Is it just me or is anyone else becoming less and less understanding during their pregnancy???
I'm trying so hard to be nice but I'm loosing my patients... Please someone, tell me I'm not alone!
heck, I still get irked at one of Chris' relatives who calls my daughter, named Jillian, "Jill-IN" .... um, nope, it's "Jill-E-in" 3 syllables and she's been around for almost 5 years and NO ONE else pronounces her name like that :
C, do you get this with your Lillian? Like, do people call her "Lil-IN"?
Chris and I have been going around and around about the name thing ... I actually, in a moment of supreme maturity, told him "shut up, I'll name this kid whatever I want I'm the one bringing him into this world" : (oh, yeah, that wasn't embarrassing at all to have to apologize for later ...)
pregnancy hormones and zero patience ... quite a combo, eh?
2011: a year to Make Do, Do Without, or Do It Ourselves
I ask my husband all the time, "Do you want to carry this child? Because your welcome to any day of the week!!!"
Anywhoo, you have to be firm about their name, I have learned, My DD is Lilly Grace, that is her first full name, it isn't Lilly, she is Lilly Grace, and her middle name is Marie, I constantly correct people! So, I'd encourage you to do the same!
Hang in there!!!
My brother is named Zachary and everyone calls him Zack. It bugs him. He's asked people to call him Zacjary and they do now. So maybe ask that they do that.
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I just don't think it's worth getting upset over. In the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal (that's IMO of course!) You call him Zachary, she calls him Zach - it can be grandma's little pet name...you gotta pick your battles in life and this one just isn't worth it...don't sweat the small stuff, yk? If someone calls him Zach, you can gently correct them, "actually it's Zachary" but then I'd let it go...I don't think people do things like that to be intentionally offensive, yk?
I am so guilty of using the shortened version of people's names. When I'm teaching my college classes, I always say, please tell me if you want to be a Michael or a Jennifer b/c otherwise you're likely to get shortened...I don't know why I do that, but it almost happens unconciously. I certainly don't intend to be offensive and I don't think others do in most circumstances.
For instance, I have a good friend who always calls and introduces my youngest as Isabella...well, she's Isabel. Whenever she introduces her, I always say, "actually it's just Isabel" but this friend still calls her and introduces her as Isabella and writes her name that way. This friend is not trying to be offensive or not listen to me, she just seems to have some disconnect in her brain when it comes to Isabel's name so I let it go...what's the big deal, my dd3 is 3yo and doesn't know the difference.
I think especially since your MIL is going to be "grandma" that makes it even more important she be able to make her own connection with your son and perhaps she feels she's doing that by using the nickname Zach. I know my dad loves to call my Isabel "Izzy" - I don't really care for it and it's nothing I would pick out as a nickname, but he really gets joy out having that be his "pet name" for her, yk? Now if dd3 grows up and "Izzy" bothers her, I'd encourage her to gently tell grandpa she'd rather be "Isabel" (or anyone else who nicknames her for that matter) but for now, it's something special my dad came up with. My ILS are Spanish, so they use the pet form of all my girls names: Carmencita, Isabelita, they'll call the new baby Miguelito I'm sure ... but that's not a good example b/c I like all those nicknames
I guess I just am more sympathetic to grandparents having nicknames...but don't get me wrong...I was not a "sympathetic" daughter-in-law with my first babe. I've definitely softened with time...
WOHM married to SAHD, living the dream w/our: 3 girls (14,12,10) and 3 boys (7,5,3) and tie-breaker due Jan 2014
My name is CANDICE. Not Candy! Now, my mom braced for that problem and nipped it in the bud for me as a child. She also did not want anyone to shorten my name. So, any time someone called me Candy... no matter who it was... she politely told them "Actually, her name is Candice and I would prefer it if you called her that." That way, when I ended up hating the idea of being called Candy later in life, I had the confidence to tell people the same thing "I'm sorry, but my name is Candice." Needless to say, I don't have many problems with it. Certainly not with people who've met me before.
So, I say... if you don't want him called Zach, just keep repeating it over and over until someone gets the hint. It will take time and they may get aggravated with you, but it's your child.
My sisters friend has a brother named Lindsey (after his dad) well, his maternal grandmother decided she hated that name so she "re-named" him Kyle (totally random btw). I think it's positively ridiculous. She had no right to do so, but she called him that so much it eventually caught on.
Secondly, I'm naming my son Logan. No nicknames, right? Wrong. My mother loves the fact that (before we knew the sex) I called him "alien tadpole". So she's gonna call him Tad.
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It IS done. I tend to shorten names until I asked one friend if he was ok with the shortened version. I had been calling him that and it never occured to me to ask. He said he preferred his given name, even though he didn't correct me for the first 2 months I knew him.
My dd is Katlyn, not Katie or Kay. But, my Jacob is Jacob OR Jake. I follow the lead of how someone is introduced to me.
My DH is David. Not Dave, David. He honestly doesn't care for Dave, there are a few people that call him Dave and he doesn't mind but most people especially people that don't know him very well and just assume that he goes by Dave, he'll be like "excuse me do I KNOW you?? because my name is David."
My DD's name is Victoria Leigh, we call her Tori or Tori Leigh or TL or Bear or Sweetpea or a dozen other names. My DS#1 is Jackson. He is called Jack or Jackson. He knows both names and likes them both... actually he calls himself "Jack Jack" most of the time now. I occasionally call him Jackie when we are at home and thats okay, nobody else does just me and once and a while DH. I'm not sure I would be okay with it if it was someone else who just decided to "nickname" him because they wanted too. I thin that is a bit presumptious. : DS#2 is just called Aidan by most people, we some times call him AJ (James is his middle name) or Little A but that's only us around the house. Everyone else calls him Aidan, so no nickname issues there.
Personally I do think its a bit rude of your MIL to just decide that she's going to call him Zach when you have made it clear that his name is Zachary and not Zach. Sounds like she's trying to powertrip a little bit.
I've found over the years its honestly best to just not tell anyone what name you've decided on for the baby until the birth. For some unknown reason before a child is born EVERYBODY feels that they have the right to express an opinion on a name choice. :
I wouldn't let it get to you too much now...just after he's born, I'd refer to him by his full name every time to every one, and they should catch on. I always look to parents or the person themself to see how they want to be referred......
If you consistently say his name in full and people insist on shortening it, I'd just say, "we really like the full name, that's why we chose it - we're not so crazy about the nickname, though so please don't use it" or something along those lines...kill 'em with kindness!!!
our first dd is Kyalinn, but I shortened her name to Kya just cuz it was easier i guess. I really did it unknowingly. Our second is Carson and we always call her Carson. My mom calls her Cars (not like the vehicle) and a close family friend has nicknamed her "Cosine" (the math term) cuz her initals are COS, which I think is adorable.
now we're going to name this one, Jefferson Carter, and I DO NOT like the name Jeff, for whatever reason...we'll probably call him J.C after dh's late grandfather.
BUT my dh is Robert and he and his father go by Bob. Whenever someone calls and is looking for Robert, I know its someone who does not know us.
I purposely named both my daughters names that could be shortened. Its Elizabeth and Margaret but we call them Liz, Lizzie and Maggie or Maggie Pat as her Godfather is saying. Actaully my bil Paul (Maggie's godfather) coined Liz as well. I was going to call her Lizzie. She says Elizabeth is her Long name and Liz and Lizzie are her short names. She btw calls Maggie- Baby Mags.
But, this is something I wanted. I have friends who named their daughter Elizabeth and they call her Elizabeth.
My niece Isabelle Hanna spelled Isobel Hana was born 4 months after Liz. My FIL said "Now I have Lizzie and Izzy" Thats his little thing. But no one else calls her anything but Isobel. Her parents might have a fit otherwise.
Some kids just look like a certain name. But my nephew Joseph looks like a Joe or Joseph not Joey by any means. Has since he was a day old. On my dh's side- the Joseph on that side is Joey all the way. But he also gos by Joe sometimes.
I have a few people in my family who had kids with long names and didn't want them shortened and my mom always rolled her eyes over it, which I thought was rather immature. I have a SIL who has a long name that is easily shortened, and her whole family calls her by the short name, which she HATES with a passion. She told me, so I always try to remember to call her by her long name.
Mom to DS(14), DS(12), DD(9), DS(6), DS (4), and DS(2)
My aunt wanted to give her daughter a short name - Kate - and then there my cousin went introducing herself as Kate Elizabeth as soon as she was old enough to talk! She's Kate now, though, as an adult.
You call him Zachary and when you introduce him to people call him Zachary. They'll take the hint to not call him Zach when you only call him Zachary (il's and family are a different story). Even the il's friend's will usually wind up calling him what the mother calls him (just from my experience).
With our first we were going to name him after his dad James Jeffrey. DH goes by his middle name and we were going to call the baby by the first name. FIL's given name is Jimmy. So when we told mil that we were going to name the baby II and he was going by the name James we started hearing Baby Jeff, Little Jimmy, etc and it drove me nuts. I told dh we're not naming this child after him (even though I'd like to) because I didn;t like the lack of identity for the baby.
We came up with a different name and it fits DS perfectly. Not saying you should change Zachary's name, but wanted to share my experience.
My ds is Robert. I don't like Robbie, Rob, had an AWFUL experience with a Bobby growing up. So we told everyone, he's Robert. Period.
He is named after my FIL and his father... FIL is Bob, growing up he was Bobby when his father was Bob.
Over this past year, we have taken to calling our son Bob-Bob... because "bah" was the first sound he started making. But we still introduce him as Robert and we will correct anyone who calls him any of the three nicknames that are out of the question. The only ones who call him Bob-Bob are my M&FIL - and that's fine with me because they didn't do it until we started - they respected our wishes.
I think the biggest issue with Zachary/Zach is that YOU don't want him called Zach and they won't respect that. It's not so much the name - it's the disregarding of your wishes. In that situation, I would dig in my heels and correct her everytime she called him Zach.
Originally Posted by Wolfcat
First of all, Lily and Jack... aren't they the characters in "Legend"?
Yes, that was unintentional, but I realized that when I was pregnant with Lilly and if she was a boy she would have been Jack.
YOu are the very first person in 18 months to say that!!
So far the name has been changed back to Zachary instead of Zach... and I've corrected EVERYONE on it since my "issue" with it. Everyone seems to understand... or at least they seem too... Which is probably good... because I'm now 7 months pregnant and just looking for someone to cuss out.
(Kidding... I'm getting better actually)