Baby not invited to wedding?? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-10-2009, 06:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
I have no respect for the ban of children/babies from a wedding. it makes no sense to me. B/c we all know that a baby doesn't belong in the world...that's unnatural for a marriage.

That's like those people who say they won't use FAM/NFP b/c it's gross. Wow and that makes sense how?

I made triple sure children were welcomed to the ceremony and reception. I can only imagine what some people must have experienced in the past...I had people calling me to make sure, even following up with a written letter lol. They couldn't believe it. One mom broke down in tears.

BTW It was a blast and I don't even recall hearing a baby during the ceremony.
Hope I don't need a flame suit but seriously, the bridezilla attitude surrounding children and weddings just irks me to no end. :

I would decline big time and just feel sorry for them b/c when life hits them in the booty they are probably going to struggle. That was a terrible email to send to a relative.
People have shared 1001 reasons why they may not have invited kids.

On top of those very good reasons, I offer another: some people DON'T LIKE KIDS. Really. I know it's hard for mothers to believe, but it's true.

If I didn't like children, why on earth would I include them in a party celebrating my marriage?

I'm not saying that's the deal with the cousin, but it's a possibility.
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Old 05-10-2009, 07:17 PM
 
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I wouldnt want to attend a persons wedding who didnt like kids either . I get that some people dont like kids but seriously, I doubt I could be friends with someone like that and I would probably avoid them as much as possible if they were in my family because I have a lot of kids, so unless they came to see me I wouldnt go out of my way to see them and thats the honest truth about it really.

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Old 05-10-2009, 07:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jennybear View Post
People have shared 1001 reasons why they may not have invited kids.

On top of those very good reasons, I offer another: some people DON'T LIKE KIDS. Really. I know it's hard for mothers to believe, but it's true.

If I didn't like children, why on earth would I include them in a party celebrating my marriage?

I'm not saying that's the deal with the cousin, but it's a possibility.


Like I said, it's the same as when people say they won't use FAM/NFP b/c it's gross.

I didn't come on here to convince everyone that children are not only necessary but a reality in this world. I was just giving my opinion.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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Old 05-10-2009, 07:33 PM
 
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we haven't been invited to a wedding since my oldest was a baby -7 yrs ago- and our family is huge! My mom finally informed us that kids aren't invited to most of them and they all know that I don't use sitters. I bet a few are concerned that I'll breastfeed too- without going into the bathroom..

I figure they're just trying to respect us, and they know we are usually too busy to attend events (especially without the little ones).

I'm also not bothered by the thought of an adult-only wedding.. I would be annoyed if they didn't get why I couldn't attend though (if we were wanted, that is )

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Old 05-11-2009, 02:24 AM
 
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I think wanting no kids at your wedding is one thing, acting on it is completely different. Sometimes you have to make choices based on other peoples feelings, and no matter what reason you have for a no kid wedding, it is rude to exclude people close to the person invited(ie the child). No wedding is going to be perfect. Weddings should be about close family and friends, however old or young.
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Old 05-11-2009, 09:42 AM
 
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I think wanting no kids at your wedding is one thing, acting on it is completely different. Sometimes you have to make choices based on other peoples feelings, and no matter what reason you have for a no kid wedding, it is rude to exclude people close to the person invited(ie the child). No wedding is going to be perfect. Weddings should be about close family and friends, however old or young.

That is your opinion. Not fact. Not everyone thinks that way and it is not considered rude in the minds of all people.

If you are invited to a "girls night out", is it rude not to include your husband and kids too? No.

For the record, I had kids galore at my wedding. Wouldn't have had it any other way. But, to each their own. If I could not attend a wedding due to no sitter, I would graciously decline, most likely send a gift and/or a card and call it a day. I don't take it personally at all.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
I have no respect for the ban of children/babies from a wedding. it makes no sense to me. B/c we all know that a baby doesn't belong in the world...that's unnatural for a marriage.

That's like those people who say they won't use FAM/NFP b/c it's gross. Wow and that makes sense how?
People have lots of reasons for both not inviting children AND not using FAM/NFP. In fact, people who don't invite children almost certainly aren't making that choice because they think babies don't belong in the world or are unnatural for marriages, and people who don't use FAM/NFP almost certainly aren't making that choice because they think it's gross.
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:19 PM
 
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People have lots of reasons for both not inviting children AND not using FAM/NFP. In fact, people who don't invite children almost certainly aren't making that choice because they think babies don't belong in the world or are unnatural for marriages, and people who don't use FAM/NFP almost certainly aren't making that choice because they think it's gross.
Okay, kind of off topic, but what is FAM/NFP?

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Old 05-11-2009, 02:45 PM
 
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While I agree that a wedding is an event that the hosts can choose whom to invite, and that may or may not include children, a funeral is different.

I feel it is highly unfair to exclude children. It is like saying that their grief is less real or important than our adult grief. Though a childs grief may be harder to see, and the child may not have come to understand what is going on, they also need the oportunity to say goodbye to Grandma or Aunt Jane or whoever.

Funerals aren't some party that one hosts for enjoyment. One doesn't get to pick and choose who cared the most about the dearly departed and invite those people. Invitations aren't sent out for funerals, they are simply anounced. There is a noticed put into the paper, you call all the relatives who in turn pass it along to whom ever they choose.
From my POV the funeral is the religious service where prayers for the departed are said and funeral rituals are performed. It isn't the same as the wake or viewing. I'm not saying that children don't grieve or shouldn't be part of the remembrances or saying good bye. IMO they don't belong at the ceremony, they should go to the other events.
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:11 PM
 
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I think no children weddings are uptight. Yes, people are allowed to do whatever they want to do, and I am allowed to think that they are being uptight.

Dh and I went to a no children wedding when my kids were small (not babies, but young toddlers) and the only reason I agreed was because the wedding was literally down the street from my inlaws' house where they were watching the kids. The only thing I found irritating was the groom going around crowing about how obviously the reason the party was so fun was that there were no kids.

Anyhow, to the OP, I'd ask your cousin if you can bring your baby. (No baby at a BBQ? That just sounds ridiculous.) If she says no, then I wouldn't go. I'd be happy to sit outside during the ceremony if that's what she is worried about.

My SIL, who has one 6yo, is having her 40th birthday party soon. It's being held from 4-9pm, at my inlaws' house, a place where the kids play all the time, and in fact even have their own playroom. It's an outdoor luau theme. My MIL wants to make it no kids so that "SIL can relax." We are very much expected to be there, but I not only do I have no idea who can watch my kids (all the family will be at the party), but my kids' feelings are so hurt that they aren't invited to their Aunt's birthday party!
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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Oh dear. Really? I find this attitude upsetting because it suggests your kids are more important somehow then the bride. And to you of course they are-but a wedding is about the bride, not about your kids, and she gets to choose who she wants to come to her wedding.
The wedding is about the bride? Uh oh, I forgot to tell my husband this when we were getting married.
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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The wedding is about the bride? Uh oh, I forgot to tell my husband this when we were getting married.

I'm pretty sure she didn't mean that the groom was unimportant, just that generally the wedding itself, not the vows but the day in general, are usually more important to the bride.
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:44 PM
 
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Double post!
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Old 05-11-2009, 03:46 PM
 
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People have shared 1001 reasons why they may not have invited kids.

On top of those very good reasons, I offer another: some people DON'T LIKE KIDS. Really. I know it's hard for mothers to believe, but it's true.

If I didn't like children, why on earth would I include them in a party celebrating my marriage?

I'm not saying that's the deal with the cousin, but it's a possibility.

Yeah, I agree. I love my DS, but I understand why some choose to have childfree weddings.

A girlfriend of mine? Her vows in their wedding video are drowned out by a screaming child. The parent didn't have the decency to take the child out, and that is the only thing my friend can remember about her vows.

And really, at the end of the day, they are the HOSTS. Just like you wouldn't want someone uninvited in your house, no matter what the other guests thing, you should respect their decision.
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Old 05-11-2009, 10:55 PM
 
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the wedding was a couple days before my due date (the date was picked after my due date was announced). It was a family member and in town. DH and I decided not to attend because I would either be too uncomfortable (Weddings here last over 12 hours) and was afraid of going in to labour at the wedding.

They were hurt and there was bit of pressure when we didn't go. In the end the baby was 2 weeks late.
It was in the same town where you live? I don't understand why you didn't just go for the ceremony and a bit of the reception, til you got tired and left. I would have been really hurt if a friend or relative didn't come when they were in the same town. If you were actually IN labor, I would understand, but you weren't. Given that the baby was two weeks late, do you wish you'd gone to the wedding?
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Old 05-11-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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I haven't read all the replies, but did read the groom's response to OP (yikes). In my experience, weddings can sometimes make the bride & groom so self-absorbed that they sort of lose touch with reality, i.e. when I was 5 months preggo and at the weekend wedding of a dear friend and was asked to help move stones to make a blessing circle:. I politely declined.

We specifically invited children to our wedding b/c we wanted that energy and it was an informal affair. However, I completely understand people not wanting young children at their weddings. Babies are another matter entirely. I made the mistake, when dd was 6 mo, of accepting an invitation to a no-kids wedding (the bride's mother thought we would have "more fun" w/o the baby) and leaving dd with a sitter I didn't feel entirely comfortable with (a nearby relative who had been itching to babysit and finally had dd "all to herself"). Long story short, I also didn't bring my hand pump and ended up miserable 1.5 hours into the wedding with engorged breasts. Dh and I ended up leaving before the reception b/c I called the sitter and heard dd wailing in the background & she said dd wasn't taking a bottle of b/m from her. . .None of our friends at the wedding had kids at the time so everyone thought we were weird to skip out early when we could have been getting some kid-free time. What I wish I had done in retrospect:
1. Try to explain to them that a baby in a sling, nursing & sleeping most of the time wouldn't have been a problem, and if she did get loud, that I would deal with the situation, or
2. Get my out-of-town mom (who is a sitter that I do feel comfortable with) to come up for the weekend and be a kind of remote floating babysitter--walking with dd around the wedding site and able to bring her to me whenever she needed
Afterward, the bride said that she kind of wished that we had been able to bring her. . .whatever. Anyway, we learned from that experience.

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Old 05-11-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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It was in the same town where you live? I don't understand why you didn't just go for the ceremony and a bit of the reception, til you got tired and left. I would have been really hurt if a friend or relative didn't come when they were in the same town. If you were actually IN labor, I would understand, but you weren't. Given that the baby was two weeks late, do you wish you'd gone to the wedding?
This is what I hate about weddings. They seem to bring this out in people. If someone doesn't think they'll be comfortable attending an event in late pregnancy, why be "really hurt" over it? Some people are more comfortable than others, yk? I'd have happily attended a wedding in labour with ds2...right up to the end of my pregnancy with ds1 (harder labour initially than with ds2)...and would probably be reluctant now, at "only" 7 months and a bit. Why get upset if a friend or relative doesn't want to martyr themselves to attend your wedding? I just don't get it.

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Old 05-11-2009, 11:51 PM
 
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We kindly decline invitations to events without children.
If someone is inviting us, first thing we state that
it is one for all all for one deal.. so it is either all of us
or none.

it is up to them to decide how badly they want us.

no event is worth to go without.
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Old 05-12-2009, 01:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BellaClaudia View Post
We kindly decline invitations to events without children.
If someone is inviting us, first thing we state that
it is one for all all for one deal.. so it is either all of us
or none.

it is up to them to decide how badly they want us.

no event is worth to go without.
Do you mean if you and your DH are invited to an event, but the kids aren't, you'll decline? Or do you also decline invitations to things like women-only baby showers or going out to get a coffee with a girlfriend?

I'm just curious because I used to know someone in the latter category, and I guess it worked for her but I could just never live that way -- I had wonderful one-on-one relationships with other people before I married and had kids, and it's so important to me to continue nurturing those relationships now that I'm a wife and mother. I would be very sad if a close friend or family member refused to see me without her husband and kids present.

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Old 05-13-2009, 05:49 PM
 
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People have shared 1001 reasons why they may not have invited kids.

On top of those very good reasons, I offer another: some people DON'T LIKE KIDS. Really. I know it's hard for mothers to believe, but it's true.

If I didn't like children, why on earth would I include them in a party celebrating my marriage?

I'm not saying that's the deal with the cousin, but it's a possibility.
How can someone dislike a whole group of people??? There are certain kids I don't care for, same as adults. But to say one doesn't like "children" is close-minded. It's like saying I don't like short/black/fat/Christian/red headed people.

Ick - I don't think I'd want to be involved with someone who made such sweeping generalizations.
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