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Old 01-08-2009, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
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Anybody in this situation and not mind it?
Maybe it's because Im at the end of a pregnancy that it's REALLY driving me mad, but most days I feel like Im going to loose it anytime he's around. We have a 21 month old that's really getting used to his Grandpa being around, to a point that he throws a big fit when we want him to stay upstairs, and when Grandpa has to go downstairs.
We have one bathroom so he's always coming upstairs, and I feel really bad saying this but I feel like he's intruding on our day all the time. Interrupting our schedule, and, to be honest, at 37 weeks I would like to be able to be less clothed than is currently necessary. And what about after the baby's born. When my milk came in with ds I spent every second of being at home topless. For weeks my breasts were too large and sore and leaky to bother with bra or shirt... Am I to explain this to FIL... or pull my toddler into our room and hide anytime he has to use the bathroom?
And... what really, really gets to me is that he told us he would move out... because we were saying that WE would move out, NEEDING our own place, he says it will cost us less money and just make more sense if he moves out... ok, GREAT!! Well........... we're waiting........ he's not even looking for a place!! My husband doesnt want to say anything to him, he feels he cant do it without sounding pushy, so Ive been the one trying to remind him that he said he would move out... presenting him with living options....
I wonder if he's just decided to stay until the perfect place is built around his recliner....
Rant, rant... dh will be glad he didnt hear it this time ....
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Old 01-08-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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Sorry about your situation! DH and I lived for a year in a cottage at my stepfather's house, so we at least had our own bathroom and space. He was building a house next door, which he lives in now. He was socially needy (but hates other people besides us and his son, who lives far away), so we ended up having dinner with him every night even though we really wanted time to ourselves after work. He is still socially needy, but won't bother making friends in this area (which is rural, so it's hard enough anyway). So we're it for him. Plus he's 86 and probably won't be able to drive himself before long, so we'll have that to deal with. It's not the same situation at all, but I sympathize!

It sounds like you're going to have to have "the talk," all three of you. You'll probably have to present him with some alternative living options, and explain how with another child coming, you just need more space. If it means you have to be the ones to move out, at least you'll get your privacy that way. I don't think it's fair for you to move right after having a baby, though. I think he should take the hint (I'm assuming this will take some prodding from DH).

Try not to let it get between you and DH, though. In our situation, I had a tendency to take out my frustrations on DH and it didn't help anything. As long as you two have similar wants and are working toward them, frustrating though it may be, you can work it out.

I should probably be doing something else right now.
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Old 01-08-2009, 11:02 PM
 
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souds kind of like my bro who lives with us... dd loves having him around and he does make her smile, but at the same time i feel restricted in my freedom to do w/o clothes, ect. my problem is that my parents actually own the house we're in b/c we couldn't get the loan for it, but we make all the payments. so we can't just kick him out. and if i "joke" about him moving out, he says he would never want to... he's lived with us for 2.5 years now.

so, i'm giving him another year, and he knows this... he is a college student, but says he might be on the "five year plan" he was only to live with me for one year of his college life... and now he says he probably won't leave until after he's masters (so that totally another 3.5 years if he graduates on time)... i don't think i can take it that long.

i have to clean up his messes (he's never used the broom). plus he wakes the baby by slamming doors and he never lets the dog out...

of course dh says, "why don't you just go nude, he might just leave" but that's kind of weird, and i know him... he'd just hide in his room for a few days and say nothing. he is non-confrontational, so if we ask him for some help ($ or other wise) he just hides for a few days and waits for things to blow over.

hope your sistuatiion resolves sooner than my own!
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Old 01-09-2009, 12:27 AM
 
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It does sound like if you just go around topless after the baby is born, you might drive him out!

If he doesn't move and this seems to become really long-term, you could consider adding another bathroom eventually.
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Old 01-09-2009, 01:35 AM
 
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DH and I basically cannot live with any family but ourselves. We have had his bro(total nightmare) live with us for awhile.

I could not live with my family or DH's-it would have to be very temporary. We are pretty private when it comes to our home-maybe because we used to have roommates and they drove us crazy.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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Old 01-09-2009, 01:43 AM - Thread Starter
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It does sound like if you just go around topless after the baby is born, you might drive him out!

If he doesn't move and this seems to become really long-term, you could consider adding another bathroom eventually.



Hopefully something will give him the hint he needs here pretty soon, because we keep dropping them and he just doesnt get it. My only experience with males are with straightforward ones, and he's the non-confrontational type (soooo frustrating)... of course my husband is too but I can get conversation and opinions out of him.
katmann, I definitely feel for you.... we have the interuptions through out the day but we do have dinner to ourselves.
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Old 01-09-2009, 02:25 AM
 
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If you are only dropping hints, aren't you also being non-confrontational?
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Old 01-09-2009, 10:38 AM
 
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ugh. Man I can relate! Dh's parents live with us. They are wonderful people and we love them dearly, but we need our own space! They drive me nuts in so many ways. They are messy, and needy. MIL is constantly worried - about everything. she is always looking at ds and saying "oh, he has a little red mark there. do you see it?" and i'll look and not see anything. It's like she is LOOKING for something to be wrong all the time. We all mutually decided that they would move out this spring, and we never thought it was going to happen, but then two days ago, they just suddenly found a place in the paper, looked at it, and took it. they are moving out feb 1st!!! I didn't even think that they were really looking. Hopefully, your FIL is looking and you just are unaware of it.
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Old 01-11-2009, 02:07 AM - Thread Starter
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Yay mrspineau!! How exciting to have your own place again
My fil seems really eager when we find a place, and I think it's just the "end of pregnancy crabies" that have me convinced he's not even trying. It's just so hard to live like this.... and then, I know we dont get along as well, but honestly I dont even LIKE him as much since Ive been living with him....
It really just be that I need space and privacy because Im am so unreasonable about this some times.

I have talked to him about it, several times, plus dropping hints. Too many hints. and maybe not being straightforward enough in saying " We need space and privacy and we need it now"
Everytime I talk to him I say pretty much that, and then he tells dh his thoughts on what Ive said and it seems he takes something COMPLETELY different from what Ive said... He lived with his mother before us, for 15+ years, helping her to take care of the house, and it's probably that he is intimidated by the thought of moving out...
But he's looking at a place tomorrow :
(our find)
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Old 01-11-2009, 01:12 PM
 
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Whose house is it? Or did you guys find it together?

If its his house and you are unhappy, then you guys should find a new place, but if it is yours and you are unhappy, then he needs to find a place.

Sounds like you found one at any rate. Dont forget to visit him, I bet he is lonely.

Decluttering 500/2010
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Old 01-11-2009, 03:16 PM
 
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I totally understand how hard it is to live with family. Dh and I have done it a few times since we've been married and now my parents live in a little house on the same property as us. But it might be kind of handy having grandpa around after the new baby comes. Grandpa could give your ds lots of extra time and attention while you are with the new baby. Plus you could nap when the baby is napping if grandpa was there to play with ds, hold the baby while you shower or use the bathroom. I guess I'm trying to say that if he doesn't move out try and look at the bright side.
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Old 01-11-2009, 04:14 PM
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Hi,

I can relate to this situation because this is the same condition that my wife has gone through. But these situations should be dealt in a right way. We should think before doing anything wrong with our parents.


DKS

Drug Intervention Illinois
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Old 01-12-2009, 02:31 AM - Thread Starter
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He lived here before we did, but we were the ones to buy it, from my husband's grandma. We were going to move out, because from the brginning we knew we couldnt live with him for too long, but he decided to move instead thinking it would be easier on us.
He is really a very sweet man, actually most of what he does is in consideration of other people, it's just that... a lot of the time, he doesnt quite get it. For instance, he watered our Christmas tree while it was in the garage waiting to come in for Christmas and waiting to be planted, because he thought it would help us out to not have to worry about it, BUT he way, way over watered it. We're kinda lucky it's not dying. He helps me water my garden in the summer, and pulls the hose all through my melons and breaks vines or baby melons off. He decides to put fences all over the yard because he thinks they are helpful, when they are really unnecessary, in the way and hideous.
He decides to move out, but decides to wait because it will help us out financially, when, regardless of money, if we were the ones to move we would be moving immediately. Because we care more about having our own place than being not broke.
And like I mentioned before, I dont have to be so unreasonable, I could be looking at this from a completely different angle Im just finding it really hard at this point. I HOPE it's because Im so close to having this babe and just being territorial, which would make me less of a beAHtch!!
But it's also that I have a problem living with people I guess. He's a really great man. Really, funny, caring, considerate... and I can find something wrong about everything he does
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Old 01-12-2009, 02:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AngieB View Post
I totally understand how hard it is to live with family. Dh and I have done it a few times since we've been married and now my parents live in a little house on the same property as us. But it might be kind of handy having grandpa around after the new baby comes. Grandpa could give your ds lots of extra time and attention while you are with the new baby. Plus you could nap when the baby is napping if grandpa was there to play with ds, hold the baby while you shower or use the bathroom. I guess I'm trying to say that if he doesn't move out try and look at the bright side.
:

We're living w/both of DH's parents right now (since our 2nd DD was 3 months old, when we lost our home in a natural disaster), & while we do have 2 bathrooms, we did share our shower for 10 months until we paid to have both bathrooms repaired/renovated. It's rather awkward living in such close quarters (4 adults & 2 kids in a 1200 sq ft 1950's era house), but there's a lot of give & take on both sides, & it's working for us for right now, even if there's a certain amount of crowding & stress.

If your FIL is still there when the baby comes, I'd just do your thing, & let the chips fall where they may.

: : SAHM to : (5/06), : (7/07) Plus : & a few
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Old 01-12-2009, 12:27 PM
 
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We lived with my FIL for a few months after we got married, up until a month or so before LilMiss was born. As I got bigger, it got HARD! Even though it's a huge house, I felt relegated to our bedroom all the time. He lost his job, so he was (and still is) home all day. Luckily, we were able to move into our own place just before the babe was born. Granted, it's 30 feet away from FIL (grandma's trailer in the side yard), but we do have our own space. He's been such a help with the baby, we are considering asking him to move with us when we make our big move next year. If we can find a place with a "FIL" cottage...haha.

He's lost his job, and his wife left him after 30 years of marriage, for another man. He hasn't been able to pull himself out of it, and I truly believe if it wasn't for us being so close, he might be worse off.

Oops...sorry for hijacking. Just wanted to offer some hugs and support!
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Old 01-20-2009, 07:57 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for all the support on this issue... Im just going to be as honest as I can when I need to and try to make the best of it
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Old 01-21-2009, 12:42 AM
 
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I think you should print out this post and give it to him. Is he aware of how you feel about anything? I am sure he understands, he has been there before with his wife right?

I feel for you. I cant live with any of my family. I would pay for their own apt before I let them move in here. Unless we lived in a mansion, even then ....
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