I am scaring myself - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 17 Old 11-19-2008, 09:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
StarMom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 86
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Anybody ever feel like they are going to lose it with their children? For some reason, today I feel like I have no patience. I have been a cranky mom and short with my kids. I hate feeling this way - I think I just need a break! Maybe I am just not the SAHM type. What do you all do when/if you have no patience left?
StarMom2 is offline  
#2 of 17 Old 11-19-2008, 09:30 PM
 
Swandira's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 908
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
First I change the toddler's diaper and offer them both a snack and some water; then I put them in a childproof space, instruct the older one to tell me if anything really bad seems to be about to happen, and lock myself in my room with a book and a cup of tea.

I'm not very good at straight-up SAH parenting either, so I started a small business that puts my lovely college degree to work. I work about 10 hours a week. It helps some.
Swandira is offline  
#3 of 17 Old 11-19-2008, 09:36 PM
 
carmel23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 5,218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It happens to everyone, I think. Just take a big, deep breath, lover your expectations for yourself... and roll with it. When I feel like that I go outside, to the park Hey, I figure I behave better in public....

There in a thread here on MDC about 'parental rage.' You want want to search for it (I think it is under self development or whatever that part was/is called. Sometimes you need a break, and if you are feeling down or whatever it might be hard to get that break.

Routines help--for the kids and for us... so does tea and a story on cd/tape/ or a short movie (if you do tv).

 hh2.gif  ~~~~~~~~~~hh2.gif
 

carmel23 is offline  
#4 of 17 Old 11-19-2008, 09:40 PM
 
Juvysen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Binghamton, NY
Posts: 7,479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Me too. When I get close to losing it I either 1. do lose it and yell and then apologize or 2. manage to tell the kids I need some space and then I sorta shut down. Not great, but at least there's no beating going on, I guess. I'm working on it though. Honestly, the best thing I've found when things are really rough that day is to leave the house. It's a fight to get the kids out the door, but once we're out (even just going to the mall or something) the kids do so much better and so do I. It's just making that decision to leave that is hard, because of the work involved to make it happen.

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

Juvysen is offline  
#5 of 17 Old 11-19-2008, 09:53 PM
 
yukookoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ca
Posts: 878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
well i only have 1 but I either put her in the car and go for a drive and turn on some music - she loves to take a drive so she is happy.

Or I take a bubble bath with her. She happily plays on one end with her toys and I lay back or sit on the other end with a mask on or something haha

Put her on my back in the ergo and take a walk.

Put her in her high chair with some food and get online

Sometimes just putting in ear plugs helps me feel like im getting some time. They noise get to me, Im really sensetive to it. Doesnt matter if it's fussing or joyous screaming my ears are sensitive.

Of course that all works with one. I dont know about 2.

Maybe call a friend to come over?

When I really feel burnt out I get DH to take her for a long walk. House to myself is always a good pick me up.
yukookoo is offline  
#6 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 01:47 AM
 
StormySar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Melvindale, MI
Posts: 1,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Its times like this when you need to leave the house. Take the kids to the park, visit the library, find some form of entertainment and just get out of the house. A change of scenery does wonders for a horrible mood.
StormySar is offline  
#7 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 11:54 AM
 
iowaorganic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,292
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree on the get out of the house thing. Things get really really tense around here when we haven't gotten out for a couple days. Sometimes it is just to the library, or ice cream, or the park (cause ya know our swingset isn't nearly as cool) or goceries. It makes a huge difference.

Iowaorganic- mama to DD (1/5/06), DS1 (4/9/07), DS2 (1/22/09), DS3 (12/10/10), DD2 (7/6/12) and a new kid due in early 2014

iowaorganic is offline  
#8 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
StarMom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 86
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all of your responses, it is helpful to know that I am not alone. A little perspective - my husband has been working long hours, and my son has been on a bit of a nap strike. So, I don't really get much of a break. Usually they go to Grandma's house once a week or so, but that hasn't happened in a month because she was sick and then on vacation. I have a ton of things to do that are hanging over my head, but we don't really have the money for childcare. (I am a freelance editor and I have projects to work on, but I can't get them done with two toddlers around.)

We do get out of the house daily to go to a museum, the library, or an indoor park. Yesterday we went to the library. My DS is very active and it is stressful to take him out sometimes because he throws a fit if he is unable to explore everything. (And sometimes that is not possible for safety reasons.) But, if he doesn't get out, he starts destroying the house. So, it is much easier if we get out daily.

Anyway, it has all been weighing heavily on me lately, and my patience level is depleted.
StarMom2 is offline  
#9 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 03:26 PM
 
zebrachick83's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: GA
Posts: 438
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i totally get it... i have a horrible temper and there have been times when i have lost it with dd.... esp when i was pregnant with ds and my nerves were shot to pieces... dh told me when i felt myself getting like that, just pick her up and deposit her in her room and close the door until i calmed down... i did that for a while and things got better. now i'm in much better control and i don't yell anymore.... surprisingly, i've found that i'm much scarier to her when i'm calm, so i don't have to repeat myself as much now....

s momsling.GIF - JW asl.gif writing geek.gif wifey to j aaman.gif  (11/03) and cd.gif  homeschool.gif  knit.gif sewmachine.gif read.gif mommy to s dreads.gif (10/04), l kewl.gif (8/08), j diaper.gif (8/09), and little s boc.gif (12/12)

 

 

zebrachick83 is offline  
#10 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 03:48 PM
 
studentmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Rural NC
Posts: 206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow! Glad to see this thread. I'm so sorry to hear that you mamas feel like this but relieved to know I'm not alone. Being a SAHM can really make you feel like that in more ways than one - alone.

Sleep deprivation, being "stuck" (and blessed! to be) at home, etc can really take it out of you and shorten that fuse.
studentmomma is offline  
#11 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 05:16 PM
 
ktarsha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: near Nashville, Tenn.
Posts: 420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You're definitely not alone. I get that way when I'm stressed or sleep-deprived or hormonal. Sometimes, if I'm thinking clearly, I pack up my son and we go to the park or shopping or just out zen driving. Unfortunately, sometimes I end up yelling at him and slamming doors, and loathing myself for it the rest of the day.
ktarsha is offline  
#12 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 06:11 PM
 
limabean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 9,597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 11 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarMom2 View Post
A little perspective - my husband has been working long hours, and my son has been on a bit of a nap strike.
Those days are SO hard. I've totally been there, and I'm sure I'll be there again. The advice to get a change of scenery is good, although I know in the moment it can seem too overwhelming to actually pack everyone up and go somewhere.

Sometimes I'll declare a "slumber party," pull out the sofa bed, make some popcorn, put on a DVD, and we'll all hang out. It's really just sitting there watching a movie (i.e., a rest for mom!), but it seems special to the kids because it has a fun name and there's fun snacks involved.

ETA: I'm a WAH editor too -- I sooooooo know how you feel!!

DH+Me 1994 heartbeat.gif DS 2004 heartbeat.gif DD 2008 heartbeat.gif DDog 2014
limabean is online now  
#13 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 06:45 PM
 
QueenOfTheMeadow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: with the wildlife
Posts: 18,210
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
I'm moving this to parenting, as it is not a problem that is exclusive to SAHP. Enjoy the ride!!

 
QueenOfTheMeadow is offline  
#14 of 17 Old 11-20-2008, 06:58 PM
 
tatangel19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the NoVa jungle and longing for wilderness
Posts: 400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
As I have a cranky toddler right now, I hope I am not reposting an already made suggestion because I don't have time to read a whole thread, but here it goes- Do you have any local friends with kids? If so, could you organise a kidswap once a week for a few hours, or a once a month sleepover or something? I have noticed that the few friends I have that I trust to watch my kids tell me how well behaved they are, even if they have been jerks for me.
tatangel19 is offline  
#15 of 17 Old 11-26-2008, 09:56 PM
 
SimpleBean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: where common sense is not so common
Posts: 93
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Add me to the list of those who can relate!

Being with your kid(s) 24/7 can be a blessing, but it can also be VERY exhausting.

I reached a breaking point last week, and finally told DH that we need to get help. Just knowing I'm going to get some breaks in the future has improved my outlook a LOT!

I wish you the best!
SimpleBean is offline  
#16 of 17 Old 11-26-2008, 11:32 PM
 
LittleBlessings's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,145
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LittleBlessings is offline  
#17 of 17 Old 11-27-2008, 02:50 AM
 
Alison's Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,170
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think all parents get like at least some of the time. When life gets stressful, our kids sense it and sometimes act out more because they're scared or worried and don't know how to tell us, so just become more clingy or act out for attention.

For instance, DH was away these last couple of days for work, and his mom was really not doing well, so I spent pretty much all of yesterday morning and part of the afternoon on the phone with her, calling care facilities, arranging home care support, etc. My kids probably felt neglected because I wasn't able to play with them, plus DS had some sort of flu and was feverish, puking and understandably cranky. I started losing my patience, so ended up turning on the TV for an hour before dinner so I could check my email, log onto MDC and get some 'me time'.

I did the same today. I figure an hour of appropriate kid friendly TV is better than having me lose it, so I just cut myself some slack. I used to never turn on the TV during the day, but I'm now finding a use for it!

Mama to my two sweet monkeys - DD '04 and DS '06
Alison's Mom is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off