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#1 of 18 Old 03-16-2006, 11:22 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm not sure about anyone else but I'm swimming in fears. I have a fear of my son being breech and being forced to have a scheduled C-Section. I'm afraid that he's going to be so big that I'm going to tear. I'm afriad that I'm not even going to know when I'm in labor. I'm going to be sitting on the couch fixing to have this baby and not even know it... (I know.... NOT going to happen) I'm scared that my husband wont be here when I do go into labor and I'm going to be alone and not know who to call first, my mom or his??? His mom is closer, but my mom is well.... my mom...

Is anyone else starting to freak out??

And YES this is my first child...
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#2 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 12:07 AM
 
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I think I'm most afraid of pushing the baby out. That was my big fear the last time too, and not to scare andyone, but I'm even more afraid of it now that I know what it feels like!
I'm also afraid this one will be as fast (or faster) than my last and we won't get the tub filled in time, or worse, I'll go into labor far from home and will have the baby in the car. I keep having dreams I wake up in the middle of the night and feel a head about to come out (painlessly though!) and I scream at Kolby to wake up and squat down on the floor by the bed and catch the baby before he even gets a chance to help me.
I'm afraid something will go wrong in labor and I'll have to be transferred, even though my mw said I've got about a half percent chance of that.
I'm super afraid with all the contractions I've been having the baby will come early and I'll lose my homebirth... which may be silly too cuz I had contractions like this with Juels and went into my 41st week.
I'm scared, of course, something will be wrong with the baby. I'm scared of loving another person as much as I love Juels, because now I have 2 little people who I don't know how I'd survive if I lost. I'm scared of being a mommy x2... I'm still not used to being a mommy of 1!
Here's an odd one, I'm not scared of how big the baby will be as far as pushing him out, in fact I'm trying to beat my last record of 9 pounds 4 ounces... but I AM afraid that my belly won't be able to stretch enough for him to fit in there. I am so huge and so uncomfotable alrady, and I've only gained 13 pounds... last time I gained 50, how on earth did I do that!!!!
There are many many more, but these are the main ones!

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#3 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 01:01 AM
 
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I'm also afraid of the pushing stage, more than anything. With my last labor I showed up at the midwife dialated to 8, she checked and felt FEET, I had an emergency c-section 40 minutes later and was dialated to 10, but never pushed. So it's like the one thing that I never experienced... in some ways I was very sad about that but lately I've been fearing it!

Oh, and of course I'm afraid this one will be breech too, and that I'll have to schedule a c-section, and I'll never even get to go into labor, which I actually loved, and had very little pain with.

To others afraid of breech: It's very rare. Only 2-3% of all babies are breech.

Mama to 3 kids. We live in a yurt!
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#4 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 01:47 AM
 
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I'm terrified of breech mostly. Of course that's probably because DS was (he flipped at the last minute though). I'm a VBAC, so I'm scared of all the little things that could come up that will rule me out for it here(being before 37 weeks or after 41, breech etc...). I'm really scared that my body will freak out and I'll get high BP even though that wasn't of any concern last time. Basically, I just have fears of having bad luck as far as this vbac goes. Like, I'm convinced that after everything that went wrong last time, something is bound to go wrong this time. I just know how hard it was last time and how upset I was about it and I just don't know if or how I can hadle it all again if I do end up with another c-section.

I'm also pretty scared of having two in general. I can hardly handle the one I've got.. how on earth am I going to do this!!??

Oh, and I had chronic low milk supply last time resorting in FTT. I still managed to EBF until 18 months though. But, I fear having to go through that again.

I just really want a "break" this time kwim?
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#5 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 11:23 AM
 
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I'm actually not afraid of the labor and delivery part of this whole experience, even though I'm planning a home birth, so no pain killer, which everyone I know thinks is *insane*. The part I'm worried about is after she's here. What do I do? I missed the infant stage with DD1 and DD2, because I didn't come in to their life until they were 3 1/2 and 18 months, respectively. While I've gotten lots of toddler practice thanks to them, I missed the baby stuff. Plus, what if my milk doesn't come in? Or I can't soothe her and she screams all day?

My fears are definitely more centered around not being competent than they are around the remainder of the pregnancy or the delivery. I've been told since I was 15 that I am "built to birth babies." I'm very lucky...I have wide hips, and my "system", as my first gyno called it, is perfectly symmetrical and dead center.

And what if I end up with PPD? There's a history of depression in my family, and while I've never experienced it myself, I'm terrified that I will have it after she's born.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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#6 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 12:39 PM
 
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I think all the fears stated here are justified. Esp for your first time birthers, its the fear of the unknown and for the repeaters its the fear of what you know!

I think that horrid book "what to expect.." that came out about 20 years ago and was the "bible" of birthing for so many years since it was handed out in obs offices, some insurance companies send it to you, plus friends and sisters passing it on to their expecting friends have reaked havoc on birthing in general.

Even though you may or may not have read it, it really gives a scary persona to birth and baby life with its follow up titles and it is ingrained in so many heads now, its normal to share "birthing horror stories" as we have talked about in the past. I mean how many of us have gotten gory details about another mama's birth and she didn't talk about that beautiful baby she got as a result? I remember reading that when expecting dd1 since my sil passed it on to me and it listed things about this and that plus had chapters on what could go wrong and man it can get the wheels turning! I ended up throwing it in the garbage about week 20 or so

The birth I just had with MAggie was nothing like I wanted and scary for the most part- but I got my Maggie and it may be a rollar coaster but I won't trade her for anything! I think if things worked differently, I would have my baby panic attack right in the next few weeks- when you think in your head "wait a minute, this baby has to come out!"

The only thing I can suggest is try to talk to different mamas who will tell you all the wonderful things about the birth or read some birth stories on this website to help you. Even the births that turn out differently than planned there are many wonderful things that happen.

Also one of the great things about breast feeding is the hormones running thru mama as she produces milk. It helps her to heal and view things positively- kind of like me right now so that should help. But if you're worried about feeling overwelmed after the birth and you have every right to feel that way, talk to your m/w ob about ppd concerns now and your partner as well so you both can look for signs after the baby comes.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#7 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 01:20 PM
 
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I'm worried about his cord being so short. my daughters cord was so short when she came out they could only put her in the crease of my thigh/pelvic area . I think i'm gonna bring up the cord issue at my next appt. when i asked about it after her birth the midwife said its normal umm yet everything only talks about placental abruption cause short cords and all the stupid pregnancy books say their cords should be as long as their bodys. I'm worried about starting to hemerroage again that was scary i didnt loose a lot of blood but it seemed like it took the nurse forver to get my uterus to stop getting boggy, and i think i was also given a shot to help it not get boggy again after them pushing on my stomache got it to firm up.

I'm also terrified of being pushed into a Induction or a c-section



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#8 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 04:11 PM
 
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I am afraid of a VBAC or a c-section. I'm afraid my uterus will rupture during VBAC and I hated having a c-section with such a long recovery time and pain I can't possibly go through that again. So I am afraid of birthing period! I just want my little boy here with me without having to go through the birth part.

Mama to one sweet princess Alexis 8/01/03 and expecting a boy 6/22/06
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#9 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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I am scared of dilating through my weeks of contractions so that by the time I go into labor (I was 5 cm when real labor started with dd2) I am so far along my dh can't make it home (he works 45 min-1 hour away, depending on traffic).
I am scared of the baby dying.
I am scared of my uterus not cramping down and losing blood and feeling so weak like with dd1.
I am scared of everyone ganging up on me so I feel guilty about leaving the hospital so soon after the birth.

The things I have been scared about has changed with each child. With dd1 I was petrified of tearing. After a 4th and a 3rd degree tear, I am not afraid of that anymore. But with them I wasn't afraid of the baby dying, I just never thought about it, and now that is my biggest fear.

There are more, but those are the big ones.

Mommy to 2 dds, 1 angel, and Baby Lovebug edd 6/16/06

Lisa, mom to M : 6/02, R : 6/04, m/c 6/8/05, L 6/06, and E 8/07
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#10 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 07:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mearaina
I am scared of the baby dying.
I am scared of my uterus not cramping down and losing blood and feeling so weak like with dd1.
I am scared of everyone ganging up on me so I feel guilty about leaving the hospital so soon after the birth.

Mommy to 2 dds, 1 angel, and Baby Lovebug edd 6/16/06
I know these feelings. I think one of my biggest fears this time with Maggie was telling DD1 if something went wrong. How would she feel was my biggest concern.

I hope you recover well this time and stay at the hospital as long as needed! Who ganged up on you? Family? Drs and staff?

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#11 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 07:31 PM
 
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I'm afraid my VBAC will fail, and I'll have another C/S.
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#12 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 09:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st
Who ganged up on you? Family? Drs and staff?
With my dds I was more mainstream and just did what I was told. Somewhere between dd2 and this baby I have left mainstream behind and am doing what I am comfortable with. however, with this one I have made it clear that if everything goes well I want to be discharged the same day as the birth, or the next morning if it is at night. Dh is supportive, but Mom, MIL, doctors, everyone else makes me feel like this terrible person at worst (what if you or the baby has a problem?) or, at best, crazy (Just rest at the hospital!!!). This is my first time to buck the system and I just hope that I don't crack. The doctors say that they worry that I won't get enough rest at home (umm, okay. My own bed in my own environment with my family and pets around me, or the hospital. Hmmm, let's think...). Just because I will be at home doesn't mean I'm going to run a marathon. Family members just think I am crazy. But my dd's need me and I don't want to be apart from them any longer then necessary. I would homebirth in a minute if it wouldn't be for the fact that I had such bleeding trouble with dd1. As of now, dh supports me with everything EXCEPT a homebirth, so I will do what he wants and ignore everyone else (I hope).

Lisa, mom to M : 6/02, R : 6/04, m/c 6/8/05, L 6/06, and E 8/07
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#13 of 18 Old 03-17-2006, 10:19 PM
 
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Well, I am afraid of breech (though I would definitely try to turn the baby). But mostly I am afraid of how I will be at the mercy of others in the hospital. I liked laboring at home and when I came to the hospital I was 7cm dilated. But they kept telling me three times (!!!) that I was not in labor (because I kept breathing through the contractions) and when they finally condescended to do an exam all hell broke lose (water broke, meconium, internal fetal monitoring, his heart rate wasn't too great, vacuum extraction, umbilical cord around his neck, but still a 9 on the apgar score, and that in CO!). So, I felt rather helpless during the whole thing and having been threatened by a c-section (without good reason I think) by the Doc (stupid woman, if it is not imminent, don't mention anything drastic like that, I believe at least) I pushed him out like I am supposed to win a medal for record time or some such thing...

So, having labored so well at home I am scared that I won't make it to the hospital in time (about 40 min away). Well, now we have a bigger bathtub .

I bet everything is going to be okay, I mean, looking at DS birth, I think we did not do too badly, out of 12h of labor only the last 2 1/2 were not so good (when we went to the hospital). So, minus the time it took to finally see a Doc I would even say that it was only 1 1/2 (despite pre-registration it took forever to sign all the consent forms and excuse me, what's up with talking about a living will with a woman in labor???).
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#14 of 18 Old 03-18-2006, 05:30 AM
 
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I read through all these post, and I thin k to myself that tis is good that these women are naming their fears and then I think about what will happen during labor when these fears arrise and start to bully their way into the blessed event. I would highly suggest that everyone find themselves a Doula, especally the woman with worries about PPD. Doulas are wonderful women, if you dont know about them look up DONA, that Doulas of North America. These are gifted women who are such valuable assets to laboring women, they should be a mandatory part of the birth team. As soon as I found out I was preggers I though of who I wanted as my Doula, then I thought of a Midwife. I have observed 15 births, some I have been able to just observe, some I was more active and became somewhat of a doula to those women (something I really injoyed). I have heard many stories about the great help and support a doula is to a laboring woman. I too am scaird, scaird of the unknown but I know that I will be able to rest my head on my doulas sholder and she will comfort me and I will be able to get through my fears. DH is a great support but he has never had a baby, nor seen a baby born excpt on TV and well I just feel better supported by a doula and a midwife (mine happens to be doula trained also) I am very greatful for my team and I would be able to get through this without them. Also try reading a book called "Birthing from Within" this has helped many a woman with her fears about birth. Its a highly recomended book.

My fear, honestly the biggest fear I have is of hemrroids and the baby coming out with its head position wrong. I watched this sweet girl give birth to a baby that was coming out with the left back side of its head first and from pusing so hard she had the worst case of hemrroids I can imagine ever existed. I felt so sorry for her she had to be in such pain afterwards. this is my biggest fear...its funny because compared to everything else its just Hemrroids for crying out loud, as long as the baby is health what should I worry about, but that is it, hemrroids! gawd I hate them......
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#15 of 18 Old 03-18-2006, 05:47 AM
 
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You know whats wierd? With my first I really didn't have any fears (and I'm normally a very anxious person), I mean not even a healthy amount of fear. I know at the time even that it wasn't normal to have no concern at all. Of course, I was a bit scared of what labor pain would feel like since I'd always been told I wouldn't be able to handle it, but toward the end I was more excited than scared. Even after I switched to a homebirth 3 weeks before my due date I had no fear! (Actually I switched to a HB because I did have some fears about having the baby in the car and the car breaking down as it was prone to do.)

This time, I've thought of just about everything possible to worry about... maybe its just cuz I'm older now and more realistic... maybe cuz I'm more aware of the fact that there's a REAL baby in there... I dunno, but the contrast is amazing.

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#16 of 18 Old 03-18-2006, 03:55 PM
 
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I have some fears, too. I think it's good to share them, talk about them, and work through them. Hopefully it will help us all to face them

My main ones are:
- the birth itself. With Boo I was in labor for over 48 hours, then given pitocin around 4 am (awful stuff!) and she was born just before 8. I've always wondered if I could have done it on my own if I had just been given a few more hours, you know? I *try* not to live in the past or with regrets, but in some ways I feel like I went that far all on my own and then didn't get to cross the finish line, you know? I really, really don't want pitocin this time and am putting some hope in the fact that most 2nd births happen faster then 1st births ...

- going from the mother of one to the mother of two. After almost 4 and a half years, and really - it took us almost 2 years for this second pregnancy - thinking that Boo would be our only child ... it is going to be such a big change. A wonderful, welcome change ... but with any change comes some fears and my biggest one is that Boo will feel left out. She's had so much upheavel and change in her life in this past year with all that we have gone through as a family in losing my father-in-law to cancer ... I worry about what this will mean to her a lot ... and I worry about just the day to day living arrangment ... can I adapt? Can I handle more than one child? I'm sure the day will come when I'm finding this worry really funny, but for now it's very real to me.

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#17 of 18 Old 03-18-2006, 06:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KnittingKara
and I worry about just the day to day living arrangment ... can I adapt? Can I handle more than one child? I'm sure the day will come when I'm finding this worry really funny, but for now it's very real to me.
Same here! Mine will only be 21 months apart, so I'm starting to get very nervous about the day to day life with two. My son is still nursing (has actually stepped up his requests lately) and I worry about nursing two (but in a weird way sort of look forward to it, too...). I guess I worry more about what I'll do when BOTH want to be held, and BOTH are upset at the same time, and it's only me at home. I'm going to be asking for lots of help, that's for sure!!

I do think it's very healthy to voice our fears about birth and caring for a newborn. I think it's when these fears stay inside and start eating away at us that they become unhealthy, and possibly interfere with birth. It's so good to talk about them, and I forced myself to tell DH everything I was afraid of with my first birth, and I cried several times, but it was sooooo good. And I ended up having, like, SUCH an easy labor, it was crazy!

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#18 of 18 Old 03-18-2006, 07:41 PM
 
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. I guess I worry more about what I'll do when BOTH want to be held, and BOTH are upset at the same time, and it's only me at home. I'm going to be asking for lots of help, that's for sure!!
I am thinking of that alreday too! Mainly because it seems whenever I go to pump, dd1 could come out of no where and need a thousand things but was fine before that. Or start crying about something.

BUT

Today when she went with me to the hospital, she was great. When I had Maggie in Kangeroo care (really cool example in this months mothering btw)
she was fine and sat next to me singing to Maggie. She wanted to hold her but was fine when we said she could not. When Liz sang to Maggie, Maggie would respond!!! I was in Mommy heavan with my 2 girls! But I hope that keeps up since we will be wearing Maggie a lot!

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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