Kind of jealous of my own husband - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 15 Old 01-21-2009, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
Triniity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Hi,
I am a bit weird, I guess (as I mentioned befrore...)

My dd and my dh have a very close relationship since I had to wean her quite quickly because of severe hyperemesis, and for the same reason I was not so able to care for her esp. having fun together and stuff. Now the new baby is six month old, and my dd is still totally fixated on my dh. she asks for him like a hundred times if he is not there (and since he works long hours, that is often) if he is there, she wants to spend time just with him, wants to be on his arms and not on mine, saying: mommy holds the baby (which is true most of the times - but still ...)

I miss my dd and my relationship to her and I feel like I am not even wanted by her anymore. I am probably really weird and should be happy that my dd loves dh so much - which I am, but I really want to re-establish our connection. Is there a way? Should I just forget it?

DD does not want to do things with me alone, she wants to do them with dh, like swimming and sports and stuff. And it is difficult for me to do those things because ds is still exclusively breastfed.

What can I do?

There are some behavioural issues with dd as well, but that is a different story I guess ... (they are much worse when dh is around like hitting the baby and stuff...)

Do you have suggestions?

Trin with DH , DD(7)  and DS(5) ,  DD(2) ,
I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...
Triniity is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 15 Old 01-21-2009, 05:00 PM
 
rightkindofme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,608
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 24 Post(s)
I haven't been there yet but my mom says to expect that. Is it possible to think of this as a phase and enjoy having a bit more freedom than you would have with two clingy kidlets?

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

rightkindofme is online now  
#3 of 15 Old 01-21-2009, 05:23 PM
 
Bell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 560
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
so sorry! You must be struggling with your own feelings! Things change and she can be very close to you again. She's a girl and when she meets her friends and see girls have everything to do with mums, she will do the same. Bless your dh he takes care of her. My younger sister is closer to my dad that my mum and I don't see anything wrong! The most important thing is remember to be understanding and loving toward you dd. :
Bell is offline  
#4 of 15 Old 01-21-2009, 05:50 PM
 
Mama Poot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Youngstown OH-Gotta Live Somewhere!
Posts: 6,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's like this with my oldest. I weaned him very early because my milk dried up when I was pregnant with his brother. DH took over with bottle feeding and even nighttime feedings, and pretty much replaced me. He's 3 years old now and still mostly aloof with me. He'd much rather spend time with DH, and that's fine with me. It does bother me sometimes, but I really don't see how I'm going to change it, especially not with his clingy 2yo brother and a 7 month old baby who are both still nursing. I've done everything I can to include 3yo ds, I've even let him "pretend" to nurse. But most of the time he'd rather be doing something else than cuddling on the couch with a bunch of babies and Mama...how uncool
Mama Poot is offline  
#5 of 15 Old 01-21-2009, 06:41 PM
 
sunnygir1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry you are struggling with this.

We have kind of the opposite situation, dd is finally starting to have a good relationship with dh (she's 23 months), but she pretty much only wants me if I'm around. The thing that seemed to help most for us was for me to arrange times when I wasn't around and they had to work it out. Sometimes he just takes her with him when he goes to town or whatever, and she might cry when they leave me, but she gets over it. I need a break, and she can't have me all the time.

Anyway, this has led...eventually, to her choosing him sometimes for teeth-brushing, storytime, etc. It has been a long slow process, but she is coming around.

How is your lo if you just take her to do something, like swimming? Do you have a good time, or does she just ask for him all the time? Can you lie with her and cuddle after she's asleep or while she's napping? It is such a wonderful bonding time...one of my favorites.
sunnygir1 is offline  
#6 of 15 Old 01-21-2009, 06:44 PM
 
Lisa1970's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,526
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I would not worry about it. This is such a phase. It has nothing to do with your absence or otherwise. It seems as if all children go through this. I would just be calm and happy about it, unphased completely. Or at least pretend to be unphased. Then, just as she gets over this phase, your new baby will be starting it.
Lisa1970 is offline  
#7 of 15 Old 01-21-2009, 06:57 PM
 
Tera_&_Gibson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 318
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My son is an only so sibling to stir things up for him. But he goes in spurts of Dad only! Still...he's 6. I think it is because he sees me ALL the time! Hugs!
Tera_&_Gibson is offline  
#8 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 12:00 AM
 
OakBerry's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 2,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can sympathize!
My ds is 6 and I have had health problems that have made it necessary for dh take care of ds (more than I have) in the past year.
Because of this he wants dh to do everything for him, and he sometimes even tells me he doesn't want me. When I have stretches when I feel good, ds seems to come out of it and re-attach to me, but it takes time.
OakBerry is offline  
#9 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 12:08 AM
 
tanyam926's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,508
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hugs to you mama! Just wanted to say that I think most kids go through an only daddy phase around 2-3 yrs of age. My son certainly did and we did not have any other things going on (no weaning, illness, etc.).

I just sit back and enjoy when ds2 insists that only daddy wipes his butt after he goes potty, or when he has to go everywhere with daddy. I love it!

Since ds3 was born though he has started wanting me to do everything again and man I miss the daddy obsession days. I would give a whole lot to not have to wipe 2 butts all day or nurse 2 kids ALL DAY.

She'll grow out of it, until then try not to take it personally. IMO chances are she would be going through this even if you hadn't suddenly weaned her.

Good luck!

Wife to dh, Mommy to ds1 12/2002, ds2 9/2005, and ds3 9/2008.
tanyam926 is offline  
#10 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 02:44 AM
 
Mrs. Bratton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 317
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
: I am worried about this, too as my husband works from home and I cant so he is her primary caregiver.
Mrs. Bratton is offline  
#11 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 11:14 AM
 
j924's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 507
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My oldest dd was like this. She would stop nursing even as a young baby if dh came in the room. They have always had a remarakable relationship. It was especially fabulous when dd2 with her extreme neediness came into the picture. She only wanted me and I was so grateful that dd1 had that relationship with her dad to help us all through what was a really tough time. DD1 is now 11 and we have a very tight mother daughter relationship but she also has a different bond with her dad which I am truly grateful for as she embarks on her teen years.
j924 is offline  
#12 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 12:52 PM
 
Malva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,698
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Our oldest was like that for quite awhile.

It made me realize that we're all very lucky that he's such a great, loving and involved dad. HOWEVER, it doesn't make me less of a mother.

Took me a little while to process that; intellectually I knew it was the truth, but it still stinged a little.
Malva is offline  
#13 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 01:13 PM
 
alfabetsoup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 656
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your 2 are just the same age as my 2! We have the same thing, when daddy is around, mommy is chopped liver. I had a tough pregnancy with dd2 and she is a real mommy's girl so DH and dd1 do a lot of things together. I'm glad they have such a close relationship.

Do you put ds down for naps? I get a lot of time with DD1 while DD2 sleeps. We bake, she 'helps' with the housework etc. When we go out we chat in the car and she helps with the shopping or whatever we're doing. I make sure to do activities with both of them. When we go to the park dd2 will hang out in the stroller for a while so I can play with dd1 and we have a sit-n-stand stroller so dd1 is facing me and we can talk as we walk.

I think when you have 2 kids, one of them just has to wait for your attention sometimes. It's hard to give that attention to a fairly self-sufficient toddler when there's a clingy baby around! I feel like our relationship is slowly being rebuilt and even though she asks for daddy about 1,000 times a day she does still love me.
alfabetsoup is offline  
#14 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 01:21 PM
2xy
 
2xy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,056
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Try to think of it this way....

There are far too many kids who hardly see their dads at all. And there are a lot of dads who can't be bothered to spend quality time with their DC.

Your DD is LUCKY to have a daddy who does things with her, and she's lucky to have a great relationship with him.

Having two boys, myself, I can't relate to having a daughter....but she will soon be of age where she might like to do crafts and such. Maybe you can do "girly" things with her that her dad might not be into or wouldn't think of suggesting. It doesn't even have to be girly....maybe your DH and you can agree that you will introduce some sort of new activity, and your DH should keep out of it so that DD will associate that activity with you. It could be something as simple as making home-made play-dough.
2xy is offline  
#15 of 15 Old 01-22-2009, 05:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
Triniity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
thanks for your kind words!

Today was a great day with dd, maybe because I tried to see the good things much more than usual. I do have a great relationship to dd, she sleeps in my arms (if daddy is not around) and she does do things with me, she likes her daddy very much, but it´s okay for me - I like him a lot, too

I try to be really thankfull that I have a dh like that, who is really involved, he really spends his time with us, he did only go out with the guys like twice since ds was born, and only after I kind of sent him away.

I´ll try to have some girlie time with her, but she will get older, and probably all this girl thingies (boys and stuff) will be more discussed with me ... not that I am waiting for it though...

I am so glad that I have such a wonderfull family.

And thanks again for reassuring me and help me put everything into perspective ...

Trin with DH , DD(7)  and DS(5) ,  DD(2) ,
I am not regularly online at the moment due to the above ...
Triniity is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off