Join Date: Feb 2009
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Ok so I googled Encopresis to see what it was.
Wikipedia says that one of the criteria is - at least one such event a month for at least 3 months. This boy has been doing this for about a year & a half now and it went from 2-3 times a week to now 7 days a week.
Wouldn't this affect him at school & daycare too? He has never done this at school. Only at home.
The other thing it said was that it is commonely caused by constipation. That's the first thing I asked my friend. This kid is never constipated.
I hope she can convince her boyfriend to take him to a child psychologist. I don't think it's normal for a 8 year old to poop their pants everyday. Something else is going on.
I think your friend knew "the rules" (as in, she will have no say over how the boy is parented) for the last 4 years.
She's pretty much powerless in this situation. She can no more stop the boy from pooping than she can schedule an appointment for him without his parents' consent.
The only thing she has power over is whether or not she and her children stay in the situation, but 2 kids later that's a really tough one.
I have dealt with a school age child pooping their pants (my daughter had a stool impaction and NO she did not "seem constipated" to me. Unless the boy is allowing himself to be palpated abdominally or your friend has a u/s or xray at her disposal, she has no idea if he's constipated or not). It was gross and infuriating, but I could and did live with it until we got it resolved. I don't think I could live with a person who knew something like this was going on with their child and who *willfully* *consistantly* refused to do anything about it (I am speaking of a doctor's visit here, not attempting to treat it oneself).
I think your friend should stop blaming the boy's mother, when the father is absolutely refusing help as well. If I were her, I would sit the dad down and tell him that no matter what the cause, it's been getting worse, and if they don't take steps to investigate it may start happening at school. So if he's ashamed of his son's behavior, that's understandable (if misplaced) but right now the son is still protected and it may escalate to something he will never live down for the rest of elementary and perhaps beyond.
If at that point the dad STILL refused any kind of medical investigation? I really hate to say it, but I would suspect something else was going on, for the dad to be so resistant.
There's more to abuse than just sexual abuse.
A parent who's not willing to investigate a physical or emotional root of a problem like soiling in a school age child is frankly being neglectful.
I don't see how any of you (especially since you're an outsider, are you not?) could *possibly* know "100 percent" that there is no bullying or abuse going on in either household or at school.
Letting it go on for a few months? That is being naive and in denial. Letting it get to the point where it happens *every* day for a year?
Sorry, that is not "just naive."
I'm sorry, but no. If,after a year plus, he refuses to do anything? He is not naive. He is a bad parent. His son has a problem, and he refuses to address it. That is bad parenting. Period.
And Robbie - where is Dad in your situation?