Guess what? I AM THE ONE NAMING THIS CHILD!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 04:22 PM - Thread Starter
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Maybe I'm wrong.... Please tell me if I'm being overly irratated with this. My husband and I are planning on naming our first son Zachary. (He is due June 9th) I have loved the name since I was little. However, my mother in law is calling him Zach. : She refuses to call him Zachary. I am the one naming this child, why dont you ask me before you start calling him something different??? The further along in my pregnancy I get, the more irratated I become with the thoughts of him growing up thinking his name is Zach. Should I just save time and ink and name him Zach since thats what EVERYONE ELSE wants?? My husband thinks its silly to get so upset about it. He says that most people want to shorten it. He says at some point he'll probably call him Zach... which is fine but my goodness... LET ME HAVE MY 3 MONTHS OF ZACHARY BEFORE EVERYONE AROUND ME CHOOSES TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO ZACH!!! Is that so hard for everyone to do??

Is it just me or is anyone else becoming less and less understanding during their pregnancy???

I'm trying so hard to be nice but I'm loosing my patients... Please someone, tell me I'm not alone!
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#2 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 04:32 PM
 
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Oh, I so know how you feel! I have a Lillian and a Jackson...according to my in-laws, they are Lilly and Jack. I don't mind calling the nickname, but accept that the full name is________. I think the only way around it is to name something with NO nickname at all.....

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#3 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 04:33 PM
 
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Oh, I so know how you feel! I have a Lillian and a Jackson...according to my in-laws, they are Lilly and Jack. I don't mind calling the nickname, but accept that the full name is________. I think the only way around it is to name something with NO nickname at all.....

~C~
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#4 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 05:10 PM
 
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oh, I hear you ! I have ZERO patience this pregnancy and feel like I have to watch my mouth all the time :

heck, I still get irked at one of Chris' relatives who calls my daughter, named Jillian, "Jill-IN" .... um, nope, it's "Jill-E-in" 3 syllables and she's been around for almost 5 years and NO ONE else pronounces her name like that :

C, do you get this with your Lillian? Like, do people call her "Lil-IN"?

Chris and I have been going around and around about the name thing ... I actually, in a moment of supreme maturity, told him "shut up, I'll name this kid whatever I want I'm the one bringing him into this world" : (oh, yeah, that wasn't embarrassing at all to have to apologize for later ...)

pregnancy hormones and zero patience ... quite a combo, eh?

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#5 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
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Oh I understand completely. I've almost bitten off so many heads for the stupidest things... I went from nice (well some of the time) to biotch all the time. I try not to but dang, I'm getting fat, My feet are swollen, my wedding rings are cutting off circulation and I want my child named AND CALLED Zachary not Zach... so everyone just BACK OFF!!

I ask my husband all the time, "Do you want to carry this child? Because your welcome to any day of the week!!!"
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#6 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 06:46 PM
 
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I've been super angry the last few days. I almost gutted my sister-in-law last night for a few "helpful" suggestions she made. I feel your pain! We're trying to stay away from names with nickname potential. It's hard. You could correct everyone every time they say it, and maybe they'll get the hint. But if not your MIL, it'll be teachers or kids at school. People do this to adults too. My friend introduces himself as James, and he says a good 75% of the time people say "Hi JIM!" I do think it's rude, but people are somehow trained that it's a friendly thing to do. It would make me mad too.
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#7 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 06:50 PM
 
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I know what you mean! That's why I wouldn't tell anyone what I was naming her until she was born! (My dd was due June 9, but got here June 8 instead!!! wonderful day!!!!)
Anywhoo, you have to be firm about their name, I have learned, My DD is Lilly Grace, that is her first full name, it isn't Lilly, she is Lilly Grace, and her middle name is Marie, I constantly correct people! So, I'd encourage you to do the same!
Hang in there!!!
Hugs mama!!!
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#8 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 06:52 PM
 
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I'm not pregnant so I'm not in your ddc but I couldn't help but post. I SOOOOO understand where you are coming from!!!! I racked my brain for a name that couldn't be shortened because I HATE it when names get shortened. Thankfully the name we chose and are over heels in love with can't be shortened. We did end up giving her a nickname but it still includes her full name.

My brother is named Zachary and everyone calls him Zack. It bugs him. He's asked people to call him Zacjary and they do now. So maybe ask that they do that.

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#9 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 07:12 PM
 
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I'll be the voice of dissent, but not because I'm not a pissy pg woman - I definitely am that

I just don't think it's worth getting upset over. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal (that's IMO of course!) You call him Zachary, she calls him Zach - it can be grandma's little pet name...you gotta pick your battles in life and this one just isn't worth it...don't sweat the small stuff, yk? If someone calls him Zach, you can gently correct them, "actually it's Zachary" but then I'd let it go...I don't think people do things like that to be intentionally offensive, yk?

I am so guilty of using the shortened version of people's names. When I'm teaching my college classes, I always say, please tell me if you want to be a Michael or a Jennifer b/c otherwise you're likely to get shortened...I don't know why I do that, but it almost happens unconciously. I certainly don't intend to be offensive and I don't think others do in most circumstances.

For instance, I have a good friend who always calls and introduces my youngest as Isabella...well, she's Isabel. Whenever she introduces her, I always say, "actually it's just Isabel" but this friend still calls her and introduces her as Isabella and writes her name that way. This friend is not trying to be offensive or not listen to me, she just seems to have some disconnect in her brain when it comes to Isabel's name so I let it go...what's the big deal, my dd3 is 3yo and doesn't know the difference.

I think especially since your MIL is going to be "grandma" that makes it even more important she be able to make her own connection with your son and perhaps she feels she's doing that by using the nickname Zach. I know my dad loves to call my Isabel "Izzy" - I don't really care for it and it's nothing I would pick out as a nickname, but he really gets joy out having that be his "pet name" for her, yk? Now if dd3 grows up and "Izzy" bothers her, I'd encourage her to gently tell grandpa she'd rather be "Isabel" (or anyone else who nicknames her for that matter) but for now, it's something special my dad came up with. My ILS are Spanish, so they use the pet form of all my girls names: Carmencita, Isabelita, they'll call the new baby Miguelito I'm sure ... but that's not a good example b/c I like all those nicknames

I guess I just am more sympathetic to grandparents having nicknames...but don't get me wrong...I was not a "sympathetic" daughter-in-law with my first babe. I've definitely softened with time...

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#10 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 07:39 PM
 
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You have every right to be upset I flat out told my mil and everyone else not to call my son Nate you can call him Nathan but not Nate. Ive been luckey though they respect my wishes.

Mom to  Rachel 15 Kimberly 12 Chloe 10 and Nathaniel 8
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#11 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 07:47 PM
 
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I would let her know that you would appriciate her calling him Zachary. But then again they will probably call him baby for a year anyway.

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#12 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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Ok, I hate hate hate shortened names.
My name is CANDICE. Not Candy! Now, my mom braced for that problem and nipped it in the bud for me as a child. She also did not want anyone to shorten my name. So, any time someone called me Candy... no matter who it was... she politely told them "Actually, her name is Candice and I would prefer it if you called her that." That way, when I ended up hating the idea of being called Candy later in life, I had the confidence to tell people the same thing "I'm sorry, but my name is Candice." Needless to say, I don't have many problems with it. Certainly not with people who've met me before.

So, I say... if you don't want him called Zach, just keep repeating it over and over until someone gets the hint. It will take time and they may get aggravated with you, but it's your child.

My sisters friend has a brother named Lindsey (after his dad) well, his maternal grandmother decided she hated that name so she "re-named" him Kyle (totally random btw). I think it's positively ridiculous. She had no right to do so, but she called him that so much it eventually caught on.
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#13 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 08:28 PM
 
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First of all, Lily and Jack... aren't they the characters in "Legend"?

Secondly, I'm naming my son Logan. No nicknames, right? Wrong. My mother loves the fact that (before we knew the sex) I called him "alien tadpole". So she's gonna call him Tad.

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#14 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 08:37 PM
 
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If you call him Zachary, and correct people, they will fall into line. Maybe not inlaws, but everyone else will. I have friend who's son is Nicholas (not Nick), worked with a Patrick, Douglas, (not Pat or Doug)- also knew a Michael (not mike, which was hard for me b/c I have several mikes in my family, including my dad and brother). I know another person who's son is Matthew (not Matt) and another who's son is Patrick, not pat.

It IS done. I tend to shorten names until I asked one friend if he was ok with the shortened version. I had been calling him that and it never occured to me to ask. He said he preferred his given name, even though he didn't correct me for the first 2 months I knew him.

My dd is Katlyn, not Katie or Kay. But, my Jacob is Jacob OR Jake. I follow the lead of how someone is introduced to me.

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#15 of 26 Old 03-20-2006, 08:46 PM
 
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My Dd is Alora people think it is laura and the new baby due end of may will be Athena watch people will call her tina.
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#16 of 26 Old 03-21-2006, 04:18 AM
 
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I don't mind nicknames per se. My Dad wanted to name me Mandy, my mom said she needs to have a full name not a nickname on her birth certificate. So the choices were Samantha and Amanda. Neither wanted Amanda so Samantha it was. I went by Mandy until I was in high school, then I just felt like I was 8 years old everytime the teachers called me Mandy. Soo, my sophmore year I no longer "corrected" them on the first day of school that it wasn't Samantha it was Mandy. Within a short time my name was quickly became "Sam". My Dad never did stop calling me Mandy until the day he died. Now most people call me Sam, my DH calls me Sam (its almost odd to hear him call me Samantha its so rare). I do introduce myself as Samantha and sign most stuff as Samantha but it gets shortened by most people and I really don't mind.

My DH is David. Not Dave, David. He honestly doesn't care for Dave, there are a few people that call him Dave and he doesn't mind but most people especially people that don't know him very well and just assume that he goes by Dave, he'll be like "excuse me do I KNOW you?? because my name is David."

My DD's name is Victoria Leigh, we call her Tori or Tori Leigh or TL or Bear or Sweetpea or a dozen other names. My DS#1 is Jackson. He is called Jack or Jackson. He knows both names and likes them both... actually he calls himself "Jack Jack" most of the time now. I occasionally call him Jackie when we are at home and thats okay, nobody else does just me and once and a while DH. I'm not sure I would be okay with it if it was someone else who just decided to "nickname" him because they wanted too. I thin that is a bit presumptious. : DS#2 is just called Aidan by most people, we some times call him AJ (James is his middle name) or Little A but that's only us around the house. Everyone else calls him Aidan, so no nickname issues there.

Personally I do think its a bit rude of your MIL to just decide that she's going to call him Zach when you have made it clear that his name is Zachary and not Zach. Sounds like she's trying to powertrip a little bit.

I've found over the years its honestly best to just not tell anyone what name you've decided on for the baby until the birth. For some unknown reason before a child is born EVERYBODY feels that they have the right to express an opinion on a name choice. :
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#17 of 26 Old 03-21-2006, 12:30 PM
 
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We gave our son my maiden name and do not like one of the potential nicknames at ALL, so when we talk about him to anyone, we use his full name, or the nickname we like, and so far we haven't had any issues at all. However, when he's older, if he decides he likes that nickname, well it's his call. We'll teach him to politely ask people to not use it if it bothers him; it will be his call.

I wouldn't let it get to you too much now...just after he's born, I'd refer to him by his full name every time to every one, and they should catch on. I always look to parents or the person themself to see how they want to be referred......

If you consistently say his name in full and people insist on shortening it, I'd just say, "we really like the full name, that's why we chose it - we're not so crazy about the nickname, though so please don't use it" or something along those lines...kill 'em with kindness!!!

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#18 of 26 Old 03-21-2006, 01:20 PM
 
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I can go both ways on the issue...

our first dd is Kyalinn, but I shortened her name to Kya just cuz it was easier i guess. I really did it unknowingly. Our second is Carson and we always call her Carson. My mom calls her Cars (not like the vehicle) and a close family friend has nicknamed her "Cosine" (the math term) cuz her initals are COS, which I think is adorable.

now we're going to name this one, Jefferson Carter, and I DO NOT like the name Jeff, for whatever reason...we'll probably call him J.C after dh's late grandfather.
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#19 of 26 Old 03-25-2006, 11:49 AM
 
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My name is Amy but I hear Aims, Aim, Aimous, etc. Its kind of hard to get a nickname out of that.

BUT my dh is Robert and he and his father go by Bob. Whenever someone calls and is looking for Robert, I know its someone who does not know us.

I purposely named both my daughters names that could be shortened. Its Elizabeth and Margaret but we call them Liz, Lizzie and Maggie or Maggie Pat as her Godfather is saying. Actaully my bil Paul (Maggie's godfather) coined Liz as well. I was going to call her Lizzie. She says Elizabeth is her Long name and Liz and Lizzie are her short names. She btw calls Maggie- Baby Mags.

But, this is something I wanted. I have friends who named their daughter Elizabeth and they call her Elizabeth.

My niece Isabelle Hanna spelled Isobel Hana was born 4 months after Liz. My FIL said "Now I have Lizzie and Izzy" Thats his little thing. But no one else calls her anything but Isobel. Her parents might have a fit otherwise.

Some kids just look like a certain name. But my nephew Joseph looks like a Joe or Joseph not Joey by any means. Has since he was a day old. On my dh's side- the Joseph on that side is Joey all the way. But he also gos by Joe sometimes.

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#20 of 26 Old 03-25-2006, 12:15 PM
 
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I think, when the baby is little, you can tell people what your preference is, until Zachary can decide for himself. My kids' names are hard to make nicknames out of -- Darwin, Solomon (I like Sol but Solomon insists that Sol is not his name, his name is Solomon ), and Miriam. So I haven't really run into it. I do have one friend who calls Darwin "Big D" and such, but since it's more of a nickname and less a corruption of his name, and she doesn't call him that all the time, it doesn't bug me.

I have a few people in my family who had kids with long names and didn't want them shortened and my mom always rolled her eyes over it, which I thought was rather immature. I have a SIL who has a long name that is easily shortened, and her whole family calls her by the short name, which she HATES with a passion. She told me, so I always try to remember to call her by her long name.

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#21 of 26 Old 03-25-2006, 01:11 PM
 
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I do ultimately think it will be up to the kids to decide what they like to be called - BUT I think that we as parents help set up their preferences in a big way! I have friends that have a son named Daniel - he is NOT Dan or Danny. His dad is Patrick, NOT Pat. I'm pretty sure they always just called him Daniel, and now it is his preference and he communicates that to others. I think if Zachary is always called Zachary by mom and dad, he'll probably come to prefer that form of his name, but there are no guarantees. Maybe he'll prefer his middle name and confound you all!

My aunt wanted to give her daughter a short name - Kate - and then there my cousin went introducing herself as Kate Elizabeth as soon as she was old enough to talk! She's Kate now, though, as an adult.

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#22 of 26 Old 03-27-2006, 10:47 AM
 
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I can understand your frustration, but I would try to let it go. You have no control over your MIL's actions and thinking that she should act one way is only going to drive you insane.

You call him Zachary and when you introduce him to people call him Zachary. They'll take the hint to not call him Zach when you only call him Zachary (il's and family are a different story). Even the il's friend's will usually wind up calling him what the mother calls him (just from my experience).

With our first we were going to name him after his dad James Jeffrey. DH goes by his middle name and we were going to call the baby by the first name. FIL's given name is Jimmy. So when we told mil that we were going to name the baby II and he was going by the name James we started hearing Baby Jeff, Little Jimmy, etc and it drove me nuts. I told dh we're not naming this child after him (even though I'd like to) because I didn;t like the lack of identity for the baby.

We came up with a different name and it fits DS perfectly. Not saying you should change Zachary's name, but wanted to share my experience.
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#23 of 26 Old 03-30-2006, 07:36 PM
 
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Oh man, reading this thread I am glad we resolved fairly early on to keep our baby's possible names (we have a boy and a girl name picked out, we just don't know which one it's going to be yet) to ourselves. I don't know why we decided to do it this way, we're first time parents so it's not like we have tons of experience to draw from, we just got a gut feeling that it should stay between us and we're very strict about it. We won't even tell our good friends or the midwives. I don't think I've even written them down anywhere! The names we have picked are very precious to us, but we foresee great controversy about them from the family. For one thing, his family expects him to name after either his grandfather (who had the frumpiest name ever, heh) or his great grandmother, but we're completely set against that, we want the kid to have his or her own name. So I'm glad we're getting to enjoy peace about this issue at least for a few months. Our families find plenty to be pains about as it is!
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#24 of 26 Old 03-31-2006, 01:16 AM
 
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Not in your DDC - just saw this on the new posts.

My ds is Robert. I don't like Robbie, Rob, had an AWFUL experience with a Bobby growing up. So we told everyone, he's Robert. Period.

He is named after my FIL and his father... FIL is Bob, growing up he was Bobby when his father was Bob.

Over this past year, we have taken to calling our son Bob-Bob... because "bah" was the first sound he started making. But we still introduce him as Robert and we will correct anyone who calls him any of the three nicknames that are out of the question. The only ones who call him Bob-Bob are my M&FIL - and that's fine with me because they didn't do it until we started - they respected our wishes.

I think the biggest issue with Zachary/Zach is that YOU don't want him called Zach and they won't respect that. It's not so much the name - it's the disregarding of your wishes. In that situation, I would dig in my heels and correct her everytime she called him Zach.
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#25 of 26 Old 03-31-2006, 01:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfcat
First of all, Lily and Jack... aren't they the characters in "Legend"?


Yes, that was unintentional, but I realized that when I was pregnant with Lilly and if she was a boy she would have been Jack.

YOu are the very first person in 18 months to say that!!

~C~
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#26 of 26 Old 04-01-2006, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
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I've talked to my MIL and finally just told her in the nicest way I knew how... that his name is Zachary and that is what I expect him to be called until HE chooses otherwise. I've read all of your comments and I wanted to thank everyone. You all brought up some really good points and I appreciate that very much!!

So far the name has been changed back to Zachary instead of Zach... and I've corrected EVERYONE on it since my "issue" with it. Everyone seems to understand... or at least they seem too... Which is probably good... because I'm now 7 months pregnant and just looking for someone to cuss out.

(Kidding... I'm getting better actually)
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