|and how about pretending IM a fair representation of CL, instead of demanding that only Pat's responses matter?
Again, I repeat myself (read that with a calm tone, and the following words, please) I do not only want Pat's response. However, she can handle my questions without losing her head. She is also the one who wrote the guidelines.
|You are just right for your family, but CL is ALSO right for those who use it
I am not saying CL isn't right for anyone. I said myself I am CL, why do you conveniently forget the facts and slide in these red herrings when I have not said these things?
|and Ive asked you to stop, but you aren't willing
You have not asked me to stop, and if you have, I overlooked it. Quote it for me (again, said calmly, please don't forget my tone). Why should I stop asking my questions? Would that be more convenient for you? You can always leave the thread, have you thought of that? I can discuss with Dar, or wait for Pat. It seems this thread really bothers you, so why are you here? (remember, calm calm calm)
|I have no torn down anyones style of parenting the way CL is being torn here.
If I wanted to tear down CL, it would look very different to this thread.
I think that with more clarity more people would take it on, and therefore it would benefit more children. People get stumped with the idea that children are treated like adults, not only is it a new concept but it doesn't seem to make sense. I'm trying to find how it makes sense. You have helped me with a few things. But there are some things it is clear you cannot help me with, and therefore cannot help those families.
I cannot see how a baby or toddler, or even older really, can be self-determining in some situations. Even with accurate information. Impulse control is a learned thing, for starters (still reading me calmly? Just making some reminders, and these reminders are also not to be taken as sarcasm).
And then there are things about choice that I'd like help with, such as the example of my child wanting colour and preservative filled candy bar. Dar is comfortable letting her child decide, as are most of the parents on my street, I notice, CL or not. The contents of their lunch boxes make me shudder. Dar answered me reasonably and completely by simply saying that she doesn't mind if her child eats chemicals. I even asked for clarity and she confirmed, yes, she is ok with that.
However I am not. (I am not judging her negatively, just so that isn't suggested, I am just different to her) It's like eating poison to me, because it is. MSG is poison, aspartame is poison, most colors are poison, preservatives are a joke but yes, poison. I trained in learning this, it is more than my job, it is my life. How can I allow my child to eat poison? She knows it is poison, she “has accurate information”, but she still chooses it. Not a big stretch there, she's a kid, and that's a candy bar!
I asked for a CL solution, I got one, but it doesn't fit me. That's ok, that happens, we're all different. If something is not an option to me
, it can still be an option to someone else. I might think playing on the road is fine and another CL mama might not and therefore she might bring in negotiations at that point and find a mutually satisfying alternative. To me, she doesn't have
the option of allowing her child to play on the road. It's just not an option. To suggest it is, and that she just isn't willing is unfair.
If there is only one consensual solution, but it isn't an option for a parent, then that solution doesn't actually exist. Not for them. To me, this is consensual living between adults, realising that our options are different, and therefore, no matter how many consensual options I have, another mother might be faced with none
. But this is denied by you, as representative of CL, so to speak. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is that true? If an option is not valid for one mother, but in the same situation is valid to another, is it considered an option regardless? Could this be why CL, you, consider there to always be a consensual solution to a problem? (just checking again, calm calm, not tearing anything down, just seeking...)