38 Week Prenatal or Shootout At the OK Corral... (Vent, Long) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 26 Old 04-21-2006, 09:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The birth culture in this country just SUCKS! Most of the medical establishment have lost their freaking minds! Argh, the sOBs at the hospital I'm giving birth at are seriously up. There was really nothing in my birth plan that was that unusual or even really difficult to do, they even said that, but boy did we pay for daring to want such things, like the ability to move about as I see fit during labor, which I was told didn't matter anyway b/c it doesn't mean anything as to whether you will have a successful vaginal birth or not. Or how the attending, who apparently is the head of the OB department or whatever, made us answer stupid @$$ questions about how we wouldn't go to Wal-Mart to pay bills or go to Starbucks to mail packages so we should let them do there jobs and .

WTF? It got soooo freaking much worse. The condescending attitudes and superiority complexes of these people was mindblowing. You know what one of the prevailing phrases of the day was? "We don't want you to kill your baby, but if that happens, I still sleep at night." WHAT THE ? The stupid head of the nursery department kept saying stupid $*%! like "Well, when you guys come out of fairy tale land such and such doesn't mean anything," and "I don't know what flowery namby pamby book you got such and such out of but,"

And they kept going "You should do homebirth next time," to which I would promptly reply "Yeah, actually homebirth was our 1st choice but it just didn't work out that we were able to have one."

The attending said we should move to a different city/state. That they don't bat an eye about this type of stuff in NM, CA, etc. Apparently we have caused a ruckus with our inability to comply. The head nursery lady even blatantly said to us "Well, the OB will immediately clamp the cord whether you want them to or not b/c we don't want the baby's hematocrits to get too high, they are not going to wait till it stops pulsing, and what do you mean by that anyway?" I turned to my husband and said "Can they do that?" just stunned, and she said she'd just let us hash it out with the OB, this is all after I explained our reasons. I won't even start on her ignorance about skin to skin contact.

The saving grace here was the MWs. Apparently people like us get sent to the MWs for our inability to comply with what they want us to. All I can say is THANK YOU GOD!!!! When I 1st started going here, I really didn't think that the MWs would be all that different from the sOBs so I didn't even really bother to tell them I would rather have a MW when they gave me an OB. These MWs are like a giant pitcher of ice water after you've been crawling throught the desert, especially this one in particularly. She's absolutely heavenly.

I'm praying I go into labor on a Saturday as that's when the MWs are in to do births, on the weekends, Friday-Sunday. Although the MW that I just love, love, love said that she was going to talk to the other MWs about seeing what they could do about getting on call so that we can get one of them if I go into labor during the week. She's really pulling for us and rolls her eyes at the insanity of her co-workers. She gave us the truth about their C/S rates and everything and was delighted to see us. We were floored. Total 180 from the sharks all around us. She just met us today and she's really trying to get us the best possible birth experience. We started talking about The Farm and all kinds of stuff and I tell you, when we met her and started talking with her, my anxiety level PLUMMETTED.

Part of me is upset that all this time I could have been developing a great relationship with a wonderful group of MWs and I feel like I really screwed up. But how would I have known? Going to this hospital is like walking into the front door of the 1st level of hell. But another part of me is grateful for this experience. I know 1st hand what a living nightmare hospital care and the medical establishment can be. I think it was supposed to happen this way. DH agrees with me. We take things as they come and learn so much along the way. I've been interested in wanting to become a MW myself for some time now. Maybe one day I'll be able to pursue this. The lessons I've learned through this experience would certainly be valuable while walking that road.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Just getting this stuff out is really helping, even if I can't relay the whole, long saga to you guys. Sorry this was so long but I just needed to get it out.

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#2 of 26 Old 04-21-2006, 09:24 PM
 
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All I can say is, WOW.: What a bunch of yahoos. I have to say that the hospital I will birth at, is VERY patient friendly, I had a 45 minute conversation with a nurse to go over my birthplan, and there was nothing on there that she was opposed to, she kept saying how this is MY labor, MY birth, and MY child. I was impressed! Hugs to you,mama!

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#3 of 26 Old 04-21-2006, 09:30 PM
 
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OMG what jerks! I tell you not all hospitals are like that and I am so sorry to hear that there is one that is so mean and stupid! The only thing my hospital
won't let me do is walk around the halls I have to stay where they can monitor the baby and contractions. And what could she possibly have to say and skin to skin contact???? With my ds when he was born had a hard time
keeping his temp up so the nurse practically stripped my gown off and striped
him down and told me to hold him close to me skin to skin bc that was the
best way for them to be......I am glad that you got to see the m/w and I hope you go into labor when she is on call so that you don't have to deal with that crap.........
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#4 of 26 Old 04-21-2006, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Sydnee, I needed a hug!

ellymay, she said that skin to skin contact with a nice warm blanket would not be enough to keep the baby warm and that's why they have the little heater beds.

I think that it's so great when a mama can have a great hospital birth experience and can really trust her care providers. I wish there were more experiences like that.

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

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#5 of 26 Old 04-21-2006, 10:22 PM
 
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Gosh that is just horrible. I have heard of women really focusing and deciding in advance what the birth date was (seriously!) - maybe you could try to do that as it sounds like your birth experience will be highly influenced by the care providers available to you at the time.

sharing life with | 9.5 yo ds | 7 yo dd | love of my life new husband

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#6 of 26 Old 04-21-2006, 10:22 PM
 
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Firstly, ! I am sitting here with my mouth hanging open at the horror which that must have been. I hope hope hope with all my heart that you will be able to be attended by the midwives - the story of the sheer ignorance of that staff is enough to make my cervix squeeze shut!

I wish I could say something more helpful, but all of my hugs and thoughts are with you. My goodness.
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#7 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 12:01 AM
 
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Just trollin' your DDC and wanted to say: OMG!! That'sjust...appalling!!! How can those people sleep with themselves at night!? I'm glad you foudn the midwives though and it's a terrible testiment to society that they throw "those people" to the midwives because people like you are viewed as "wacky" and midwives are obviously better suited for such "crazy things". Yick! Ih ope you have a totallyawesome birth mama. DOn't let those crapheads bring you down!

Namaste, Tara (from the now defunct Jan 06 DDC)
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#8 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 12:04 AM
 
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OMG... sounds so ignorant and horrible.

I remember reading an article in the local newspaper extolling the virtues of a local OB who has "delivered" over 1,000 babies. He was the one to work it out for the local hospital to have baby warmers way back when. I thought- heck, if you don't knock out all the laboring women (my MIL gave birth six times vaginally, while unconscious), you don't need the :censor heater beds... save the money for real necessities.

Sorry, off my soapbox now. Many hugs. I have to say my one hospital birth was what really set me on my homebirth journey and one of the reasons I want to be a HB MW someday.

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#9 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 12:39 AM
 
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Reading your post made me so angry! I thought my local hospital was bad, but yours takes the cake. BTW I ended up ditching the hospital and getting a mw. Best decision I ever made.Everything was ... well I don't have a word for it but I get tears in my eyes every time I think about my preg. and birth. I hope you get to have the mws. Here's to sending you wonderful, peaceful, awesome labor vibes
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#10 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 07:35 AM
 
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Wow, wow, wow, I can't believe you had to sit there and listen to that hooey. I wouldn't have been able to take it, I'm sure I would have started crying and made a complete fool out of myself, so first off, good for you for staying in control of your emotions!

Secondly, yay for friendly mws, they make ALL THE DIFFERENCE! Hugs to you, after that horrible, traumatic experience!
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#11 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 09:52 AM
 
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What a horrible negative experience. I'm sorry. It's bad here too...well, I guess only if you're an "old prior c/s mama".
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#12 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 10:15 AM
 
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That is INSANE!

I know that around here it depends on the hospital! There are a few that are NCB friendly and others that think if you want a NCB you are the crazy one.

How sad for all of them - they are missing out ont he what is probably the closest thing we get to experience to a spiritual, miraculous event here on earth.
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#13 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 10:22 AM
 
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I would be sure to write a : to the hospital CEO and tell him/her how horribly you were treated.

What a bunch of insecure egotistic ---holes!!!! :
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#14 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 10:34 AM
 
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Wow. The ignorance and total egoism of these people. Who says you give your choices, your life and your own wisdom up when you walk thru a hospital door? I think it's great you found the mw's. it doesn't matter when, just that you found them. We switched care in my second pregnancy in my 31st week. I think it's sad that so many of us have been in similar situations, which is why we are hb'ing. And sad that so many of us know how normal this "attitude" is. I just don't understand how they get off talking to another adult in such a way. I mean they must think they are totally and completely infallable. just amazing.

try and use that to help you do positive things in your labor. i know going thru that takes a while to not have to think about anymore. But use it as motivation when labor gets hard. It was hard for me not to relive everything that was said and done during my first dd's birth but this time i'm refusing to let any of that in.

sorry you had to deal with that.
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#15 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 01:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OMG, I love you guys, you're so awesome.

All the things that were said to us, the way we were treated, I was in disbelief.

I probably would've come home hysterical if my wonderful DH wasn't with me.

I'm feeling better and trying to process things so that they don't intefere with my labor.

Thanks so much for the good labor vibes! I'm even more determined to have a great labor and birth after all this nonsense.

I'm so ready to have my little baby and be rid of this insanity.

But what do I know? I'm just a moronic PG lady whose too stupid to not be bullied...

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

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#16 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 01:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacatsbaby
ellymay, she said that skin to skin contact with a nice warm blanket would not be enough to keep the baby warm and that's why they have the little heater beds.
Jumping in from November...

How on earth did the human race ever survive before we had heater beds?!? Especially babies born in winter before we had electricity!!!!

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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#17 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 01:25 PM
 
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I just posted this link for someone else on another forum....
http://www.texasmidwives.com/SafetyStats.htm

Check out the infant mortality rate for MWs versus OBs... remembering that because lay midwives pretty much ONLY do homebirths, that means the stats are homebirth vs. OB. In 2000, Midwives lost .3/1000 babies while OBs lost 5.5/1000 babies.

How DO they sleep at night? Drugs, I'd wager.

So WHY can't you do a homebirth? Is there really any way that a homebirth is riskier than what you experienced with that tour?
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#18 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 01:30 PM
 
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Just offering you another big
It is absolutely unacceptable, what you had to listen to...
Whatever, you WILL have the birth you want!

Happy mama to my four girls S 8.15.02 , L 04.25.06 (gone at 36 weeks ) and L 3.10.07.And another rainbow! Baby C has arrived 10.26.10!
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#19 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 09:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacatsbaby

ellymay, she said that skin to skin contact with a nice warm blanket would not be enough to keep the baby warm and that's why they have the little heater beds.

Is she freaking stupid!? OMG why the heck is she a nurse????!!!! My ds only had to go on the warmer after his temp wouldn't come up after 2-3hrs and he really needed to get his temp up so they had to keep him in it for a couple of hours then he finally got warm enough to come back to me.
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#20 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 09:34 PM
 
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I do want to say though that not all OB's are like that at all mine is very understanding and he is up for what I want as in letting me go as long as I want with out being induced all for me not having meds if I don't want them
and does NOT push them on me and helps me to not have them he is just
very understanding and not like some OB's I have heard of.
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#21 of 26 Old 04-22-2006, 09:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boscopup
Jumping in from November...

How on earth did the human race ever survive before we had heater beds?!? Especially babies born in winter before we had electricity!!!!
I know right? My brain couldn't even process this statement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by brown eyed girls
I just posted this link for someone else on another forum....
http://www.texasmidwives.com/SafetyStats.htm

Check out the infant mortality rate for MWs versus OBs... remembering that because lay midwives pretty much ONLY do homebirths, that means the stats are homebirth vs. OB. In 2000, Midwives lost .3/1000 babies while OBs lost 5.5/1000 babies.

How DO they sleep at night? Drugs, I'd wager.

So WHY can't you do a homebirth? Is there really any way that a homebirth is riskier than what you experienced with that tour?
Great link brown eyed girls Sad to say it comes down to the almighty $$$. DH and I tried to come at it from all kinds of angles and we just couldn't afford it. I've always wanted a / :. Had a great HB MW in mind that I'd already talked to. Never wanted to be in the hospital. God willing I will never give birth in a hospital again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILoveMySofie
Just offering you another big
It is absolutely unacceptable, what you had to listen to...
Whatever, you WILL have the birth you want!
Thank you ILMS! You're right. I will not let them steal the joy of birthing my baby away from me. I suppose I can also look at this as prep for all the battles that may be ahead of me (I won't even touch the vax issue). Somebody will probably keel over when I sign myself out AMA. That is, if things go well and there's nothing that they need to save me from.

It's just funny. I know we have a need for doctors and such at certain times and respect that. I'm grateful that we have come so far technologically. Well, sometimes... But it's like so many of them seem to feel they are almost God-like in a way and they are the keepers of your fate. They don't expect you to know your own body or what's good for you at all. Respect needs to be given to be gotten and the dismissive patronizing attitudes just don't seem conducive to a profession that is supposed to advocate for the patient. It makes me angry and sad.

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

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#22 of 26 Old 04-23-2006, 08:19 PM
 
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My first planned homebirth our income for the year was less than $10,000 but we paid our MW with our tax refund... $1200. And we transferred to the hospital because baby was breech... the doc didn't know how to deliver a breech and almost killed my baby and we ended up with a $60,000 NICU bill that Medicaid paid.

My next planned homebirth we didn't choose the MW until 32 weeks so she was going to lower her fee since she didn't do all the prenatals... but she ended up risking me up to her perinatologist backup and I ended up with an induced hospital birth-- but unassisted! We were alone in the room when the baby was born. LOL

So our last 2 babies have been homebirths, and I never bothered to hire a MW. The first one was born on my bed, total cost for supplies was less than $30. The second one was a water birth with the fishy pool, total cost for supplies was still not much more than $30.

This will be my 3rd homebirth, and I again was not planning to use a MW. But something in the back of my head has been niggling at me, so I called around and found a MW on Friday who will give me a single, no-strings-attached prenatal visit to check baby's position in the womb and talk to me about some of the issues I've had feeling detached and ... discombobulated! Yeah, that's the word. LOL... We'll see how that visit with her goes tomorrow. I told her I'd love to have her do this one prenatal, and then pay her to come out and do a newborn well check and weigh the baby after it's born and she said yes.
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#23 of 26 Old 04-23-2006, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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$60,000? OMG! What a horrible experience for you to have to go through.

Making less than $10,000 and still able to pay for your MW? Awesome. We've been in that situation before but this time around our refund was under $800 which we needed to put elsewhere anyway. Apparently DH just worked too damn hard over the year. Killing himself to pay the government more. We don't own a car or much of anythng excessive as we tend to be minimalists anyway and we still penny pinch.

I wish I had the bravado to UC my 1st at home. That would be great. DH and I talked about it also and he ain't having it. Totally uncomfortable with the idea of us delivering this baby ourselves. Especially it being the 1st one. I've been daydreaming about how everyone will be too busy or something and just ignore us and we can just UC in the hospital.

I hope all goes well with the appointment!

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

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#24 of 26 Old 04-23-2006, 10:34 PM
 
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My aunt UC'd her 3rd or 4th baby (I can't remember which son it was) in the hospital. Not even her hubby was in the room... she was laying in the bed and the baby just kinda slid out.
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#25 of 26 Old 04-24-2006, 09:11 AM
 
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must be one of those hospitals where they film a baby story
I am so glad there are MW there-I'll cross my fingers for that you will go into labor on a friday. What I think is so funny is that in a book I have that is for MW in 3rd world countries it has a whole page with pictures about not cutting the umbilical cord until it stops pulsing. This is taught so that the baby has a chance to get all they can from the placenta. I should copy that page and send it to your hospital-what a bunch of dorks.

hugs to you and your dh. And try to not strangle the next person who says something stupid like that LOL! MEdical personel can be so condescending.

mother, wife, sister, friend--step mom to one grown man and mommy to 3 boys-ages 19, 10 and 4
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#26 of 26 Old 04-24-2006, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Michelle I'm sure that was one surprised husband when he came back in the room!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gnutter
must be one of those hospitals where they film a baby story
I am so glad there are MW there-I'll cross my fingers for that you will go into labor on a friday. What I think is so funny is that in a book I have that is for MW in 3rd world countries it has a whole page with pictures about not cutting the umbilical cord until it stops pulsing. This is taught so that the baby has a chance to get all they can from the placenta. I should copy that page and send it to your hospital-what a bunch of dorks.

hugs to you and your dh. And try to not strangle the next person who says something stupid like that LOL! MEdical personel can be so condescending.
I know right? I felt like I should've been looking for cameras with all the flabbergasted "Are they serious?" thoughts flying through my head.

Yes please! Send them everything you got! Though they'd probably dismiss the info as inferior. That was one of the hardest things for us. That after all this research and thinking about what we wanted and trusting our instincts that they dismissed everything we said or wanted as trivial, inferior. That they know what's best for our baby and how dare we stupidly question them. They could not respect a different avenue.

I'll try to keep the violence to a minimum gnutter but I don't know if I can make any promises!

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