Spacing Between Kids - Your thoughts? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-20-2009, 11:44 PM
 
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Well, I love the 2 year gap. My kids are having a lot of fun right now and they are very caring about each other. They are each others best friends, truly. They sometimes talk about having another baby and are so happy and enthusiastic about the idea it's really quite astonishing. (They don't know I'm pg yet)

That said, like Drummer's Wife, I now have a 2.5 yo with no younger sibling (for the moment!) and it has be delicious to be able to focus on him and enjoy him the way I have.

I do think people love what they have.

I wanted my kids close together because I came from a big happy tribe and loved my childhood. I didn't think we'd be able to have more than 2 or 3 (I'm 42 now and started having children in my mid-30s) but I thought that if my kids were close in age that would at least approximate the feeling of being in a large family.

They are really so fun and engaged with each other, and with DH and me. We've traveled and lived in many places, so I think that is why the friendships are so strong. It really is wonderful to be able to move when your best friend moves, and bring him/her/them along on vacations!

Happy mom to DS2000, DS2002, DD2004, DS2006 and DS 10/2009:
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Old 03-21-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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I think 4 years would be the best spacing.

Closeness is totally personality dependent, and a baby needs a lot of attention to develop to their best, so I'd be upset if I'd had to skimp on care and attention for a baby because the other child was also a baby. And three year olds are so difficult I wouldn't want one with a baby.

Ours are 2.5 years apart (intentionally), and it's confirmed my opinion that 4 is the best spacing.

As for what's natural, evolution doesn't want what's best for our kids, it gets what gets most if them to breeding age alive and healthy. Also, we evolved in a feast-or-famine situation, where a well nourished mother should maximise the number of offspring she has while the going's good, and have fewer when the going's tough. What's natural has no bearing or relevance to what's psychologically easiest or best for mother or children.
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Old 03-21-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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Between Janelle and Kincaid there is 18 months
Between Janelle and Travis there is 5 years
Between Janelle and River there will be 6 1/2 years
Between Kincaid and Travis there is 3 1/2 years
Between Kincaid and River there will be 5 years
Between Travis and River there will be 21 months

So...
Between #1 and #2 18 months
Between #2 and #3 3 1/2 years
Between #3 and #4 21 months.

I think 3 1/2 years was too big of a gap, Travis I think would forever be left out if we didn't have River, cause Janelle and Kincaid are so close and do so much together. If it wasn't for Kincaid's pregnancy being really difficult and then Kincaid himself having so many issues medical and developmental we would never of waited so long.

I loved the 18 month age gap, we tried for that with Travis and River, but didn't get pregnant as fast with River as we had in the past, and that's fine, I'm sure 21 months will be just as good...plus, Travis is not as advanced or as mature as (or as big, which is pretty shocking considering Janelle wasn't even on the growth charts) Janelle was at 18 months, so the few extra months may even help.

Jillian wife to Ryan and mommy to Janelle Ashlynn (9/09/2002), Kincaid Chance (3/29/2004), Travis Neil (8/13/2007) and River Anderson (5/02/2009).
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Old 03-22-2009, 04:08 AM
 
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Mine are 21 months apart. I had been thinking 2.5yrs would be ideal, but DH pushed to have them closer together as he's no spring chicken. The first year was hard, even with a lot of help, but I really like it now. From about the time DS was 18 months, the two of them started playing together, and now, while they do have their disagreements and I sometimes have to play referee, they play very well together and it's wonderful. We were the first of our group to have a 2nd child. . . there are two families who just had their second (around 4yrs apart) and they are struggling because the moms are older now and have less energy.

Interesting reading about ecological spacing. I took several anthro and family management courses in university where we studied family life in primitive tribes but this was either not mentioned, or I've forgotten it entirely. What you are doing sounds a lot like attachment parenting, which is what most people on this site practice, so it seems to me the difference between you and other mamas on this site would be the philosophy of spacing children 5 years apart. The difference would be that you are purposely creating the gap with knowledge of ways our lifestyle has changed our fertility, while others are perhaps letting it happen more naturally.

FWIW, I weaned DD at 12 months, but was nursing only once through the night from about 6 months, and my period returned at 9 months post partum. I then got pg with DS when DD was 12 months, hence the 21 month spacing. With DS, though, I was nursing on demand, throughout the night and day until about 2yrs, and my period returned at 19 months.

Mama to my two sweet monkeys - DD '04 and DS '06
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Old 03-22-2009, 04:32 AM
 
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Right now we have 2 daughters, and they are 2 1/2 years apart. I really loved that spacing. dd1 was a great help with dd2, she was old enough to understand what was going on, she was becoming more independant, not so dependant on us. They are also close enough together to be great playmates to one another. We're thinking of having another one soon, and this one will be at the least 3 years younger than dd2.
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Old 03-22-2009, 10:35 AM
 
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My first two are 6.5 years apart in age and my last two will be 7 years apart in age. We didn't really plan it this way this time around, actually thought we were done. But it will work out great because there's no way I could do it with several little ones in the house and a newborn. I'm just not that type of mom. And I'm just being honest.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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Old 03-22-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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As with practically anything, there are pros and cons with any spacing.

Mine are nearly 6 years apart (we were shooting for a five year gap and it took longer than expected ) and we loooooooove it. My older was very independant when the babe was born (able to make his own sandwiches, pour drinks, shower, brush teeth, clean his room, read etc etc) and was very understanding that the baby needed a lot of things. We never experienced a regression (although we were prepared for one) and there really wasn't much of an adjustment period in comparison to our friends who had closer spacing. My boys adore each other (thus far) and I expect they will continue to (to a certain degree).

My closest sister and I are five years apart (I have two younger than her) and we are best friends. We've always been pretty close.

Breeder Mama: = wife to an amazing man + mama to J-Bear (07/02) and E-Train (06/08), nanny to Little Bird (07/10).

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Old 03-22-2009, 05:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ani'smommy View Post
Our kids are 2 yrs 9 months apart. It was a pretty rough first year after DS was born, but for a lot of reasons.

We started ttc when DD turned 2 and got pregnant right away. The spacing has been great. They love each other to death and are getting to the point now that they are playing together.
My daughters and Ani'smommy kids are born almost at the same time-- 2 years, 9 months apart. (DD1 is Dec. 20, 04. DD2 is 9-9 07.) I also agree-- the spacing has been great. DD1 & DD2 play pretty well together and share interests. DD1 is old enough to be a bit maternal about DD2, and she tries to teach her things and tries to protect her. She'll call my in a NY second if she things DD2 is doing something wrong. DD2 follows her big sis everywhere and mimics her. I think this is probably the minimum amount of space I'd be happy with. I'm an older mom, so if my kids were closer together, I'd probably feel a bit overburdened. By the amount of infant & toddler level care both kids needed.

xoe
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Old 03-22-2009, 07:06 PM
 
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ds1 is 4 and ds2 is almost 22 months-- they are 30 months apart. i did not intend on getting pregnant so quickly, and i would not willingly do it that way again. i had to wean ds1 halfway through my pregnancy, which was hard for both of us, and the first year was challenging. it took months before i figured out how to get the three of us out of the house in under two hours, for example! anyway, the two of them are good friends for now, and i intend on doing what i can to cultivate that. but if i had my druthers, i'd've waited a minimum of another six months, and i'm doing what i can ensure that with (eventual) kid3. i figure, it's really kind of a craps-shoot what kind of relationship dynamics your kids are going to have with each other, so you may as well space them in the way that you hope will be easiest for *you*.

christina

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Old 03-22-2009, 07:17 PM
 
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Mine are 20 months apart.

If we have any more, we'll space them further apart. I definitely don't want to be pregnant again until my youngest weans, which I wouldn't expect till around at least 3.
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Old 03-23-2009, 12:11 PM
 
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Mine are 3.5 years apart. I am finding this spacing pretty easy (my friends with 2 years between children seem a lot more frazzled). My older ds likes to play with the baby, and he's independent enough to play by himself if I need to get the baby down for a nap, change a diaper, etc. Also, he was using the potty by the time dd was born, so I've only got one child in diapers. I sometimes wonder if they're too far apart to be friends later...but it's impossible to predict.

lady.gif mama to H. 4/05 and A. 9/08 and baby C. 10/11

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Old 03-23-2009, 12:29 PM
 
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Mine are 15 months apart. Needless to say, exclusive BF doesn't really work. (I'm kidding.)

I didn't plan them so close, obviously, and the first two years were *really* hard, particularly because it is so hard to AP. Not impossible, but really, really, really wearing. It would have been easier, I think, if my son were a little older than 15 months when his sister was born and requiring so much attention..when he was such a HN little guy and required 24/7 closeness.

Another downside? The sleep thing. Neither of them are "good" sleepers and when one of them might STTN, the other one is up. We have had exactly five nights of both of them STTN in the past few years. Five. (Counting last night, if anyone feels like celebrating with me. )

However, they are 3.5 and not-quite 2.5 right now, and the benefits are starting to show themselves. They are becoming good playmates. I actually didn't see them for 45 minutes the other day since they were playing together in my daughter's room. I could hear them playing firefighter and putting out fires on the bed and dresser together, and they were just wonderful together. They are playing so much pretend together, and I love it. They fight, naturally, but when they play together well, they play together really well!

That is my experience, FWIW. Closer sibs, IME, is beginning to be really fun.

Mama to A 8/05 and S 11/06
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Old 03-23-2009, 12:46 PM
 
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Well, I can't tell you for absolute certain yet (the pg tests are in the mail) but it looks like my kids are going to be ~18 months apart. oops.

I don't know how I'll like it yet.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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Old 03-23-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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Mine are 11/97 (boy) 3/99 (boy) 9/05 (girl) & 10/08 (girl) and we love that spacing.
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Old 03-23-2009, 01:21 PM
 
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I think whatever you end up with, you'll find the positives and negatives in.

With my son I dreamed of 2 years apart. But when he hit 15 months I just wasn't ready to give up the bond I had with him. Found myself preg. a few months after his 2nd b-day - they would have been exactly 3 years apart, same due date. Felt, wow, 3 years is gonna be perfect! BUT I m/c. Time passed, 2 more m/c... my girls were born when he was 4y4m - longer than I thought I'd like but there's been some positives. He can help with the babies a LOT. He can even lug them around to pull them out of danger. He can bring me things or he can do a lot of things for himself if I am busy with a baby and he needs/wants something.

Still... it's a little longer than I'd like... though he has a great bond with one of the babies (and doesn't seem to like the other one as much) I do worry about whether or not they'll ever really play together. But as adults, I think they'll be close. Four years is NOTHING to an adult.

If I have one more I am hoping for a 2-3 year gap.

DS T 11/16/03 DDs K & E 3/28/08
nak DS S 4/1/11
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Old 03-23-2009, 04:50 PM
 
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My kids are 22 months apart. It has worked out very well, and hasn't been particularly stressful or hard - although once my DS started moving it did get more challenging... I really think, though, that the ease or trouble for a mom with spacing is all about the children's personalities and your personality. My DD is very easygoing, sensitive, and into mothering. My DS is rambunctious, outgoing, and so very very fast and busy. If HE were my first, I would think 22 months was too close. But he's not, so it isn't.

We are not planning on having another child as soon (DH isn't sure about if at all), and really I don't think DS would handle it very well at all if we did (and I wouldn't either - DS is so busy and young that it would be hard to keep up with him and a newborn).

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