dh feeling neglected - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 07-21-2006, 03:55 AM - Thread Starter
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Anyone else's dh feeling neglected in the boudoir? Ds is 2mos. exactly and dh and I have not yet resumed any 'activities'. I have absolutely zero interest which he doesn't exactly get b/c ds is so different from our older kids in that he sleeps great at night and thus I am not as exhausted as I was when my older kids were infants. Don't get me wrong, dh is not being a jerk about it; he's more sulky and always trying to come up with a way to get me in the mood - nice dinner, backrub, etc. My doc, who I saw today for ds's 2 mos check said its hormonal and will eventually pass - but she said the big hormones right now are for/from bf'ing which I just won't alter. Advice? Suggestions? I know I am being the best mom I can be to my kids, but I also know I am not being the best wife I can be to dh and this will likely become harder when I go back to work next month. I am definately touched out by days end and just can't be bothered but dh's despair and puppy dog eyes are seriously guiltafying.
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#2 of 6 Old 07-21-2006, 11:32 AM
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We've DTD but we are not nearly near our "normal" (which normally isn't enough for me )... I think it helps to be on the same page so he understands that it IS temporary. Sometimes planning ahead helps too, he can help you get the kids to bed and let you take a bath or something to relax and maybe then you'll feel a little less touched out and more in the mood.

Course, look at me talk... dh and I are in a funk right now, but it has nothing to do with anything but MIL.
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#3 of 6 Old 07-24-2006, 04:16 AM
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For some reason I'm more in the mood this time, but I think it's because I'm not working outside the home and this baby sleeps like a champ. But when we finally tried I was super dry. And since this is never a problem for me the only KY we had in the house expired in 2003. We remedied that right away.

I decided to add a little soy to my diet because it has estrogenic effects. I have no idea if this will do anything, as I just came up with this on my own, but we'll see.

And sorry if this is TMI, but I decided to, um, save it all for dh instead of taking care of business myself on occasion, which helps keep my desire up. Or really, it wasn't so much of a decision but my vibrator is broken and when would I have a private moment anyway?

Hang in there. Maybe, if he really is being super nice and giving you backrubs, you can just go through the motions, and hey, maybe it will get you back in the groove. At least that's what a lot of therapists suggest--just do it, with low expectations, so you don't have this "we haven't done it in 2 months" thing hanging over your head.

Kat - mama to Clara (9/29/03): & Iris (5/30/06)
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#4 of 6 Old 07-24-2006, 10:54 AM
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For me, breastfeeding makes me have ZERO desire. I had it with all 3 girls, after about 6 months or so, it starts to come back again. Yikes, not very supportive, huh??!!!

Busy Mama to three beautiful girls and loving wife to my hubby
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#5 of 6 Old 07-24-2006, 12:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Sydnee
For me, breastfeeding makes me have ZERO desire. I had it with all 3 girls, after about 6 months or so, it starts to come back again. Yikes, not very supportive, huh??!!!
Same here, except my libido doesn't return until AF does, usually around the one year mark. Ugh. I think we've only done it 2x in the last 9 weeks. Pathetic, I know.

~~Kristina~~ Mama to DS(10/30/01), DD1(VBAC 3/28/04) and DD2(HBAC 5/21/06)
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#6 of 6 Old 07-25-2006, 11:15 AM
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3 times in the past 4 weeks, woo-hoo! A far cry from four or five times a week to be sure. Since AF came back the desire's there more than it was but I really gotta work at it! We're gonna have to start getting creative over here doggonit. My poor DH... Can you find some cuddle time alone with your DH? See where it takes you? I wouldn't put too much pressure on though. I'd say just go for it!

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