Forcing your kids to wear certain clothes. - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-23-2009, 04:48 PM
 
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usually dd wears whatever she wants...but on the issue of shoes, for highly sensitive children the breaking-in period is an unavoidable debate area! we have gone through the purchase (she helps pick out) and return of several pairs of shoes...some are the exact same shoe she has LOVED in past seasons...just a bigger size/different color. she really just wants to keep wearing the shoes she's used to and loves and has worn in...who wouldn't?...if only I could keep her feet from growing
so, I have finally put my foot down...we got the same keen shoe she wore all last summer in a bigger size and I just keep assuring her that they will get more comfortable the more she wears them...

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Old 04-23-2009, 04:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mama_mojo View Post
But, I have never even mildly coerced them to wear the matching things, so if you see me with my kids in matching clothes, please don't assume I did it for the public's benefit. My children chose it, and they think they look cute, and their mother does, too.
About the only time I've ever insisted on matching colors for both kids was when they were both under about 5 years old and I was taking them to the Zoo/SeaWorld/Legoland sort of place by myself. Then I would put them in the brightest, neon-iest color shirts they had that matched so that I could pick them out in a hurry if they got away from me. I don't think I have had to get coercive about it, but it was one of those occasions when I would say "Please wear this because it will make it easier for mommy to see you" and they were always pretty good about it. Or I would buy matching colors when we got to wherever and put them on right away. Since they always loved getting park shirts, that always worked really well.
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Old 04-29-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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I REFUSE to let dd wear uncomfortable shoes, no matter who wants her to. I once just about had a fight with mil over this. I ended up buying her the sort of shoes she wanted to wear for a wedding but she never actually wore them. Ha...

Our 4 y.o. dd picks what she wants to wear. However, I only buy her the sort of things I am comfortable having her pick out of the closet. She also knows that Sunday clothes are separate from play clothes, so she gets to pick then, too, but only among her church dresses.

I dislike it when moms force kids to wear uncomfortable things or to try on a million outfits (or even one if the kid does not want to) for photos...! Here's candy... I don't care if you cry, I want my online friends to see this outfit on you...

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Old 04-29-2009, 12:20 PM
 
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Haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but I think I'm with you.

I have some rules. My son must be wearing trousers and shoes in order to walk out of the house. Ideally, he would also have something on the top half of his body. If it's cold, I insist on a coat. I have, on occasion, carried him to the car and put his shoes on after I put him in his carseat, or to daycare and handed the DCP his shoes and socks. Last week, he was so excited to put on his jacket that he wouldn't pause for a shirt - I dropped him off at daycare and let the DCP know I had put a t-shirt in his cubby. It was no big deal. I agree with those who require close-toed shoes for certain activities, or insist that clothing choices be appropriate.

Would I force a child to wear a specific pair of shoes because they look cute with an outfit? Good heavens, what an unnecessary power struggle. Especially if we think the shoes are uncomfortable.
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Old 04-29-2009, 01:01 PM
 
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Heh, I think I have a pretty good idea which board it could be! I have to say I am kind of middle-of-the-road when it comes to the kids clothes. My kids are still young. I do pick their outfits and I do put them in things that match. If ds is getting ready to go out and grabs his red shoes I will say something like, "The red shoes don't match because there is no red in your shirt. Grab the brown shoes instead, OK?" He has never protested. I just view it as a way for him to learn how colors and patterns go together. If he ever actually expressed an opinion about what he wanted to wear, I would experiment with ways to allow him to choose while still attempting to match. When I buy his clothes, I do go out of my way to buy things with themes that reflect his interests--cars, construction, fire trucks, tractors, etc.

I would not make them wear something that was uncomfortable for the sake of looking cute. I rarely buy fashion shoes from children's clothes stores because 95% of them look uncomfortable and poorly made, especially for the price tag. I buy two or three basic pairs of shoes that will match everything, and I shy away from things like flip flops that could hurt their feet, or straps that could rub. I stick with comfy cottons for the prewalkers. One thing that bugs me is seeing a scrunched up newborn all decked out in embroidered denim jeans and a shirt and a cardigan or hoodie and a pair of stiff shoes and a hairbow.

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Old 04-29-2009, 01:24 PM
 
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I let my kid choose what to wear. Of course, I buy the clothes and I pick things I think are cute, but I also consider his needs. I get him soft fabrics and shirts with things on them that he likes (today he has chosen a crocodile shirt -- I knew he'd like that one!) He went through a sweatpants phase over the winter where those were the ONLY kind of pants he would wear. Sure, it wasn't my favorite choice of pants for him to wear to preschool, but we went with it. Now he's over that. Who knows what his next clothing obsession will be!

I think making your kid wear something because it "matches" is weird and unnecessary. Let them make their own choices!! Yeah!!
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Old 04-29-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ofwait View Post
For me its more of trying to get my girls to not wear their fancy flower girl dresses from their uncles wedding out to play in the yard. Other wise what I worry about is weather appropriate, no shorts when there is snow on the ground, and closed toe shoes to the play ground...mainly because thats better than pulling splinters out of their feet.
laughup Yeah that.

I do have a thing about my kids wearing dirty, wrinkled, too-small, ratty-looking clothes to church or places like that. Mainly because I'm afraid someone will think we're not taking adequate care of the kids rather than that they insisted on pulling their favorite too-small falling-apart dress out of the dirty laundry bin and refused to let me brush their hair. So I have insisted on that (or gotten irritated at DH because of what he let them wear).

I don't care if it matches, usually . . . just that it looks reasonably clean and kempt, and is appropriate for the weather/occasion.
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Old 04-29-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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My 29 m.o. DD doesn't care about her clothes often, but she *must* pick out her socks every day.

So, they almost never match.
I think it's cute. I'm waiting for those non-matching outfits she will choose eventually- I love when I see kids who are wearing a crazy outfit and it's obvious they've dressed themselves.

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Old 04-29-2009, 06:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by StrawberryFields View Post
One thing that bugs me is seeing a scrunched up newborn all decked out in embroidered denim jeans and a shirt and a cardigan or hoodie and a pair of stiff shoes and a hairbow.
Oh, that bugs me, too. My daughter is 2 and has never been in a pair of jeans - but, some parents are really proud of their newborn pictures in jeans and tennies. To each their own.
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Old 04-29-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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My son who is almost 4 really doesn't care what he wears. If it has a dinosaur on it or is all blue I might get a "cool shirt" from him but that's about it! LOL

The only things I'm not flexible on are proper winter gear (it can get mighty cold where I live). Oh, and he has to wear his 'poop boots' when playing in the backyard (basically rain boots). We have a large dog and while I usually am able to pick up all the poop, I have missed a pile or two in the past. Washing poop off a nice pair of canvas shoes just ain't my idea of fun.
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Old 05-10-2009, 03:31 PM
 
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I believe they ought to wear their hair like they want to, as soon as they are voicing an opinion about how they want it.
I agree here as well, we only have 3 real rules about hair. We will only pay for hair dye once a year, if you want it done more often than that, you have to buy it yourself. You can only use food grade hair dyes till you are done growing. You can only either dye your hair a natural color (not easy with food grade dyes) or only dye it when school is not in session, as per the school dress code rules.

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Old 05-10-2009, 03:34 PM
 
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I think it is dumb to get into a power struggle over matching shoes. I hope moms doing that relax and save their energy for the more important things.
I did some dumb things when my dd was younger too.
I actually think 2 different shoes, like one "running shoe" and one sandal could be dangerous, so I wouldn't allow that, but Janelle has owned and worn two different colored crocs, sandals (that were the same design, just one pink and one blue), and converse all stars...as long as they are on the right feet, I don't care.

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Old 05-10-2009, 03:48 PM
 
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heh, my kids have to wear matching shoes...sorry mismatched shoes is something I wouldnt budge on for going out, they have never fought that though. If they are in the house playing no big deal, wear what you want. If we are going out then I pick out their clothes unless something they really want to wear comes to my attention by them. If its 100 degrees here in the deep south you cannot wear a sweatshirt, sorry! When we were in alaska and it was 20 below zero NOT counting the windchill you could not wear short sleeves and you HAD TO wear a snowsuit under your coat. Nope not going to be a heat casualty or get frostbite on mommas watch! If we are staying in the a/c at home then thats fine wear it or when we were at home in our warm house in Alaska it was ok. There are boundaries with clothing just like anything else...it needs to be clean,appropriate for weather etc. and it cant look too mature. Other than that I dont care.

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