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How has parenthood changed you?

448 views 4 replies 5 participants last post by  Sierra 
#1 ·
I've changed big time. I believe DD has morphed me into the mama she needs me to be. Before DD I was very "mainstream" in my parenting ideas/beliefs. And then when she was born, everything I thought I believed or wanted to do, just didnt feel right. So I looked online to see if I could find some info about what I was conflicted by and found MDC!
:

I thought I would CIO and get her sleeping through by 5 weeks old, only breastfeed til 9 months, leave her overnight at MIL monthly for a "break"..theres more that I cant think of..But now she sleeps in a side-carred cot in our room, shes never been left to cry alone, she'll breastfeed til shes done, I've never left her with anyone and dont plan to (i'd be a wreck!).

Because I have changed I find it difficult to relate to friends and family who, pre-baby, have been very close. One friend in particular I have slowly drifted away from as she is the polar opposite to me now, whereas we used to be so alike! We've been best friends for years but its so hard to understand each other..

Would love to hear others experiences!`
 
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#2 ·
I could have written your exact post!

My DD is 5yrs now and my DS has just turned 3yrs and I am a completely different and, I think, much better person.

Before I had DD I worked in daycare and thought I knew all about babies! lol! I read loads about being pg but never thought about how I would raise her! I had decided to bf till she was 12 mo but she was never going to come into bed with us. How little I knew!

Then she arrived and I was totally blown away by how much I loved her. I couldnt take my eyes off her even for a second let alone put her down and go out! Everything I had presumed I would do felt wrong and I kept thinking I'd put it off for a while (CIO, introduce a bottle, leave her with my Mum etc etc...)

I had a few problems bf so went along to a LLL meeting and had my eyes opened. Everything I wanted to do was great and everything I didnt want to do was ok not to do.

I went on to nurse DD till she was 3.5yrs and tandem feed her alongside DS for 11 months. Both my babies have slept in our bed, DS is still there.

Being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me. They have allowed me to experience unconditional love for the first time, they have allowed me to be myself and to be proud of who I am. They have made me more confident and happier than I ever thought I could be.

After DS was born I had severe PPD and PPP and was extremely ill. Because of this I was forced to wean DS at 12 months. It was because of my beautiful, amazing children and a wonderful DH that I recovered.

They teach me more about the world and more about myself every day.

Thank you for asking. I have enjoyed writing this post.
 
#3 ·
I view things differently - how my own parents make decisions. I'm more patient in certain situations than I normally would be.
I'm a bit of a 'frunchymama' - a mix between mainstream and AP. We never co-slept or CD'd, but we did breastfeed, babywear, and we practice GD.
I've certainly experienced the driftness from one friend of whom I thought I would be friends with for life - mainly because she became way more AP once we she had her first DS than I had become and our views on life and parenting were different now. It happens.
 
#4 ·
Not a whole lot . . . I have more fun now and I'm perhaps even more vocal about my beliefs than I was before, but I'm still pretty much the same person, with mostly the same hobbies, habits, and personality.
 
#5 ·
I am happier because I really love parenthood. Love it! I have wanted to be a mama since I was an itty bitty myself.

I am more relaxed than I expected I was going to be...unfortunately also more disorganized, but my kids are still young, so hey.

My views on parenting didn't really change. I was raised in the same way I want to raise my kids and was actually here on MDC well before we became parents. But I do find that I am more forgetful of parenting skills and knowledge that I had before the kids came along. I just forget in the moment and sometimes handle things in ways I really wouldn't plan.

I'm both more and less judgemental of others, more and less patient of others. For example, I'm still a huge lactivist like I was before kids, but I no longer make any assumption when I see a parent bottlefeeding. I am stronger, more effective advocate for kids on issues like CIO, but part of what makes me stronger and more effective is that I am more patient, compassionate, and gentle with other parents.

I have changed just a couple, but very fundamental perspectives. For example, I was a parent first as a therapeutic foster parent to older children and teens. They taught me-- some of them literally instructed me-- on issues of foster care and adoption. They taught me fundamental flaws in the anti-adoption movement but they also helped me develop some really important philosophies about foster care and adoption reform. I also found that therapeutic foster parenting tapped into an inner wisdom and strength, courage and voice I never before had been in touch with.

I recently had twelve Tibetan Buddhist monks over for lunch, and our discussions centered around compassion. In the context of raising kids, they talked about the way in which helping kids develop into their natural capacity for compassion is the most important thing parents can do. I have found that I've further developed into my own compassion through parenthood too, though...especially in how I view my own parents. This has a side benefit of also bringing me greater inner peace. I definitely feel I tap that peace when I am "living into" compassion. I am also even more relationship focused in my work, and stronger in "pastoral care" type responsibilitie.

On a more practical level, I think I've gone closer back to the healthier eating habits of my childhood. I eat out way, way less because it's too expensive. In general, I ate a lot less when ds was under about a year, but now I think I actually eat more because sometimes I eat my kid's leftovers after I am done with my plate <hangs head>.

I definitely have tons of fun in a different way than I did pre-kids. I got more into Montessori than I was before (but that was also partially some professional experiences I had) and have even developed some really solid expertise in Montessori. I've learned a lot about special needs, developed opinions on subjects I knew only a little about (like the neurodiversity movement), and know stuff on topics I was only semi-familiar with before, like IEPs.

I struggle a lot more to balance work with the rest of my life, even though dw is currently at home with the kids when I'm not, and I find I go through periods of feeling pretty good about the balance and also periods of feeling like everything is way out of wack. I'm generally more scatter-brained, and I tend to jump from subject to subject very quickly in my mind.

I'm re-learning things I learned as a kid, like facts about animals and even basic math concepts, that I had forgotten along the way. I have less time for my hobbies, but now that my kids are getting a little older, I'm getting some of that time back and sometimes they are joining in. I always *loved* swimming, but now I can't get enough of swimming when the kids get really into it.

I'm not yet fully the parent I want to be, but that is because I went in with outrageously high expectations of myself
. I am definitely a much better parent in many ways, though, than I could have actually imagined...just different than I imagined.

I'm really glad that parenthood has changed me because I adore the opportunity to be an ever-growing, learning, and hopefully more loving human being in this lifetime, and I could hope for nothing less than being transformed by my life experiences.
 
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