Oh mamas, I have no idea how I am going to cope with all of this. I'm just sludging through all this prelabor junk, and it's like my mind had just gone and jumped off of the deep end. I am just - well - freaking out. My poor Maya, 2 and a half, is driving me BONKERS and I've hollared at her more times today than I probably ever have in her whole little life. Okay, so she put potato chips in the dvd player. What are potato chips even doing in the house anyway! See if I let daddy go grocery shopping anymore. Okay, so our heat is out and she's uber-hacked off about her socks, totally nothing I
should be losing my mind over. So, she's figured out how to open the toilet seat and dump in all my burts bees stuff. Plop. But, who cares, right?
Ugh. I'm just about *THIS* close to running down the street screaming like a madperson.
And, when I'm in between all of that, I'm practically bawling and wondering why the heck I can't just chill out and curl up with her and relax. And feeling guilty for being so ridiculously mad over stupid stuff. I spent all of my teen years and half of my twenties being arbitrarily mad, what on earth does it need to come and visit me NOW for?!
Mostly I'm a fairly centered happy inner-buddha mama, but I'm really losing it today. In fact, I have locked the door in the bathroom and in my room and run off to hide myself in the office behind another closed door and just let her BE out there. And I feel like I am just falling apart. If I can't cope with this little one who I love so much, how am I going to deal with her and an INFANT. Poor little bean probably doesn't even WANT to come out - she's gotta be in there going "Oh my god, this is my MOTHER!?"
I'm just so overwhelmed and I guess my chemical balance must be all jacked up and I'm tired of not getting any more than 45 minutes of sleep at a time (not that THAT is going to get any better) and - ugh. I just don't know what to do. My awesome DH is just that - awesome, but he can't take time off of work (so says our bank account) to come home and relieve my insane brain. And, we're fairly new to our area and I don't know anyone - except his sisters, who are kind, but also kind of far, and it's not like I'm close enough to any of them to call 'cause I'm flipping my s#!t.
Ugh. Sorry to rant on and on. I just had to get it out, hopefully I will just be able to get ahold of myself and chill. Can I blame this on being 37 and a half weeks pregnant, or am I just losing my mind?