advice or 1st timers - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 10:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought that many of the moms here who are first timers may benefit from of the things that people never tell you about having a baby. Even after the first one there were surprises with the second-Like hemroids--people just don't tell you that you could get them unless you ask. ITs sort of embarassing to talk about. Another thing for me was the constipation after labor-I was very constipated the frist few days after ds#2-which only makes the hemroids worse. You are better off drinking water and trying not to force it if you have hemroids too-I learned the hard way becasue I was too embarrassed to ask. So anyone else have any I was to embarassed to ask advice? We can save the frist time mamas from all those wierd little things you just don't want to ask about.

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#2 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 01:55 PM
 
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Yes, please, share with us 1st timers! It's so much better finding out it's a possibility BEFOREHAND-- you can mentally prepare yourself, y'know?

Thanks, gnutter, for starting this thread. Hemmorhoids duly noted.
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#3 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 02:16 PM
 
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How many of us first timers are there?

Everyone is so well informed on this board that it sometimes feels like I'm the only new mama here!

Hey, take it as a compliment!

Cindy + DH Paul = DS1 (4/26/06), DS2 (11/30/07), DD (12/20/10) & surprise 4th edition coming in April 2014.

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#4 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 02:47 PM
 
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Nobody told me about throwing up in labor with my first. Apparently it helps with progression. I have done it with all my kids! I did get hemmorhoids with my second, but they didn't actually appear for a week afterwards.
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#5 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 03:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You might poop while you are pushing. With my first I actually stopped pushing for a minute because I could tell I was going to and I was embarassed-don't be embarassed-it happens a lot. thats why they sell those small debris removers with birth pools

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#6 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 03:33 PM
 
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This will be my 5th time going through labor & I can honestly tell you that none of them are the same Each one is so different~ I do remember the embarassement of pooping with my first~ With my 2nd it hurt so bad I closed my legs & said I am done(his head was only 1/2 out), my 3rd was amazingly fast & if I had listened to the dr & if he didn't let me get off the bed I would not have laid on the floor of the bathroom & thought I was going to deliver while my DH, Dr & doula were just outside the door laughing(my DH did get me on the bed & all was well)

My 4th went so fast & my Dh knew enough that when I said I had to go potty he turned around & said get the Dr in here now! She made it & it was great~

Some things I have learned:
~Castor oil makes for a stinky delivery
~Listen to your instinct & try really hard to block out the rest
~You can have an induced hospital birth with very little intervention & no drugs!
~When your milk comes in it really comes in!


That is al I can think of~ Each time is such a learning experience that I learn something new each time so I could answer questions but I am not sure about just telling what I learned

Melissa
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#7 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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I had hemorrhoids last time and it was partly because I being encouraged to push for two hours. I will not be doing that this time. When I am ready, my body will push the baby out involuntarily, with no conscious effort on my part. Coached pushing also puts your pelvic floor at risk. This time I will be extra-careful because I already have hemorroids. Pads soaked in witch hazel help to soothe them - good to have on hand in your postpartum supplies.

Here's an excellent article written by my midwife:
Pushing for First-Time Moms

I pooped while pushing, and it actually really bugged me. The MWs were very professional about wiping me, but I guess I just don't enjoy pooping when people are around. I had tried to give myself an enema in early labour but I didn't do it properly (I had never done it before). This time I will try again after getting some advice (wait longer until you can't possibly hold it in anymore). So an enema is on my list for birth supplies that I need.

If you are getting coaching from someone (incl a doctor or MW) that doesn't jive with your instincts, try to just ignore it. They are not giving birth and you don't have to follow their instructions just to be nice. It's tricky when you are working hard and can't talk at all - for some women it just feels easier to just do what they are asking. I would have had a better birth if I had been able to block out the well-intentioned "help" that I got.

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#8 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 04:37 PM
 
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Ask for an ice pack as soon as possible, and is convienent for you, to put in your undies. I forgot to ask for one (it should have been offered anyway!) for many hours later. Even then, oooh it felt so much better!
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#9 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 04:48 PM
 
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oooh - that reminds me...with my 1st i had purchased some pad/ice pack combos from a homebirth site and they were the BEST THING EVER. i just got a bunch more for this time. i'm prayng that i won't need them (because i won't tear/ need an episiotomy) but just in case, they are really wonderful.

no one told me how THIRSTY i would be during BF. i would drink a HUGE bottle of water every time I nursed. a nice thing to stock up on in advance.
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#10 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 04:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ent_mom
Ask for an ice pack as soon as possible, and is convienent for you, to put in your undies.
You can also soak some maxipads in water and freeze them if you are having a homebirth.

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
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#11 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 05:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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you can soak pads with witch hazel and freeze them too-helps with inflammation and feels good.

mother, wife, sister, friend--step mom to one grown man and mommy to 3 boys-ages 19, 10 and 4
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#12 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 06:33 PM
 
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Love your peri bottle and sitz baths! I felt upset being pressured by the nurses to do sitz baths, but honestly, even without stitches it helped out a whole lot!

I peed gallons after delivery!

I also got this surge of superhuman power for the first two days and felt no pain. Take it easy, because you'll feel it the third day, lol. I overdid it last time.
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#13 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 06:33 PM
 
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With my first, I honestly just didn't realize how long it would take to recover, in general, and especially "down there". I had done tons of reading, but you just can't really imagine it beforehand. I had a second degree tear, and walking hurt for a couple of weeks and sex hurt for months and months (sorry if TMI!). I wish I'd known that I would really need, like, a month to recover in general, and that my body would heal wonderfully, it would just take some time.
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#14 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 08:31 PM
 
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Good thread! Thanks for sharing your experiences ladies!

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#15 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 09:24 PM
 
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Mine is silly...after my milk came in i kept on waking up in a totally soaked milky bed. This went on a few nights...I thought to myself - what do i do??? I was sick of waking up cold and all wet...
DUH. Nursing pads.
I mean, of all things, how the heck did i not figure this out?
I have NO IDEA.

Happy mama to my four girls S 8.15.02 , L 04.25.06 (gone at 36 weeks ) and L 3.10.07.And another rainbow! Baby C has arrived 10.26.10!
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#16 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 09:56 PM
 
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I know alot of cloth diapering mamas use cloth mama pads too, and that the normal advice is to pack a pile of cotton undies and the biggest pads you can find, but after birth when I was getting dressed, the MWs at my birthcenter actually gave me some Depends to put on!

I was totally embarrassed by this at first, but seriously, I went home and bought a pack for myself. They were comfy, easy to get off (Tore right down the side instead of having to pull down), soaked up all that postpartum blood, kept me from ruining any undies/pants/nighties, and once I got over myself, it was the best PP item I had in my stockpile!

I definately also second (third? Fourth?) the sitz baths and the witch hazel. Lifesavers!
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#17 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 10:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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buy some extras of those water proof pads that they use under you during labor-they are great those first few days to protect your sheets and save you the effort of trying to change sheets. Also I second the take it easy advice!! About 2 days after delivery I thought I felt great-this lasted until around noon when I totally crashed and realized I had so overdone the whole getting out of bed thing.

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#18 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 10:45 PM
 
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Great thread, thanks mamas!!

Where do you find peri bottles and sitz baths?

Thanks!

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#19 of 28 Old 04-13-2006, 10:59 PM
 
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Oh new mamas, I send the best, most empowering vibes to you all!

I advise...

...that your husbands know what their job during the birth is. That is anything at all that you tell them to do. My husband knew his position, and did very well with the cyclical demands I gave around contractions. Contraction began, "Hon, my back!" (rubbed my lower back...well, drove his fist so hard into it I had some bruising the next day, but it felt sooooo good). Contraction ended, "Ice!" ice chips trickled into my mouth. Then, "hon, fan! Hot!" What a good man.

...you mentally prepare yourself to "go there," to a place you've never known before and will likely never know again outside the context of birth. You are probably going to be able to minimally communicate, but the sensations that overtake your body are so new and so very very powerful, it can be scary if you're not prepared for it. Don't be scared. Enjoy the ride.

...I second (third, fourth, fifth) the following--don't let someone tell you when to push. When it comes time to do that, if you're not feeling a surge within yourself already, you're pushing too soon. I was told to push, and toward the end of my pushing I finally felt the natural, like turbo boost, of a natural push (uncontrolled by me, consciously, at least),and my pushing wasn't as productive as it could've been if I'd listened to myself. Tell everyone to f-off if you must. You can get away with it if you're in labor. AND--maxis moistened with witch hazel and stored in the freezer post partum...oh man, oh man. Heaven on earth, ladies. A must do. Buy a big bottle of witch hazel and some maxis. Today. AND--take it easy after the birth. Do nothing at all for a week except for eat, sleep, bathe, and nurse the baby. Then for the rest of the first month, don't carry anything heavy or exert much energy (like no carrying laundry baskets, no carrying groceries, no long leisurely shopping trips, no housecleaning--woohoo!). It took three months for me to get my energy levels back to what they were when I was pregnant. Four to five months to that of what they were before I was pregnant. Recruit and accept help. Your body and soul will thank you.

Best wishes to you all,
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#20 of 28 Old 04-14-2006, 01:19 AM
 
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This is a very helpful thread for us newbies... taking notes! :
Thanks...
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#21 of 28 Old 04-14-2006, 01:44 AM
 
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I also was suprised by how much milk I leaked in the night. And I was surprised how long that leaking lasted.... I can't exactly remember when it got "under control" but I clearly remember waking up in a wet milk puddle for at least a few months.

The other thing that I wasn't prepared for was the post partum bleeding. I knew I would have that, but I didn't know for how long. Mine lasted for about 4 weeks after delivery. And then I got my period 8 weeks after delivery even though I was exclusively breastfeeding and nursing ALL the time. grrr!!

Changing the first meconium diaper was also quite shocking. Ewww. I had no idea what to expect. Thank goodness that didn't last very long.
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#22 of 28 Old 04-14-2006, 02:10 AM
 
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thanks for the great tips....keep em coming
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#23 of 28 Old 04-14-2006, 08:45 AM
 
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The most important thing in my opinion is to educate yourself about hospital births, homebirths, and birthing centers so that you can make informed choices about what you want. I went with the flow on my first birth (in a hospital) and ended up with many interventions.

If you are having a hospital birth, you should try to be prepared for the nurses insisting on interventions (like continuous monitoring, IVs, or taking your baby to the NICU), and know beforehand what situations would make those interventions necessary to you.

I loved Ina May Gaskin's Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Henci Goer's The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth.
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#24 of 28 Old 04-14-2006, 08:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xiaguan
Some things I have learned:
~Castor oil makes for a stinky delivery
~Listen to your instinct & try really hard to block out the rest
~You can have an induced hospital birth with very little intervention & no drugs!
~When your milk comes in it really comes in!
Melissa, Could you tell me more about having an induction w/ very little intervention and no drugs? Perhaps in a pm if this is off-topic? Thank you!
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#25 of 28 Old 04-14-2006, 08:57 PM
 
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I concur with everything that has been posted... i had no idea i would be so sore and swollen.

Thought i would add a few things that surprised me on the emotional/mental level-

first, be prepared to be extremely protective of your newborn... it might be hard to let others hold him/her. My midwife gave me some good advice: you should never be out of sight or more than 10 feet from your baby. You are under no obligation to let others hold your baby for longer than you feel comfortable- the most important thing about the immediate postpartum time is you bonding with your baby and getting a good breastfeeding relationship going.

the enormity of responsibility for caring for a newborn is overwhelming... i found myself having these bizarre thoughts like, 'my god... i could throw her out the window! or put her in the oven!' it disturbed me to have these thoughts even float through my head. i knew it wasn't post partum psychosis or that i was in any danger of actually *doing* those things, i think it was more my brain wrapping itself around the vulnerability of my baby and the fact that she was all my (and dh's) responsibility. It's a very weighty reality to take in. You aren't crazy if you thoughts like these!

talk to your dh about being the "gatekeeper" - keeping visitors to a minimum and the time they stay to a minimum. Our midwives gave us a great note to post on our door that said something to the effect of, "Thank you for visiting! Mom and Dad and baby are doing great- but tired. At this time, we are not up for visiting, but please try us again. If you are bringing a meal- thank you! please leave it on the step (porch.. whatever). we are so grateful for your support. love...." Some may think this is harsh, but visitors (be they family, friends, co-workers, whatever) often do not understand the fragile energy of a new mom (esp. if milk is coming in!!) or the importance of a mellow, non-taxing environment for mom and baby. Dh/partner might encourage guests to stay no longer than 15 minutes.

have a good baby book to reference- dh and i had our noses in Sears' Baby Book every other minute. it was awesome. - do it! the rest of the world will go on, and it will be there when you return, but you'll never get that sweet, bubble of a babymoon back.

don't rush to leave the house and get back to routine. if you have help and can stay home for a week or more

anyway- those are things that worked for me and came to mind as lmportant when i thought back to immediate postpartum after my baby. Good luck to all of you- there's nothing like that first babymoon!!!

I am a homeopath, offering acute and constitutional consultations for children, babies, and parents. Long-distance treatment is easy, either phone or skype! I also am certified to offer Homeoprophylaxis, a vaccine-alternative program. Message me for more details. www.concentrichealing.com
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#26 of 28 Old 04-15-2006, 11:45 AM
 
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Well, some of these things I can't relate to since I had a c/s, but don't be surprise about PPD. It hit me hard a few weeks after DD was born. It always came on around dusk, since I knew that my DH and mom would be able to sleep through the night and it was just me and the baby for BF ALL NIGHT LONG. It didn't last all that long, a few months maybe, but I remember crying every time the sun would go down since I felt all alone. (Don't get me wrong, DH and mom were here for support, but why should there be 3 exhausted adults every day? That way, they rested at night and I rested during the day when they would take the baby. All-in-all, this method worked, but don't be afraid to tell people how you are feeling). Many of my friends ended up taking meds (either Rx or Homeopathic) for PPD and many/all of them waited to talk to someone out of fear of looking silly. If you need help, ASK!
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#27 of 28 Old 04-16-2006, 07:44 PM
 
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Antother thing I thought of No one tells you what your thighs look like under the belly So don't be too surprised when they have stretch marks on them as well! !


Quote:
Originally Posted by colleen95
Melissa, Could you tell me more about having an induction w/ very little intervention and no drugs? Perhaps in a pm if this is off-topic? Thank you!
Sorry I did not visit the boards yeaterday #2 & #4 were both inductions~ I was 'lucky' in that as long as my bag of water was intact I did not feel the contractions~ On the flip side as long as the bag of waters was intact I dod not dilate Once my bag was broken I went from 2-delivery in less than 2 hours both times~ It was very intense but managable~ I had a doula as well as my DH for all my births & this really helped~ The 2nd induction the birth ball was invaluable! I felt like I was having menstrual cramps until I got off the ball to go pooty then woo wee! I was very blessed in that both of my Docs were respectful about my desire to have as little intervention as possible & since I went relatively fast they could not do any interventions~

I think that the doula again made a huge difference~ She was able to be an advocate for both my DH & myself~ She was able to stay with my while my DH went with my son to the nursery~ I realize that everyone labor is different but I want people to realize that an induction can be done with no pain relief & little intervention~ I was also lucky in that both hospitals that I delivered at had really good nursing staff who did not laugh at my birth plan but read it & honored it(esp my last birth) & for my last one it was 5 pages long I covered all my bases & really showed the staff(dr's & Rn's alike) that I had done my homework & really believed what I wrote~ We were so unsure what the outcome of last labor was going to be & even if we were giong to be bringing home a live baby~

HTH's (if not just ask!)
Warmly,
Melissa
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#28 of 28 Old 04-17-2006, 11:58 AM
 
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