I am happier because I really love parenthood. Love it! I have wanted to be a mama since I was an itty bitty myself.
I am more relaxed than I expected I was going to be...unfortunately also more disorganized, but my kids are still young, so hey.
My views on parenting didn't really change. I was raised in the same way I want to raise my kids and was actually here on MDC well before we became parents. But I do find that I am more forgetful of parenting skills and knowledge that I had before the kids came along. I just forget in the moment and sometimes handle things in ways I really wouldn't plan.
I'm both more and less judgemental of others, more and less patient of others. For example, I'm still a huge lactivist like I was before kids, but I no longer make any assumption when I see a parent bottlefeeding. I am stronger, more effective advocate for kids on issues like CIO, but part of what makes me stronger and more effective is that I am more patient, compassionate, and gentle with other parents.
I have changed just a couple, but very fundamental perspectives. For example, I was a parent first as a therapeutic foster parent to older children and teens. They taught me-- some of them literally instructed me-- on issues of foster care and adoption. They taught me fundamental flaws in the anti-adoption movement but they also helped me develop some really important philosophies about foster care and adoption reform. I also found that therapeutic foster parenting tapped into an inner wisdom and strength, courage and voice I never before had been in touch with.
I recently had twelve Tibetan Buddhist monks over for lunch, and our discussions centered around compassion. In the context of raising kids, they talked about the way in which helping kids develop into their natural capacity for compassion is the most important thing parents can do. I have found that I've further developed into
my own compassion through parenthood too, though...especially in how I view my own parents. This has a side benefit of also bringing me greater inner peace. I definitely feel I tap that peace when I am "
living into" compassion. I am also even more relationship focused in my work, and stronger in "pastoral care" type responsibilitie.
On a more practical level, I think I've gone closer back to the healthier eating habits of my childhood. I eat out way, way less because it's too expensive. In general, I
ate a lot less when ds was under about a year, but now I think I actually eat more because sometimes I eat my kid's leftovers after I am done with my plate <hangs head>.
I definitely have tons of fun in a different way than I did pre-kids. I got more into Montessori than I was before (but that was also partially some professional experiences I had) and have even developed some really solid expertise in Montessori. I've learned a lot about special needs, developed opinions on subjects I knew only a little about (like the neurodiversity movement), and know stuff on topics I was only semi-familiar with before, like IEPs.
I struggle a lot more to balance work with the rest of my life, even though dw is currently at home with the kids when I'm not, and I find I go through periods of feeling pretty good about the balance and also periods of feeling like everything is way out of wack. I'm generally more scatter-brained, and I tend to jump from subject to subject very quickly in my mind.
I'm re-learning things I learned as a kid, like facts about animals and even basic math concepts, that I had forgotten along the way. I have less time for my hobbies, but now that my kids are getting a little older, I'm getting some of that time back and sometimes they are joining in. I always *loved* swimming, but now I can't get enough of swimming when the kids get really into it.
I'm not yet fully the parent I want to be, but that is because I went in with outrageously high expectations of myself
. I am definitely a much better parent in many ways, though, than I could have actually imagined...just different than I imagined.
I'm really glad that parenthood has changed me because I adore the opportunity to be an ever-growing, learning, and hopefully more loving human being in this lifetime, and I could hope for nothing less than being transformed by my life experiences.