I am really, really .....REALLY at the breaking point - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 01:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
veronicalynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Castle Rock
Posts: 851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
because I never ever get a break. I do not have any family to help me at all or any close friends who I could trust to leave my children with while I take a much needed break. Even if I could, my 2 year old would be traumatized I think though I know my 4 year old would be ok. I would not be able to leave my almost 5 month old right now. I dont have the time to try to pump. I had just managed to get my 2 year old and the baby to sleep when my 4 year old woke him up and I just lost it. I am thinking of leaving them with respite care but I am soooo scared. I dont care how much training people have had or that they have had police checks etc that means nothing to me. But if I dont get a break I dont know what I will do. I have fantasies of leaving my family and just living on my own. I am a horrible mom right now because I am burned out..not burning like some people have suggested but already there. I am snapping at my kids big time. I cant even type this without someone crying, jumping on me or asking me for help with their damn toy. I am starting to regret wanting to have a family right now. I dont need much just half an hour to be by myself would be so welcome. Sorry I just needed to vent and am not expecting any miracle solutions
veronicalynne is offline  
#2 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 01:17 AM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Do you have a partner who can watch the kids for an hour? A religious community where you could find a teenage babysitter? A LLL group or AP group where you can find another mom to watch them for you?

I can tell you, having four kids and mostly being with them 24/7, there are times when I have to have a break. If it doesn't happen, I'm not a nice mom to be around. I'd rather my youngest (the older ones are fine with sitters) be unhappy for an hour or two while I refresh myself so that I can be nice to the kids than have the kids deal with a mean mommy.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
#3 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 01:18 AM
 
Jane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Kenmore, Washington
Posts: 7,110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

No advice, just comiseration.

Homebirth Midwife biggrinbounce.gif

After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

Jane is offline  
#4 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 02:06 AM
 
Veronique's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 184
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have 2 and sometimes I'm at my wits end, as well. I'd suggest getting a sitter for at least your 2 older ones. If you don't want to leave your baby, you can take him with you for a bit. It might make it easier if you are with just one kid instead of all of them. The bottom line is you need someone to help you.
Veronique is offline  
#5 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 02:09 AM
 
weliveintheforest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 5,621
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been there too If I don't get breaks pretty regularly I am not a very sweet mama

BC Mum of four ('05, '07, '11 and 06/14!)     
weliveintheforest is online now  
#6 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 02:11 AM
 
Breeder's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Durham, NC
Posts: 1,932
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know how you feel. Sometimes you just reach that breaking point.

Better that they be unhappy with a sitter for a few hours than have an unhappy and angry mama. Be gentle with yourself mama. You say you have a 5 month old? Have you considered being screened for ppd (mine showed up right around 5 mo postpartum).

Breeder Mama: = wife to an amazing man + mama to J-Bear (07/02) and E-Train (06/08), nanny to Little Bird (07/10).

Breeder is offline  
#7 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 02:20 AM
 
MrsAprilMay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronique View Post
I have 2 and sometimes I'm at my wits end, as well. I'd suggest getting a sitter for at least your 2 older ones. If you don't want to leave your baby, you can take him with you for a bit. It might make it easier if you are with just one kid instead of all of them. The bottom line is you need someone to help you.
This is a really good suggestion. For over a year DH was working 70+ hours a week and we shared a car. I was home alone almost all the time. I totally understand being overwhelmed. I remember last summer I got out one night to a Red Tent event with just DS. It totally recharged my battery. I felt so much better...lighter and happier. All from a couple hours with just the baby.

I know you are worried about your 2 year old, but a couple hours in a less than ideal situation for her will help her because she will have a less frazzled mama.

Maybe you could try FYT to find a sitter, or a mama that would be willing to swap care.
MrsAprilMay is offline  
#8 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 03:04 AM
 
Purple Cat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 466
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It seems so striking that what resonates through your e-mail is how you feel like you cannot trust anyone else with your children. Of course, that puts you in a bind where you can never ever get any time away from them. It's puzzling.
Purple Cat is offline  
#9 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 03:14 AM
PPK
 
PPK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,150
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know anything about respite care, but I've been feeling similarly. Definately look for a sitter, just a neighbor could be great as well as affordable. Even if you wake up feeling better tomorrow, don't put it off. Interview people asap and then you won't have to get to this point (as often anyways). Seriously, I only have one child and if I don't get a bit of personal time within a day or two, I really start to lose it and get mean and snappy (I have to hire someone because I have no family living nearby).

Even if things are going ok, I try to remember to ask the sitter to come by for 45 minutes in the early evening (my burnout time) to help play with ds while I can clear my head and make dinner so I don't get to that point with him.

Help is a very good thing!
PPK is offline  
#10 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 03:22 AM
 
Theoretica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside my head (it's quiet here!)
Posts: 3,825
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Call a local day care and either A) take your kids there for a day (yes it costs, but not much, and so does your sanity) or B) ask to hire one of their workers for a Saturday in your home so you can get away. Day care workers at a licensed facility are a pretty safe bet.

Why do you say your 2yo can't be away from you at all? Do you have a partner?

Good luck...
Bellevuemama

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
Humanist Woman Wife , & Friend Plus Mama to 6 (3 mos, 2, 9, 13, 17, 20)
Theoretica is offline  
#11 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
veronicalynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Castle Rock
Posts: 851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purple Cat View Post
It seems so striking that what resonates through your e-mail is how you feel like you cannot trust anyone else with your children. Of course, that puts you in a bind where you can never ever get any time away from them. It's puzzling.
I dont know about you but I am reluctant to leave my children with complete strangers. I dont know anyone in this town well enough to entrust them with my children. I dont know about you but I would prefer to make sure that I am leaving them in a safe place. We had a case of child abuse with the respite care here so I am not sure about that. Am I supposed to knock on an unknown neighbors door?
veronicalynne is offline  
#12 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 01:51 PM
 
dido1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 866
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There comes a point in our need for sanity that we MUST learn to put our faith in strangers and get help raising our children. I know how hard it is to make that leap, but when you are at the point where you are fantasizing about leaving your family (believe me, I only have one child and I have had those fantasies!), you need to call in some help. I would call a licensed daycare centre or baby sitting service and arrange some care. We hear a lot of horror stories in the news and from well-meaning friends, but the majority of caregivers are wonderful, loving, helping people trained in childcare. Your two year old will not be scarred for life by having a sitter every once in a while, I promise you. What might be a good compromise is if you hired a mother's helper and eased into having some time away with just the baby for now. Start with a fifteen minute walk, then build up the the time away.
dido1 is offline  
#13 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 01:56 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by veronicalynne View Post
I dont know about you but I am reluctant to leave my children with complete strangers. I dont know anyone in this town well enough to entrust them with my children. I dont know about you but I would prefer to make sure that I am leaving them in a safe place. We had a case of child abuse with the respite care here so I am not sure about that. Am I supposed to knock on an unknown neighbors door?
I understand the fear but it really does sound like a crisis situation. Here are some suggestions:

Decide which questions you could ask that would help you to screen people.

Ask other moms at the playground, grocery store, church/mosque, etc. if they know anyone they can recommend. You do need to start to make friends for a support group, so go for talking to them.

Look for drop-in programmes at the library, community centre, school, etc. - there is a safety in numbers and even if you only get a break from 1 or 2 kids, it still might help. There are also sometimes drop-in care centres at malls.

Coming up to march break you can look for a march break "daycamp" - often designed for parents who use daycares which close.

Talk to guidance counsellors at local high schools or college employment centres - they may have people who would come for a fee or at low cost. You might not leave them completely alone the first few times, but you could have them care for your children in your home while you lie down, go for a walk, take a bath, whatever.

Good luck.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#14 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 02:06 PM
 
MOMYS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Could you get someone in while you are at home.... that way your kids (and you) can get to know her in a relaxed, safe environment. Maybe you can take a long soak in the tub whilst she is there doing crafts/reading to your children.

Once you (and the kids) feel comfortable with her, you can maybe take some time out! Start a hobby; go shopping alone; whatever your needs are!
MOMYS is offline  
#15 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 02:15 PM
 
TinyMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 708
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMYS View Post
Could you get someone in while you are at home.... that way your kids (and you) can get to know her in a relaxed, safe environment. Maybe you can take a long soak in the tub whilst she is there doing crafts/reading to your children.
I agree...I did this kind of babysitting for a family when I was a young teenager. The mom and I (and kids) switched rooms as she got her work done. She got stuff done and relaxed. If they asked for her repeatedly, she made herself less visible. The kids got used to it and enjoyed it.

Is there a teenager you see around in your neighborhood? Is there another family with kids who might be able to suggest someone?

OT: I find a great way to relax while out with a baby that young is to strap him to your back and "forget" about him (not really, yk, but just enough).

Mommy to DD 5-07
TinyMama is offline  
#16 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 07:30 PM
 
orangefoot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Oxfordshire UK
Posts: 3,091
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The pps have suggested ways of getting more help so I am going to add something else.

When I feel that I am struggling against my children I try to put myself alongside them instead of head to head with them. When remind myself that I could let go of what I need to do and see how we could do things together the tension eases. Little people bug big people when they want something that isn't being satisfied and usually it it that they feel ignored.

Just putting my dd on the counter next to me when I am preparing dinner stops her shouting and screaming at me from the living room wanting me to stop and help her to this or that. 2yos and 4yos can get out saucepans or get cutlery, they can help get snacks or bring things for the baby, do shows for the baby to laugh at and more if you ask them.

I don't know how cold it is where you are but try to get outside every day if you can but if you can't then do let them be wild indoors for a while every day; jumping on the cushions or the bed or racing round in circles or jumping round like frogs.

If you can ease your struggle a little bit, the urge to run away may lessen a little too.

Hang on in there.
orangefoot is offline  
#17 of 38 Old 12-27-2008, 08:16 PM
 
~*Jackie*~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lenexa, KS
Posts: 17
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wanted to offer condolences for how you're feeling. I hope you're able to recieve that much needed break soon. You're not a bad mommy, we all go through this **HUGS**
~*Jackie*~ is offline  
#18 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 01:12 AM
 
mountainmama2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 62
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMYS View Post
Could you get someone in while you are at home.... that way your kids (and you) can get to know her in a relaxed, safe environment. Maybe you can take a long soak in the tub whilst she is there doing crafts/reading to your children.

Once you (and the kids) feel comfortable with her, you can maybe take some time out! Start a hobby; go shopping alone; whatever your needs are!
I agree, if there is someone from your religious community or perhaps a neighbor to come over for an hour or so while you are at home so you can take a hot bath or a nap may be the best thing. That way your children are under your own roof. I don't usually advocate TV but honestly there have been times when Barney babysits while Mommy takes a shower-just so I can get 20 minutes of time to think without the constant pull on my attention.
Please above all, don't call yourself a bad mommy...we have all been where you are to one extent or another. What you are feeling is understandable and normal...really. I wanted to cry when I read your e-mail, I so understand where you are coming from. I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. It's ok to ask for help. Really ok. Kids are resiliant and even if someone doesn't do things exactly the way you do, they will be ok. A stressed out mommy makes for a stressed out family.
much love to you.
Kelly Jo
mountainmama2 is offline  
#19 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 02:16 AM
 
Purple Cat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 466
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by veronicalynne View Post
I dont know about you but I am reluctant to leave my children with complete strangers. I dont know anyone in this town well enough to entrust them with my children. I dont know about you but I would prefer to make sure that I am leaving them in a safe place. We had a case of child abuse with the respite care here so I am not sure about that. Am I supposed to knock on an unknown neighbors door?
I really do feel for you that you don't seem to believe anyone can be trusted with your children and to interpret a suggestion that perhaps you need to trust at least one person as suggesting you leave your children with "complete strangers" and in "unsafe places." It's just so extreme. There are gradiations between "abusive and complete strangers" and your care of your children.
Al the alternatives are blocked when you assume everyone except you will abuse your children. I don't think the message you are sending to your children is healthy and as you yourself said, it's really compromising your care of your children.
Purple Cat is offline  
#20 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 03:54 AM
 
Satori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Earth, I think, kids say Cybertron
Posts: 7,901
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I can understand her POV, if she's got respite care then I'm assuming she has a special needs child which puts leaving them with a babysitter into a whole other field. I have days where I feel like the OP and there really isn't a chance for me to leave my kids with a sitter/respite becasue there is no one trained to care for them or that I trust to do so. I don't even trust my own mother! Today I finally got to go to the Dr for a sinus infection I've been fighting for a month and its at the point I need antibiotics. Going to urgent care with my kids is a nightmare so I had my mother keep them and I called every hour to check on them. I had 4 hours to myself to read and talk to adults even if it was at a Dr's office, it was a very nice break and I was in a much much better mood when I came back but when you have SN kids you can't just leave them with anyone and expect that basic skills in keeping kids alive and unharmed is going to work.

To the OP, I have been there where your at on a regular basis, I agree with everyone else, if you can have someone come over and just play with the kids in another room while you read, do dishes, take a shower ALONE lasting more then 3 minutes (I'm in heaven if I get 10-15 minutes in the shower without someone knocking or hearing screaming needing me). That would give you the start in building trust with that person to watch your kids. For me the hard part is finding that someone!

Seriously?
Satori is offline  
#21 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 04:12 AM
 
flapjack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: England, easily locatable by Google
Posts: 13,647
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Purplecat, some families really are that isolated- and as Satori mentions, respite care suggests a child with SN.

VeronicaLynne, you've already got some good suggestions here but I want to share something that helps me recharge my batteries. Talking to people and sharing my experiences is a huge help for me- so it always brightens my day when I see the lady who survived raising nine children because she's btdt and she gets that just because I had an extremely bad night, I don't actually want to send all four of mine back. The friend with extremely, erm, demanding kids is great when I want to vent about someone driving me nuts and just talking about my life right now and letting it out is like releasing the vent on a pressure cooker. It stops me going insane.
So I want to give you three challenges.
1) Go and find your community, the people that you care for and will care for you and who speak deep to your heart. Sod childcare, you need friends, mama
2) Allow someone into your lives to help you raise those children. You have some great suggestions upthread on how to do that- but remember, they're never going to be you, or even a poor replacement for you.
3) I've seen some of your other posts around and mama, I'm a bit worried. Would you go and read the stickies in the PPD forum and talk to your doctor, please?

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
flapjack is offline  
#22 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 04:37 AM
 
Satori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Earth, I think, kids say Cybertron
Posts: 7,901
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
Purplecat, some families really are that isolated- and as Satori mentions, respite care suggests a child with SN.

VeronicaLynne, you've already got some good suggestions here but I want to share something that helps me recharge my batteries. Talking to people and sharing my experiences is a huge help for me- so it always brightens my day when I see the lady who survived raising nine children because she's btdt and she gets that just because I had an extremely bad night, I don't actually want to send all four of mine back. The friend with extremely, erm, demanding kids is great when I want to vent about someone driving me nuts and just talking about my life right now and letting it out is like releasing the vent on a pressure cooker. It stops me going insane.

I agree, talking helps me big time, I can be mad as hell and ready to explode but as long as I can get those feelings out, even if its just online and I can see someone say "I understand" or even just listens, I feel validated that someone heard me even if they don't agree (hopefully they keep that to themselves at that point!) but I would be very vary careful about posting it online, especially here at MDC where a lot of people are very very judgmental and will jump on a mom having a very bad day when what she really needs is understanding and not judgment.

also, I agree on some families being really isolated, were one of them becasue of the kids health issues. I don't get breaks period, today was the first time in months it seems I had more then 15 minutes to myself. I was cursing myself that I forgot to bring my MP3 player or burn new CD's for the car where I could turn the music up as loud as I wanted

Seriously?
Satori is offline  
#23 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 04:51 AM
 
yarngoddess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Placerville,CA~best place for me!~
Posts: 1,818
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What about seeing if another MDC momma in finding your tribe lives near you. Maybe they could come over and hang out- giving you a break...even if it's in your own home.


Hugs momma! I know what you mean about not trusting other's with your children. I too am the same way. We recently started hanging out with other friends that have kids and we all watch eachothers kiddo's and hang out. Makes getting a break and having adult time all at the same time.

I hope you find your relief you need.

Married to Michael and Mother of Jake 9, Jillianne 7, Jensen 5, Jacen 4. I've got severe osteoporosis, a fractured hip and chronic pain-so please be patient with me! Pagan,Crocheter,Reader,Homeschooler- that's me in a nutshell.

yarngoddess is offline  
#24 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 12:01 PM
 
Seasons's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Host city of Laundryfest 2009
Posts: 1,650
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think she's a solo mom - where's her partner in this? Is he away from home long-term or something so he can't babysit for an hour or two after work (I assume he works since she's a SAHM)? Maybe you don't have to look as far as respite care or the outside community, OP - maybe you just have to look to the other side of the bed. Good luck!

The only thing you owe to others is to behave with integrity.
Seasons is offline  
#25 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 12:56 PM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
s veronica. I know that you've been through a lot of changes the past few years. I hope you can get a break soon.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
#26 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 07:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
veronicalynne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Castle Rock
Posts: 851
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by texmati View Post
s veronica. I know that you've been through a lot of changes the past few years. I hope you can get a break soon.

I like your new name I think basically what I needed was a friendly ear/shoulder to cry on even if it is online without any flaming. Like someone mentioned in a pp I needed cyber hugs not flaming but we know MDC..... You know from another thread that I left my h so I dont really have a partner to help. Even if he had been there he would not have helped but I digress. I am stuck in a hard place with maybe one other person who is a friend (she cant help because she has 2 kids of her own and runs a day home though she did try to come over 2 times to hold Jaffer while I tried to clean)for a couple of reasons that I would prefer not to mention in public (dont mind brainstorming about it in private posts though). I am going to talk to a social worker at my dd1 school...she may be able to find a way to help. Thanks to everyone who replied. I almost forgot, fwiw, I dont think I have ppd but am so over tired and was having a really hard time with juggling mr j and paying attention to all the kids so noone felt left out(but that has been solved i think).
veronicalynne is offline  
#27 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 08:44 PM
 
Happiestever's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hugs mama- sent you a pm.
Happiestever is offline  
#28 of 38 Old 12-28-2008, 09:11 PM
 
texmati's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by veronicalynne View Post
I like your new name I think basically what I needed was a friendly ear/shoulder to cry on even if it is online without any flaming. Like someone mentioned in a pp I needed cyber hugs not flaming but we know MDC..... You know from another thread that I left my h so I dont really have a partner to help. Even if he had been there he would not have helped but I digress. I am stuck in a hard place with maybe one other person who is a friend (she cant help because she has 2 kids of her own and runs a day home though she did try to come over 2 times to hold Jaffer while I tried to clean)for a couple of reasons that I would prefer not to mention in public (dont mind brainstorming about it in private posts though). I am going to talk to a social worker at my dd1 school...she may be able to find a way to help. Thanks to everyone who replied. I almost forgot, fwiw, I dont think I have ppd but am so over tired and was having a really hard time with juggling mr j and paying attention to all the kids so noone felt left out(but that has been solved i think).

Thank you!

I can imagine how it could happen that you feel that you have no one to turn to, esp when you don't have a partner (even when he was around, you didn't have a partner.) If I remember correctly, you are in a new place, right?It can take some time to put down roots as well.

One solution may be to find some way to relax with the kiddo's around-- even if it means popping in a video for a couple hours and just sitting (no dishes! no cooking!). Just sit. You can PM me any time to brain storm.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

texmati is offline  
#29 of 38 Old 12-29-2008, 05:58 AM
 
littleaugustbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Yes, we did!
Posts: 7,542
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What about joining a playgroup? Meeting up with other moms and kids at the park is great for everyone. You get a break to sit and chat with the other moms, and the kids all keep each other entertained.
littleaugustbaby is offline  
#30 of 38 Old 12-29-2008, 06:38 AM
 
tireesix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Earlier this year I was totally frazzled. DH unable to do much, 2 kids under 5 and pregnant with a third, no friends or family near by to help out. I wanted to run away.

However, there was a childrens centre near us and I took them up on their offer, I did a small course, 2 hours a week, childcare provided, it was just a course on improving your communication skills and self esteem etc and it was a life saver.

I don't know if you have anything like that where you are but it might be worth having a look around. The other thing with the child care they provided for me was that I could just drop the kids off for a couple of hours and do what ever I wanted and I knew it was good child care, my kids loved it and I enjoyed the time how I wanted. I was pretty worried about my 2 year old but I needn't have been, she rarely wanted to leave.

Have a look at whats around, check out things you think are suitable and go with it. The other thing our local childrens centre offered was a stay and play group, you take your children, they play and get snacks for a couple of hours and you get to meet and chat with other parents or sit on your own or play with your kids and even though your kids are there, it still feels like a break because half the time, they are so busy concentrating on their own stuff they don't think to come and look for you or they can ask someone else (I am embarrassed to say, there were a couple of times when my 4 year old adopted some other parent for the group, she is very friendly and out going and if she takes a shine to you, you better watch out lol).
tireesix is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off