Have you ever had a CPS visit? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Have you ever had a CPS visit?
Yes 44 11.73%
No 319 85.07%
Other 12 3.20%
Voters: 375. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 11:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm getting the feeling from other threads that maybe it's common to get a visit at some point in your kids' lives. And that's freaking me out.

Have you ever had someone from CPS visit you? Just to get an idea of how often this happens to people.
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#2 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 11:22 AM
 
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I say "no"... But, I have had daycare kids who's families were being investigated, and they come to my daycare to talk to me about what I have seen or experienced.

None of those kids were removed from their home. They just had a file somewhere with their names on them, and the case was dropped.

One of them though.. one of the teenage twin brothers was locked in his attic for the day in May (in 100+ temps) he kicked his way through the ceiling and out of the garage door. Even those kids weren't removed.
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#3 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My parents were investigated several times when I was a kid in the 70s, but we were never removed. Of course the house was always clean - partially because we were only allowed to have two toys each. It's easy to keep the house clean if you don't let your kids in the house during the day and don't let your kids have toys. But that doesn't make someone a good parent.

Things did improve as we got older and it's possible that was due to CPS.
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#4 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 12:00 PM
 
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the first time was when i left my UAV XH. he hit me while i was holding DS. he was 6 months old. it was founded against me as well even though i left.

the second time was when DS was 3. i was a bad mother at the time. my house was filthy and I was more concerned with smoking pot than cleaning the cat poop up off the floor. i was 21 yrs old. they took him to foster care. i got him back 2 months later after starightening my self out.

the third time was when i was livivng with my x-fiancee. his S's mom was founded b/c she had meth ingredients under his crib. we got custody. i was the main caregiver. bmom tried to accuse me of overdosing the baby on tylenol. they came out to investigate a burn he had though. i gave him a chicken nugget that had been sitting and cooling for a couple of minutes but the oil in it was still hot and it caused a blister on his hand. he didnt even cry. i treated it and bandaged it. the SW agreed i did a nice job of treating it and the bmom was talked to. DS was 8yo, i was 27.

the fourth time was after i broke up with X-fiancee. i was 28, DS was 9. DS got a bruise on his arm when he was running on the stairs (the rail was a little rickety). the school thought i had grabbed him. they came over and checked him out then left and said everything was ok.

now i am going on 33 and the visit me once or twice a month. DSDs bmom has an active case for neglect and they have to check on them. they have no problem giving DH and I the kids even though i have so many visits on my record. they have judged me by my present rather than my past. i find that to be unusual with SW's. they know i co-sleep, was bfing etc. they think my house is wonderful. i think the big thing they like is that i have accepted my part in the founded reports i have and have changed my ways. i am not in denial over what happened.

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#5 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 12:58 PM
 
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No, but I thought I might once. When my oldest 2 were in elementary school and my 3rd oldest was in preschool they all got out of school at the same time. They were 4, 6, and 9. I would run down the road to pick up my 4 year old and then rush back home to be there when my 6 and 9 year olds got off the bus. The bus stop was just down the street and they walked home with a group of other kids every day. Well, one day when I went to get my 4 year old my car broke down. I called all my neighbors and NONE of them were home. So the bus got there about 30 mins before I did. My 9 year old knew to go inside and lock all the doors, but the next day my 6 year old went to school and told her teacher that I left them home alone ALL the time. When they came home my oldest told me that the principal had called them up to the office and asked them a bunch of questions like do they stay at home alone a lot and do their parents just leave them there unsupervised all afternoon. I kept expecting a visit but I talked to my friend who is a SW and she said that even if I did leave them home alone every day for an hour or two that that's perfectly legal for kids their ages and that no one would file a complaint based on something like that unless there were signs of neglect in other areas. Needless to say I had a long talk with my 6 year old about exaggeration.
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#6 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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forget it

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#7 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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Nope. And I know a large amount of people who parent similarly to what is common on MDC...and none of them have ever had a visit either.

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#8 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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I voted other. They came a couple times when I was a kid. Nothing ever came of it though. As a foster parent, DHHS made regular visits to the home- but that's different.

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#9 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:29 PM
 
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hi

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#10 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:42 PM
 
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indrectly yes- my dh was in basic training, and i had our nephews (his older brothers son and step-ish son- they werent married, and BIL had taken off to get his act together at that point) who were 2 and 4, because SIL cant keep her act together.

we had just woken up and were lounging around watching tv and there was a knock on the door and there was a social worker there. they said that SIL was on drugs-true, that the was wh0ring herself out-true, she had stable place to live and was bouncing the kids from sleazy motel to sleazy motel (at that point she was staying at a motel that was a known hooker place)- which was true to a point, she was moving around, but thats why the kids were with me

the only untrue part is the people who called (and yes i know who they were- more on them later) said my apartment was a crackhouse! the SW didnt even address that though. she talked to damion (the older one) alone, gave me her card, and that was it. and my house was BEYOND messy too

i went to the meeting with her, because she said if they didnt let her take the kids home she wanted me to take them. they basically said, unfounded or not, this was her last strike, and if there was another call she was losing her kids. i guess older DN had a broken arm that caused an investigation when he was a baby (i met him just before he turned one, and it was before that) and she got busted for smoking pot (i guess considering SIL, we're lucky it was just pot) while she was pregnant for younger DN.

nothing ended up happening that time. that was the summer. the army moved us to germany in october. she lost the kids again. when we went and visited in july after dh got home from iraq, they were living with her sister, who was doing the best she could, but she had 4 of her own kids in a 1br apartment. she was talking about them being moved. my sister went home after that day and talked to her husband about taking the kids, but when they got back to SIL, she said oh, too late, theyre staying with K&M (baby snatchers, pretty much, and the ones who called CPS on her and me).

at that time, BIL had gotten his act together, got married, and joined the army. he was in iraq the same time dh was the second time, when we got word she was giving the kids up for adoption via the baby snatchers his name wasnt on the babys BC because she was married to older DNs dad who was in prison when he was born. he did what he could from iraq, with his wife having a POA, but they ran out of money for their lawyer, and the baby snatchers had a shady lawyer. nobody even wanted to accept DNA proof that younger DN was BILs kid. unfortunatly, he had no claim to older DN. that was in 2005 i think, and nobody has heard from her since we dont know what happened with the kids, or where they are or anything

*** i call them baby snatchers because i think thats what theyre about. theyre affiliated with a hige church in houston, and run a "street church" for homeless kids. i personally think they sell babies. another friend of mine happened to be there one time, saw my nephews and talked to SIL, and met the baby snatchers. her ex was my sister and BILs roommate at the time. they somehow managed to get in the middle of their custody issues too, and showed up at my sisters apartment (how they found her i dont know, she wasnt listed, and the mama didnt know where she lived) after the son decided to stay with dad instead of goign home with his sister to mom. anyway, they showed up with mom and the cops, conviently when dad was gone, only my sis and the new GF were there with his son, so the cops took him since there was no legal guardian. then they tried to get cps involved, saying he was covered in bruises and prompting the little boy to say dad beat him


anyway, that was long and crazy it still upsets me. i miss my boys like crazy. she was an awful parent, and i preactically raised them. they were 4 and almost 6 the last time i saw them, and i cant wrap my mind around the fact that they will be 9 and 11 this year ( i dont know if the CPS report actually went on my record, i doubt it. ive had background checks to work at daycares, and i think i would know if it came up that i had cps called for running a crack house while my nephews were there, lol

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#11 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:48 PM
 
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Yes.

Initially, they came because my twins were not given formula when they were TWELVE MONTHS OLD. I BFed them and because their weight slowed at their 12 month check up and because I told the pedi that I had stopped formula once they started solids, she freaked. I told her that formula at 12 months was a weird idea. She told CPS that they had failure to thrive. We took them BACK to HER office, where they discovered that they did NOT have failure to thrive, they even wrote a letter saying that they no longer had it. However, CPS was all over us. Come to find out, not only did I not give them formula, but I *GASP* homeschooled and did not vaccinate!!! Oh, my poor kids!!!!!!!!!

They threatened me to send them to school. Saying that, "next time, you better watch out" (not in those exact words, but you get the drift).

Nightmare. The twins pediatrician negated the FTT diagnosis, but told CPS that she was worried because we did not do well baby checkups every month. She told us on the phone that that was the real reason why she called, because she felt that they were not being seen enough.

All because of a ridiculous call, we were now put on trial for everything else we did that was not "conventional".

Oh and add to it, we have a large family. They actually had the nerve to ask us why we keep having children. One lady at our, "meeting" even suggested that DH get a vasectomy. It was embarrassing.

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#12 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:56 PM
 
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I have not, but when my dd was 3.5 and sexually assaulted we did use cps to investigate and visited them at the health department. They were very kind and helpful.

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#13 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 01:59 PM
 
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Yes. The 1st 2 times where when I was in an ugly custody case w/ex1 and they and his parents were playing dirty. Called in with the house was flithy 1st. SW came looked at the living room and said "yes it needs to be cleaned but nothing an few mins of picking up wouldn't help and you've got a newborn". I'd just had dd10 less than a month earlier it was right after breakfast so the oleders' plates were still out and it was a week after x-mas so all the new toys were out. But not unfit for habitation.

The 2nd visit was a month after the 1st.Same sw came out this time I had strangled the kids sopposedly! He talked to the kids at school, their teachers, dr and then us again found nothing to the file about.That was 10 yrs ago.

The last time was last fall.DD15 left the house (call it ran away if you'd like) while upset and we never called her in as a run away. She talked to the counslor at school who called CPS and told them we'd kicked her out. The sw talked to dd at her boyfriends (where she stayed that night) and dd told her no I left on my own. SW recommended counsoling for DD but didn't make it mandatory- dd refused. No case was opened.

Found the SW I've dealt with to be reasonable people but still don't like having anyone of authority(power) in my house- feel they have too much say in others life and most of that power is based on their own opinion.
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#14 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 02:00 PM
 
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I've never had anyone call on me, but there were involved in the lives of two people I know. The first one was a neglectful parent due her developmental delays (her son was also delayed), but CPS didn't do much with her case despite multiple reports. In the second case, the removed the kids immediately due to the fact that one already had a history of TPR, and the other was a registered sex offender, but NOT a child molester (it was something that happened when he was really young-he did something to a girl as a teenager, and she pressed charges). However, despite these factors, they *were* good parents. I knew the guy personally and the details of his charge, and it was all pretty trumped up. However, CPS saw "sex offender" and their kids were gone. It was really a sad situation. The only reason the girl had a TPR on her record was that she carried her rapists' baby and decided that she wasn't comfortable raising the child and allowed her parents to adopt her. In her depression, she had used some drugs which is why CPS was called. By the time she had given birth the second time, she had cleaned up her act. I can understand CPS's concern about the situation, but I really think these people should have been given a chance to parent.

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#15 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 02:10 PM
 
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No, but I am kind of surprised. I am a total outcast with other mommies in my area.

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#16 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 02:42 PM
 
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My parents were visited once when I was a child. We're pretty sure the call was in retaliation from a neighbor. After the neighbor was visited by CPS (and her daughter was sent to live with her father), every family on the block got a visit.

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#17 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 02:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by celestialdreamer View Post
Nope. And I know a large amount of people who parent similarly to what is common on MDC...and none of them have ever had a visit either.
Same here.
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#18 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 02:52 PM
 
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I haven't, but my ex did with his wife and SD, 8.

The girl was spotted on the school playground, in the snow, without proper winter gear. Now, she was sent to school WITH the proper winter gear, and had either not put it on for recess, or took it off during recess. Someone called CPS to report neglect. Why nobody bothered to ask the teacher where the winter gear was, I don't know.

Once the call is made, CPS needs to follow-up, no matter how absurd the allegation. So the social worker did a home visit, found a modest-but-safe apartment, ample food and proper clothing, and closed the file. (My ex called me and asked what he needed to do to prepare for a CPS visit--I said clean up but hospital corners aren't necessary, and make sure any booze is out of reach, any moving boxes--they had just moved--were either unpacked, stored in the basement, or stacked neatly away from exits and radiators-- and that there isn't a lot of beer in the fridge, though some is fine--this is WI.) The social worker was kind and understanding, so, overall, it was OK.

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#19 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 03:02 PM
 
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Yup 2 times, basically the same reason, different situation, both unfounded!! (and leading to another person getting investigated)

I had (all these people are past tense friends, if you want to call them that!) a friend S who was also my daughters godmother. She had 2 boys, at the time, ages 7 an 2 (mine were 3 and 1). The 7 yr old decided it would be a great idea to convince my 3 yr old to pull his pants down and let him stick things in his anus.

Well, I found out about this, and confronted SF. She then proceeded to blame my THREE yr old for something her SEVEN yr old did.

So I stupidly told my other friend J. J was also friends with someone who I did not get along with AT ALL! (the 4 of us worked in the same day care at one point) So after telling J, she proceeded to tell the other person. That person then called me and threatened me and my family (she used the fact that her husband was a sniper in the military to scare people often!). So I called the cops on her, stating she ha threatened us.

The NEXT DAY CPS was at my sons preschool. The report said "obvious sexual abuse in the home." So I proceeded to tell the whole story.


They let me go, and told me they would be investigating S, and that my case was closed.



The second time, was when my 3 yr old then turned around and did what the 7 yr old did to him almost right after, and before we had him in therapy for it. The doctor who checked the little boy out had called, which I assume had had to. The same CPS person came to my house, and made sure that we were getting him help. She was VERY nice, and I wish they were all like her


I can tell you though, almost 6 years later, and even though my family lives in another state, if I saw any of them today, since I have not talked to them since this happened, they would really get a piece of my mind!

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#20 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 03:06 PM
 
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No, I haven't had a visit but I don't want to re-establish contact with my mother, even though she is trying, because I feel that she will eventually call on me. My house is always messy (but not dirty) and I honestly don't know if I will be able to keep it without the clutter. The kitchen and bathrooms are clean, but clothes and junk all over the place. I take out trash every day, but my house isn't going to pass any white glove test, even if I were to figure out a way to get it "clean."
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#21 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by celestialdreamer View Post
Nope. And I know a large amount of people who parent similarly to what is common on MDC...and none of them have ever had a visit either.
Agreed. I get that they make mistakes, but I really think they have better things to do than hound good parents who don't vaccinate or home school. I've known some of some horrific cases of children being abused or neglected and not being removed from homes, so I have a tough time wrapping my head around all of the CPS fear. I get that they make mistakes, but I think that in a lot of cases they could do more than they do, if that makes sense.

We're very open with our doctors (as well as those at the ER) about not vaccinating and I've never been scared that CPS was going to come after us. That said, we're well educated, white, well employed and older, so we're probably not stereotyped the way other parents might be.

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#22 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 03:34 PM
 
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Nope.

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#23 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 03:45 PM
 
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Yes. I was in labour with a HBA3C, and someone reported me for homebirthing in an unhygienic environment. My friend, doula and midwife had been cleaning for me since the labour started (even before that for my friend) and the place was fine when they came by. (It had been borderline for a couple months, due to my fatigue level and ds2's incredible ability to wreak havoc.) No file was ever opened.

Unfortunately, that visit caused my labour to stall, and I really do feel it contributed to my son's eventual stillbirth (so did lots of other things, including my fear of hospitals - I'm not trying to put it all on CPS). It was a horrible experience.

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#24 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 03:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by freestylemama View Post
I've known some of some horrific cases of children being abused or neglected and not being removed from homes, so I have a tough time wrapping my head around all of the CPS fear. I get that they make mistakes, but I think that in a lot of cases they could do more than they do, if that makes sense.
Of course they could. How does the fact that they could/should do more in some cases mean there's no reason to be afraid of them in other cases. Mistakes can go in either direction.

Mind you, I think people who make frivolous (eg. revenge) calls to CPS should be liable to criminal prosecution. It makes me sick that a case worker's desk can be so piled with cases where an ex or family member is mad at a mom that they can't deal with cases where parents are beating or neglecting their kids.

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#25 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 04:10 PM
 
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Yup I have. My story is kind of complicated. I went to them in alberta after I gave my oldest son up for adoption and I had PPD so I was looking for different resources that I could access through them because there are some things I couldn't access by myself. I was on Meds for the PPD so I started a service plan with them. Well my meds started not working and giving me suicidal and homicidal thoughts so I went off them so I could start a new med. But part of my service plan was to stay on my meds. I got someone to take my child while I switch had a doctor's note and everything and they took him because I went off my meds under doctor's supervision. They also said it was because I was a young single mom on one income and in a low income class so that made me high risk for neglecting and abusing my son. Well I ended up fighting for close to 2 years and was supposed to get him back in June of 08 but we found out in May that he had PDD-NOS so I decided to leave him with my parents because I was moving 3000 miles away to a province that doesn't have near enough resources for a child with that special need and I had just found out that I was pregnant with my youngest son and knew it wouldn't be fair to either of them

With my youngest the worker came to me straight from the hospital 3 days after my c-section telling me I may not be able to bring my baby home even though my house was immaculate and I had done nothing wrong during my pregnancy but all because of my file in edmonton, which was sent to New Brunswick after a gag order had been put on them. My son was put in foster care and I am getting him back on May 5th after him being in care for 6 months so my experience here has been way different.
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#26 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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Yes, because somebody called and told CPS I and my husband were drug addicts (which we're not, we don't use drugs at all, I don't even drink alcohol). This was one and a half year ago. We have a good idea who called - there was a gang of bikers who had their club house right next to our house, we had complained about them to their landlord, and they were constantly harassing us.

The whole thing was very unpleasant at first, as when we first talked to them it sounded like they had already made up their mind that the anonymous report was true. But they changed their tone towards us completely after talking to our doctor, a couple of neighbours who called them after we told them what happened, and the police who also called them because we reported the fake report as harassment. The CPS still had to come to our house, though, since the things we were accused of were so serious that the procedure demanded it.

So two social workers turned up, I served them tea and buns and they sat in the living room and watched us for twenty minutes, then they wrote a very positive report about us and dropped the case.
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#27 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 04:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
Once the call is made, CPS needs to follow-up, no matter how absurd the allegation.
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Mind you, I think people who make frivolous (eg. revenge) calls to CPS should be liable to criminal prosecution. It makes me sick that a case worker's desk can be so piled with cases where an ex or family member is mad at a mom that they can't deal with cases where parents are beating or neglecting their kids.
I do know several folks online who have reported their countries and/or states/provinces follow up on all calls! I find this bizarre. In the two states where I have lived most recently, I was a mandatory reporter. In both states, many, many calls were screened out before investigation.

Sometimes the calls are screened out because the behavior being reported doesn't meet a definition of abuse or show a risk for abuse in the eyes of the screener (once, for example, dw called about a child in her classroom reporting that he was regularly beaten with a wire hanger...the call was screened out because dw didn't note any marks on the child's skin and it is legal to beat a child in any way in that state as long as marks don't stay longer than a half hour). Sometimes the calls are screened out for other reasons.

As a mandatory reporter, I've always been told to call no matter what and let the screeners do their job. The calls are on file whether or not they get investigated, but that file never shows up anywhere (on background checks or anything else) except if another call is made about the same family. Sometimes when multiple people have called about the same family over a period of some length of time, a case worker is sent out to investigate even if the calls would normally be screened out. Still, that's just an investigation.

It's interesting how differently things work between locations, and I have no idea how social service agencies that investigate every report do it...how they can keep up with the cost and human resources.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#28 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 04:43 PM
 
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We had CPS visit us about a year ago. We were living in a decrepit old house that has since been condemned, BUT we were working on it and kept the areas that were under construction blocked off from the kids. Honestly, it was my IL's who called because they were pissed that we were keeping the kids from them , makes sense, right? The SW was very helpful, came in, found a couple of stupid little things, came back the next day and closed the case. That was it. End of story.

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect."
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#29 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 04:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Mind you, I think people who make frivolous (eg. revenge) calls to CPS should be liable to criminal prosecution. It makes me sick that a case worker's desk can be so piled with cases where an ex or family member is mad at a mom that they can't deal with cases where parents are beating or neglecting their kids.
Me too. I can't believe people actually do this. It's reprehensible.


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(once, for example, dw called about a child in her classroom reporting that he was regularly beaten with a wire hanger...the call was screened out because dw didn't note any marks on the child's skin and it is legal to beat a child in any way in that state as long as marks don't stay longer than a half hour).
: Oh my God. Well, that's a whole other thread in itself! Unbelievable.
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#30 of 80 Old 04-29-2009, 04:47 PM
 
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I'm not actually sure what the laws are on follow-up here. I know we never heard from them again. The woman said she'd come back on Friday (the initial visit was Wednesday), and she probably did. I was already at the hospital recovering from the c-section by that point. We left a note that we'd transferred. I assume they called the hospital to confirm I was there. That was the end of it on their end.

The thing is...even the screening means that CPS funds, staff and training are being tied up dealing with frivolous calls. Obviously, a mandated reporter is a different issue, and it sounds as though your dw, for example, gave all the info she had pertaining to the case. I'm no fan of CPS, but it's completely ridiculous that people get away with wasting the time of CPS staff, while their are children in horrific circumstances (the only ones that justify the existence of CPS in the first place, imo) slipping through the cracks. Many of those "cracks" are created by nonsense calls, imo.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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