I was talking to my friend on the phone, and I just learned about how she deals with their toddlers. Now that they are no longer sleeping in their cribs, she locks them in their rooms at night!
When i heard this, my first instinct was to totally lose it on her like I would have in times past. But, because I wanted to get my message across, and because I really wanted to show some progress, I fought back my extreme rage, counted to ten and breathed deeply befor asking her this, "Seriously? Are you kidding when you say this, or do you really do this?
"I really do this."
"Why," I asked.
"Because now that they have outgrown their cribs, I have to keep them in their rooms. I mean, I don't want them crawling into bed with me since it is my time, and i don't need them getting into things."
Outch! Now, here is when I would have lost it. How could a mother say such a thing? This is so heartless! Surprisingly, I did not. I remembered what I had learned in spiritual counceling and kept my composure. I remembered that I had an objective. My objective was that I wanted to convince her that it was not right to do. I remembered that if I lost my temper, the message woudl be lost with it.
"You know?" I began. "Have you ever thought that your children would be afraid to be locked in their rooms? Have you ever thought that they want to be close to you?"
"Well," she said, "they'll have to get used to it. I can't be there for them all the time. I love my children. They just have to go to bed when I say they have to. If they cry, they cry."
Though I was hurt beyond belief, and though my heart was torn into a million pieces, I managed to tell her what I believed and how I took care of children. I shared my experienced as i would an interchange of ideas. I did not want to tell her what she should be doing, as I did not want her to be on the defensive. I had the big picture that I wanted to share more with her in the future. So, I just shared my beliefs and my ideas in conversation.
Needless to say, when i hung up the phone, I cried. I'm still crying now. I'm so confused. Part of me is proud that I did not burst into rage, and the other half of me is so mad at myself because I felt I should have yelled at her and told her how crazy she was. I'm feeling so lost and confused. I hate having Aspergers, as it really impairs my way of doing things and reacting. Yeah, I'm getting much better, and I can update you all on that soon, but I just needed to sound this off tonight since i was so troubled. I'll probably have ightmares when I go to sleep tonight.
Did I handle it right?
"I really do this."
"Why," I asked.
"Because now that they have outgrown their cribs, I have to keep them in their rooms. I mean, I don't want them crawling into bed with me since it is my time, and i don't need them getting into things."
Outch! Now, here is when I would have lost it. How could a mother say such a thing? This is so heartless! Surprisingly, I did not. I remembered what I had learned in spiritual counceling and kept my composure. I remembered that I had an objective. My objective was that I wanted to convince her that it was not right to do. I remembered that if I lost my temper, the message woudl be lost with it.
"You know?" I began. "Have you ever thought that your children would be afraid to be locked in their rooms? Have you ever thought that they want to be close to you?"
"Well," she said, "they'll have to get used to it. I can't be there for them all the time. I love my children. They just have to go to bed when I say they have to. If they cry, they cry."
Though I was hurt beyond belief, and though my heart was torn into a million pieces, I managed to tell her what I believed and how I took care of children. I shared my experienced as i would an interchange of ideas. I did not want to tell her what she should be doing, as I did not want her to be on the defensive. I had the big picture that I wanted to share more with her in the future. So, I just shared my beliefs and my ideas in conversation.
Needless to say, when i hung up the phone, I cried. I'm still crying now. I'm so confused. Part of me is proud that I did not burst into rage, and the other half of me is so mad at myself because I felt I should have yelled at her and told her how crazy she was. I'm feeling so lost and confused. I hate having Aspergers, as it really impairs my way of doing things and reacting. Yeah, I'm getting much better, and I can update you all on that soon, but I just needed to sound this off tonight since i was so troubled. I'll probably have ightmares when I go to sleep tonight.
Did I handle it right?