Uh, is it rude to not immediately acknowledge the dog? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 04:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by oceanbaby View Post
I'd say it's impolite to make me responsible for their dog's behavior. And the dog is not then taken from the room after I say hi, so I don't think that's the case.
I already wrote about my experience, but I just wanted to say that when guests greeted my dog he didn't need to be locked in another room. Dogs are very much like our kids and need help learning acceptable behaviors. For example, I don't lock my kid up, I have her practice manners with guests. She messes up sometimes, but that's a part of having a friend who has a kid. I don't think that anyone (okay, I'm sure some people) would say that it's forcing a guest to take responsibility for teaching a kid not to interrupt, or to say excuse me and wait patiently, or that it's not okay to look into a guest's purse or whatever. Right? I mean, if it helps your friend's dog chill out and make the house more comfortable (without dogs running around being overexcited) then why is that impolite and what's the big deal?
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#62 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 04:40 AM
 
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I mean, I wouldn't even interrupt someone and demand that they say hi to my kid who was bouncing up and down. I'd pick them up, or excuse myself and see what I could do for them to help them settle down a bit.
This I totally disagree with. I definitely would interrupt a conversation where my child hadn't been greeted and were being ignored for adult talk. I was taught growing up that greeting people is very important and respectful. Not only is my child deserving of respect, but how can she ever learn it without being treated in that same respectful way?
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#63 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 04:46 AM
 
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Sorry but...all dogs need to be "inside dogs." They are pack animals and it's cruel to make them live outside and totally not natural. I agree that you shouldn't have to pet or even be near anyone's dog but "outside dogs" should be outlawed IMO.
I completely agree with this. Dogs are not meant to be alone and it tortures them to be confined outside all the time when things are going on all around them and they can't be a part of it. Imagine being able to hear and smell a big neighborhood block party/cookout and not being able to leave your bedroom to take part? All day every day? What if you were concerned your family was being threatened and all you could do was yell from a distance? Dogs are not meant to be kept alone outside.
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#64 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 06:07 AM
 
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Personally, it would bother me if the dogs were out around w/my kids w/o the owner checking first. I grew up with dogs but I will never trust one around my children, esp. at this age. Now we have cats and I've had friends ask me to put them away for visits (one of our cats won't leave guests alone). I'm happy to oblige. I can't imagine demanding a guest greet the cats. Besides, it would only make one of our cats more hyper.

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#65 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 06:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural View Post
ITA w/Trish...but then maybe I've always been partial to her, though she might not remember me!
you smooth talker...:

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#66 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 08:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Periwinkle View Post
First of all, dogs aren't kids.
....
Second of all, if a child is bouncing off the walls to get my attention, I am highly unlikely to go goo-goo over them.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious to me, but my post was in direct response to oceanbaby's about not interrupting someone to say hi to her child.

I don't expect my guests to come on in and put on a puppet show for my children but I certainly don't think it's too much to ask to say hello. If someone can't do that then they shouldn't come to a home with children, they are people too. Just like if someone came into my home and ignored my husband - that would be incredibly rude. Why are children different?

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#67 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 08:33 AM
 
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I always knew you were secretly a dawg person.
Shhhhhh... don't let that get around.

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#68 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 09:11 AM
 
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Guilty. Though, I will be moving in with my boyfriend when my lease runs out (in a few months). And, I have to admit, I'm not sure how Roark (my GSD) will take the transition. He's been the only love of my life for so long now.

give it 6 months to a year, and roark will be back in first place.


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#69 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 09:24 AM
 
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As to the OP, no- I don't think that it is rude not to acknowledge the dog right away.

When people come to our house, my dog barks at their arrival (she's a good guard dog), when I open the door to the guest, I have my hand on the dog's collar and I immediately have the guest come in, while I hold onto my dog and pet her and love her while they take off shoes, get settled, etc. If I know they aren't anti-dog people, I will then let the dog go over to them, but if she starts to seem like she might be bothering them, I call her back over to me and pet her myself. If my dog needs attention, she'll get it from me, unless the guest *wants* to pet her.

I think it is simple manners, as a dog owner, to control your pet and not expect others to keep them happy.

When I go to others houses, I will talk to/pet their dog a little bit. I do have some family/friends though with the "out of control" dogs who jump on me/ my kids and I do expect those people to take control of their dog. My own sister will tell me that I need to just let her dog go crazy for a few minutes (crazing including her Golden Retriever jumping up on me and my kids: ) and then "he will calm down", well, I am sorry, I won't be a toy for him to jump on and scratch for 5 minutes until he calms down, that is completely unreasonable, IMO.

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#70 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 09:35 AM
 
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It just occured to me I never really answered the OP

When I know people are coming to my house I will generally either put the dogs in another room or put them outside. If someone shows up unexpectadly I will usually say "Hold on a sec, I need to put the dogs away." I do think it's odd to expect that everyone that comes over is going to want to pet my dogs. I mean one of my dogs is a Saint Bernard and he WILL drowl all over you, most people unless they are real dog lovers don't appreciate that kind of greeting.

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#71 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 10:12 AM
 
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As a dog owner, I think that it is totally impolite to allow your dog to lollygag around your guests and beg for their attention. Unless I absolutely know that the person enjoys my particular dog (my mom, our siblings, etc.) I lock her in her crate when a guest arrives.
Thank you, you sound like a courteous hostess, one who is more likely to put me at ease with her dog than make me even more nervous. I find that when people are empathetic with me, I do far better in accepting their dog.
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#72 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 10:19 AM
 
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Did they actually tell you to say Hello to the dog? Or did they say, just as you posted, "The dog is trying to say Hello to you?" If that said the latter, maybe it was to let you know that is why the dog is jumping up and down and getting excited. Perhaps it was just an explanation rather than a command.
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#73 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 10:19 AM
 
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hmmm... well, I know I appreciate it when people acknowledge my dogs. but if they don't I just make sure to give them a pet while they're begging to be acknowledged and that makes them settle down too.

It's nice to be noticed... even if you have fur
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#74 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 10:48 AM
 
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This thread has turned from a TAO topic to a Pets topic. As it didn't start out OT, I'm moving it here.
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#75 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 10:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mama ganoush View Post
yes, it is a huge insult to the pet.

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#76 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:02 AM
 
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Some people need more time to transition. I can't do physical interactions until I've set my purse down and, ideally, taken off my coat.

However, if I'm going to a house with pets/children, I greet everyone in the order of patience. Dogs, children, adults, cats. "H---, sit for pettings, good girl, hi R---, how are you precious baby? D--- it's great to see you, thanks for asking me over..." And then if there are any cats, I generally greet them when they deign to acknowledge me sometime later.

Large jumping dogs should be restrained and introduced gradually. I don't expect anyone to keep a dog closed up for an entire visit (well, unless the guest is scared of dogs), but I will avoid visiting houses where I'm besieged by 75 pounds of bruising muscle. It's not fair, but I do think large dogs have to be under more control than small dogs. Not necessarily to the level of Shannon's furbabies .
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#77 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:13 AM
 
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It's not only not rude to not acknowledge the dog (wow, that's a lot of "nots" in one sentence), but it's actually better from the p.o.v. of rank to NOT acknowledge a dog when it jumps on you. Jumping up on someone is a sign of disrespect, not friendliness. We learned a lot from a dog behaviorist after our first DD was born and our beloved dog had difficulties adjusting. We had to really revamp our thinking about what dogs are saying when they do certain things. My mom forever thinks our dog "loves her best" because she jumps all over her when my parents come over. Um, no, actually she thinks she has a chance of being higher rank than you.

Btw, our dog is still "beloved", but much happier now (as are we all) knowing that she is ranked below all humans.

I guess I kind of took this OT ... oops!
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#78 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:21 AM
 
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All of the members of my family are equal. I know that this goes against popular advice but it is the way we are. My dog cares for me, as I care for her. Anyone coming onto our property is politely asked to allow the dog to sniff their hand so that she knows their smell and she sees me greet them in a friendly way. My cats are also given a little scratch, my husband a hello and when the baby arrives, some kind acknowlegment too. Maybe you should meet your friends outside of their home, so you don't have to feel uncomfortable and the pets can still be themselves.
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#79 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Oh my! I laughed my butt off reading all your posts! I have a dog who is overly friendly and obnoxious with barking whenever anyone comes to our house (or walks by our house).

My husband (and sometimes me to) will often remind guests they must first greet the dog. I'm sure it annoys people because my dog is a hairy, shedding nightmare and also prone to jumping and scratching and licking. I mean, she annoys me.

I can't even host play groups at my house because my dog just won't shut up and she scares the kids!

Grrr...
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#80 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:29 AM
 
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I actually dislike people who DO "greet" my dogs. When someone comes to the door that I'm expecting, the dogs are placed in down stays in the hallway (if I'm not expecting someone I allow the dogs to answer the door and make like I have zero control of the beasts )
So, my dogs are under command and yeah I hate it when someone comes and goes gushy over the dogs. Once everyone is in and settled the dogs are released and if you want to talk to them then, go for it.
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#81 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by RubyWild View Post
I was attacked by a dog as a child, so I'm not really a fan. I do not say hello to them. I've had people say, "You're not really a dog person, are you?" and I acknowledge that and appreciate that they are okay with me being standoffish. I'm not usually afraid of them, although I can't stand German shepards since the attack, I just don't like being near them.

I hear you. I am the same way with white dogs and small dogs (below my knee) as every attack (and there have been many) has been by these dogs. So I am overly cautious about dogs, and if I walk in to a house and a dog jumps on me, I will turn around and head out until they control them.

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#82 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies View Post
I don't remember where, but I remember reading something about ppl who need pets. They are ppl who cannot form healthy attachments to other humans, but because they are alive and need to feel loved, needed, and wanted, they get pets to fulfill those empty parts they cannot get with other human beings.

Not a bad thing, but it does make sense when you meet a person who holds their pet above you, a human friend/family member.

Personally, I won't visit a dog owner unless their dog is well-trained or else locked up. Yes, I was a dog owner and do have love for dogs, but I have witnessed too many attacks from seemingly 'harmless, safe' dogs.
I am that person. My cats rank as high up as my children. And above dh. He knows this. Some people will : but this has been his understanding since we were friends in high school. I had a tough childhood, was very shy, and had no friends. The only people-things-animals in my life that have been there for me consistently were my cats.

So my cats DO rank higher than any guest in my house. That does not mean that I would allow my guests to be mistreated or expect them to give attention, though. I pick my cats up and put them in my room with some food if there are guests who dislike them.

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#83 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:41 AM
 
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Your cat ranks higher than your husband?
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#84 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 11:55 AM
 
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My dog ranks higher than my husband....nobody ranks higher than my dd, but
Havoc outranks Dh. Havoc has never hurt me, never lied to me and is ALWAYS there for me.
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#85 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 12:00 PM
 
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When my pets start out ranking my husband I think it's time for me to find a new husband.

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#86 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 12:03 PM
 
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When my pets start out ranking my husband I think it's time for me to find a new husband.
I with you. :
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#87 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 12:18 PM
 
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My dog ranks higher than my husband....nobody ranks higher than my dd, but
Havoc outranks Dh. Havoc has never hurt me, never lied to me and is ALWAYS there for me.
:

My cats came first, have never lied to me or hurt me. My dh knows how important they are to me, and that if he decided that he didn't want to live with my cats anymore than he would have to live outside, not the cats. Like I said, he knew this for years before we got married or lived with each other. He knew the ground rules. It is a package deal. Now would I not buy dh a bday present so that Spooky can get a new collar? Heck no.

It may sound crazy to some people, but it has a lot to do with what MITB posted. I am just someone who has some psychological issues from my childhood. My cats are for life. 50% of marriages disintegrate. And any single man would be under my cats (besides my ds, that is)-not just my dh. I would never get rid of my cats for any spouse. It is about respecting my needs that were agreed on prior. I would never marry a man who disrespected my love for my cats. That my dh is okay with my cats (he hates them but would never let anything happen to them) makes me love him more.

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#88 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 12:20 PM
 
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but then again, we have a very animal friendly family. my mother and father and sister and grandmother and aunts, etc. all will go oiut of their way to oogle the animals as much as my ds! And they get as many gifts too. Even the bunny. :
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#89 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 12:33 PM
 
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I try and make my dog stay at the top of the stairs (six stairs, front door is visible). If she comes down before I say, the leash goes on and I stand on it, keeping it short. About 90% of the time she stays at the top of the stairs (all aquiver, but there). I really really hate when she does jump on someone and they pet her while I'm trying to get her back, they are totally undermining my authority. One day I'm going to yell.

Oh, and I had cats when I met dh. He knew if I had to choose it would be the cats. They are dead now, and we won't be getting more, but they were there first.
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#90 of 119 Old 10-06-2006, 01:13 PM
 
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My dog outranks my dh too! Even if I got a new dh, doggie comes first! lol
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