Starting to stress out-may kill someone - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 09:29 AM - Thread Starter
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Can I just run away until I have this baby? My dad calls me to check up on me and you what he says?!! "If you decide to go to the hospital we can help you pay for it" Like the only reason I am having this baby at home is money. It has nothing to do with money!! Its not like the MW was free! I was so nice about it you guys would have been so proud! I am just so tired of hearing things like that from people. I had people at my last birht-friends of mine-they still talk about it in such a negative way-about how I was in such pain and Ds had shoulder dystocia and had to be resusitated-which happens in the hospital too. My MW handled it great though. Its not like she had never seen that before. I was at a birthday party for one of the friends daughters this weekend and had to listen to her go on about how terrible it was. I just wanted to cry. People were looking at me like I was crazy to do it again.

This time no one is allowed at my house! Except one friend who had her babies with MW also. She will probably not be able to make it though because her grandma is in the hospital and she lives in another state.

I just wish I had more support from my friends and family. usually it wouldn't bother me but as I get closer I get nervous-I mean labor isn't easy you know. would it kill someone to tell me everything will go great instead of freaking me out about things even more.

done whining-feel much better-thank you.

mother, wife, sister, friend--step mom to one grown man and mommy to 3 boys-ages 19, 10 and 4
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#2 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 09:34 AM
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That's the main reason I haven't told a single person about HBing. The negativity you hear is unbearable. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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#3 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 09:50 AM
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Well I will tell you - it will be great and wonderful and hopefully the birth experience you are imagining!

I had someone ask me the same thing - "why a HB? Don't you have insurance?" Uh, yeah - we have awesome insurance and it's costing us MORE to do it at home!

People are, well, just ignorant.
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#4 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 12:00 PM
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s mama! Know that you are in a good place & let your heart guide you~ I tell you the only reason we are not HB is because of how far it would be to get to medical care if necessary(45 mins no matter how we are transported-car(no NICU) or lifeflight(NICU)) Just make out some great affirmations to read to yourself as many times a day as you need(keep them with you so when you hit negativity you can read them)

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#5 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 01:05 PM
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Big, big hugs mama!

I'll chime in too: Everything will be great and you will have the best birth possible for you and your baby!

So many people associate the pain one experiences in labor as a problem that needs to be fixed. Well, where I'm sure that most laboring women at some point or another are in a tremendous amount of pain (I will probably at some point beg to be killed ), there are plenty of women that continue to nix the drugs again and again. And there are some that feel their births were better b/c of them. It's just annoying when you differentiate in your personal choice and people can't respect that.

People in all walks of life are so quick to judge another's choices. Maybe it's a natural reaction we humans have. But it is NOT cool to start laying your issues on others. Especially doing as such to a PG woman and making an already emotionally charged time even more harrowing? People can be so screwy!

It's so crazy how HB has come to be thought of as dangerous and scary. Not so I say, just different from what someone else may want. And in an ideal world those who prefer or assist in HB and those who prefer or assist in hospital birth could live together in harmony and respect. Now wouldn't that be nice?

Don't let people put their negativity onto you mama. I know it's hard the closer things get. I am sending you loving, happy, good birthing vibes mama!

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips tea6.gif

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#6 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 01:17 PM
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No one has given me grief this time, nor did they last time, but I have heard more birth disasters this time around than last time, mainly because I have more mom friends now. I think our parents worry and we just have to allow them that and know that it comes from love and concern. And also know that they will be in complete awe of you after you've given them a new grandchild!

I'm re-reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth to get my head back in the game. I also have a lot of talking to some people who are going to be at the birth. My brother videotaped the birth last time (he's a professional) but we've had a pretty severe chill in our relationship in the last few months. I have to clear that up. I could let it go on, like I'd planned, because I'm stubborn I guess, but I realized this weekend that if that energy comes into the birth room I'll be too distracted. I also have to decide if I want my mom with dd1 or with me. She was awesome support last time but I think the midwives will make her nervous because my mom is pretty shy (my mom, dh and I were virtually alone for the whole labor last time) so I don't think I want her there. I think she'll be happy to be charged with dd1, and she certainly see the baby as soon as she's born, and can watch the whole thing on tape.

I think I just highjacked your thread. Sorry!

I thought I'd just add one other funny dad story: When I told my dad I was going to a birthcenter last time and wasn't going to get an epidural he told me he had no question I could do it, since he'd just passed a kidney stone and he survived it. That was his way of showing support, and I thought it was pretty funny.

Kat - mama to Clara (9/29/03): & Iris (5/30/06)
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#7 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 01:22 PM - Thread Starter
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I have always thought that all men should have at least one kidney stone since it is supposed to be the closest to giving birth they will ever get

I guess I am just turning into super emotional pg woman here. thanks so much for the cheering up.

I met Ina may when I attended a workshop at the farm-I wish I could go there now and get a good pep talk-those women there are fabulous!!!!

mother, wife, sister, friend--step mom to one grown man and mommy to 3 boys-ages 19, 10 and 4
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#8 of 8 Old 04-24-2006, 02:18 PM
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Ugh... people are so silly! I can totally relate -- luckily, everyone seems to have gotten the "OMG, why would you want to birth at HOME?!!??" fear out of their systems by now, so I'm not getting any flack right now. But earlier (when I first told people) it was fairly intense. We had to ask my MIL not to talk to us about it anymore.
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