Should a child...? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 97 Old 01-17-2009, 10:36 AM - Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Lily Eve View Post
I feel exactly the opposite. DS is probably nasty to the grandmother because the grandmother doesn't treat him with respect and so he reciprocates. The grandmother manhandled the mother of this boy while she was growing up, so she was probably doing the same thing to the son. If the boy has space issues, perhaps the grandmother should respect that. I would be inclined to believe the boy and not the grandmother. I mean, if anyone manhandled my son, grandmother or otherwise, I think I would lash out at them too.
This is very similar to my view and Its is very hard to figure out how to maintain a relationship with my mother while feeling this way.

It is not bad enough to cut my parents off, and my dad is an absolute gem, but it is quite hard considering my mom.

If my dad were gone, I dont think I would have a relationship with my mom.

Neither one of my parents respect the kids though. Its not how they were taught to treat kids. We hear alot of "Aw, that didnt hurt." and "Dont cry"
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#92 of 97 Old 01-17-2009, 02:29 PM
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Transformed, I think you have already made up your mind regarding this situation...
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#93 of 97 Old 01-17-2009, 02:34 PM
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transformed -- we homeschool and my youngest has some special needs. We're getting evaluations through our local children's hospital, and the evaluations are covered by dd's Medicaid (I'm not sure what insurance you guys have). To start the evaluations, I first talked with dd's primary doctor, who agreed that dd might benefit from some help, and gave us the referral to the hospital.

The speech pathologist also thinks dd has some sensory issues. We're awaiting evaluations in the Occupational Therapy department and the Behavioral/Developmental department. But as for now, the pathologist has recommended speech therapy 2x a week. Since the school district provides 1 session a week for free, she wants us to go with that 1 day a week, and come to the hospital for the other session.

Even when you homeschool, any services provided through your local school district that your child qualifies for, are available for your child. For free. Simply because you're a taxpayer and you live in that district.

This in no way means that if you get your child evaluated, you "have" to use whatever services are recommended. You always have the right to decline. We definitely want dd to have the speech therapy -- but are not at all interested in putting her in preschool (something recommended). Just take what works for you and your child, and leave the rest!

You can learn a lot in the Special Needs forum, I wish I'd started hanging out there a long time ago -- but, you know, sometimes it takes us parents a while to recognize our child might have a special need.

About your mom -- do you live with her, or does she live with you or just spend a lot of time at your house? I ask because we had a lot of stress a few years back when we stayed with my mom for a while (6 months) for financial reasons. I quickly realized that it wasn't going to work out, and it took a few months but we finally dug ourselves out enough financially to get our own place again.

Once we were living separately from her, things got better for a while. We eventually did have to break contact, though.

If you are living at your mom's, I hope you're able to get out soon. I realize some families can function well in situations like this, but it doesn't sound like your mom is happy in the situation, and I don't think she'll be able to properly support what you're trying to do to help your son.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#94 of 97 Old 01-17-2009, 05:17 PM
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I could see calling a kid who's hitting you a nasty little kid. Hitting someone is a particularly nasty sort of thing to do.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
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#95 of 97 Old 01-18-2009, 04:52 AM
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Originally Posted by transformed View Post
so wwyd?

I can only deal with my child. Not my mom. ()

PS - I just told him that he needs to open the door for someone when asked and he said "She didnt say please."

LOL welll ok thats just too funny...sorry I have nothing to add but that part made me LOL

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

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#96 of 97 Old 01-18-2009, 05:15 AM
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Originally Posted by transformed View Post
PS - I just told him that he needs to open the door for someone when asked and he said "She didnt say please."
I haven't read all the responses so please excuse me if this has already been mentioned, my first thought when I read this was, well it depends HOW the child is asked, if I say to my kids 'open the door' they will not, and nor should they IMO, I wouldn't want to either, treat others as we expected to be treated ourselves, it sounds as if your mother may have given a command and your child didn't like it, your child shouldn't have hit, your mother shouldn't have called names - no one is innocent in this situation but I do believe that if your mother had been polite in the first instance none of this would have happened.

ewe + dh = our little lambs + we and have many just : and : life .
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#97 of 97 Old 01-18-2009, 05:17 AM
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Originally Posted by transformed View Post
How would you handle this?
My dd is younger, so I am kinda guesstimating, but I would consider it dealt with now that he helped with dinner and they 'made up'. I don't think forcing him to apologize, or do anything else like make a card (one of the many suggestions) would help this situation.

I would talk about it again with my child, and help them to work through it, hoping they would want to apologize if it was warranted, but I don't see how forcing it teaches them to feel sorry. I might say something to the Grandma in front of the child, including something like, "I'm sorry ds hit you" to open the communication.

BC Mum of four ('05, '07, '11 and 06/14!)     
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