People not watching their kids.... - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy View Post
some people are making this personal when it is not.

children run off. some parents look, some dont. some parents find them, some dont. some parents go get their child when their child is found, some dont. some seem to care, some dont. I think the problem is really with the bolded.

I dont care what age my child is, if they are lost and scared (even if *I* think they shouldn't be I certainly am not going to tell them how they should feel, or tell them how they dont feel) I am going to comfort my child and talk to them about not getting lost. and most importantly, I am not going to expect a store employee to babysit my child. If they call me, I'm going to go pick up my child. If Im on the phone, I'm going to say "they found him, I'll call you back" she came 10 minutes after they found him and called her. so I dont understand the idea that "she was just letting someone know they found the child" wasnt she doing that 10 minutes ago, when the child was found?
You know...I think I'm an okay mom, but I actually lack the superpower that enables me to know if my child is scared when I'm not near them. DS1 was obviously at leas a little upset the time he went to customer service, but I never would have suspected it...because he was normally happy to play in the toy aisle the whole trip (in fact, he preferred it) and/or play "hide and seek" with me. (He liked to sneak after me, and follow me through the store without letting me see him.)

Who said she was letting someone know they found the child? I think I'm getting lost.

My point is that we don't know what she was doing. Are you going to go get your child if you're in the bathroom? What if you don't hear the page and are actually looking for him somewhere else? What if you've actually gone outside to look, because you're afraid he got into the parking lot?

And, of course this is personal. You can't say "a mom does X is a negligent, no-good parent, and we're going to pour judgment on her, but you (me or other MDC mom) are a perfectly okay parent, even though you do the same thing and/or could imagine doing the same thing".

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:04 PM
 
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Nobody ever said Norman Rockwell was the reality. I just don't get why having different priorities as a parent is subject to so much negativity. I felt the benefit of ds1 and I having relatively unstressed one-on-one time together on the way to and from the store was worth the trivial risk involved in leaving him the toy aisle while I grabbed groceries. You don't. That's fine. I'm not judging you for seeing things differently...but it sure doesn't stop other people for piling the judgment on me and others like me.



I was referencing people who think the world was safer 50 years ago (which I don't believe it is). And I don't think parents having different priorities is a problem, depending on their priorities. Certainly not all priorities are okey dokey in everyone's book, right?

How old was your boy while he was in the toy aisle alone, StormBride? YOu keep bringing that up as an example, and I think that's EXTREMELY relevant.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:05 PM
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nothing you have said Lisa makes you sound anything like the lady in the original post. what it sounds like to me is you have low self esteem especially in regards to your parents, which sounds fine and like you are a bit stressed (I understand all those feelings). it sounds like you have gotten some dirty looks and judgement in times where you shouldnt have, so ANYTIME someone thinks a parent does something wrong you want to side with them, as if that in some way you are defending yourself from those unfair judgements you have recieved.

I've gotten dirty looks a lot of times too. maybe people even post about me on the internet. if they want to discuss a hypothetical situation based on something they saw, I really dont mind. I know that I put my childrens safety first, and that I don't physically, verbally, or emotionally abuse them. If I think I see something like that, I will have negative feelings about that. I am judging what I perceived, not the person directly. Maybe there are factors I don't know, but the fact is I dont know them and I don't think that makes me a freak to feel uneasy awhen I think children are in harms way or being physically/emotionally/verbally hurt.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:06 PM
 
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well if my child gets lost in a store, if I cant find them quickly *which ovciously this parent could if she was looking* I would go to the front and let them know the situation - then continue looking, listening to be pages. not talk on the phone. If im in the bathroom having issues, I'll get off the phone with my friend, call 411, get the number for the store, call the store and tell them I am on my way to the front ASAP. that would take less then 10 minutes. maybe not every parent would do that. maybe there are 100 more what ifs. I'm sure parents of children who HAVE been abducted ask themselves a lot of what if questions too.
It would never even occur to me to call 411 for the number to the store...wouldn't even cross my mind to call a store I was actually in.

In any case, we've established that you would handle it all perfectly, and other moms just aren't as good as you. (Heck - the mom in the OP handled it so badly, she probably shouldn't even have kids.) You've established yourself as the perfect mother, so you don't really need to post here, anymore. Congratulations. I've established myself as one of those no-good, negligent moms, so I guess I'm done, too.

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:08 PM
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You know...I think I'm an okay mom, but I actually lack the superpower that enables me to know if my child is scared when I'm not near them. DS1 was obviously at leas a little upset the time he went to customer service, but I never would have suspected it...because he was normally happy to play in the toy aisle the whole trip (in fact, he preferred it) and/or play "hide and seek" with me. (He liked to sneak after me, and follow me through the store without letting me see him.)

Who said she was letting someone know they found the child? I think I'm getting lost.

My point is that we don't know what she was doing. Are you going to go get your child if you're in the bathroom? What if you don't hear the page and are actually looking for him somewhere else? What if you've actually gone outside to look, because you're afraid he got into the parking lot?

And, of course this is personal. You can't say "a mom does X is a negligent, no-good parent, and we're going to pour judgment on her, but you (me or other MDC mom) are a perfectly okay parent, even though you do the same thing and/or could imagine doing the same thing".
if your child has you called to the front, and you get there and they are scared, that doesnt require supernatural powers. you keep making this about you, not about the situation described. stop being so hard on yourself. focus more on the first statement of this post. look in a mirror and repeat it out loud several times a day. its true, but a lot of what you say in this thread and others makes it sound like you are super hard on yourself s
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:09 PM
 
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The solutions in books and online simply don't work for every child out there. Some of us have children who are much more challenging than you can perhaps imagine. They're great kids, but they're difficult to parent. Judge away. I've always been blamed for it anyway. Most people think I should just take a belt to them. Whatever.
I wouldn't dare say take a belt to him. And I think a six year old is different than a three year old.

My child is the "take every book off the shelf" kid. Just a few months ago, we were actually asked to leave the library.

I still don't think you should give up. I know some GD parents are against ANY type of negotiation or reward/punishments, but I think where safety is concerned bribery isn't out of the question. Maybe you could offer a privilege or treat? I don't think "I've tried everything, there's nothing I can do" is a wise choice to make in parenting.

And believe you me, if my child was still running away from me at 6, I would have him tied at the waist. I'd let him know that I'd only take it off if he listened, and the moment he didn't it would be on again. I let my kids climb on things other parents don't, and I don't have to have them within three feet of me, but if they can't stay within sight and have to be destructive, then I take stronger measures. I want my kids to be free range, but I don't want them to be terrors.

But if you have given up, and it looks like quite a few parents in this thread have, then you better be prepared for me to parent your child in public. Just yesterday we were in the doctor's waiting room and a little girl kept taking things out of my daughter's hands left and right, and I had no idea who the parent was because none of the adults in the room were watching or cared. I asked her several times to stop taking my daughter's things and finally put my hand on hers when she reached for the toy again and said very firmly "No," picked her up, and moved her away.

the mom finally got upset, because I the strange adult had picked up her child. Too bad. Your kid made mine cry and you didn't care or have given up trying, but I do care.

And I have done this in the mall playground,too. I have called out very loudly "who is the parent to this boy in the blue shirt?" after a kid tried to push mine off the slide, and when no one reacted, I told the boy that it was not OK to push my child. He did it again, and I picked him up off of the slide. Then he started chasing my son around the playground, and my son was screaming and asking him to stop. When I finally caught up to them, my son was crying and hiding behind me, and I held on to that kid and called out for a parent until a parent actually reacted, and of course they were mad that I was mandhandling their child.

if your kid is well behaved in public, fine, by all means, let them wander off in the store. But if they aren't, I WILL PARENT YOUR CHILD FOR YOU.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:10 PM
 
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nothing you have said Lisa makes you sound anything like the lady in the original post. what it sounds like to me is you have low self esteem especially in regards to your parents, which sounds fine and like you are a bit stressed (I understand all those feelings). it sounds like you have gotten some dirty looks and judgement in times where you shouldnt have, so ANYTIME someone thinks a parent does something wrong you want to side with them, as if that in some way you are defending yourself from those unfair judgements you have recieved.
Okay - I wasn't quite done, after all.

It has nothing to do with "siding with" the mom in the OP. She could be a completely negligent parent, for all I know.

It has to do with the fact that we don't know what her situation was, or what her circumstances are, or how often the little boy in question disappears. We know very, very, very little about the situation, and it bothers me that moms are always so freaking ready to dogpile on any other mother when they don't agree with the way she parents - especially based on one incident at a grocery store!

I'm an adequate parent, overall. There have been "snapshot" moments of me where I look like Supermom...and "snapshot" moments of me where I'm almost surprised some well-meaning buttinsky didn't call CPS. Neither of those is reality. I know moms who are awesome at home who look terrible sometimes in public...and moms who are the other way around.

I'm just not a big fan of the national (well - international - it's common in both the US and Canada) pastime of entertaining ourselves by kicking other mothers over single incidents of public parenting.

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:10 PM
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It would never even occur to me to call 411 for the number to the store...wouldn't even cross my mind to call a store I was actually in.

In any case, we've established that you would handle it all perfectly, and other moms just aren't as good as you. (Heck - the mom in the OP handled it so badly, she probably shouldn't even have kids.) You've established yourself as the perfect mother, so you don't really need to post here, anymore. Congratulations. I've established myself as one of those no-good, negligent moms, so I guess I'm done, too.
you really jump to conclusions. I;m just sharing what I have concluded I would do if ever in that situation. If anything, I think this post was good in the sense we were able to share ideas and brainstorm. before I read this post, I never would have thought to teach my children to go to a mother to ask for help! I am far from perfect, but I AM willing to admit when I am wrong and learn something to I can do better in the future. I dont think you've established yourself to be bad in any way, just hard on yourself.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:13 PM
 
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I was referencing people who think the world was safer 50 years ago (which I don't believe it is). And I don't think parents having different priorities is a problem, depending on their priorities. Certainly not all priorities are okey dokey in everyone's book, right?

How old was your boy while he was in the toy aisle alone, StormBride? YOu keep bringing that up as an example, and I think that's EXTREMELY relevant.



Quoting myself because I'm very curious.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:15 PM
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or maybe you oculd look at it as a hypothetical situation based on what the OP saw, and based on those assumptions what can we learn and is there anything we can take away from this to be better parents ourselves in the future. which is what I did. I learned about the mother thing instead of store employee, and I came up with a "bathroom plan" all the what if questions help, it gives us something to think about it. so they werent bad to bring up in any way. good in fact to discuss them. no one was hurt, as this person is nameless. Perhaps the lady at the front counter could have offered more friendly support to figure out what was going on then to jump the gun and judge her, but for the posters here, some of us were operating on the hypothetical situation (assumptions and all) and some of us were opperating on the "what if" front. I dont think that makes anyone a bad mother, or that means anyone here thinks they are "perfect" or "better" then everyone else. I think while you sit here saying people shouldnt judge and be mean, you are doing exactly that - because we respond different then you we must be stuck up know it all mamas who think out poo dont stink. thats not the case.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:17 PM
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alisa I think that is appropriate to protect your child from other children when parents aren't doing so. I hope you don't get flamed for saying that.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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SGM: I apologize for my tone - the crack about being the perfect mom was out of line. I'm unfortunately sick with a flu (probably - it's going around) bug and when I get sick, I inevitably get a bit depressed...and very irritable.

alisa: While I can certainly see a few times in my past where I may have been oblivious enough not to realize my kid was being completely out of control, I really can't imagine anyone getting mad at you for protecting your child. (Okay - I can. I'm sometimes not very nice when I'm mortified - but it's still not okay.)

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:27 PM
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it's okay, I understand I get like that too. when I am sick I turn into super bad mom - lots of tv, i dont clean, very low patience level. I just don't like hearing mamas be so hard on themselves. While I will judge a situtuation, I tend to have sympathy for the person at the same time (wondering how they themselves were brought up, if they even KNOW a better way, etc) I have to say your posts do make me think - they give me ideas on how I can improve personally, and also how I can have more compassion for people in person. Things like tantrums I tend not to judge - I look at that parent and wish I could help in some way, but I dont feel right stepping in... matters of safety I can't help but my initial reaction be WTH is wrong with that person. While these types of discussion tend to go the route of a debate, I think in the end it has the potential to be educational to all of us. I think it is better people post these comments, then not post them ya know? it gives us a chance to "hash it out" and learn something. because honestly, this post made me feel like an idiot a few times about child safety and I am thankful it was posted and I am thankful for the words of the mama's who were accused of being judgemental (either by themselves or by others) and I am thankful for all the what if questions.
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:32 PM
 
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But if you have given up, and it looks like quite a few parents in this thread have, then you better be prepared for me to parent your child in public. Just yesterday we were in the doctor's waiting room and a little girl kept taking things out of my daughter's hands left and right, and I had no idea who the parent was because none of the adults in the room were watching or cared. I asked her several times to stop taking my daughter's things and finally put my hand on hers when she reached for the toy again and said very firmly "No," picked her up, and moved her away.

the mom finally got upset, because I the strange adult had picked up her child. Too bad. Your kid made mine cry and you didn't care or have given up trying, but I do care.


A gentle suggestion - I don't think there's anything wrong with telling another child "no" when no parent is around/interested in stopping them from taking toys from your child or the like, but I'd probably be really careful about picking up someone else's child and moving them. Unless they were hurting my child or otherwise presenting a danger, I'd stick to the verbal. Actually, I'd probably just pick up my own child and move them some place away from the other child.

Our society is litigous, and I'd avoid physically handling anyone else's child unless it was unavoidable, or I was protecting *them* from harm. I've spoken to other kids before (ie like the two older boys who were being really nasty to my son at an indoor play place, or the group of kids that was following around an overweight preschooler, so that when she was out of sight of her caregiver, they went up to her and called her names - I did not use my kindest voice in those situations, believe me...)

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:36 PM
 
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I wouldn't dare say take a belt to him. And I think a six year old is different than a three year old.

My child is the "take every book off the shelf" kid. Just a few months ago, we were actually asked to leave the library.

I still don't think you should give up. I know some GD parents are against ANY type of negotiation or reward/punishments, but I think where safety is concerned bribery isn't out of the question. Maybe you could offer a privilege or treat? I don't think "I've tried everything, there's nothing I can do" is a wise choice to make in parenting.

And believe you me, if my child was still running away from me at 6, I would have him tied at the waist. I'd let him know that I'd only take it off if he listened, and the moment he didn't it would be on again. I let my kids climb on things other parents don't, and I don't have to have them within three feet of me, but if they can't stay within sight and have to be destructive, then I take stronger measures. I want my kids to be free range, but I don't want them to be terrors.

But if you have given up, and it looks like quite a few parents in this thread have, then you better be prepared for me to parent your child in public. Just yesterday we were in the doctor's waiting room and a little girl kept taking things out of my daughter's hands left and right, and I had no idea who the parent was because none of the adults in the room were watching or cared. I asked her several times to stop taking my daughter's things and finally put my hand on hers when she reached for the toy again and said very firmly "No," picked her up, and moved her away.

the mom finally got upset, because I the strange adult had picked up her child. Too bad. Your kid made mine cry and you didn't care or have given up trying, but I do care.

And I have done this in the mall playground,too. I have called out very loudly "who is the parent to this boy in the blue shirt?" after a kid tried to push mine off the slide, and when no one reacted, I told the boy that it was not OK to push my child. He did it again, and I picked him up off of the slide. Then he started chasing my son around the playground, and my son was screaming and asking him to stop. When I finally caught up to them, my son was crying and hiding behind me, and I held on to that kid and called out for a parent until a parent actually reacted, and of course they were mad that I was mandhandling their child.

if your kid is well behaved in public, fine, by all means, let them wander off in the store. But if they aren't, I WILL PARENT YOUR CHILD FOR YOU.
I've tried bribery. I've tried rewards and punishments. I've tried negotiation. I've tried it all. I don't bother with the GD forum at all anymore because it's so completely useless for kids like mine. But, I certainly tried what was there and what wasn't there. I haven't beaten my kid into a pulp. And I haven't medicated him. But, I've certainly tried everything else. What seems to work best is lots of preparation beforehand and utilizing a method from The Explosive Child, but it doesn't work all the time. He's too impulsive to follow through on the plans we agree on. And sometimes his sensory seeking gets the best of him.

What exactly would you have tied to your 6 year old's waist that he couldn't get out of? My child can tie - and untie - knots. He's too big for any kind of harness I've ever seen, but even if I could find one that fit, he could get out of it. He's big and he's strong, so me trying to yank him around by a rope would be a tug-of-war that would go nowhere. The image is amusing. But, of course, the cops would be called, and I'd be hauled off to jail, and social services would take my kids. Why? Because dragging a child behind you with a big rope tied to their midsection could be considered abusive.

You're welcome to try to parent my child in front of me. He'll talk back to you, and do whatever he wants anyway. I haven't stopped parenting my kids - not at all- but I know to pick my battles, and I know that some situations are unavoidable. I remove or redirect my kids if they're hurting others or invading their space. I'm very much involved in their lives and interactions. My older son struggles with appropriate social interactions, so I try to assist him with that (in non-embarrassing ways, of course). I also let other adults correct his behaviors with their children (like, "Please don't tickle my baby. She's trying to sleep") because I think it's good for him to hear that from people other than me. But, I'll be right there to move him if he doesn't listen or can't match the words to his actions and stop what he's doing.

I find it amusing that, after all I've written, you still want to blame my parenting style or lack of parenting or something, rather than acknowledge that not all kids are the same or respond to the same things. I could be the best mother on earth, and still have a non-cooperative child. How does that happen? Well, nurture ain't all there is. Nature plays a mighty big part as well. And my kids are naturally challenging.

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Old 02-05-2009, 07:55 PM
 
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Ok, BlueStateMama and Mamarootoo, I can't take it anymore...WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ZOMBIE PLAN?? what you would do if zombies attacked?
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Old 02-05-2009, 07:55 PM
 
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I find it amusing that, after all I've written, you still want to blame my parenting style or lack of parenting or something, rather than acknowledge that not all kids are the same or respond to the same things. I could be the best mother on earth, and still have a non-cooperative child. How does that happen? Well, nurture ain't all there is. Nature plays a mighty big part as well. And my kids are naturally challenging.
Not blaming you, just saying don't give up. And that if someone's challenging child threatens mine or takes her toys, I will do something about it.
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Old 02-05-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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How old was your boy while he was in the toy aisle alone, StormBride? YOu keep bringing that up as an example, and I think that's EXTREMELY relevant.
You know...I'm not actually sure. I'll see if I can figure it out...we moved into that house when he was 3, but I know I didn't leave him there alone until after the first time I left him with his cousin, who moved into the house when ds1 was...4.5.

I'd guess he probably stayed in the toy aisle for the first time somewhere around 4.5 or 5. He stayed there on some visits (sometimes he wanted to stay with me while I shopped, which was when he'd occasionally bolt and/or play "shadow") until he was...maybe 8? Yeah - dh moved up here when ds1 was 8, and that was around the same time ds1 stopped hanging out in the toy aisle. He played "shadow" a lot more after that. He said it was more fun when there were two of us to try to sneak past.

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Old 02-05-2009, 08:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dr.Worm View Post
Ok, BlueStateMama and Mamarootoo, I can't take it anymore...WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ZOMBIE PLAN?? what you would do if zombies attacked?


our plan involves turning our SUV into a tank-ish type vehicle and high-tailing it to my pseudo-mountain-man father who has enough ammunition/generators/random metal and wood pieces to keep us safe for several years

i watched 28 Days Later about three weeks after DD was born and couldn't sleep for days because i was so freaked out about it! so my super-sweet DH wrote out this whole 10 page plan on how we would keep our LO safe

it's a joke now, but i felt very strongly about it at the time. hormones!
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Old 02-05-2009, 08:53 PM
 
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There's a funny thread about "Z-Day" plans in TAO right now. Ours aren't formalized (Mamarootoo, I'm impressed!!) I'll head down there and post so I don't derail this thread

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

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Old 02-05-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lotusdebi View Post
I've tried bribery. I've tried rewards and punishments. I've tried negotiation. I've tried it all. I don't bother with the GD forum at all anymore because it's so completely useless for kids like mine. But, I certainly tried what was there and what wasn't there. I haven't beaten my kid into a pulp. And I haven't medicated him. But, I've certainly tried everything else. What seems to work best is lots of preparation beforehand and utilizing a method from The Explosive Child, but it doesn't work all the time. He's too impulsive to follow through on the plans we agree on. And sometimes his sensory seeking gets the best of him.

What exactly would you have tied to your 6 year old's waist that he couldn't get out of? My child can tie - and untie - knots. He's too big for any kind of harness I've ever seen, but even if I could find one that fit, he could get out of it. He's big and he's strong, so me trying to yank him around by a rope would be a tug-of-war that would go nowhere. The image is amusing. But, of course, the cops would be called, and I'd be hauled off to jail, and social services would take my kids. Why? Because dragging a child behind you with a big rope tied to their midsection could be considered abusive.

You're welcome to try to parent my child in front of me. He'll talk back to you, and do whatever he wants anyway. I haven't stopped parenting my kids - not at all- but I know to pick my battles, and I know that some situations are unavoidable. I remove or redirect my kids if they're hurting others or invading their space. I'm very much involved in their lives and interactions. My older son struggles with appropriate social interactions, so I try to assist him with that (in non-embarrassing ways, of course). I also let other adults correct his behaviors with their children (like, "Please don't tickle my baby. She's trying to sleep") because I think it's good for him to hear that from people other than me. But, I'll be right there to move him if he doesn't listen or can't match the words to his actions and stop what he's doing.

I find it amusing that, after all I've written, you still want to blame my parenting style or lack of parenting or something, rather than acknowledge that not all kids are the same or respond to the same things. I could be the best mother on earth, and still have a non-cooperative child. How does that happen? Well, nurture ain't all there is. Nature plays a mighty big part as well. And my kids are naturally challenging.
Wouldn't the world be so much easier to just blame the mothers? I think our society is just so good about it that why not?

I mean, we struggle every day, we exhaust ourselves, continue and push through when we hurt and are sick, tired or scared. We find new ways, we try new solutions, we are there in the middle of the night to kiss our children when they cry. We have to negotiate safety and independance, discipline and freedom, love and guidelines. We have to find a way to love our children for who they are even if society rejects them and we have to try living in that world anyway. We look for support and find judgemental eyes, we ask questions and get no answers. We try to find a peaceful place to know what it is to mother and keep looking while becoming lost.

But, why not blame these people?

Mom of two boys (7/05 and 2/09)
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Old 02-05-2009, 09:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy View Post
have you ever been to an airport? would you walk without even looking back through the crowd with a toddler (or maybe it wasnt a toddler and the child just LOOKED like they were 2 years old)

I guess I think different since I live in a place where child abduction has higher rates then some other places.
Actually, that is possible. My dd is three and TINY. She only weighs 20 lbs and is still in size 18 months clothing. People constantly think she is under two.

When we go to Walmart (yes that evil place that everyone here hates, but is close and convienient) Lilly likes to sit in the toy aisle and play with the toys. The magazine section is at the end of the aisle, so I go stand there and look through magazines while she plays. I can see her at all times, but I'm not really close. I've had people glare at me and make remarks about how unsafe it is to be so far away from a toddler. I've given up trying to explain that she really isn't a toddler, so now I just glare back and continue reading.

And yes I've also been at the mall at let her walk in front and behind me. I always keep an eye on her and she knows not to get too far away from me.

Now when she was really a toddler, she had a harness because she ran away like crazy and I couldn't keep up with her.

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Old 02-08-2009, 01:47 AM
 
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Not just other parents, other mothers.

This is really a cultural thing. 80, 50, and probably 25, years ago in the US, or in other parts of the world today, no one would blink at something like that. And don't try to argue "it was safer then"; it wasn't, people were just less scared (it wasn't hugely less safe, either, for that matter).

Can't we just accept that different people have different comfort zones, and that we don't know anyone else's full story, and just lay off the judgmental shaming please? There's a huge and important difference between "I wouldn't" and "how could she??"
So true.
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Old 02-08-2009, 02:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Super Glue Mommy View Post
people got abducted then, and they do now. (however infrequently) maybe its where I live. maybe its because within the first year I lived here there was an amber alert flashing on one of our highway signs.
Within the first YEAR? Maybe it's because I've worked on an Amber Alert deployment, but if there's only one in a year flashing on your local highway sign, you live in a far safer area than most of the US.

But that's because of how Ambers are designed to be propagated. They are designed to go to the furthermost extents of where a kidnapped child might be, just in case. In my state, they're either going to be regional or state-wide. You'd think that "regional" would limit it--but in my region that means that you'll get a message flashing on a sign over 50-90 miles in ALL directions from our major urban center . . .

And at least during the time I worked on the deployment, about 90% of the ambers released were custodial. Custodial kidnappings tend to travel--it's wise to cover a wider area with them (in our area, a custodial kidnapping is almost always headed out of state either north or east). Stranger kidnappings don't tend to travel, anywhere near the distance of the region a regional broadcast covers.
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Old 02-08-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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I have Amber Alerts sent to my cell phone. Honestly it will drive home how rare stranger kidnapping is. At least for me it does.
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Old 02-08-2009, 04:21 PM
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no within the first year I moved here, I SAW one, MYSELF IN PERSON! and I dont drive and almost NEVER leave the house.

I live in south florida.

pigpokey - if I got 1 amber alert sent to my phone all that would do is remind me that kidnappings do happen, even if its rare. Scary. I certaintly wouldnt do anything to INCREASE the risk of this happening. I am curious, putting aside the fact it is rare, how much more likely is a child to be kidnapped by a stranger while holding a parents hand, then when not in the parents line of sight for more then 10 minutes?
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Old 02-08-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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I have Amber Alerts sent to my cell phone. Honestly it will drive home how rare stranger kidnapping is. At least for me it does.
Right.

In the two years I paid attention to our state's Amber Alerts (and I live in an urban area of 7 million people, near city with pretty high crime levels) only 3 Ambers I recall were non-custodial. Two of them were whole families (parents+children) being "kidnapped" (aka, driven elsewhere in the area) and murdered. And one, in two years, was the pure example of "stranger kidnapping child."
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Old 02-08-2009, 04:27 PM
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^that is so scary to me cschick! maybe to some people its "reassuring" but to me its scary that it can still happen, and reminds me that its better to watch your children then turn your back! of course I am the kind of person who even though we have a security system and leave the hurricane shutters on the windows still check on my kids in the middle of the night.
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Old 02-08-2009, 11:15 PM
 
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You know, we like to go to bookstores a lot. When we enter the store my kids automatically go to the kids section. I have a few sections that I like to check out myself and I take a few minutes before I join my kids in the kid section. My biggest concern is not that they will be kidnapped, but that I will be judged as a bad mother. Seriously, I head to the kids section thinking that everyone is going to be wondering where the mother of those unsupervised kids is, not that my kids need me or are in trouble. Instinctively I feel that my kids are fine. It's the judgement that worries me more.
Sounds crazy, I know.
I find this too. In the one toystore we go to there are only 5 aisles, with a big train set in the middle. I could hear my dd play with the trains as I looked through the aisles, if I wasn't too concious of what people would say. It would be much more fun for both of us if she could just play.

I remember being left in the toy aisle at Eatons as a kid while my mom looked at stuff, or being left in the car for short periods. My sister used to wave at people, which embarrased me.

My grandpa used to leave my dad and his brothers in the car while he went into the pup for an hour, and he also remembers playing by the harbour as a 4 year old. Our social expectations have really changed, but I'm not sure it's all been for the good.

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Old 02-09-2009, 12:00 AM
 
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random thoughts:

i remember being in india with my kids and where we were living, we often saw children who looked to be well under 7 supervising several younger children along busy roads.

i remember when my oldest child first joined the family, at 5, he took off in a grocery store for 45 minutes. i chased him unsuccessfully. i had his lil brother with me, a baby in arms. i remember him stamping and scraping his foot on the floor like a bull ready to charge, and then charging past me. i remember how the woman who i enlisted to hold my baby while i caught my older child looked at me. i remember the 5 year old throwing his sneaker for the 3rd time that night far into the parking lot and i remember abandoning the shoe. i ran over the one bag of groceries we bought with the car b/c i forgot to put it in the hatch after sitting it down. i was too distraught. i also remember my body odor that night cause i was running and stressing so much. i could smell myself.

i dunno how i feel about this thread. a lot of the time when bad things happen to kids, the parent is watching, but the accident happens too fast...kidnapping is rare...i still don't leave even my older kids alone in stores, though, and they are 8 and 12 now. makes me feel that i have control, even though, you know, we never really do have executive control of others, even our kids, even if they are on harnesses, which, i am not too sure i agree with, all things considered.

people's lives vary considerably, person to person, family to family. finding a bottom line is tricky. i want to say "don't judge," yet, i still manage to find myself judging, all. the. time. so, don't judge, and, don't judge people who judge, i guess, either...
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