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Old 03-13-2009, 07:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What are your thoughts on kids sharing a room? Is one room per child always the most desirable option, or do you think it can be good for kids to share a room?

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
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Old 03-13-2009, 07:35 PM
 
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I think kids sharing can be a very good thing, assuming they're close in age and generally get along with each other. Both my sets of twins share. It helps them learn to share in general and, I think, creates a closer sibling relationship between them. It gives them someone to talk to as they're going to sleep and definitely helps when they're going through a stage where they're afraid of the dark or having nightmares, since they're not in the room alone.

I don't think forcing kids who don't want to share is ideal, though. My twins wanted to share.

I shared a room with my sister growing up. I really liked it until we were older (about 10 and 14), then we both really wanted our own space. Unfortunately, the house was a two bedroom, so it didn't happen.

Tanya ~~ mother to: Beth, 12 -- Cali & Trent, 9 -- Melanie, 8 -- Jesse & Davin, 5 -- Baby Shae 9/1/2009
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Old 03-13-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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I think it can be a good thing, but some kids do really need their own space. My two sisters shared a room for 6 years, and my middle sister really needed her own space. It got the the point where we were changing bedrooms every six months so we all got a chance to have our own room, until my parents added onto the house and put a 4th bedroom on.

I plan on my kids sharing a room, at least while they are young.

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Old 03-13-2009, 08:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ChetMC View Post
What are your thoughts on kids sharing a room? Is one room per child always the most desirable option, or do you think it can be good for kids to share a room?
Don't see a way that it would be more desirable to be separated from your sibling.
We only have 2 bedrooms, so our children share by default.

But... they are & always have been the best of friends. Even if we HAD the room, I wouldn't separate them.

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Old 03-13-2009, 08:23 PM
 
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My daughter (5) and son (4) share a room and love it! I think it's good for them at this stage. Probably won't last too much longer, but they like it right now!
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Old 03-13-2009, 10:13 PM
 
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I shared a bedroom with my brother until he was 12 and I was 10. We enjoyed it. When we got our own rooms we still ended up hanging out in each others rooms to do homework and listen to music.

My children will share rooms until they are older too. Maybe the entire time they are at home. I don't see the reason each child needs their own room.

~Heather~ Mama to Miss E (1/07), Miss A (11/08), Mr.T (2/11) and Miss A (10/12) Expecting our newest blessing sometime late Sept/early Oct.. Wife to my Marine since 11/2005
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Old 03-13-2009, 11:09 PM
 
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My kids share. Where we are living now, they could have separate rooms. Where we are moving to, it will not be an option.

I think the option of separate rooms for each child is a luxury that much of the world does not have. Generally, I don't see why each child "needs" his or her own room. Yes, a newborn who's up all night probably belongs with mama, not the 4 yo big brother.

I used to own a rental, and I remember how one of my tenants was happy to have his own BED for the first time. They'd slept two to a bed growing up. Having his own bedROOM was like winning the lottery. The guys would use "I have my own room" as a pickup line in the pubs. He did not grow up impoverished, or in a slum. This was just life. Bigger families, smaller space, double up kids!
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Old 03-13-2009, 11:19 PM
 
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I post this column everytime I see a thread like this one MDC. It's written by a columnist named John Rosemond who is most definitely not AP and whom I hardly ever agree with. But, I really like what he has to say on this subject.

http://www.nctimes.com/articles/2007...5212_29_07.txt

It's certainly worth the read.
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Old 03-13-2009, 11:58 PM
 
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I think it depends the the child!

My sister and I were forced to share a room until I was in High School, even though there was a spare bedroom. There is only a 2 year age gap, but for us it did NOT work out at all. We fought all the time over room-related things. We are so different (she is obsessed with all things appearance-related, and all I wanted to do was fix computers), and both of us needed our own space to just be ourselves. I think that we would actually get along better today if we didn't have so much bitterness in our relationship growing up.

Really looking back on it, I think the biggest thing was not having a place of our own to retreat to (and get away from eachother) when things got tough.

Just my personal feelings! if my children want to share a room I will let them, but if they need their own space (and we have an extra room), I will let them make that decision for themselves.
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Old 03-14-2009, 01:11 AM
 
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I used to own a rental, and I remember how one of my tenants was happy to have his own BED for the first time. They'd slept two to a bed growing up.
My younger twins share a double bed by choice. We offered them their own beds, but they want to sleep curled up together. It's beyond cute.

Quote:
There is only a 2 year age gap, but for us it did NOT work out at all. We fought all the time over room-related things. We are so different (she is obsessed with all things appearance-related, and all I wanted to do was fix computers), and both of us needed our own space to just be ourselves.
This is what would happen if I tried to make any of my girls share with each other. All three of them are SO different, it would never work. Cali has no trouble sharing with her brother, though. Of course, she started out sharing a uterus with him, so that probably helps, lol.

Tanya ~~ mother to: Beth, 12 -- Cali & Trent, 9 -- Melanie, 8 -- Jesse & Davin, 5 -- Baby Shae 9/1/2009
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Old 03-14-2009, 02:51 AM
 
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i agree that it depends on the kiddos involved.

i shared a room with my brother till i was about 5.5 and he was 3.5. that was when we moved and got our own rooms. he would still come to my room most nights till he was about 4.

it was great for us when we were transitioning from sleeping with our parents (which happened when i was around 4) and to help ease the stress of moving

we plan on having our kids transition from the family bed to a sibling bed, then to separate beds in the same room.

if it will work out that way remains to be seen
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Old 03-14-2009, 04:08 AM
 
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I intentionally have my kids sharing a room (right now they are 3 and 1). They like it, and I plan to continue it for many years. I think that it would have been good for me to share a room with a sibling growing up - and my DH too. I had some experience in that in college, but I think that a lot of what sharing space is could be been learned more easily when I was younger. I think it fosters a certain "togetherness."

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Old 03-14-2009, 06:02 AM
 
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My kids share a room because we have a two bed apartment, I think that if we did have a 3 bed that they'd still share a room and we'd have a quiet room for play and homework. My sister's boys all start off in their own rooms but during the night they all end up with the eldest and finish off the night together, during last summer my kids and those three slept together in a big double bed (although there are 5 bedrooms) it was really cute.

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Old 03-14-2009, 06:29 AM
 
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I think the concept of everybody having their own room is rather new and not necessarily the best for everybody.

I shared a room with siblings growing up. My kids are sharing rooms. If I had tons of money and a massive house, I'd still probably have them share rooms. I think it is good for them to learn to share space, work together to keep it up, etc. And honestly, my little ones wouldn't want to be in their own rooms at this point anyway.

I can understand that teens might need more privacy. When I was growing up, my parents helped me make my own space within the shared room. We either used a freestanding closet or a bookshelf to add an extra "wall" and give me some privacy.
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Old 03-14-2009, 12:36 PM
 
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My kids probably won't share rooms, just due to age difference and the blended family dynamic. Plus our bedrooms are tiny city rooms.

My SD is 6 and will probably be 8 or 9 before she gets a sibling on our side. I think it would be more trouble than it's worth to have a 9-year-old share a room with an infant, especially when the 9-year-old's had her own room since birth, may see the new baby as an invader, and may also have trouble with the idea that the new baby stays with us all the time but she goes back and forth. The baby, too, might have trouble with having an inconsistent roommate.

That said, she did volunteer to cosleep with a sibling once the sibling became old enough to sleep in a bed.

(I speak in terms of having only one biological/adoptive child with my partner because that's the plan right now; this may all change if I end up with twins or with close-in-age siblings. We'll have a four-bedroom house so we've got options.)

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Old 03-14-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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The kids in our house share a room and probably will for the next few years. DSD is 6 and DS1 is 2. I think that the age gap between them is still small enough where they are okay with it (and they share toys). When DS2 arrives, he'll be in the same room once he is done sleeping with DH and I. I think that it has helped them bond. Sharing a room is not a new concept to DSD, so that probably helps. She shares a room with her 12 yo and 20 yo sisters at her mom's.

Eventually, when DSD is approaching her teen years, we'll probably have to rethink things, but hopefully by that point I'll be out of school and we will be in the position to get a bigger place.

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Old 03-14-2009, 05:12 PM
 
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We live in a two bedroom house, so our two sons have been sharing a room since the youngest night weaned. When we bought the house we thought that our kids sharing a room would be no problem since both my husband and I shared a room with siblings growing up. However, now I wish that we had bought a three bedroom house to have the option of splitting them up, as room sharing has turned out to be a nightmare for my family.

Both of the boys are very light sleepers and they seem to take turns keeping each other up all night. Neither has slept though the night or even for a good chunk of the night since they moved in together. The result is that my entire family is completely sleep deprived and my husband and are seriously considering sleeping on the living room floor so that the boys can each have their own room to sleep in. We've tried it a few times and when they boys are in different rooms they sleep for a 10-12 hour stretch without a single peep! So unfortunately room sharing doen't work for everyone
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Old 03-14-2009, 05:19 PM
 
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I have my boys sharing a bedroom now, but we did deliberately purchase a house big enough to allow each child to have their own rooms if desired. Right now the boys have one room just for sleeping and reading (two beds and two bookcases are all it contains) and the other room is their playroom with all their toys in it. It works well enough for now, but if they decide they each want their own rooms, then we'll rearrange things.

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Old 03-14-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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I don't see it as "good" or "bad", just reality.

It's great if someone has a choice, but my kids really don't, because we don't have the rooms for everyone to have their own rooms. I'm sure there are many things they like and don't like about it.

But it's really not something that I spend time on justifying or knocking down.
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Old 03-14-2009, 06:27 PM
 
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Absolutely depends on the kids. I know a family where the girls had their own rooms, but ended up sleeping in one room and made a play room out of the other.

Another family had to convert a porch into a bedroom because the two boys were at each others throats sharing a room.

I hated sharing a room with my sister, and to this day have issues with sharing space.

I can't see forcing kids to room together "for their own good" if there are spare rooms.
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Old 03-15-2009, 02:14 AM
 
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We have 3 kids and only 3 bedrooms so we always have kids sharing. When we had our third child our DS and DD1 were in bunk beds. When DD2 was almost 2 we moved her into the bottom bunk so that DS could have his own room (he was almost 7 and wanting his own boy space). The girls will be sharing for a long time I'm sure. We are currently living in a 3 bedroom basement apartment but next year when we move we are most likely going to be renting a townhouse in a housing co-op and it also only has 3 bedrooms. I don't really think it is a problem in any way for them to share. They are 3 years apart and don't have all the same interests, but they are similar enough that it's not an issue. The only downside I can see is when one is sick they often wake the other up (with coughing or with constantly getting out of bed to go find Mommy or Daddy). Although they have actually pretty good at sleeping through each others noises. My 3 year old is currently in bed hacking up a storm and my 6 year old is sleeping like a rock. I don't know, when my mom was little she and her two sisters had to share a bed. I think the expectation that every kid needs their own room is an idea perpetrated by those who always want more, more, more. Nice, yes. Necessary, no.

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Old 03-15-2009, 02:50 AM
 
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we have 3 bedrooms & 3 kids.

the baby cosleeps & will for a few more years.

the 4 & 8 year old each have their own rooms..but they sleep in the 8 year olds room almost every night, ocassionly they sleep together in the 4 year olds room.

the 4 year old calls her room her's & Mia's (the baby) ..
I plan to get the middler to start sleeping in her room with the youngest when they are 3 & 6. im sure that arangement will work for a few more years & give us some time to save up to build on another room
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Old 03-15-2009, 03:26 AM
 
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My dd's share a room. We have 3 bedrooms on the main floor so it's more out of practicality than anything else. We do have two more bedrooms down in the basement and I expect at least one of them to move down there in a couple of years or more as when they are older they will want more privacy. For now it works very well.

I have only one brother and I always had my own bedroom. I loved the privacy but it was lonely at times. My dd's are so close, they share everything, and they literally have a slumber party up there every night. I can hear them talking and laughing and they often read to each other and listen to books on tape together. Tonight they are working on a crocheting project together while listening to an audiobook. They share all their clothes without any problems and there is no jealousy between them. It's amazing. They have a beautiful relationship. I love it
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Old 03-15-2009, 04:05 AM
 
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I siblings sharing rooms. In fact, when we move in a year or so, I want a 2-bedroom house so all three kids can share a room from now on, but my DP doesn't like this idea. I just think it's the sweetest, most cozy thing ever for brothers and sisters to share a room. My younger two do share a room right now (they are 3.5 and 20 months).
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Old 03-15-2009, 12:55 PM
 
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We have three kids, and my dh works from home, so in order for each to have his/her own room, we'd need 5 bedrooms, and that's just not possible. Right now we have 3 BR, and all three kids share a room. We're moving soon, and will be looking for either a 4BR or a 3BR with a detached building for dh's office, or a small den or bonus room.

I don't think there's a simple answer to this question. It comes down to what is financially/practically possible, and what individual children prefer.

Heather, Mama to DS(10) DD(7.5),DD(6)
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Old 03-15-2009, 01:55 PM
 
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What are your thoughts on kids sharing a room? Is one room per child always the most desirable option, or do you think it can be good for kids to share a room?
I think a lot of us are lucky to have the option! In many cultures, whole families share a single room!
For us - we are not rich. I plan at least 2 children (one day it wll happen). We can either buy a big house with enough rooms for my child/potential children to each have their own room or downsize and have more money to have fun with. I think we are going to downsize personally. I don't see a problem with my children having no other option than to have to share a room. Its for sleeping really and we co-sleep anyhow and when personal space/time alone is desired - we can come up with other ways to acheive this than to be all shut up in a bedroom.

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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Old 02-18-2012, 07:13 PM
 
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So I have a question about sharing a room as well. A lot of the responses I see here are "it's great for them to share and play," etc. which I think may be true if my children were older. However, I have a 2 1/2 year-old son and a 7 month-old daughter. She has been in our room since she was born. She sleeps through the night almost all of the time and think it's time to move her out of our room.  But we live in a small condo, and I'm not sure where to move her. There is my son's room that is big enough or a small room (no closet) that is used as an office and houses a lot of stuff on shelves. We have to be creative with storage here as our stuff grows.  So the options are to move some shelves around and give *half* of the office to her or let her share my son's room.  

 

Let me say this: when I was pregnant, we planned on the two of them sharing, but after having lived with both of them I have some concerns. My concerns about them sharing are 1) Waking each other up. If on occasion she would wake to nurse at night, she would wake him up. Or during nap time, he plays and talks for an hour before falling asleep. She would never be able to nap in there.  2) My son can climb out of his crib. This worries me that we would go over and bother her or even attempt to climb in her crib which is not safe especially b/c he likes to hit her unfortunately.

 

So this should probably be a decision we could make ourselves, but whenever I sit and think about it, I just don't like the options here.  Any help would be appreciated.

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Old 02-18-2012, 08:22 PM
 
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I do think it's a bummer when kids have to share a room. It's one thing when they're little, but once they become teenagers, they might want a peaceful place to masturbate, ya know?! Plus if your kid is an introvert, not having their own space will make them seriously stressed out. Personally, I can hardly share a room with my DP, but at least he's my romantic partner instead of my sibling.

 

Of course, if you don't have the extra room, you don't have the extra room. Just don't be surprised that your kids take suspiciously long showers.

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Old 02-20-2012, 12:35 AM
 
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I think whether it's a net upside or a net downside of life depends on the kids in question. My three youngest all share a room. The oldest has his own. When he moves out in a couple of years, my son will get his room, so the two girls get the other one. It's not ideal, as dd1 is the one that would most like to have her own space, but it is what it is. We have three bedrooms, and there are six people living here. We can't give everybody their own room, so nobody gets their own room.

 

I know it sometimes sucks for dd1. But, in other ways, she loves it. I do think they're all learning a lot about coexisting with others, looking after their own things (eg. do not leave your favourite toy where your toddler sister can get at it), making compromises, etc. But, it would probably be more restful around here if dd1 had her own room. Right now, at least, ds2 and dd2 would hate it. They like the company.

 

I shared a room with my sister until we moved when I was eight. I love it. She loved it, too - and came into my room to sleep for the first few days in the new house.


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Old 02-20-2012, 04:02 AM
 
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Technically we could split the kids now that we moved (we have 5 bedrooms, although 2 are quite tiny), but they are all 4 in one room. Originally one of the twins (8G) and ds (4) were supposed to share, while the two other girls (8 & 6.5) shared. This was based on personality and needs of the kids, not on ages obviously. In the end, all 4 wanted to share so they are all together.

 

 

I do feel it is important for each child to have his / her own space. I specifically do not use pull out or trundle beds, so they each have access to their bed at all times, and they also each have their own drawer where they can put whatever they like.


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