anyone else with a 2yo??? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 04-19-2006, 10:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Help. I have become the mom that I hate - I am so tired and emotional and whatnot that I too easily get frustrated and mean towards my DS ... I used to be the poster-mom of patience and now I have NONE! I could 'gentle disipline' with the best, and now I've become a closet-spanker...I hate spanking, HATE IT, yet I do it from time to time now...am I going to stay this way??? With the addition of a new little one, will I ever calm down, regain my center and find my 'good momma' vibes again? I'm hoping the prolactin does help, but I just feel awful all the time because my sweet child who is only being 2 as any 2yo, has a mean mommy...and I'm worried also that my child to be will be so used to me being in a bad mood and yelling that she'll be hurt someway by it emotionally...anyone else dealing with this? any help? Please...
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#2 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 12:09 AM
 
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no advice, since i'm right there with you...

successful #2 Jan. 25th - welcome Maisie Elise!
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#3 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 10:36 AM
 
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I also have a two year old. It's not easy being pregnant at all, much less this pregnant, with a small child investigating their independence underfoot. I've done a lot of counting to avoid the kinds of things that I'm tempted to do that don't agree with my jparenting philosophy, like hand slapping. I really try to keep my reactions slooow and deliberate, but yes, it's really hard to do. One thing that helped me was to do some reading about two year olds (and I mean, it sounds like you "know" two, I'm not trying to imply that you don't at all) and really kind of delve deep into the developmental reasons behind what he's doing and try to be all fascinated with his burdgeoning personhood. About 75% of the time that works, and the other? I'm working on it!! I yell too much, and I apologize a lot. I know that this happened with my older daughter and that I went back to "me" after I had DS. You are a wonderful parent to even be congnizant of your behavior in such a hormonal haze.
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#4 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 11:28 AM
 
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I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old and I have been feeling SOOOO awful about how I have been reacting to their perfectly normal curious and independent spirits. I keep telling Emma my 2 year old that it will get better and all that but yet I just cant get a grip of it. I am usually so so patient (it surprises myself actually) but since the end of this pregnancy I just cant get it together. I keep picking up my Sears Dsicipline Book and perusing and then I will read Unconditional Parenting a bit to just remind me.....OH! My mama did buy me a while ago not just since the impatience, she bought me some parenting cards from www.naturalchildproject.org. It has 50 cards (you can get 100) of just motivational reminders about gentle parenting...they have helped me a lot in general-just little reminders.
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#5 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 02:54 PM
 
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My 2 y.o. is doing a LOT of testing. Not wanting to hold hands, hiding under the kitchen table when I tell her it's time to go, laying down when I try to pick her up... etc. It seems like she knows that I'm at a physical disadvantage. It is making me physically & mentally tired to struggle all day with things that she used to do so willingly. I live for nap time.

I wish I wasn't pregnant so I could keep up with her but then I'll have a newborn to deal with too!
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#6 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 03:11 PM
 
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I really feel for you. I have a 3 year old, and it isn't at all the same. I had a high risk pregnancy (I was on bedrest from 28 weeks until 34).

1. Can you afford any help at all? Even a teenager to come over and play with him while you nap? Preschool for 3 mornings a week? Even just taking him to the library for a free mommy and me class could help. I set up lots of playdates because there was strength in numbers!

2. I told my husband that he was responsible for helping me grow a healthy baby. Even if you aren't high risk, I think this is true. And he has stepped up to the challenge and Zak and he are a lot closer now. Our arrangement is that I get to sleep in Sat and Sun mornings until noon (or study since I am in law school, or take a long bath, or whatever) while they do "Daddy and Zak" things. This has meant they go get banana splits for breakfast, see a movie, go to the beach, sit and home and watch cartoons or play video games... whatever. But it gives me a break and lets me recharge.

3. Take deep breaths when you are in the thick of it. Tell Nate that you are going to give yourself a time out because you need to calm down and go in your room for 5 minutes. Then come out.

4. don't be so hard on yourself.

I hope these suggestions help.

Allie
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#7 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 05:01 PM
 
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This is what I wrote in another thread:

Quote:
I really think that a lot of the stuff in this thread is really typical for that age and it's important to keep that in mind. And we also have to remember that we have changed a lot too - maybe more impatient, more guarded about our physical boundaries, more tired, more anxious - whatever. So that will interact with whereever our wonderful 2 yos are at. Those of us who have nurslings might even wonder if they are partaking in some funky hormones via breastmilk?

I have my bad moments of yelling and getting totally frustrated - dealing with toddlers is not exactly easy in late PG, especially if you don't have much support. The thing that helps me the most is to remind myself of what kind of parent I want to be. Here are some inspirational books that are guideposts for me:

Unconditional Parenting

Hold Onto Your Kids

Siblings Without Rivalry

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk

Whole Child/Whole Parent

From watching other families it seems like it can be really worthwhile to focus a bit on how we want to parent our older children during this important transition time. I think we already know what newborns need .

sharing life with | 10 yo ds | 8 yo dd | dh (since 2012)
"I am not what happened to me...I am what I choose to become." ~ Carl Jung
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#8 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 06:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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these are all great ideas - thanks! I also called my doula and she recommended 'rescure remedy' to add to a bottle of water. I haven't needed it yet, but I have it just in case now.
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#9 of 13 Old 04-20-2006, 08:04 PM
 
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i started that other thread that Ksenia mentioned... lots of mamas comiserating!!

and i know some who swear by Rescue Remedy... when you're feeling at your wits end, a drop under your tongue and your dc's can help a lot.

I am a homeopath, offering acute and constitutional consultations for children, babies, and parents. Long-distance treatment is easy, either phone or skype! I also am certified to offer Homeoprophylaxis, a vaccine-alternative program. Message me for more details. www.concentrichealing.com
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#10 of 13 Old 04-21-2006, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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just getting it all out has really helped - I have had only good days now - talk therapy works
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#11 of 13 Old 04-21-2006, 07:46 PM
 
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Yes, yes, yes! Now that the baby is here though everything has changed. My emotions are much more in check. I will say I couldn't have gotten through the last few weeks without Bachs Rescue Remedy http://www.bachflower.com/rescue_remedy.htm

hearts.gifhearts.gifhearts.gifhearts.gifhearts.gif A house full of girls, but for dad and one brother bikenew.gif
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#12 of 13 Old 04-21-2006, 08:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nursing_Nate
just getting it all out has really helped - I have had only good days now - talk therapy works
So glad to hear it mama!!!
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#13 of 13 Old 04-21-2006, 09:25 PM
 
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Well, sympathy and udnerstanding always helps. And, knowing you are not alone. But I hear more here. I was there with my two boys and although rescue remedy can calm you down, it doesn't take away the source of the problem inside of you. For me, I really want to grow and become able to stay peaceful in the face of all these tough situations with children. I want to become centered and powerful and peaceful. That's why I read three times the book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Sorry for mentioning a book, but this one saved our family and gave me the wisdom to be the mother I want to be and peaceful chidlren. Oh my. Really.
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