Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: The Illusion
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|View Poll Results: Family Dynamics: Hierarchy or Consensuality?|
|Definite hierarchy with rules, strict structure; decisions made on behalf of children.||17||2.81%|
|Hierarchy with guidelines, routine, soft structure; most decisions made for children.||176||29.14%|
|Consensual family; decisions round table, children are self determining; few or no rules.||56||9.27%|
|Mostly Consensual; guidelines, choice where possible, highly structured||61||10.10%|
|Combo; children know their place in hierarchy but have as much freedom as poss within that structure||277||45.86%|
|I don't know what you are talking about.||17||2.81%|
|Voters: 604. You may not vote on this poll|
So far so good! Interesting already.
I think we all copy a culture or a format, we either choose it consciously or have it thrust upon us and follow what we know. Sometimes we follow a mix of things that have shown results we'd like to copy. I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, as is so common on forums like MDC when it comes to The CC.
I have a friend who says he should have been born a century earlier (due to fashion and social preferences), well, I feel I should have been born in a jungle, or in "water birth Russia" as they say. Somewhere like those places. I feel such a lack of community in my western culture, it saddens me. It struck a chord in me when I started learning about other cultures, and then as a parent to learn more... and apply that to my life. I bought 50 acres of land as I couldn't find the right commune to join ...
I lived in Japan and that was a culture shock initially. They cosleep and carry their kids and are so traditional, so cultural, so together. (Very VERY hierarchical culture, just as an aside, to highlight one does not preclude the other, in fact, it often goes hand in hand as mentioned). Provincial France is also a big AP place, with tight community. It isn't black or white. There are AP cultures scattered all over the globe in all colours and this is what people seldom know. I didn't pick a culture to emulate. I feel I chose a parenting style and I use cross cultural references simply to help explain it, and the benefits of it.
I went with "consensual family" but in practice it's more of a combo. There is a natural hierarchy where parents are just more powerful than the child, no matter what.
|Hierarchy with guidelines, routine, soft structure; most decisions made for children.|
|Mostly Consensual; guidelines, choice where possible, highly structured|
C wife to J, Mom to B, C and J I, and P
Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)
My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.