|View Poll Results: Which aspect of your parenting did/do you have to defend yourself against the most?|
|Number of children||18||4.66%|
|Television/lack of television||13||3.37%|
|Choice of toys||6||1.55%|
|Other, please state.||64||16.58%|
|Voters: 386. You may not vote on this poll|
A close second, probably a tie eve, would be me and dp not being married. FIL actually went as far as to buy a ring for dp to give me one xmas. I found it by accident when we were visitng and I knew exactly what it was for (and I was mad). Later he called dp into another roomand told him he could have it for me and dp lost it. Fortunately dp's parents have let it go for the last 9 months or so. My dad finally got it through his head this summer too and has dropped it.
I also catch some flak for having an only child and for giving my child choices when people think I should be bossing him around.
I nursed ds1 until he was 2 and no one ever said a word. They knew that was my goal. When I got pregnant I was still nursing him and dh's aunt told me "Well you are going to have to stop that now huh?" I answered "No, as long as my supply holds up there is no reasons I should have to stop."
And that was it.
Food was a teeney issue with mil because she wanted to give ds1 sugary things when he was still pretty young - ice cream, lemonade (food is her way to show love). But she would always ask me and when I said "no" she respected that.
But these are the ones I can think of:
1. not circumcising DS. Actually, I never had to defend myself on this one, because I completely refused to discuss it. Whenever my mom, or MIL, or DH's nosy RN aunt, would start in on it, I'd just give them a stony eyed stare and DARE them to pursue the issue with a mama nursing twins while recovering from a c-section while suffering from a flared-up autoimmune illness. Here's me: ::::::: So they mostly would bring it up, and then quickly drop it and go gossip about me outside of earshot, which was fine with me. But it's probably the one that got the most people on my case.
2. Not letting DS CIO. My girls were pretty easygoing and slept well, but DS was a high-need baby, and we wore ourselves out being responsive to him, night and day, and people thought we were crazy. We reaped the results of our efforts-- he's a happy, sunny, little guy who's totally secure in our love of him, and he wouldn't have been that way if he'd been treated the way people wanted us to treat him. It wasn't breastfeeding, or cosleeping, or babywearing, specifically. It was our general level of willingness to meet what other people thought of as DS's "ridiculous" level of need, and therefore included all of those and more.
We're vegetarian(well I'm vegan, and ds and dh only eat eggs), and my inlaws have been hard on us for it. It's been difficult watching ds get food snuck to him,that makes him sick...done in the thought that its "good for him"(ds gets majorly sick on dairy!)
The vax thing has calmed down, after my great uncle who got polio as a kid(was unable towalk for 5 years of his childhood), said that if he had a child he wouldn't get them vaxed...my mil stopped when i finally just said, listen this was a mutual decission between me and YOUR son,Im sick of the mother getting the bitching...she never brought it up again....i think time helps too
I did CLW with my son, who stopped nursing suddenly at 17 months (I was 4 months pregnant). I tried for a couple of weeks to get him to nurse but he was pretty indignant - refused to latch on one day and that was that. Nobody gave me any flack for the breastfeeding, but I know if I had the opportunity to tandem nursed as I had originally planned, the comments would have started. Who knows? Maybe DS will show an interest in BF again when his little sis arrives?! One can hope...
Proud Mama to DS1 09/07 , DD 07/09 , and DS2 06/11 . Feeling more and more blessed with each day!
Mama to Ahnna-Bella (Dec 05) , Harrison (Oct 08) , and Kellan Wilder (Jan '12)
Mostly we don't spend a ton of time talking about our choices and most people don't ask.
Single, student mama to 3 boys
Either that or it's the one thing I feel most defensive about and project my anxiety onto them.
Of course, they don't know that we are delaying vax so I am sure that will be number one if they find out.
Followed by, cloth diapers. Seriously, why to people care what my kids pee on?
I do what works and when it stops working, then I do something else.
My kids were weaned between 15 months and 2 years so never had to "defend" extended nursing. I had nothing but support for nursing from anyone, ever.
I've gotten a little flack for having 4 kids, but on balance people have been very kind, encouraging and supportive of our decision to have a mid-sized brood. We'll see what happens when #5 starts becoming obvious!
For whatever reason people really would get hot and bothered over our no tv decision. "Moderation," we'd hear or "how will they ever relate to other kids?" or "How will they learn the ABCs". (the last one is my favorite). Anyway, I learned long ago to not mention it.
Fortunately I've got WIC and LLL to back me up on my decision not to force-feed him solids at some arbitrary point when it's obvious he's not ready (still pushes them all to the front of his mouth, doesn't sit on his own, etc).
Next check up isn't until 9 mo though, and I'm sure he'll be on solids at least somewhat at that point.
- food choices
In that order. I put food choices as number one because I'm still defending it (we haven't BF or CS in years).
Gone but not fogotten.
However, the most on-going issue about which I've felt most defensive is discipline, probably because I've gone pretty far out of the mainstream. We don't just unschool reading and math, but also meals, bedtimes, jumping on furniture...
Michele, mom of DD 5/01, DD 11/03, and DS 11/06
My parents: out-of-hospital birth, hands down. Oddly, my mom gives my sister a hard time about cosleeping, but never did so with us.
My ILs: probably the choice not to use TV, believe it or not. I think because this doesn't seem like a "major" choice to them, they feel more free to criticize it than other things. For instance, I know they definitely don't approve of our not vaxing, but they don't really fight us on it...not having TV, on the other hand, is simply "weird" and will mean that dd doesn't fit in with her peers. If dd had been a boy, though, not circing would have been the biggest issue for them, no question (we're Jewish).
Some family members were really confused about why we didn't switch to formula, at least part-time, in the face of HORRIFIC bfing issues, but they weren't aggressive about it or anything--just curious (and, in one case, slightly defensive). No one batted an eyelash about extended bfing.
When I said that we didn't want a plastic and talking toy that my parents gave my 1 yr old, they said "Oh, it's okay, the batteries are screwed in, your daughter can't get to them" like that was the problem. I'm really uptight, but I never allowed any noisy toys (aside from being annoying, they are really dangerous for their little eardrums which are right up against the already-loud toy). Plastic toys, too, not so much b/c they are dangerous with toxins, but b/c they are really unattractive and cold imo.
No tv...that was hard...my step-mom even tried to convince me that PBS should be allowed...but I myself was brought up in Waldorf schools so I stood my ground.
Co-sleeping, whatever...people try and tell you what to do and that you're doing things all wrong, so I found it best to just not bring it up.
Partnered mama with DD (01/04) and DD (08/09) and 8 critters, including a !
"You didn't have him circumcised?.... on purpose?!"\
nah, we were so busy with all the other baby stuff that we just plum forgot!
How we choose to raise them is no one else's business.
And if someone has a problem with our choices... its just that: THEIR problem.
Tweet me: @kellynaturally Working Mom to 2 Montessori-schooled kids. We're a vegetarian family! I blog at kellynaturally.com <--link in my profile!
Michele, mom of DD 5/01, DD 11/03, and DS 11/06