My daughter is showing signs of physical abuse, but there's a semi-happy update on post 23 - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 07:24 AM - Thread Starter
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I made a post earlier in the week about my daughter's changed sleep schedule. I had to go out without her yesterday but my partner (her father) called me to tell me that he was taking Rory (our daughter) to the ER because she was acting like she couldn't keep her eyes open and she kept gingerly touching the sides of her head like they hurt her. She'll be four in May.

The results of the ER visit was them finding "suspicious bruises" on Aurora's head. Wherever there was hair covering, it seemed, they were uncovering more soft spots and bruising that we were completely unaware of.

Obviously, we've been in hell since Friday. Rory is being treated for a concussion at the hospital but they're going to put her into state protective custody when she's well enough to be released even though we've been interviewed extensively since they found the bruises and have been cleared pretty much.

However, we don't know who could have done his. We only ever leave her with absolutely trusted adults (our parents and one of DP's best friends) for maybe an hour a week max, and I just don't want to believe that they could have done it either. My poor baby is hurt and scared and I don't know who hurt her, I'm just so...insane at the moment that I don't quite know what to say. I just don't know how this could have happened to my baby, how I could have not noticed til now...I'm the worst mother alive, and I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her.

****PLEASE READ THE UPDATED POST, POST 23****
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#2 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 07:27 AM
 
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You are NOT the worst mother alive. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this right now. I don't have any good advice, just wanted to send you some hugs and say a prayer for you.

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#3 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 07:53 AM
 
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i'm so sorry your baby is hurt it is possible that there is an underlying medical condition that could have caused these bruises but it is also possible it was someone you trusted remember you ARE NOT to blame i hope the medical team find the cause soon and if someone has hurt her i hope they pay
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#4 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 07:55 AM
 
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The first thing I would do is lawyer up. You need someone to help you get your DD back ASAP and to help you navigate the world of CPS.

I would also be ready to NEVER leave DD alone with anyone else (including DP) until this was resolved.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

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#5 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:10 AM
 
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I don't have any advice but Im sorry you are going through this. You aren't a bad mother.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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#6 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:14 AM - Thread Starter
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DP is not even a remote consideration. (for one thing, he was away for most of the time that the symptoms started showing up, but for another thing, he would never raise a hand to anyone, let alone his little girl. He won't so much as raise his voice when he gets angry. I just don't know if I coulddo that to him
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#7 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:18 AM
 
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Then who was watching her if he was gone?
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#8 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:21 AM - Thread Starter
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I was or as op says friends and family that we thought were trusted. That wasn't entirely clear and I'm sorry but there's another thread here someplace if you'll forgive my disjointedness, she's had for a couple of weeks (3 weeks? ish) a drastic change in her activity level and a very low grade fever and he'd been away but he was here when it happened, does that make more sense?
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#9 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:27 AM
 
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I'm glad that you are confident in your partner. I can't imagine how much worse (and more complicated) this would be if you felt unsure of him.

I'm sorry if I upset you by implying he could be responsible. I was trying to gently offer advice without bluntly saying, "Do you trust DP?"

Hold each other close. You will get through this together.

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#10 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:29 AM
 
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No, not at all.

WHO had access to the child?

Not it's any of my business since any pedi and/or hospital worth it's funding would never allow this child to leave the ER.
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#11 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:36 AM - Thread Starter
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The emergency room knows and are looking into them and in my OP I stated that there were parents and a few trusted friends. Who, yes, are being investigated.

She's still in the hospital's care.
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#12 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:55 AM
 
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I am so sorry this happened to your dd and that you all are going through this. I have no advice
to you and hopefully you will get some answers soon. I agree with a pp, get a lawyer

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#13 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 11:02 AM
 
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What a nightmare I hope you find out what or who caused the bruises very very soon and this whole nightmare ends for your daughter and family. I agree that it could be some kind of physical issue. A neighbor's child was covered with what looked like bruises and it turned out to be a terrible allergic reaction to dairy. It looked enough like bruises that they were investigated by CPS before the cause was found. So it isn't necessarily physical abuse.
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#14 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 11:10 AM
 
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I am so sorry. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#15 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 01:31 PM
 
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My prayers are with you.

Get a family law lawyer.


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#16 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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have they checked her for that "fragile bone" condition? I read somewhere that kids with that condition are often suspected of being victims of abuse but they were getting horrible bruises from regular bumps that wouldn't really hurt other kids....might be worth looking into...is there trauma on any part of her body besides her head?

good luck
peace,
robyn
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#17 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 01:44 PM
 
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#18 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 01:50 PM
 
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I can't even imagine what you're going through. Hang in there and know that there are mamas out here sending you good thoughts.

Live and love with your whole being.
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#19 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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Is your daughter able to tell you what happened?


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#20 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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i am thinking since you had your dd around trusted people and you cant imagine who would have done this - could there be a medical condition as pp mentioned that might look like abuse?

has the hospital ruled any of that out? have they even checked into it?

i dont know what medical conditions would be responsible. i am not sure where you would call or research this.



eta: with the level of bruising you described i cant imagine you picking up your dd after an hour and ur dd not saying or reacting to any abuse if it happened. not waiting sometime later. with that level of bruising i would at least associate some pain. i mean its the head. soft spots, bruising sounds v. painful to me. to me a medical condition just makes more sense. i am just thinking logically here. what tests have they done for concussion. are they just going by her symptoms? have they done an MRI? or looked at the brain.

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#21 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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get a lawyer. not as an aggressive thing but as a resource. you will need sound legal advice and a third party to be there to give some perspective. a good lawyer can be incredibly helpful in these situations.
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#22 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 04:00 PM
 
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I am so sorry your family is going through this. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be. I also would suggest that you get a lawyer ASAP. I would also make sure the hospital has done EXTENSIVE testing on your DD. I know some med professionals are quick to assume abuse and stop at that. Be strong and know that you are not a bad mother.
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#23 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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I second (or third) the possibility of looking for an underlying medical condition. Dd, for example, has severe food allergies. The time she ate fish (she tested negative, so we were trialing it), she got an itchy rash on her chest that she scratched raw. The rash cleared up pretty quickly, but the skin looked pretty gruesome for a couple of days because of what she had done to it. Was she tested for anemia? Allergies? Anything else that might cause easy bruising? Is it possible that she was playing roughly and just got banged up?
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#24 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:39 PM - Thread Starter
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The doctor saw Rory again this morning and decided to run some more tests because her symptoms were worsening, rather than improving even under the conditions presented in the hospital.

It's been a very long day, but after exhaustive testing, and Aurora has been diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. Although this news has been very difficult to contend with--I'm still in shock--it's a strange relief to know that nobody hurt her. We'll be living at the hospital for god knows how long now and treatments will begin next week, but nobody hurt my baby.
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#25 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:43 PM
 
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Oh my goodness! Best wishes to you and your family. Leukemia is very treatable these days. I will be thinking of your little girl.
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#26 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:45 PM
 
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Oh, mama. I'm so sorry. I'm glad that they're not blaming you our your hubby anymore, but what a horrible reason. I'm sending up all the prayers and positive thoughts I've got for you and your little girl.

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#27 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:45 PM
 
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I am so sorry for the road you have ahead. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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#28 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:50 PM
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Oh my goodness your poor baby. I hope the treatments go well. (((hugs)))
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#29 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:51 PM
 
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My thoughts and with you and your little girl.

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#30 of 83 Old 12-14-2008, 08:52 PM
 
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I'm glad you got a definitive answer about what is going on. Best wishes for the healing process to start now.

Live and love with your whole being.
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