When ds found his gifts in the closet last year, he was surprised, and I just added that all mommies and daddies are secret helpers, and I help the magic along by keeping presents here if Santa runs out of room. He was fine with that...and anyway...
WHO SAYS THERE ISN'T A SANTA???
I don't feel like I'm lying when I talk about Santa. I feel like Santa is kind of a spirit that adopts each of us this season. I'm more than happy to let him occupy a small part of my soul to bring joy to our son.
I know some people don't want to take the focus off of Jesus, and I can respect that. I just really think Santa adds something to the celebration. There's always been something about Santa for me.
A little background:
My SO is from a large Catholic family and celebrated the holiday tradition with the aspect of S.C. when growing up. My dad comes from a large Catholic family and my mom comes from a big Jewish family. We celebrated several holiday traditions when I was growing up, and we did have the S.C. tradition mixed into our Christmas celebrations. My SO and I differ in how the S.C. aspect of Christmas manifested itself when we were kids, but we both have that in our history.
My sweetie and I agreed upon the following:
*We both enjoyed the S.C. aspect of Christmas growing up. It was really fun, even after we found out exactly what was going on.
*Even though we have different personalities, neither of us was traumatized at all when we found out the Santa who gave us presents was our parents
*We value imaginative play we can do with our kidos
*We don't want to lie to our children
Here's our agreed upon approach for the future that we came up after talking:
*We do the S.C. thing.
*We don't invent any elaborate stories about S.C., allowing imagination to take over for the kids. We all hang small stockings Christmas Eve, and they are filled over night. In the morning, these treats from Santa are enjoyed before we open presents under the tree from each other.
*Child is old enough to ask=child is old enough to know. If one of our future children happens to ask at a partciularly young age (3? 4?), we will try asking him/her what she thinks without actually answering the question ourselves, etc. However, if questions are persistant, regardless of age, we answer honestly.
*Our explanation (basically): There once was a real man who delivered presents to people, especially children, in celebration of Christmas. When this old man died, people wanted to carry on his tradition. To carry on the spirit of "old man Christmas," people play Santa for each other. It's all about fun and the spirit of giving (and the spirit of giving anonymously). There are traditions like this all around the world (which we can read about together as a family).
*Our older children are free to "play Santa" for eachother, if they want to get up in the night to leave presents in stockings. This is a fun game we can all participate in!
That's our solution. It works, and it's fun.
I find your choice interesting, it is different than the thoughts I was having but the end is the same - no santa.
One question, do your kids have a hard time with all the other kids believing & talking about santa? Do they tell them he's not real?
|Originally posted by lisamarie
But, we also bring the religious aspects into the holidays as well.
Plus-Santa is fun for ME!! I get to do stuff that, as "mom", I wouldn't do! I love the magic involved, the planning, the enjoyment I get out of it! Ditto for the Tooth Fairy, Easter Hare, fairy rings, etc.
-This year I am putting reinedeer footprints around the yard (hopefully in snow) and sleigh marks!!!
I understand the problems people have with the idea that this is lying but to me it is just pretending and is so magical for dd. We all need a little magic now and then!
We don't do easter bunny at all because of it's ties to idols. We have May baskets and whhile the kids get baskets with a few fun things but mostly focus on gving sweet things to others.
Tooth fairy on the other hand . . . Since she isn't barging in on God's spotlight we might let her stick around but do the crap about "if you don't believe she won't come. If we get busted oh well, kids still get money in the morning.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
I think what we will do is tell the story of Santa as a character in a story. And, not embellish. When my ds asks of the validity, we will turn the question around to him. And, when he finally requires the out right truth - we'll give it to him. I do not think we will right letters to Santa...Or, imply that the presents under the tree are necessarily from Santa.
I think we still have a few years to sort this out though...
So we give a gift to the poor picked out by our dd - she loves it
As for the guys at the malls etc. She thinks it is just a big dress-up game for them - she laughs and thinks it is nice game
We exchange stockings but everyone knows it is not from Santa
When i was little I could not understand why Santa could afford to give really cool things to some kids, but not much to the poor kids - seemed reverse to me.
But can someone please help me get my brain around the idea that the Tooth Fairy can be problematic? I am honestly baffled, and would love to hear the rationale behind not allowing it.
Then ds (3 1/2) asked if santa was real (he had heard that song grandma got run over by a reaindeer) and I said no. He said "he has to be real SOMEONE has to come down the chimmny"
We sort of left it at that then latter he asked and I compared it to Harry Potter. that Santa was made up just like harry pooter but it was fun to pretend they we're real.
That's where we are now, so we'll see how it goes.
This is interesting!
My Dh and I were both brought up with Santa and Jesus. In fact I remember at some point thinking they were related??? however, after embarking on this spiritual journey were all sharing, we choose a very different spiritual path then we had grown up with, we feel most connected with Winter Solstice and choose to celebrate that with all of our closest friends (fellow tribies) and their children. We do a huge winter (Vegetarian) feast and decorate the altar each family adds things and all the kids get presents from everyone mostly crafty handmade simple things.and their all from the winter fairy. which is what it is no real hype goes into it just a way to be anymous
SO the problem is the rest of the family celebrates Santa along with the birth of christ and since Solstice falls before Christmas we usually go share the holidays with the Grandma's -who want to share CHRISTmas with her. I do share a connection with Jesus and plan on sharing that with her,but not in this way, I dont want her to think what she sees (X-mas=over consumtion, materialism) is what its about I remember as a child the kid who lived across the street from me who was a complete bully and overall mean kid come out Christmas morning sporting more toys then anyone on the block- and i remember trying to understand why! We do have to remember that is is not the most black and white issue in the world. Part of the whole christmas thing for children is showing off what you "got" to other kids, and i wish we were a big mothering dot commune in real life but unfortunatley we all have to live with the rest of society who doesnt always teach that its all about LOVE and that Givin IS Livin! ( * So I feel to a point I owe it to Lily to put things in perspective!
at this point i feel thankful shes only 2 and I plan on not dealing with it more heavily until next year!!
santa is one of my fondest memories.
i love love love christmas and santa and rudolph....nestor...etc
i love it.
but, it is really something for everyone to decide.
i dont feel there is a right or wrong answer
Anyway, I thought my parents so nice to go through all that trouble to stay up late and put together toys and then give all the credit to some imaginary elves! However, it was, I guess, a lie and I can see being hurt by that. I still plan to do Santa, etc. but when ds asks will give him Santa is real in your heart like parents gave to me. And like someone else said, he will not be used as a threat and will not be given godlike superpowers!
We tell her the truth, that some people believe that Santa Clause brings gifts to children all over the world. We don't tell her that we grew up poor and sometimes Santa missed our house COMPLETELY!
I had a male employee once who told, "I don't tell my children that some white man is giving them gifts once a year. I am black and I want them to know that I worked HARD all year to buy them special things." I couldn't have said it better.
I want the credit for the present that will give my daughter the biggest smile. So maybe I'll have Santa bring socks! Heeheehee
So yeah, we'll be doing the whole Santa Clause thing. Shoot, that's why I had a child to begin with! Just so I could do all the neato kiddie stuff.
So when I demanded to know if Santa was real, my mom told me the truth and then went on about how the spirit of Christmas is giving, and how Santa is a symbol for that, and yada yada yada.
For me it did absolutely no good to hear that. Maybe because up until that moment, Christmas was about GETTING PRESENTS.
That's all. We didn't celebrate Jesus or any of that. We were brought up without any faith. So christmas was just a time of the year when we got presents. I felt like I had been putting all this focus on an imaginary person for no reason. When I found out Christmas was about giving, I was angry. Not only because I didn't get to have the belief in Santa any longer, but also because I suddenly was more aware of how much deeper other families were, and how much I had missed out because our family was unable to talk about what Christmas really meant. My parents instead just focused on the man in the red suit. The whole jesus in the manger thing was a mystery to me. I still dont really have any sense of connection to that story.
My instinct is to tell my daughter the truth when the time comes. That there is no person named santa claus flying around the world in a sled on Christmas eve. I want to talk about giving and being thankful as a tradition, but I dont have any interest in mr. claus. We wont focus on Jesus cos we're not Christian, but we will recognise the time of year as Christmas time and try to make it special some how. It's gonna be different though, since I also don't like christmas trees because of the sacrifice the trees must make to become a decoration in millions of homes. we're gonna just have to reinvent the whole shabang somehow. Good thing she's only 4 months old.
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