Thank you all so very much. It was bad. It was time to let go, but I just didn't want to. I've kept her around, in pain, for so long b/c of my own selfishness (she actually had quite the laundry list when I honestly run down the list...**shudder**). The hardest thing I have ever had to do, I think, is making the decision to end her pain, b/c that starts a good bit of mine.
Sometimes, it really is the journey and not the destination-getting to the point of arriving at what needed to be done was so very very hard to do, and so very heart wrenching. The finality of the decision brought some relief, though, I can't really say comfort yet. There is comfort in knowing she isn't suffering anymore, at least. My baby girl went to Heaven yesterday afternoon. The last thing she ever saw and last words she ever heard were my face and my words-telling her how much I love her and thanking her for being my best friend. I had to let my best friend go yesterday. She's not in pain anymore, not bleeding out all over everywhere (that damned bleeding never stopped). For that, I am thankful. When it came down to it, I didn't have the heart to hack her all up to buy more time. It just wasn't fair to her. You enjoy what you have when you have it, knowing the moment will end, is how I operate. I didn't want her suffering anymore. She was in pain, daily. I feel badly enough about that fact alone. That dog was the best freaking dog in the world!! She was my baby. She spent one third of my life with me on this earth. I'll see her again. I've cried more in the last several days than I care to admit. I've bawled my eyes out. I've tried to distract myself, but I feel good enough now to at least post back on to give thanks and to update. I saved table scraps for her tonight, just like I do everyday, only this time she wasn't there to take them. I called her last night to come in. I wonder how many more times I'll do this-think she's still right here...**sigh** damn, I love that girl. Thanks for reading. Now I'm crying again so I gotta go read about music or something to occupy my mind. But her blanket....I keep smelling it. This hurts. Oh, man, it hurts. anyway. I'll close again w/thanks for your kind words and thoughts. It did/does mean a LOT to me!