Argueee! the pressure of etiquette...any Mrs. Post out there that can help me...I have about 3 months to go.
This time a friend from church offered to do it, and my sister offered as well (don't know where she was with #1!). They both insist I just CAN'T do it myself. Actually, I don't even want one this time, but they insist I NEED one.
Also, I DO NOT do hen parties! My last shower included men, and this one will too. I'm inviting men, women, and children. And I will not allow any silly shower games either... oooh no! We're having a BBQ!
I, personally, would not do it after the baby is born. You're right, its just too stressful. I really don't think its healthy for babies to be passed around from one person to the next, or to have so much commotion going on. I didn't even let my own mother come over till 5 days after dd was born, and I was reluctant to have visitors even that early.
I say, do what you want to do. I know that according to the new wedding etiquette it is now perfectly acceptable to thow out all tradition and mold the wedding to your own personal liking, I don't see why showers of any sort should be any different. As for me, I'm not out to impress anyone. Its MY baby, MY shower, MY day... I'm doing it MY way!
Holly, eternally in love with Kolby, Raising Juelie Anise (10y), Behnjamin Shen (6y), and Coen Syaoran (4y). Expecting June 2013
My MIL threw the family "women only" scary shower (which actually turned out pretty cool). I was in on the surprise -- she did all the inviting and organizing, and I hooked her up with my grandmother for some free space in my gram's church, because she didn't know where to have it that would have enough room for all the women in our combined families and ended up asking me for help.
We threw our own friends shower in our apartment a couple weeks later. It was a more relaxed "open house" all day party, men and women invited.
We chose to do it this way because the guys in our families would have been extremely uncomfortable at a baby shower, and inviting them plus our friends would have put the invite list over 70 -- WAY larger than anything we wanted. The women in our family wanted to do their thing, so we let them, but for family only, and that gave us the freedom to do our own thing with our friends, many of whom would have been really disappointed to be left out just because they happen to be guys.
The big lesson I learned in the whole adventure? If you have any kind of event at your house and people offer to help clean up afterward -- LET THEM! I had been cleaning like a mad woman all weekend, which I figured was just because people were coming over. So when they offered to help tidy up afterward, I said no because I figured I'd just do it myself since I had all this energy. The very next morning I woke up, stood up, and my water broke. And that was that. I don't think we actually cleaned up after that party until dd was 4 months old, when we moved out of the apartment.
One thing my group of playgroup friends does for a mom having another baby- a dinner shower. We bring a made meal with directions on heating it up already frozen to the mom. We surprise her at a playgroup with it. We aim to have at least 5 ready meals for the week. Also we will pitch in for a large gift certificate to babies r us etc. I have seen also gift certificates for a pregncy massage as well or a beauty day at the mamas local place she goes to.
For the new mamas I pick something off their registry or if I see like a pump on the list, I will give her the Womany Art and pads for her bra.
My favorite gift was for the mama- a new parent basket. I put in breast pads, hand santizer (to leave at the door for those visitors who do not listen to the leave us alone guidleines), organic diaper ointments and organic shampoos etc, a list of LLL, poison control, Drs numbers etc lamentated, safety plugs, nursing tea, and they are wrapped in prefolds that I sewed pink or blue fabric ribbon on the seams. These can be diapers or funky burp cloths whatever suits her.
I have changed it to suit the parents before too.
MY dh received a shower at his work with dd1 and this time they gave him for Maggie- 5 $20 gift certificates to a local place for dinner. Whenever there is an expectant baby, they have some sort of shower and have a lunch for the honoree.
I do know that one of my sils did not want a shower with her baby. They registered for 5 things to ward off it but my mil wanted her to have one.
Besides, you will get sooo many gifts after the baby comes anyhow.
Also, my jewish friends tell me that in their tradition you have the shower AFTER the baby is born. I asked when her shower was after her little guy was born.
My plan is to have an open house type thing... BBQ, beverages and have people come and go. It also keeps from having a million people call and want to come over.... We can see them all at the same time.
Besides, we really have everything we need for a newborn, and by the time we have the party we'll know exactly what we need, if someone asks.
As for before the baby comes, I am definitley having a birth blessing.
Mamato Ruby Violet (6 with autism) and someone who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.
i've had 4 babies. with dd1 there were 4 showers planned, one by my MIL, one by my mom, one by my friend and one by a co-worker - delivering 5 weeks early, i only ended up having 2 of them. that said, they were all 'volunteered' showers - i didn't have to hint.
i agree with Amy - it's better NOT to know - otherwise you end up with all clothing...especially if it's a all-woman party and you're having a girl...who can resist those outfits?
with dd2 and dd3 i don't think i had anything, but with dd2 i refused to tell anyone we knew we were having a girl b/c i didn't want anymore girl things. with dd3, we spilled the beans on the girl thing, by that point i had so much stuff, i didn't need anything else, so it was all gravy...
since i had dd3, i've gotten a whole new set of friends and have thrown 3 blessingways for them so this time around one of them is throwing a blessingway for me. i'm excited for that since it's such a different thing than a shower.
as for hinting...i don't know what to say...if my mom or sister were near by, i wouldn't hint, i'd just outright ask them to host something for me. if i had a really good friend, same thing...if not, well, i'd probably just hope for the best...i'd hate to put anyone else 'on the spot'
WOHM married to SAHD, living the dream w/our: 3 girls (14,12,10) and 3 boys (7,5,3) and tie-breaker due Jan 2014
Personally I love the "sign up to bring the new family a premade dinner" list. I'd take that over a shower any day!!
Personally, I don't think it's an issue at all for your immediate family to have a shower for you. I would never throw one for myself, but I live in the south and that's a huuuuge no-no. But, I would have no problem with my mom or sister having one for me
This time, I seriously hope I get one. Mostly because there's some things I need, especially things that family would buy for me like a double stroller, extra carseat, cloth diapers, dresser, and things that got overused like baby health kits, socks, etc... I've made it VERY clear that I do *not* want clothes!! I've got tons and tons of clothes because I'll have two boys both born in nearly the same birth month. And, I prefer co-ed showers too. I like for my DH to be there and it helps if he's got his friends coming too.
I come from a large family. Because of this crappy advice, my family, six sisters, a mother, etc. never threw me a baby shower. My friends held back thinking that my family would throw me a shower. Great!
Oh, well, I am not the shower kind of mother any way. I did have a shower, postpartum, for my third baby. Thank you!
"It is hard to imagine a more stupid or dangerous way of making decisions than by putting these decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong."