Is this going to be anyone's last baby? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 31 Old 07-01-2006, 06:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is our 4th baby, 5th child (we are raising my nephew also). Each pregnancy has gotten progressively more difficult for me. This last one was a real challenge w/preterm labor, bedrest, PSD, and then a shoulder distocia birth. Not to mention all the other smaller pregnancy tolls, like morning sickness, VV, bladder problems, etc. So we have decided that this will be our last pregnancy and dh is going for the big V next week. When I was pregnant I was adament about this being the last one, and now I am still sure it is the right decision. (I am afraid that another pregnancy would seriously cause harm to my body, and I don't want to put my family through the stress of another difficult pregnancy.) But when I hold my sweet little baby now, I feel really sad thinking this will be the last time I experience this. Crazy?

Is anyone else choosing to stop here? If so, how are you feeling about it?

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#2 of 31 Old 07-01-2006, 09:23 AM
 
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I'm on the fence. Before, I said 3 was the limit, but DH and I have both been tossing around the idea of one more before closing the shop up for good ! Pregnancy is okay for me, except for extreme morning sickness during the first 16 weeks or so. And there is something about homebirthing that makes you want to do it again! I can't decide, honestly.

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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#3 of 31 Old 07-01-2006, 10:59 AM
 
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My DH had said "one and done", then my dd came along and 2 was going to be "okay". Now he's sure he's done but I'm not. He was talking about getting the big V before his paternity leave was over, but he's been back to work for a little over a week now and no appt. yet. If anyone asks, he still says he's done, but hasn't made any strides to make that permanent. I've also looked into an IUD to make things not possible for a while, but not permanent either. He saw the info pamplets, but didn't really say much. I don't want to push the issue for fear of hearing the answer. Part of me is worried to since I would want at least 3-4 years difference in ds and any new baby, but that puts me right at 40 and that's a little scary to me.

Wow, long answer short.... :
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#4 of 31 Old 07-01-2006, 11:13 AM
 
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I'll pop in here too! This was our third and during this entire pregnancy I thought this was the last too. Severe morning sickness and migrains until 28 weeks, an excess fluid issue that I ended up resolving thru diet and just a more stressful toll on my body, vv's etc. But towards then end when baby stopped being transverse and settled down in, and my body just seemed to prepare for birth and then birth was SUPER hard and painful but my body did exactly what it was supposed to. Then I actually healed better and faster with this 10 lb baby than even with my first two, which I healed great also, I'm starting to wonder if my body just really deals with birthing and labor great. Seems like it was meant to do this!

I also am looking and my precious new one wondering what I'll do if these are the last baby times....but he's also a carbon copy of my first in temperment and a very wonderful baby. My middle one is a spitfire and was a VERY challenging baby and i had ppd with her for a bit. So I kinda don't want to take a chance and have my last be another challenging baby when if we stopped here it would be so nice. I think i'll be continually evaluating it and it will really depend on the family dynamics a year from now. I'm one to want the kids close together, first were 22 months, second are 20 months so if we do it we'll do it again this time next year will be the timing to start trying. It's so hard to know what it right, especially if you love homebirthing and you love babies! At this point i just don't know. Right now the temperment thing is a biggie, but a year from now it could be something else that is more important. I don't know how I'd manage though with the type of morning sickness I get and a school age kid by then though. oldest dd would be in Kindergarten. that would be REALLY hard.
Fun to see what everyone else is thinking!
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#5 of 31 Old 07-01-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Our fourth as well, but we're considering having a fifth, or adoption. I'M still on the fence, DH is sure he's done.

The main reason it will probably be our last is the PPD I suffer with.
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#6 of 31 Old 07-01-2006, 11:27 AM
 
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we are so done. I am 35 now and this was a rough pregnancy for me as well.

Plus havng a baby is just plain exhausting.
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#7 of 31 Old 07-01-2006, 05:28 PM
 
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WE are done too. with only 2 kiddos to my credit, of course i have to dear step dd that are 14 and 17 so technically we have 4, and with the cost of living, its just not practical for us to have more.. I would love to carry another baby, I had beautiful pregnancies and births....so I am thinking about doing surrogacy eventually not right away by any means but once my littles grow a bit I may do that to experience it again and give that gift to someone who otherwise couldn't have children just my thoughts.
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#8 of 31 Old 07-02-2006, 11:31 PM
 
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Momto1... I"m a lot like you. Though dh always knew he wanted 2, i have always thought of 3. he wants a V as well, but as agreed to wait at least 3 years so we are totally sure. Occasionally i get him to agree that having a "big" family of 3 would be fun, but after days like today (driving 1.5 hours to visit his dad in the hospital, dd talking *the entire way* and ds fussy and having to pull over many, many times) it practically seals the deal of 2 only!

my births are amazing... i have such a birth high after, this time i was *convinced* that we had to have another. i do well at pregnancy, but this last one was exhausting and hard going after a toddler. i often hear that the 3rd is easier cause the first two have each other and you are already used to toting after 2, which is a big change from just 1.

logistically, well, 2 is so much easier. we would have to size up everything. money is an issue. i also think about working again... sigh. i dunno. my guess is we're done but i'm not willing to admit it or make anything permanant!

that being said, i am drinking in ds' babyhood as if it were the last.

I am a homeopath, offering acute and constitutional consultations for children, babies, and parents. Long-distance treatment is easy, either phone or skype! I also am certified to offer Homeoprophylaxis, a vaccine-alternative program. Message me for more details. www.concentrichealing.com
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#9 of 31 Old 07-02-2006, 11:59 PM
 
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According to dh, we're done but I'm not ready to agree just yet. He said we were done last time too though, it's not until after 18 months or so that he can imagine doing it again so maybe he will want one more later down the road. He just turned 44 though, so I can understand why he is ready to be done... but otoh, I'm only 25 and not ready to be done. :

Really though, neither of us intend to have anything permanent done and we only use condoms as BC since I won't do anything hormonal so who's to say we won't have a surprise someday. Just hopefully it won't be when I'm 40 and he's 58.
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#10 of 31 Old 07-03-2006, 05:20 AM
 
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Interesting that a lot of you moms would be interested in another baby but the dads are happy with what you have already. DH has always said he only wants one child. Philosophically, I agree completely (it seems all our environmental problems are a result of overpopulation). I loved pregnancy and birth and these first 7 weeks and woud hapily do it all again, but I'm also content with the experience I had being the only time I do it. So I guess I'm saying Phoebe will probably be our one and only!
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#11 of 31 Old 07-03-2006, 03:44 PM
 
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This was babe number #2 for me. We are not done. During the pregnancy, I toyed with the idea of having my tubes tied but wasn't 100% sure. Dh and I talked about it and we decided that 2 kids would be fine and if we are chosen to be blessed with a third, than that one will be it. Pregnancy is great for me other than a little morning sickness but delivery stinks. I have had 2 c-sections. I am hoping and praying that if I ever do get pregnant again that I will be able to find a VBAC doctor.
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#12 of 31 Old 07-03-2006, 03:57 PM
 
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right now, i feel like we are done, but I am not 100% sure. If I was, i would send DH for a V next week, and he would do it happily. He thinks we are done, and does not want to be parenting teenagers when he's 50, which I understand. One up side if we stop now is that when DD turns 18, we will only be 43 and will have an entire life ahead of us to enjoy grandchildren, travel (which he never got to do young, like I did) and just have time to ourselves.
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#13 of 31 Old 07-03-2006, 10:47 PM
 
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This is four for me, too, but I'm sure I'm done. Another difficult pregnancy, but I really feel done now!
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#14 of 31 Old 07-04-2006, 03:50 AM
 
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this is our third baby and our last and honestly my feelings are mixed. My dh had a V two weeks ago so three is it, at least for pregnancies. He thought two was enough but never got around to the big V before and well, just didn't come to the game prepared IYKWIM, so last summer on vacation, we got pg again. I was pleased though while I'd hoped to have three years between these two, it ended up being 26 mos. When I look down at this precious little nursling, I fantasize about being younger and wealthier so I could consider four, but this is fantasy. I am a bleeder and had my worst hemorrhage yet with this delivery and my MW was about to give me a lecture about not having any more babies when we informed her that dh had an apt for his V. So, the practical must win out here; I am the primary breadwinner in our family but my dh's job has the benefits so neither of us would stay home so we have daycare that is going to be in excess of $1000/mo. Yea, sobering.
Besides, dh has been working a lot of nights and while I thought there was a huge difference between one kid and two, that had really settled down now that they are old enough to play together and communicate with each other. But having an infant plus two older kids (4 and 2 y.o.) is hard especially if you are alone with them - I notice this most at dinner time and bed time when my nursling is fussiest (he's an amazing baby overall). There is just not enough of me to go around and it is very, very difficult during those hours to be the kind of mom I want to be; I have to resort to things like 20-30 minutes of tivo'd shows for the older kids and the bed time routine is anything but these days. I know I push the limit between 'motivators' and outright bribes!
Long answer, I know and remarkably, my first post during this whole adventure, though I've been lurking since the this forum started! I haven't even updated my signature to show my new addition (5/19/06).
Good luck wtih your choices, mamas!
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#15 of 31 Old 07-04-2006, 05:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ecoteat
Interesting that a lot of you moms would be interested in another baby but the dads are happy with what you have already. DH has always said he only wants one child. Philosophically, I agree completely (it seems all our environmental problems are a result of overpopulation). I loved pregnancy and birth and these first 7 weeks and woud hapily do it all again, but I'm also content with the experience I had being the only time I do it. So I guess I'm saying Phoebe will probably be our one and only!
I can't relate, although I REALLY want to. I never even wanted kids, but now I keep looking at the stuff I pack away that's too small and see pictures of me while I was pregnant and it makes me cry to think that I'll never experience this again. How do you do it?

Amy, mama to "Pumpkin" (DD1, 5/16/06) and "Squashy" (DD2, 7/10/09)
"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance"- Confucius
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#16 of 31 Old 07-09-2006, 04:13 PM
 
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We are done. This is my 4th and final. I had my tubes tied 2wks ago.
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#17 of 31 Old 07-09-2006, 06:34 PM
 
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DH says we are done, and that was always our plan (in fact, four kids was our original plan; I spent the better part of a year convincing DH to have #5), but right now, I'm having a very hard time with us being done. Just the mention of DH making an appt. to get a V makes me start bawling; it's really raw right now.

I'm sure my feelings have a lot to do with Sophia's extremely traumatic birth and the death of all the hopes and dreams I'd had for a healing homebirth. Add in adjusting to her having Down Syndrome, and I'm pretty much an emotional mess regarding this being our last baby, I'm afraid. For now, DH is being understanding, but I know he'd like to go get "snipped" in the near future. I just can't handle it yet.

On top of everything, I got AF today (11 wks. PP) -- this is an absolute record, with my last baby I didn't get it back until 13 mos. PP -- and it's putting all kinds of crazy one-more-baby thoughts into my head. Yikes! I need serious help!

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caffix.giftoddler.gifnocirc.gifBusy, grateful mama to: Kieran (12); Hanna (10); Cameron (8);
Charlotte (6);Sophie (5) Down Syndrome & so beautiful! brokenheart.gif(9/08), & rainbow1284.gifDuncan 8/26/09
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#18 of 31 Old 07-10-2006, 10:38 AM
 
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Just talked to DH, we are done.

Making appointment for the big V soon!
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#19 of 31 Old 07-10-2006, 08:14 PM
 
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Guinevere.. i just got AF too- at barely 8 wks. post partum!!

I am a homeopath, offering acute and constitutional consultations for children, babies, and parents. Long-distance treatment is easy, either phone or skype! I also am certified to offer Homeoprophylaxis, a vaccine-alternative program. Message me for more details. www.concentrichealing.com
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#20 of 31 Old 07-11-2006, 07:12 PM
 
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Hmmm... glad to see so many with the same feelings I have.

This was our 3rd, and I said all along that she would be our last. Although she was our 3rd c/s birth, we found a doctor who worked with us to make it a VERY SPECIAL event. The risks of a 4th pregnancy and c/s just seem too high for us to have a 4th, and I really felt during my pregnancy and recovery that my body was done. My DH is scheduled for the big V at the end of August, but still, I am sad that we are done. I am having difficulty thinking that we will not have another little one. Although I do not want to go through another c/s, I am sad that it was only for our 3rd that we found a GREAT doc who was willing to help us achieve the birth we were looking for. I keep thinking I should have him put it off for a bit. Ultimately, I know that we should not have another, however.
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#21 of 31 Old 07-11-2006, 11:45 PM
 
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Woo-hoo. Talked to DH tonite (actually he just made it a statement, really) that although he's pretty sure he won't change his mind on having #3, he's going to put off the Big V and is okay with me getting the non-hormonal IUD in the interim! That way, once Bean gets a little older (and me too (I just turned 35)), we can re-evaluate. I'm sooo happy..... :

I'm sorry for those of you that are feeling badly about not having any more. I hope my sharing my happiness doesn't seem overly selfish..
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#22 of 31 Old 07-12-2006, 07:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momto1and1ontheway
Woo-hoo. Talked to DH tonite (actually he just made it a statement, really) that although he's pretty sure he won't change his mind on having #3, he's going to put off the Big V and is okay with me getting the non-hormonal IUD in the interim! That way, once Bean gets a little older (and me too (I just turned 35)), we can re-evaluate. I'm sooo happy..... :

I'm sorry for those of you that are feeling badly about not having any more. I hope my sharing my happiness doesn't seem overly selfish..
Not at all. I am glad it is working out well for you.

Happy mama of four Wild Things
"And now," cried Max "let the wild rumpus begin!"
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#23 of 31 Old 07-12-2006, 01:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Momto1and1ontheway
Woo-hoo. Talked to DH tonite (actually he just made it a statement, really) that although he's pretty sure he won't change his mind on having #3, he's going to put off the Big V and is okay with me getting the non-hormonal IUD in the interim! That way, once Bean gets a little older (and me too (I just turned 35)), we can re-evaluate. I'm sooo happy..... :

I'm sorry for those of you that are feeling badly about not having any more. I hope my sharing my happiness doesn't seem overly selfish..
Well, I admit to being maybe a tad jealous. glad your dh is open to talking about it later!

But really, we may end up with #4 yet... dh has not wanted to talk about having another child until each baby was over a year old which is fine because I'd never want to ttc before 18-24mo anyway. I have hope... :
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#24 of 31 Old 07-12-2006, 01:37 PM
 
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i'm finding my *own* self on the fence... i love, love, loved my birth experience and i am drinking in this baby and i love the idea of a third and a bigger, more boistrous family but...

i think about another pregnancy...
another 2-3 years of bf'ing (beyond the 3 i'm in for with this ds, i assume)
having to go through "getting my body back"
putting off major projects, potential work etc...
the cost, logistical implications of a bigger family

the jump from 2 to 3 seems big... you need a bigger car, 2 bedrooms are really not sustainable (at least, not for us) not to mention saving for college, traveling (even to visit family far away, not vacations). i dunno. it's a much bigger decison than having 2. and dh is really not into it. he may change his mind when ds is bigger and be open to it, but i know he misses his time, reliable sleep, etc..

it's like i want the outcome, but the reality of making it happen holds me back. and it makes me sad that i can't just embrace all of it, you know?

sigh. i keep reminding myself that it's not like i need to decide today! at
this point, i at least have dh agreeing to not do the V until 3 years out.

I am a homeopath, offering acute and constitutional consultations for children, babies, and parents. Long-distance treatment is easy, either phone or skype! I also am certified to offer Homeoprophylaxis, a vaccine-alternative program. Message me for more details. www.concentrichealing.com
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#25 of 31 Old 07-12-2006, 04:01 PM
 
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I'm a fence rider too. I would love one more, but DH is ADAMANT about being done! And I see his points, I really do, but the thought of never being pregnant again, and never holding a precious newborn is too hard to realize, ya know?? So, more than likely, we're done, but we'll see. Also, I would have to be able to stop doing daycare if we were going to have another one. It was soooo hard being pregnant, sick, and tired, and taking care of all the other kids.

Busy Mama to three beautiful girls and loving wife to my hubby
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#26 of 31 Old 07-12-2006, 07:42 PM
 
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It depends on when you asked us...During pregnancy,we both said we're done.In fact I was done after #3 and tried to say it, but felt a strong impression of another boy.We have him now,but I'm not sure if we are done or not.We ARE done for this lifestyle.We cannot have more in this income bracket,or in this house.I may make a career of mothering though,and make $ sharing what I know through birth classes,birth photography,lactation consulting,doula work,writing,midwifery,etc...maybe daycare.If we can double our curent income,and move to a more ideal space,we can have a bunch more babies.I need to be able to afford a chiropractor,masseusse,and the ultimate healthy diet and mothers helper.I could see having another girl,and possibly more.(Dh is the 7th of 8 kids,and I am the 3rd of 7 kids.)We know a number of families with 8-10 kids...my mw has 10.We'll see.As things are now though,4 is way pushing it!

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#27 of 31 Old 07-21-2006, 12:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momto1and1ontheway
Woo-hoo. Talked to DH tonite (actually he just made it a statement, really) that although he's pretty sure he won't change his mind on having #3, he's going to put off the Big V and is okay with me getting the non-hormonal IUD in the interim! That way, once Bean gets a little older (and me too (I just turned 35)), we can re-evaluate. I'm sooo happy..... :
We just decided to put off the big V as well. I can't say that we will have another, but I am glad that we havethe option open. Making this decision has really taken a loadoff of my mind.
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#28 of 31 Old 07-26-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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We're done w/ our 2 boys. It's bittersweet, I guess, but makes sense for SOOO many reasons. Both my pregnancies ended w/ bedrest, and we very nearly lost Patrick at 29 wks, we can't financially afford another, we have ecological concerns that dictate 2 is enough, the list goes on. Someday we may adopt, but it isn't in the official plan right now.
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#29 of 31 Old 07-27-2006, 04:31 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newmainer
i'm finding my *own* self on the fence... i love, love, loved my birth experience and i am drinking in this baby and i love the idea of a third and a bigger, more boistrous family but...

i think about another pregnancy...
another 2-3 years of bf'ing (beyond the 3 i'm in for with this ds, i assume)
having to go through "getting my body back"
putting off major projects, potential work etc...
the cost, logistical implications of a bigger family

the jump from 2 to 3 seems big... you need a bigger car, 2 bedrooms are really not sustainable (at least, not for us) not to mention saving for college, traveling (even to visit family far away, not vacations). i dunno. it's a much bigger decison than having 2. and dh is really not into it. he may change his mind when ds is bigger and be open to it, but i know he misses his time, reliable sleep, etc..

it's like i want the outcome, but the reality of making it happen holds me back. and it makes me sad that i can't just embrace all of it, you know?

sigh. i keep reminding myself that it's not like i need to decide today! at
this point, i at least have dh agreeing to not do the V until 3 years out.
This is exactly where I am. Only dh is plenty open to 3. We just make gorgeous babies! But I think I'm just going to throw myself into parenting these two while they're very little and call it good. Quit while we're ahead. I don't like being pregnant and my body is taking a looong time to recover this time. I'm shocked that I'd even consider a third, but there are times when it's tempting...

Kat - mama to Clara (9/29/03): & Iris (5/30/06)
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#30 of 31 Old 07-28-2006, 01:19 PM
 
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I never thought I would say this but 4 may be all for us. Dh would go for 1 more but I am not dealing with the extra work so well as i hoped. I love giving birth like others have said and love baby land but the older kids need me and I am not able to be spread that thin. I guess I should post this in not the mom i want to be thread. But I think of another pregnancy as putting off my older kids that much longer as I was/am incredibly cranky this last pg and baby moon time. DH may be facing the big V (willingly of course).

Mom to 6 with #7 on the way Sept 2014
juicypakwan is offline  
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