How to explain to kids that our dog can't move with us. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 61 Old 01-01-2012, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We are selling our house and moving into an apartment, unfortunately it just isn't possible to take our dog with us. My children ages 5 and 7 are very attached to the dog, and I have no idea how to explain this to them. Part of me wonders if it would be easier to say that she died or ran away while they were at school. I hate lying to them but there are lots of changes going on for our family right now, new home, new school, I just wonder if it would be easier for them to deal with it if it wasn't something that we choose to do. But that sounds really chicken shit when I say it like I don't want to deal with the consequences of our choices, even though they are the best choices for our family. But that isn't always easy to explain to a 5 and 7 year old who just love their dog. Any advice is welcome. FYI: the dog is 12 years old and we have had her since she was a puppy. She is getting old and had a seizure a few weeks ago, we talked to the kids then about her being old.

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#2 of 61 Old 01-01-2012, 09:46 PM
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What is going to happen to your dog?

There are apartments that allow dogs. An elderly dog who has seizures is going to be very hard to find an adoptive home for, honestly, and it will be hard for her to adjust to a new family at her age. It also seems that your kids are going to be going through a lot of changes and losses, and by keeping the dog you can keep them from having to lose her at the same time...
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#3 of 61 Old 01-01-2012, 10:05 PM
 
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I don't know how to tell them but please don't tell them he died. Trust me, that will not be an easy conversation either, and when they later learn that their doggy didn't die [years down the line] they will feel betrayed. Simplified honesty is the route I'd choose. Good luck with your move!

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#4 of 61 Old 01-02-2012, 05:23 AM
 
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Giving up a 12 year old sick dog is irresponsible IMO, there are apartments that take pets. Do you have a home lined up for her? If you plan on dropping her at the shelter they may just euthanize her if she is sick and hasnt seen a vet.


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#5 of 61 Old 01-02-2012, 06:05 AM
 
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I think giving up your dog (or saying that she died) will be very traumatic for your children, especially since you're also moving. I'd try to find a way to take her with you.
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#6 of 61 Old 01-02-2012, 06:38 AM
 
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If it's a financial issue why you can't take the dog there are groups out there that will help you.  If it's because the apartment won't allow it, sometimes they'll budge it you tell them the dog is old and on it's deathbed they'll sometimes allow the dog.  Or maybe you can find another apartment?  Lying to your kids is lying.  You either need to find the dog a home and let your kids know the dog is safe and cared for or you figure something else out.  12 is too old for too many familiar face changes.  And it's unfair.  

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#7 of 61 Old 01-02-2012, 08:46 PM
 
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wow.  I dont know whats worse.....lying to your kids that the dog died.....or dumping a dog youve had for 12 years who has seizures.  

 

Hopefully you'll figure out the right thing to do.

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#8 of 61 Old 01-03-2012, 10:26 AM
 
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i truly hope you make sure that this dog, who has given her everything to you....especially her trust....isn't going to be killed for being old and sick and ditched.

 

 

tell your kids the truth.

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#9 of 61 Old 01-03-2012, 09:22 PM
 
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I wouldn't lie. My mom lied about all kinds of stupid things to us as kids. We caught on eventually and it is hard to trust her with anything anymore.

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#10 of 61 Old 01-03-2012, 10:05 PM
 
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I guess that is not a concept I understand. I have pets and when we looked for a place we took a long time to find one that they all could come. I lived in a persons basement so we could find a home that they could come with us.

 

 

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#11 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 07:51 AM
 
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gee whiz y'all....

 

I just want to encourage the OP to speak up and reply to all the judgement in case there are real life issues that truly don't allow her to bring the dog to the new place. I can imagine finances, school districts, childcare, local transportation and all kinds of other issues that could combine to make it impossible. 

 

Yes, it's awful to have to make this decision, especially at this time in the dog's life, but perhaps we should be giving her the benefit of the doubt? We can ask how she came to this point, but let's hear from her before lashing out about the crummy choice. I'm going to assume that she's heartbroken herself about leaving the dog - 12 years later, that is a reasonable assumption.

 

In reply to your actual question, OP:  if it's truly unavoidable, I'd explain to the kids why it's unavoidable so they really understand the hard choice that's being made and how you are prioritizing your life. Then, once you've narrowed down a few great options for the dog's future, I'd involve them in the choice - let them visit the homes that are offering to take the dog and you all can take a vote on the lucky new owner. Maybe they'd like to help pack the dog's suitcase, write a letter to the new owners about her likes and dislikes, bake some snacks to send with her, decorate her dog bed with appliques, give her some old shirts to keep her nose cozy, write her letters in the future. Stuff like that. 

 

But no lies.

 

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#12 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 10:42 AM
 
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LCBMAX - your points are true

AND in response to OP, Though, it is not a concept I understand. i should point out that I have two very wonderful old dogs That I got because they where old :) I got them at age 9, two large breed dogs, they are now 11, and one is on daily mes for arthritus pain. I will hopefully for the rest of my life always be able to welcome old dogs :) My mom had one 15 year old dog that she only had for 6 months, but still adopted, and another that was 13 and lived to fifteen.

SO, in that respect, Do hold out hope that there IS people willing to take a sr dog who may or may not need medications.

I am sorry if I came over harsh :/

 

 

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#13 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 11:59 AM
 
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Some people, myself included, do not believe there are really any legitimate circumstances for abandoning a pet. The shelters are full of animals that people "cant" take when moving.
 

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Originally Posted by LCBMAX View Post

gee whiz y'all....

 

I just want to encourage the OP to speak up and reply to all the judgement in case there are real life issues that truly don't allow her to bring the dog to the new place. I can imagine finances, school districts, childcare, local transportation and all kinds of other issues that could combine to make it impossible. 

 

Yes, it's awful to have to make this decision, especially at this time in the dog's life, but perhaps we should be giving her the benefit of the doubt? We can ask how she came to this point, but let's hear from her before lashing out about the crummy choice. I'm going to assume that she's heartbroken herself about leaving the dog - 12 years later, that is a reasonable assumption.

 

In reply to your actual question, OP:  if it's truly unavoidable, I'd explain to the kids why it's unavoidable so they really understand the hard choice that's being made and how you are prioritizing your life. Then, once you've narrowed down a few great options for the dog's future, I'd involve them in the choice - let them visit the homes that are offering to take the dog and you all can take a vote on the lucky new owner. Maybe they'd like to help pack the dog's suitcase, write a letter to the new owners about her likes and dislikes, bake some snacks to send with her, decorate her dog bed with appliques, give her some old shirts to keep her nose cozy, write her letters in the future. Stuff like that. 

 

But no lies.

 



 


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#14 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 12:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by starrlamia View Post


Some people, myself included, do not believe there are really any legitimate circumstances for abandoning a pet. The shelters are full of animals that people "cant" take when moving.
 



 



Exactly!  I volunteer at my local Humane Society and older dogs rarely if ever get adopted, esp one with significant health issues, but the pound is full of them, esp with todays economy.  Starting out a thread with.....     "But that sounds really chicken shit when I say it like I don't want to deal with the consequences of our choices" - maybe there is more truth to that statement than the OP wants to face right now.  Not knowing the extenuating circumstances - well, its hard to know what is going on.  Wishing the OP well in her dilemma.

 

 

 

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#15 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 07:07 PM
 
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If you can not take the dog,and there is no other home options then you should consider euthanising your dog.Better to be put down in a peaceful manner than left in a shelter until killed with a heart stick.

 

It is to bad you can not take the dog,however the kids will get over it. I always worried when I had to tell the kids about a pet dying.They would cry and move on. Perhaps you can get some other pet that is permitted in the apartments.If you plan to move soon where dogs will be permitted consider getting a new dog then.

 

Sometimes these situations are unavoidable. You do the best you can and move on. I am sure you loved the dog very much all these years,and I do not envy the choice you must now make.

Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

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#16 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 07:36 PM
 
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I agree with the majority here.  In response to your question, be honest. 

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#17 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 07:42 PM
 
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Would you consider moving to an apartment that you couldn't take your kids?

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#18 of 61 Old 01-04-2012, 10:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't even know what to say to most of you so I will just say thank you to LCBMAX for not assuming the worst and giving me some advice that I can actually use.  For the record I will not be taking her to the pound, I have a friend that is willing to take her and she will be well taken care of.

 

 

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#19 of 61 Old 01-05-2012, 07:49 AM
 
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Tell your kids the truth. No matter what the question is, my answer is to tell kids the truth.

 

Good luck with your move. We moved a lot when I was a kid, but it was a lot easier for me at a younger age than when I was high school - your kids will do fine.

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#20 of 61 Old 01-05-2012, 10:07 AM
 
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i wouldnt suggest getting new pets in the future to someone who cant keep current pets.

 

OP- glad you have someone who can take her, you have to understand that those of us who work in rescue see this situation over and over again and 90% of the time it is a situation that could have turned out differently (such as finding an appartment that allows dogs), with the amount of pets euthanized every year and a lot of owner surrenders being bad and lazy excuses, most rescue people are going to be completely honest and upfront.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mattemma04 View Post

If you can not take the dog,and there is no other home options then you should consider euthanising your dog.Better to be put down in a peaceful manner than left in a shelter until killed with a heart stick.

 

It is to bad you can not take the dog,however the kids will get over it. I always worried when I had to tell the kids about a pet dying.They would cry and move on. Perhaps you can get some other pet that is permitted in the apartments.If you plan to move soon where dogs will be permitted consider getting a new dog then.

 

Sometimes these situations are unavoidable. You do the best you can and move on. I am sure you loved the dog very much all these years,and I do not envy the choice you must now make.

Best wishes whatever you decide to do.



 

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#21 of 61 Old 01-05-2012, 04:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by starrlamia View Post


i wouldnt suggest getting new pets in the future to someone who cant keep current pets.

 

OP- glad you have someone who can take her, you have to understand that those of us who work in rescue see this situation over and over again and 90% of the time it is a situation that could have turned out differently (such as finding an appartment that allows dogs), with the amount of pets euthanized every year and a lot of owner surrenders being bad and lazy excuses, most rescue people are going to be completely honest and upfront.



 



 

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#22 of 61 Old 01-05-2012, 09:53 PM
 
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I don't even know what to say to most of you so I will just say thank you to LCBMAX for not assuming the worst and giving me some advice that I can actually use.  For the record I will not be taking her to the pound, I have a friend that is willing to take her and she will be well taken care of.

 

 


Wait, if this is the situation, then telling your kids the truth means they know the dog is safe and will be well cared for, just not living with them any more... and lying to them means telling them the dog is dead or lost and in danger. So, uh, what's the advantage of lying??? It's not going to make them not miss the dog.

 

Your friend could send your family pictures and news about the dog (and you could even visit if she lives nearby?), but if you lie, your friend will have to keep up the lie for the rest of the dog's life, or longer. And the kids won't be able to say goodbye.

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#23 of 61 Old 01-06-2012, 04:29 PM
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I'm with Cyllya... since the dog is going to a good home I'm not sure why there would be an issue, and I don't see why you wouldn't include that from the beginning...
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#24 of 61 Old 01-09-2012, 08:54 PM
 
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I also don't see why you didn't include that info in the beginning- it makes the situation a lot different, and even though my answer already would have been to not lie, in that situation, I definitely say don't lie. If the dog is with a friend, couldn't the kids stay in touch, get pictures, etc? It doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

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#25 of 61 Old 01-09-2012, 09:24 PM
 
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Quote:
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Some people, myself included, do not believe there are really any legitimate circumstances for abandoning a pet. The shelters are full of animals that people "cant" take when moving.
 



 



wow.  What a small, small, world you must live in.  And how privileged you must be as well.  I can imagine all sorts of things - finances, illness (on the part of the owner or the owner's children), etc.  And rehoming or putting a pet in a shelter is not abandoning them.    Abandoning would be pushing it out of the car on a country road.

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#26 of 61 Old 01-09-2012, 09:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by minnowmomma View Post

Would you consider moving to an apartment that you couldn't take your kids?


ew.  To compare a dog to a human is laughable.  No, I am certain that nobody here would consider moving to an apartment that couldn't take her kids.  But sometimes people have to make tough choices.  Dogs are not people. 

 

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#27 of 61 Old 01-10-2012, 05:49 AM
 
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Dogs are not people, neither are cats.  They are at our disposal to do with as we please.  They have no soul and there for do not count when it comes to life decisions.  They're good for companionship and sometimes as an accessory. 
 

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ew.  To compare a dog to a human is laughable.  No, I am certain that nobody here would consider moving to an apartment that couldn't take her kids.  But sometimes people have to make tough choices.  Dogs are not people. 

 



 

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#28 of 61 Old 01-10-2012, 06:35 AM
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We foster older dogs, and we are always honest with our DS about where they came from "they came from somebody who was irresponsible and not kind to animals, so they sent him to the pound to die (in a cruel gas chamber, where we live), but he was one of the very very few lucky ones who got saved because we took him into our home to foster him" I suppose to be on the other end of that conversation - to be the one sending the dog away - would be more difficult.

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#29 of 61 Old 01-10-2012, 06:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post


Dogs are not people, neither are cats.  They are at our disposal to do with as we please.  They have no soul and there for do not count when it comes to life decisions.  They're good for companionship and sometimes as an accessory. 
 



 



Are you serious?

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#30 of 61 Old 01-10-2012, 06:36 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post


Dogs are not people, neither are cats.  They [dogs, cats] are at our disposal to do with as we please.  They have no soul and there for do not count when it comes to life decisions.  They're good for companionship and sometimes as an accessory. 
 


 

Do you even know what this statement means?  eyesroll.gif 

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