Family / Friends insist on using another name? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 12:14 AM
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Oh boy, this is really annoying. I have spent half my life trying to ditch my childhood nickname of Mindy. Many relatives still insist on using it, or "cannot remember" to call me Melinda. After vigorous protests, the best they can do is "Min" because "Melinda is soooooo long." This is not meant to be disrespectful or affectionate. As I see it, they are just being lazy. Some of my Czech friends tried to call me "Melly" but I told them that it is way too close to the English word smelly and it totally unacceptable. They have all gotten used to my name.

FF to my own children. Andrej is a name that, fortunately, does not lend itself easily to nicknames. (BTW, the final 'j' is silent; it is spelled this way out of convention here.) We called him Squeak when he was very little, but of course he grew out of it pretty quickly. Some folks, especially Czechs who are a little bilingual, tried out Andy on him but HE made it clear that he would not answer to that. Some people asked me, repeatedly even, if we would call Amadea "Ami" (prounounced "OMMy") and I was like, "Yuck, who would want to be called that?" and they have also gotten used to her name. Some mispronounce it as a-MAAAH-day-uh (instead of, correctly, A-mah-day-uh) but that is because they also mispronounce Amadeus in this way. It's kind of a hypercorrect thing done here, and it's difficult to change. Now we have one friend who keeps asking about my belly-baby as "Rosie." We have no intentions of calling her this, but he says that he can't remember Quintana - and he has a huge poster of Rosie the Riveter on his wall, so it's easy to see why Rosie sticks better. I wrote our baby's chosen name down for him, so hopefully he will learn it soon. Perhaps we will choose a nickname for Q. "Quinny," "Quinty," "Tanya," etc. but only after meeting her and seeing what fits. And of course, we will respect her wishes and make sure others comply with them when she is old enough to tell us what they are.
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#62 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 02:40 AM
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People are so weird about names!!!

After DS Colin Theodore was born, my FIL asked "What are you going to do when people start calling him Teddy?" I asked him "When was the last time anyone called you Leroy (FIL's middle name)?" He said never.... and I was like "Then why would you think that anyone would call Colin 'Teddy'?"


Then FIL asked what I was going to say when someone pronounced Colin like COLON- or Colin Powell. I said "Tell them it's pronounced COW-LIN."

I swear.... like I didn't have anything more pressing on my mind one week postpartum.

Sleepy mama to Colin Theodore 8-12-08 and Trevor Arthur 7-17-12.



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#63 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 05:52 AM
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We called our kids names that would be difficult to shorten - I hate when people do not respect the name given by the parents, unless the child wants their name to be shorten or give themselves a nickname, I think it is a lack of respect. My nephews are very clear about their names not being shorten and will in no uncertain terms make sure everyone knows that!

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#64 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 07:09 AM
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Originally Posted by orangefoot View Post
Our dd1 is Amelia and when she was little lots of people asked us if we were actually going to call her that! Why not?

If people ask her name now they get the full three-plus-surname and no-one dares suggest she call herself Millie.
Amelia is a beautiful name.

I have actually had the following conversation, more than once.
person "What is your daughter's name?"
me "Lea"
person "Oh, Leia" (like the princess in star wars)
me "Lea"
person "Leia"
me "No, LEA (Then I spell it) L.E.A"
person "It is Leia."
me "I am her mother. I am pretty sure I know what her name is."
person: changes subject

My goodness, Lea is NOT hard to say. Like Lee with an a at the end. You would think her name was Smoobahoplapopagoyah.
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#65 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 07:31 AM
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I don't know why people are so funny about nicknames. My son is Angus and I think it's cute when people call him Gus ...
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#66 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for all of the comments and discussions, some great stories that made me smile and laugh! : I didn’t realize how common this issue was.

I would let people call our daughter Katherine. I just have actually never, well, rarely, heard “Kat” used for Katherine. We have two cats : already; so maybe that’s why I’m not too keen to add a third one to the house…

My husband has been calling our baby “Abby” since the moment he found out we were pregnant. I started calling the baby “Allister” just to point out that we don't know if it’s a boy or girl yet. Both names we won’t use when the baby is born (I hope not, though husband it getting pretty comfy with Abby). I hope we don’t confuse ourselves, name the baby Katherine, and still call her Abby after she’s born Though, last night, DH decided, “I don’t know if I really like the name Katherine.” Ugh.

Still, I don’t like “Kat” as a nickname. BUT, if my child is old enough to say they DO like it, I’ll go with it. But until they’re old enough that’s not their name.
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#67 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 01:07 PM
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One of the many reasons I named my daughter Margaret is that there are so many nick names associated with it. If she gets tired of being called Maggie she can switch. That said I didn't really like when my mom called her Mags but now I've started doing it too.

My given name is very short and there aren't many nicknames. I often wished for a name with more flexibility. Grass is always greener and all that.
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#68 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 01:14 PM
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I Like the name amelia too! makes me think of amelia bedilia

also - a girl i know named katherine goes by kat... people call her kit kat... its cute lol
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#69 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 01:25 PM
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I've got a good friend whose name is Catherine and she goes by Cat. It's extra fun, because hers starts with a C, not a K :

DD1's name is Josephine. She's named after my grandmother and it was very important and special to me. We determined, before she was born, that if she was a girl, she'd be Josephine and we'd call her Joey. It seemed that everyone was on board with that.

Well, after she was born, my MIL started calling her Jo Jo, like Jo Jo's Circus.... It made me want to wretch. Reminds me of a circus monkey. But, anyway, I just let it slide. DD1 often refers to herself and Jo Jo, and it drives me monkey nuts, but there you go. It's her name.

I'll call her Joey, regardless of what anyone else calls her, or what she chooses to have other people call her as she gets older. Unless she specifically asks me to call her something else, which I'd consider, I guess.

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#70 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 01:56 PM
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One thing to think can be pretty insistent about what their names are when they want to be. I think of my nephew, for example, who was very firm with us when he was small that his name was Thomas, not Tom or Tommy or TJ or anything else, but Thomas. He's now sixteen and prefers Tom, but understands that some of us still call him Thomas sometimes.

Or my uncle, who grew up being called Jimmy, and who still has a few relatives who call him Jimmy but most of us call him Jim.

If she's named Katherine but you call her Kate, she may decide to stick with Kate or she may decide she's Kat or she may decide she's Kathy or something else entirely.
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#71 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 02:16 PM
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I call kids whatever I hear their parents call them, out of respect. But for my kids, I don't mind nicknames. My DH's family has tons of nicknames for my son and I think they're cute -- some are based on his given name and some have nothing to do with it, but they're all forms of endearment.

If they called him a completely different name because they didn't like the name we gave him (like in the Judah/Sophie example given earlier), I would think that was really rude and I'd be upset, but most nicknames are given out of a sense of fun and endearment, so they don't bother me.

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#72 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 02:33 PM
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my dd's name is Jessamyn - i really liked the name Jessie but didn't want that to be her "real" name and didn't want Jessica because it was waaay too popular. but Jessamyn seemed so long and formal for a baby.. so we just called her Baby... and almost 20 years later ... i still call her Baby lol (we call her Jessamyn too... btw she hates the name Jessie )

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#73 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 04:06 PM
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Originally Posted by mytwogirls View Post
I have one of those names which is a "nickname" to some, but it is my legal name so I have been addressed by my "proper" name, which is NOT my name, so many times. I have to tell people right off the bat about it. Kinda funny.
Me too! It's like..
"Hi, I'm Kati"
"What's that short for, Katheryn? Kaitlyn?"
"... it's short for Kati."

My husband is Louie, NOT Louis, and he gets the same thing.

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#74 of 76 Old 12-12-2008, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by ck1 View Post
and call her "Kate" for short, my friend told me she's going to call her "Kat" whether I like it or not. :
Why don't you just call her Kate?

Seems a little strange that you're going to give her a name, call her another, but get upset that someone else might choose a different nickname...

Katherine has SO many nicknames - katie, kathy, kat, kate, etc. if you choose a name with so many nicknames, I'd just get used to it now that some people will want to shorten it (your daughter herself, too, likely)

If you really like Kate, just name her Kate (and probably won't get shortened, since its already 1 syllable).
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#75 of 76 Old 12-13-2008, 01:10 AM
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When pregnant with ds1 we told everyone his name, Robin and were met with disapproval for many different reasons that mostly made no sense. My sister told me she would have to call him boy wonder or Rob instead. I guess two syllables were too many for her. She only tried it a couple of times and I have jumped on her every time. She doesn't anymore but her daughter has. She's now 10 and ds1 is almost 4 and she will try to call him Rob but quietly so I won't hear because she knows how I feel about it. He tried telling her to stop, she kept doing it now he refuses to call her by her own name but calls her my her mothers name. My niece says she doesn't mind but she's got to care about the smug way my 4yr old is saying it to her in such a mocking tone. Kids are funny.

DH goes by Papa with our kids. We have a real problem with FIL referring to him to our kids as "Dad". It might not sound like much but the intention is mean. We have corrected him over and over and he is undermining what DH would like his kids to refer to him as on purpose. Even MIL will correct him and FIL will look at her then turn to my son and say "Your DAD used to blah, blah, blah." I think after nearly 4 years and three kids, If he does this one more time at Christmas I just might lose it.
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#76 of 76 Old 12-13-2008, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by katiesk View Post
yes. my brother and his family decided to call my baby "baby sophie" when she was still of unknown gender and in the womb. sil asked me one day what names we were thinking of and i told her judah for a girl, and she responded "thats terrible". is born, she's a girl, her name is judah and brother and his family are still calling her baby sophie. i have pointedly let them know that her name is judah. it's on her birth certificate, we are not changing it (they asked) and i would appreciate it if others didn't call her a different name. to this day, we get mail at our house addressed to "baby sophie"

i have told them that no baby sophie lives here...and i know they are being kind in sending things, but it drives me crazy! i think it bothers me mostly because of how rude they were about telling me they hate the name i picked out. i didn't ask for their opinion...and really, i hate the name they gave my nephew, but i love him and it wasn't up to me to name him and they didn't ask for my input.

it's so annoying.
My in-laws do this with our children's last name. We hyphenated my-last-name-hubby's-last-name on their birth certificate but made it pretty clear that was the only place they would be hyphenated and for daily usage they would be using my-last-name only. My husband is the only one in our family with hubby's-last-name and yet every piece of mail my children has ever gotten is addressed to Madeline, Mason, or Eleanor Hubby's-last-name. It seriously pisses me off and I am sure I will snap someday and send the mail back with a no such person label but for now we have such a touchy and drama filled relationship with them as it is that it doesn't feel worth it to battle over this as well.

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