Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: DC- Blech -Area
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I'm not from you DDC, but I"m a BTDT mom. I didn't have the health issues you do (although, I personally had a raging yeast infection that took months to control, thankfully, it didn't turn into thrush), I had tons of guilt and resentment.
It took a long time for me to figure it all out. I was totally alone, too. No friends. No playgroup. I did go to two LLL meetings. One was at a house so filthy, my feet were sticking to the carpet as I walked on it. And the next meeting was hosted by a woman who chained smoked throughout the meeting, even while nursing her baby. Needless to say, I never went back.
The best advice I have is forget the guilt. Do what you have to to get through this. Forget the guilt. What good is it going to do for you to stand true to your parenting philosophy if it is damaging your relationship with your baby? I too had lofty ideals of baby wearing, happily nursing at the beach (we lived in Hawaii), being all happy and joy joy. And it DID happen. But it took time.
My babies hate the sling, HATE all carriers for that matter, until they are about 5 or 6 mos. My daughter hardly ever slept. She was awake and fussy if I wasn't walking her around and stimulating her every minute of the day. Eventually, I stuck her in a swing (GASP) in front of pictures of baby faces and cranked the Mozart. I even purchased those dreadful Baby Einstein DVDs (GASP GASP GASP) and she would watch them just long enough for me to shower.
I carried around a lot of guilt from those first 3 mos or so. But eventually things work out better and you both get into a groove and get to know one anohther better and figure things out. It's a relationship like any other. It takes time to iron out the wrinkles. It'll happen. Do what you can to make it happen in a happy, not stressful way.
By the way, what about books on tape or movies. Personally, I am not a movie fan so I figured out how to nurse while reading fairly quickly. But then I progressed to nursing while surfing the web. I still do that. It is second only to snuggled up on bed. NOw that my nursling is 2.5, though, the computer is more likely than the bed. He just doesn't snuggle so much any more.
Anyway, you will be fine and you will parent the way you want to, it just may take detours along the way. Which is fine.