. He is 40 now. When he was in highschool circ was still much more common.
Now with the numbers almost even and circs declining chances are the minority will not be the minority for long. Who get's teased then? The haves or the have-nots?
Most importantly you can take it off any time but you can't put it back on. If in doubt it should be left on.
 
#4 ·
I am sooo sorry you are going thru this one. Have your DH wartcha circ video, there is one online. Maybe he doesnot understand fully what it is about. My DH is circed, my son is not. My son has never noticed that daddy is different. Nor has he ever had any issues. When my DH and I were discussing this before we had Ethan he really diddnt know much about what they do to circ a boy. He was appalled to see what they do. He asked my WHY they do that and I told him religious reasons and that some men want their sons to look like them. He than said "Well, if I was an amputee I would not want my son to be one too!" WOW. So now my husband is totall turned off by circing. So I guess my point is EDUCATE.

Some of you know I am a L&D nurse. When I ask folks if they are circing and they say yes I always turn to the husband and say, well you better be there with your son and hold his hand. They are usually shocked that I would suggest anything like that.

I hate circing
 
#5 ·
I am against RIC (fwiw, we did a religious circ in our home with anesthesia).

I would NEVER get my child circed in a hospital or peds office. What they do is horrible. The babies are strapped down and most are not given adequate pain relief. It is truly a horrible thing.
 
#7 ·
another thing that may help would be some recent statistics on circ. whne I had my ds who is now 6 the circ rates were already dropping. There is a much larger percentage of boys who will be uncirc in the locker room by the time our babes are in a locker room.
 
#8 ·
The circumcision rate in the US has been dropping steadily for decades and is now around 53%--and still dropping. By the time your ds gets to a locker room, it is highly probably that he will be in the minority if he is circ'd. And seriously folks...my dh said that he never saw/noticed another boy's penis in a locker room growing up (I asked him about this). Who has been perpetuating this myth that boys stand around comparing penises?
 
#9 ·
First of all, you can just not sign the consent form.

Second, how on earth does he think circ'ing a baby boy will make him look the same as himself. Until he goes through puberty, they will look nothing alike (unless your husband plans to shave his genitals and wear an ice pack in his shorts!!).

How many grown men compare naked penises with their fathers!?! Get real!

Really, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this with your husband. I am lucky that my circ'd husband completely agreed with me that our boys should remain intact. If they want to have part of their genitals cut off some day, they can make that decision themselves as consenting adults.

- krista
 
#10 ·
Does he also realize that your son may have different color/shape eyes, a different nose, different hands, etc?! I mean, seriously..that's the way I look @ it. When I told my sister that if this baby is a boy I'm not circ'ing her only 2 questions were about the cosmetics factor. "oh what about changing in gym class, what about when he dates girls?!" Pfft, spare me! It's so sad that some peoples main concern are just about vanity.


What are his reasons for wanting to circ anyways? There areno medical benefits or any other benefits from circing whatsoever.
 
#11 ·
My dh was on the fence about it last time until he saw photographs in the babycare class at the hospital. Our hospital was actually pretty anti-circ, but I live in the crazy hippy Pacific NW.
Anyway, even though we knew by then we were having a girl, he was completely against it, mainly because it's so bloody and horrible and because it's just so unneccesary. I imagine the fact that most of our friends aren't circing their boys put to rest any thoughts of comparison in locker rooms.

Our neighbors did circ their two sons, because the father is intact and did feel different because of it. I wonder if they would make the same decision now. The youngest developed scar tissue over his urethra opening which made it impossible to urinate and he had to have an operation to fix it. This is one of the medical downsides to circing--removing the foreskin makes it so the glands dries out and shafes on clothing.

I also believe the American Pediatric Association doesn't recommend the procedure anymore. Would discussing this with a pediatrician make any difference to your dh?
 
#12 ·
Intact is the default state for a human boy. You do NOT need to prove that intact is the right thing, it's your DH that needs to prove that circumcision is right if he is the one who wants to chop off a body part! Tell him to come up with all the reasons why your son needs to be circed. Then take that list, head over to "The Case Against Circumcision" forum and everyone will help you debunk every reason he has....

As for being teased at school, if kids want to tease him, they'll find something and my guess is that they'll pick something other than his penis to joke about. Boys don't generally like to have conversations about other boys' penises.

As for looking like daddy, that one is the WORST argument. As EcoMama7 said, your son will likely have different shaped ears/nose/eyes, different hair texture/colour, be a different height...is your husband planning on having cosmetic surgery on every body part of your son's that is different than his? And if the question about difference in penis does come up, your DH can answer truthfully, "when I was a baby my parents wrongfully thought that you were to cut off part of a boy's penis. We know better now and did not do that to you".
 
#13 ·
DH is adamantly for, I'm adamantly against. He doesn't care about statistics or about videos. He's also unconcerned with the pain aspect, when our OB told him he used a penile block before surgery. He did admit that it is painful for about a week afterwards, too, but dh didn't care. I'm relying on the fact that the hospital will not circ without my permission. Our other ds is not circ'd because of this, so I will do it again.
 
#14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by NYCVeg
Who has been perpetuating this myth that boys stand around comparing penises?

Probably us women
From what DH tells me us women are far more likely to be checking each other out. Guys evidentally go through great pains to ignore other naked men
He was shocked to know that my girlfriends and I share so much about our sex lives-who knew! Guys are actually way more prudish LOL!

Now I will say that if you don't circumcise learn how to take care of your uncirc. babe. It is very likely your ped will not know the correct way. My little one was the 1st uncirc boy my ped had seen and he had no clue!
 
#15 ·
Just last night a classmates was talking about how wonderful her intact DH is sympathizing with me bc my DH is cut (don't even ask how we started talking our husband's penises during a class break).

Sex is better and healthier when neither party has been mutilated. Could be my recurrent vaginal infections this pg are partly attributable to my DH's circ.

In twenty years or so, I'm willing to bet that, with rapidly dropping circ rates, everyone kows what my classmates already knows--that intact is better. Tell you DH to have mercy on his future daughter-in-law!
 
#19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ThatLinGirl
Here's a great anti-circ mainstream article. (a few graphic pics - good for your circumstances, but just wanted to warn anyone who may be clicking)

http://www.infocirc.org/MensHlth.htm


Have you been able to make any headway with your DH Sydnee? RIC is just so unbelievably wrong, wrong, wrong. Saying that, religious circ looks to be more of a gray area for so many mamas and papas. I feel like if there is no deeply compelling reason, such as a strong root in your faith, and even then done with someone highly adept at this, who really cares about the family and really understands the reasoning and emotion behind their spirituality, there's no need for this.
What conflict many mamas must go through with this issue.
 
#20 ·
Since your husband wants to surgically alter your son's body, the responsibility for finding medical evidence for his decision should lie with HIM.

Ask him to find you scientific, peer-reviewed studies, medical articles or AAP recommendations that support his position. He won't be able too. The Case Against Circumcision forum has a wealth of information, too.

Also, make sure he is aware of the functions of the foreskin. Pro-circers often aren't aware of the anatomy and biological functions of this important organ.
 
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