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#1 of 104 Old 02-23-2009, 11:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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"Content removed by Moderator/copyright concerns" awaiting her edit
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#2 of 104 Old 02-23-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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#3 of 104 Old 02-23-2009, 11:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#4 of 104 Old 02-23-2009, 11:59 PM
 
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Um.. that deserved a CPS call that day.

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#5 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:01 AM
 
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Her parents need to call CPS yesterday!

CPS has the resources to investigate this. If the child has already told her mom this and mom has done nothing, it must go further.

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#6 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#7 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:06 AM
 
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Uhm, I'd call CPS, and I'm usually slow to recommend that. She might be traumatized by a foster home, but I'd give it a 95% chance she's being raped, based on that description. At least that's precisely how my dd would have described it at that age (I told her the real names for our parts but she called everything a "butt" for a long time). And it sounds like her mother isn't going to protect her. A random foster home would be preferable, IMO.
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#8 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#9 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:08 AM
 
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#10 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#11 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:10 AM
 
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#12 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:10 AM
 
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This happened tonight, I just got the e-mail. And is CPS going to put her in with some random foster family further traumatizing her?
Right now, it seems like the child is getting sexually abused by the boyfriend and her mother does not care or want to acknowledge it. The child will not go to a foster home if the grandparents can provide a safe environment for her (and are willing to keep her while this case is looked into).

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#13 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ToastyToes View Post
If the mother is defensive about the BF, and the little girls says she's told her mom (so I assume that she at least tried to talk to her mom about it) I'd go straight to CPS. I think talking to the mom risks angering the mom and/or BF & putting the girl at further risk.
I agree. I would not tell the mom that the little girl mentioned this.

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#14 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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You need to call CPS. Sounds like the mother is not interested in giving up her boyfriend or the fringe benefits of for the sake of the child. Please please call.
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#15 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:24 AM
 
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Yes, please call. Right away. Since the mother doesn't seem to want to put her child first, someone needs to.
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#16 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:27 AM
 
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wow, that's brutal. Ideally the little girl would be able to stay with her grandparents at least until an investigation is carried out -- she should definitely be taken to see a child therapist who might know how to get more information out of her without traumatizing her, and possibly examined by a doctor who is also familiar with how to connect with children who have possibly been sexually abused -- I can't even imagine a child having to go through that. I suppose the first step then is calling CPS? I do think I'd call CPS before the mama, in this case...

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#17 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:29 AM
 
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I'm one of the last on here to ever recommend calling CPS...and I'd tell the grandmother right away that she should call - and probably look into the possibility of a placement with her, if that's how things go down.

What an awful thing to hear.

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#18 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#19 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:43 AM
 
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I don't think I"d call cps first, I'd go straight to the police station with the girl and have her tell the police. This is not a cps investigation thing, it's a criminal thing. It needs to be dealt with by the police. Gramma should take the girl there right away and file a report.

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#20 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:51 AM
 
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You call CPS. You tell them what you heard.

In the case of probable sexual abuse (and, honestly, in what context does a grown man put his "butt" against a 4 year olds where it hurts), you err on the side of caution, which means protecting the child. Quite frankly, she sounds like she's in a situation where she is being traumatized, whether by the boyfriend or someone else is for others to sort out, but, in the meantime, she needs to be protected.

You call CPS. End of story.
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#21 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 12:53 AM
 
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jeez.

i really hope that this little girl is kept safe. ugh, i feel sick. thank you for doing something about this.

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#22 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katheek77 View Post
You call CPS. You tell them what you heard.

In the case of probable sexual abuse (and, honestly, in what context does a grown man put his "butt" against a 4 year olds where it hurts), you err on the side of caution, which means protecting the child. Quite frankly, she sounds like she's in a situation where she is being traumatized, whether by the boyfriend or someone else is for others to sort out, but, in the meantime, she needs to be protected.

You call CPS. End of story.


I completely agree. Honestly, I wouldn't count on the mom to do anything since she seems to not want to believe it.
I would not be able to live with myself if I thought something was going on and didn't try to do something about it.
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#23 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#24 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:04 AM
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Let the professionals work this out. Unfortunately it sounds like this little girl is being sexually abused. CPS and/or the police need to be informed immediately.
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#25 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by elephantine View Post
I'm not in their state and don't even have their address info, so it would have to be my friend or the grandparents calling

If you have their full names, plus city, you can get their address. Plus, people can call CPS without knowing the address, so that shouldn't be a problem.
Or is it that you don't feel you shouldn't call?
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#26 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#27 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:19 AM
 
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I understand, but my family has been forever damaged by sexual abuse so I guess I'm looking at it from the other side.
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#28 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:30 AM
 
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I agree with whoever said this was a case for the police, not just CPS.

I would advise your friend's grandarents to go straight to the police (or call them over) to open an investigation. The police will contact CPS to arrange a placement. If they have a camera or recorder they can even shoot a little video of the child explaining what happened if they think she will be too intimidated by police and other adults to talk to them.

If they want to be taken seriously, they need to react in proportion to the situation. In this case, calling the police is definitely more appropriate than waiting, even if she is safe for now.

The reason I would not call the mother first is that she might get angry and decide to come pick up her daughter immediately (maybe even with the boyfriend). That would really complicate things if the mother then does not want to cooperate.

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#29 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 01:34 AM
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Can you call your friend and talk to her over the phone about calling CPS?

I am so sorry that you were a victim of CPS, however, I would say it is most likely true that this little girl is being raped and her mom is turning a blind eye. She needs someone to protect her. Beyond the immediate need for getting away from this man, she needs to have someone backing her up and not minimizing. At some point she will be an adult and that future adult needs to know everyone did their damnedest to protect her.
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#30 of 104 Old 02-24-2009, 03:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by soso-lynn View Post
If they have a camera or recorder they can even shoot a little video of the child explaining what happened if they think she will be too intimidated by police and other adults to talk to them.
While I think that calling the police is reasonable option, PLEASE do not have the grandparents get the child to tape anything. IF there is abuse going on (and that's an open question right now), the grandparents don't want to be in a position where they're accused of leading the child in questioning. A good defense lawyer could make mincemeat of the video tape and IF (and it is an if) the guy is guilty, he could walk free.

The police should have access to people who are TRAINED to do this.

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