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#1 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you feel that your views reguarding women and sexuality have changed now that you've become a mother of a daughter (or son, for that matter)?

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#2 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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No not at all, especially in regards to pornography. It has only emboldened my stance.

I have two daughters and it truly has only solidified my feelings and viewpoints.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach I knew from a very early age how I felt about it.
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#3 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 03:22 PM
 
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Nope, I still feel the same about it. I have one daughter and one son.

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#4 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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No, my views haven't changed.
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#5 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 03:44 PM
 
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Since you asked about sons too....

It hasn't changed my views, but solidified them. Looking at them and realizing they're growing up to be men someday, my views on sexuality (and the treatment of women) have only gotten stronger.
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#6 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 04:46 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Porcelain Interior;13695385]No not at all, especially in regards to pornography. It has only emboldened my stance.

I have two daughters and it truly has only solidified my feelings and viewpoints.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach I knew from a very early age how I felt about it.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel, the bolding especially. I thought it was nasty as a child; an ethics course at the public university I attended solidified my views.
I have very, very, very strong opinions on this issue....
Objectification of persons is not okay with me under any circumstances.

ETA, it does add a new dimension to think of my 2 yo daughter having to deal with this some day. and I am very happy to have a daughter, because i don't think I would deal with this issue well with a son.

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#7 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 04:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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[QUOTE=MaterPrimaePuellae;13695723]
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Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
No not at all, especially in regards to pornography. It has only emboldened my stance.

I have two daughters and it truly has only solidified my feelings and viewpoints.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach I knew from a very early age how I felt about it.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel, the bolding especially. I thought it was nasty as a child; an ethics course at the public university I attended solidified my views.
I have very, very, very strong opinions on this issue....
Objectification of persons is not okay with me under any circumstances.

ETA, it does add a new dimension to think of my 2 yo daughter having to deal with this some day. and I am very happy to have a daughter, because i don't think I would deal with this issue well with a son.
Both of you managed to write exactly what I wanted to say in a conversation last night.. I have watched porn before, and I have tried to enjoy it (with my partner) but I, honestly, feel sick to my stomach when I think about it Luckily he doesn't have a desire to watch either, but it definetely doesn't bother him in the same ways as it does me..

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#8 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 10:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
No not at all, especially in regards to pornography. It has only emboldened my stance.

I have two daughters and it truly has only solidified my feelings and viewpoints.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach I knew from a very early age how I felt about it.
YES, same here.

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Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
Since you asked about sons too....

It hasn't changed my views, but solidified them. Looking at them and realizing they're growing up to be men someday, my views on sexuality (and the treatment of women) have only gotten stronger.
Ditto.

I am very open with my sons about the treatment of women, why it's wrong, etc. They are 15, 13, & 9. The 9yo, not so much yet, but the teens & I talk about this.

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#9 of 148 Old 05-02-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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I had the same feelings as a child. I don't have daughters, but it is equally important to me to impart awareness into my sons of gender inequity and sexism. They're little though, and I have no clue how to really go about it. I'm still loathe to discuss the "bad" aspects of the world with them. My views have not changed. Until now, they've probably become less on my mind b/c I'm so preoccupied with parenting.
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#10 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 03:27 AM
 
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No, didn't change anything. Well, maybe I'm actually even less inhibited than before kids, but that's probably just because I'm older.

Tanya ~~ mother to: Beth, 12 -- Cali & Trent, 9 -- Melanie, 8 -- Jesse & Davin, 5 -- Baby Shae 9/1/2009
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#11 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 06:06 AM
 
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My views have changed since having DD but not because of. They've changed because I've done a bit more reading on the subject than before she was born. I have a less popular view on the issue, heh.
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#12 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 10:44 AM
 
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[QUOTE=MaterPrimaePuellae;13695723]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Porcelain Interior View Post
No not at all, especially in regards to pornography. It has only emboldened my stance.

I have two daughters and it truly has only solidified my feelings and viewpoints.

Deep down in the pit of my stomach I knew from a very early age how I felt about it.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly how I feel, the bolding especially. I thought it was nasty as a child; an ethics course at the public university I attended solidified my views.
I have very, very, very strong opinions on this issue....
Objectification of persons is not okay with me under any circumstances.

ETA, it does add a new dimension to think of my 2 yo daughter having to deal with this some day. and I am very happy to have a daughter, because i don't think I would deal with this issue well with a son.

This, absolutely. Bolding mine.

Allison:  a little bit Waldorf, a little bit Medievalish, and always"MOMMMMYYYY!" to sweet Cecily since 12.22.05
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#13 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 12:29 PM
 
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No, it hasn't changed my position and I have 2 dds.

I don't like it. But I firmly believe in freedom of speech, so if that's what consenting adults want to manufacture or consume, that's up to them.
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#14 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:02 PM
 
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Nope, hasn't changed. I still feel that it's primarily a freedom of speech and choice issue, and is fine (even healthy) for consenting adults to enjoy - both male and female. Not all porn is created equal - there is undoubtedly misogynistic material out there, and it's worth discussing, though such a discussion is probably beyond the scope of this conversation. But you can't paint it all with the same brush.

Of course I will do everything I can to protect my daughter from material that's inappropriate to her age, and hope to help her develop a healthy body image and view of sexuality - and to that end, I am MUCH more concerned about her exposure to Barbie, Bratz and Disney princesses, and what they say about standards of beauty and gender roles, than I am about porn.

If she grows up secure about her body and has healthy self esteem, I have no worries about the existence of porn. If she chooses to explore it when she's of age, it'll be none of my business - I just hope my job is well done re: self-worth.
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#15 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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Yes.

Before I had children, I had some pretty black and white views on things. I also thought I knew with certainty right from wrong.

Since the birth of my child, I realize more and more that things aren't black and white, and that I don't really know what's right or what's wrong, and that things I thought were so terrible are really okay, just part of being human. I also realized that people are born with good intentions and good spirits, and a huge variety of behaviors is something to celebrate, not condemn.

I have become more accepting, more flexible, more tolerant of the large variety of values that make up humanity; less judgemental, less certain I know what is right for everyone, and more humble.
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#16 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:06 PM
 
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^^ Great post.
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#17 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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Not much. Porn has it's place for consenting adults. That has nothing to do with my being a parent or not.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#18 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:18 PM
 
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I don't have daughters yet, but dealing with the hypersexual media and porn culture is one of the reasons I'm terrified - terrified that if I do have daughters some day, that I won't know how to teach them how to be resilient in the face of such toxicity.

I too believe in free speech, but in so doing I acknowledge that some speech is destructive and causes damage. Society pays a price and women especially pay a price when it comes to porn.

Sarah, WAHM and partner to incredible DH, mama to DS (10/08) and DS (6/10). Missing baby boy lost at 13 wks 12/19/12. angel2.gif

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#19 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:22 PM
 
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I don't think it exists in a vacuum and I think as it is, it has a whole lot to do with perpetuating sexism and objectification of women. And this has everything to how we raise our daughters and sons b/c they live in this society. I don't see why people had to come in defending porn.
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#20 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sarahope View Post
I don't have daughters yet, but dealing with the hypersexual media and porn culture is one of the reasons I'm terrified - terrified that if I do have daughters some day, that I won't know how to teach them how to be resilient in the face of such toxicity.

I too believe in free speech, but in so doing I acknowledge that some speech is destructive and causes damage. Society pays a price and women especially pay a price when it comes to porn.
Great post and good point about free speech. Having a daughter (and son) has solidified my viewpoints.
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#21 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:28 PM
 
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Yes.

Before I had children, I had some pretty black and white views on things. I also thought I knew with certainty right from wrong.

Since the birth of my child, I realize more and more that things aren't black and white, and that I don't really know what's right or what's wrong, and that things I thought were so terrible are really okay, just part of being human. I also realized that people are born with good intentions and good spirits, and a huge variety of behaviors is something to celebrate, not condemn.

I have become more accepting, more flexible, more tolerant of the large variety of values that make up humanity; less judgemental, less certain I know what is right for everyone, and more humble.
ITA. What an amazing perspective (and way with words) you have! I personally used to be disgusted by porn. I am not particularly fond of it now, but I really don't care much one way or the other. If my daughter wants to watch it when she is a legal adult, that's her decision. I would feel that way with a son, so why should I treat my daughter any differently (as though I have to protect her *more* than I would a son)? That's more sexist than the videos are!

-
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#22 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:29 PM
 
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No. I didn't have a problem with it before and I don't have a problem with it now.

Of course there are aspects of the business that are really, really bad for women, and there are things produced that make me ill...but there are deviants in any society and if they weren't making porn they'd be doing something equally distasteful. In some ways, at least this is out in the open. I do think these industries prey on women who have already been victimized which is really, really unfortunate and I do wish for a day when that fact is less true and fewer (no) women are victimized in the first place.

I personallly think in that kind of world, there'd still be a place for porn. But it wouldn't be of the variety that's vastly popular now.

mama to 3 girls: Abigail 2.12.05, Eliana 8.26.06, Willa 1.9.09
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#23 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RoseDuperre View Post
Nope, hasn't changed. I still feel that it's primarily a freedom of speech and choice issue, and is fine (even healthy) for consenting adults to enjoy - both male and female. Not all porn is created equal - there is undoubtedly misogynistic material out there, and it's worth discussing, though such a discussion is probably beyond the scope of this conversation. But you can't paint it all with the same brush.

Of course I will do everything I can to protect my daughter from material that's inappropriate to her age, and hope to help her develop a healthy body image and view of sexuality - and to that end, I am MUCH more concerned about her exposure to Barbie, Bratz and Disney princesses, and what they say about standards of beauty and gender roles, than I am about porn.

If she grows up secure about her body and has healthy self esteem, I have no worries about the existence of porn. If she chooses to explore it when she's of age, it'll be none of my business - I just hope my job is well done re: self-worth.
RoseD, i couldn't have said it better, myself. You articulate my feelings exactly.

mummy to one sweet, beautiful, strong, clever, perfect
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#24 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:35 PM
 
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I wanted to add, certainly I'm concerned about my daughters growing up in a culture that objectifies women. But I think the porn produced is a side effect of that culture, not the root cause. Like someone else said, the groundwork for healthy body image and self esteem is set far before my girls will ever be exposed to porn. There are things that concern me about interfering with that groundwork, but I hope it will be in place and they can make their own decisions about porn by the time it gets to that.

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#25 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:46 PM
 
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My views have not changed. Matured, perhaps, realized that hardly anything is black and white, yes, but overall I still feel the same way about feminine sexuality and pornography as I did before I had children. If anything, my mind is more open now and more understanding. Having daughters, at least for me, put things in perspective.

Bethany, crunchy Christian mom to Destiny (11) Deanna (9), and Ethan (2)

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#26 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 01:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AmieV View Post
No. I didn't have a problem with it before and I don't have a problem with it now.
That's me completely.
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#27 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 02:04 PM
 
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.
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#28 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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oh this is just great. <snip>
I don't see why people had to come in defending porn.
Well, she didn't ask if people were *against* porn now that they had children, she asked if your views had *changed* since you have had children. I don't see why all views can't be expressed on the topic.

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Originally Posted by AmieV View Post
No. I didn't have a problem with it before and I don't have a problem with it now.

Of course there are aspects of the business that are really, really bad for women, and there are things produced that make me ill...but there are deviants in any society and if they weren't making porn they'd be doing something equally distasteful. In some ways, at least this is out in the open. I do think these industries prey on women who have already been victimized which is really, really unfortunate and I do wish for a day when that fact is less true and fewer (no) women are victimized in the first place.

I personallly think in that kind of world, there'd still be a place for porn. But it wouldn't be of the variety that's vastly popular now.
:

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmieV View Post
I wanted to add, certainly I'm concerned about my daughters growing up in a culture that objectifies women. But I think the porn produced is a side effect of that culture, not the root cause. Like someone else said, the groundwork for healthy body image and self esteem is set far before my girls will ever be exposed to porn. There are things that concern me about interfering with that groundwork, but I hope it will be in place and they can make their own decisions about porn by the time it gets to that.

Double :

For the record, I said my views haven't changed, above. I didn't mind it before, and I don't mind it now...though I do need to clarify that I don't mind SOME of it. As said above, I realize there are some pretty major issues with the industry, but I do not think that all pornography is inherently evil or wrong - I am a fan of the 'amateur'/consensual kind, but not of other kinds. Things like those 'girls gone wild' videos, they make me sick. But truly consenting adults, willingly recording and/or watching other truly consenting adults? Doesn't bother me a bit (in fact, can be quite the opposite : ). And while those may not be the majority of pornography, they do exist, and I cannot lump them in with the other kinds that are problematic. Pornography has existed for a long, long time - it's the recent (past several decades)industry trends that disturb me, not necessarily porn itself. And that view has not changed since I had kids.

I think the chances of my children being exposed to porn before they are teens is pretty slim; the chances of them being exposed to technically non-pornographc but still sexual images and stereotypes and expectations that can subtly work their way into my kids minds BEFORE they are teens is GREAT, and *THAT'S* where my work comes in in teaching my daughter to value herself, and my son to value women.

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#29 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 02:42 PM
 
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No. Having kids only makes me more AFRAID of it. My views on porn were changed when some close friends of ours almost divorced over it (his strong addiction was the root cause) and after dealing with it in my own marriage. The availability of porn is what scares me as far as my kids go. I wish it wasn't so readily available on the internet.
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#30 of 148 Old 05-03-2009, 03:09 PM
 
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My views have not changed.

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