Grandpa passed away, what should i do? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
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My grandpa passed away this morning. Sad, but not unexpected.
I would like to attend his memorial service next saturday, but there is one problem: Grandma and Grandpa live 10 hours away. It's a week before my due date, and I am already having plenty of contractions and my cervix is thinned.
While there is a hospital there, just in case, it is very small and should a complication arise, they would have to transport me. The closest special care nursery is, oddly, here. 10 minutes from my house.

Add to that the fact that someone must stay behind to care for the animals. Sadly, there is no such thing as a kennel for cows.

So, it really makes sense that the pregnant lady should stay here, care for the animals and try really, really hard to not go into labor while every single babysitter set up for watching DS is on the exact other side of the province, right? And i shouldn't feel bad for not being able to attend, right?

Any suggestions on what to do for my grandma? She is obviously pretty much a wreck. My parents will be heading out on wednesday to help her out
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#2 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 04:12 PM
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I'm so sorry

I don't think I'd be up for a ten hour car ride at this point, personally. Plus, it'd end up being a twenty hour drive, b/c I'd have to stop for food and pee breaks and just get up and move around... not fun at all!

Your poor grandma... I'm sure she'd love to have you there, but I bet she'll understand. Call and let her talk to you as much as you can, and send her a letter with some good memories you have of your grandpa. Ask your parents what more they think could help. (Also, be there for your parents -- losing a dad is hard!)

May your grandpa's memory always be a blessing!
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#3 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 04:15 PM
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to you...this must be a very stressful time for you and your family.

if i were in your situation, i probably wouldn't go to the much as i know i would want to. but certainly talk it over with your dr/mw to get their opinion.
as for supporting your grandma, call her, talk to her, send her a card/letter. and as soon as you are able after the baby comes, go see her. by that time, many of sympathizers will have moved on, or no longer in teh area, and that may be nice for her to have some more of that a few weeks after the funeral. does that make sense?

good luck making your decision...i know it won't be easy.

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#4 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 04:36 PM
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I'm so sorry. I know how difficult it is to be far from family at a time like this. My stepdad also died this morning, and I am staying at home, but I live overseas and thus have it easier in a way since I really have no choice. If I were in your situation, a 10 hour drive a week before my due date would still be too far.

I agree with the previous poster - call your grandma now, but do something for her in a week or two (or three) when other people are getting back into their lives and she is feeling even more lonely.
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#5 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone. I am going out to see my parents this afternoon. My grandma is out making arrangements with my auntie right now, but I will call her tonight.
I feel so bad for Grandma. This is the second time she has had to bury a husband. My dad's dad passed away before i was born, and Grandma married Grandpa when i was 5.

So, on the up side, I won't have to deal with any of Grandpa's family. Hooray! No talking to the wicked stepsisters!
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#6 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 04:42 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your grandpa.

Honestly, I could not handle a 10 hour trip at this point... the ~18 hour trip to Florida was difficult enough when I was 27/28 weeks and I'm way more uncomfortable physically now than I was 10 weeks ago. I know it's really awful to feel like you can't go, but it would be a really hard trip for you. I like the TLG's suggestion of doing something special for your grandma in a couple of weeks... people unintentionally tend to go back to their routines and I'm sure your grandma would really appreciate some extra lovin' from you guys later down the road.
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#7 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 04:46 PM
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very sorry about your grandfather. You are right about not taking a 10 hr trip though. I missed my sisters wedding and reception this weekend because it was 6 hours away. Especially if you are worried about the hospital that you would be near.

again-I am so aorry for your loss.

mother, wife, sister, friend--step mom to one grown man and mommy to 3 boys-ages 19, 10 and 4
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#8 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 05:39 PM
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Sorry for your loss.

I would agree w/ the pp's about not taking up a 10 hr. car ride. It's actually recommended not to take long trips like that because it's hard to keep the circulation going through your legs when sitting for a long time when you're in the 3rd tri. Don't feel bad about not being able to attend, you can still do something at home in your grandfathers honor. Since it's springtime, maybe you could plant a tree or something.
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#9 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 06:27 PM
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Big hugs to you and your family mama. I'm so sorry about the loss of your Grandpa. I agree with the PPs. And your Grandma will definitely appreciate your doing something special for her in a few weeks. My thoughts and prayers go out to you guys.

I'm sorry about your loss as well Lindsay. Thinking of you and your family also.

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#10 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 07:47 PM
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so sorry for your loss.

I also agree with not making that trip, but I totally understand how much you must want to be there.
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#11 of 13 Old 04-23-2006, 10:34 PM
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Awww Steph I'm so sorry

I agree with pp's about not going though. It just seems like too big a risk, especially since this is not your first pregnancy, you never know when that little girl might decide to show up. I think that conecting with your grandmother in a few weeks (even if it's just over the phone) sounds like a great idea, that is probably when she will need someone to talk to the most.

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#12 of 13 Old 04-24-2006, 12:20 PM
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Big hugs, mama!! I agree with everyone else though, you need to think about you and that baby right now. Many, many hugs to you!!!

Busy Mama to three beautiful girls and loving wife to my hubby
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#13 of 13 Old 04-24-2006, 02:04 PM
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s I am so sorry you are giong through this~ I love the suggestion of going in a few weeks once your life settles~ Your grandma will love to Ohh & Ahh over the new life in her life

Lindsay~ s to you as well~ I lost my uncke a few weeks ago & had to miss the funeral as well~ It is very bittersweet to me~

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