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#61 of 67 Old 05-17-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by phrogger View Post
I never said you had or even could prevent every incident, I said her reaction to not even knowing the child was gone is what would concern me.

My step son is the master escape artist and would get out any time he wanted to. No alarm, no lock, no anything could keep him inside, however, if someone had called me and said "hey, J is in the house pissing on my cat and throwing rocks at the dog" my reaction would NOT be to laugh and say "oh, thats just J". I would have been franticly looking for him already and in desperate mode, not just ha ha that is what a 3 year old does.

Oh, and calling CPS does not automatically equate removal, however it could mean it gets these parents into gear to start acting like parents.
I know exactly what CPS does and I know that it doesnt mean removal but it doesnt mean that they wont make their lives miserable unnecessarily for months afterward when they made a mistake and may do their best to fix it if given the chance without CPS involvment. I dont think CPS is the answer, I wont change my mind about that and we can sit and discuss that until the cows come home but I wont budge . If it were me in this situation, I would grow myself a backbone and go talk to the mom first and be very straightforward with her about why I was there even though I wouldnt want to do it I would anyway. There is no need to call CPS first...I dont want that kind of involvement in my life. I'm sure most other people dont either so they deserve the chance to try to change before the way too nosy for their own good government interferes. I can guarentee most people call CPS, because they are too worried to go talk to parents like that because many people dont like any confrontation at all even friendly peaceful confrontation. I think calling CPS is a passive aggressive way of dealing with the situation to be quite honest.

 Jess mom to 5!!! 3 boys 2 girls and another girl on the way edd jan 31st! I have a Disabled veteran husband
breastfeeding,cosleeping, non vax,no circ,and nature loving family!

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#62 of 67 Old 05-17-2009, 03:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by hippiemommaof4 View Post
I am not going to have a kid possibly taken from an otherwise loving family or be responsible for CPS keeping tabs on them for months for a lapse in judgement, when I can be the better person and grow a backbone and have a talk with these people instead.
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#63 of 67 Old 05-17-2009, 03:43 PM
 
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Averysmama, I have enjoyed reading your posts!
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#64 of 67 Old 05-17-2009, 03:53 PM
 
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Gosh, maybe if you were a little more welcoming of this child, he wouldnt feel the need to thrust himself on you. Maybe if someone, just someone, would welcome this child, make him feel like he's ok, he wouldnt feel the need to do any of this. You have kids, so your home is probably a safe place for children to be. Cant you just let him hang out with your kids, let them romp around? I dunno....relax a little bit. He's 3. (doesnt mean you should tolerate damaged furniture etc, but nowhere in your post did i see your attempt to make this child feel welcome.)
When kids drop over my house, i like it. They can play with my kids.
Wow...your post is really judgmental. : Just out of curiosity, did you even read the OP's original post?

"Cant you just let him hang out with your kids, let them romp around?"
Why don't we re-write this: Can't you just let him hang out with your kids, piss on your cat, kick your cat, break your dishes, throw rocks at your dog? Why don't your relax a bit while his mom sits around your house for hours uninvited and laughs as he destroys your stuff?

Not every behavior problem can be magically fixed by making someone else's child feel "welcome." And it should not be the OP's responsibility to spend hours a day micro-supervising the kids, trying to manage this uncontrollable child who seems hell-bent on messing up her home and hurting her animals.
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#65 of 67 Old 05-17-2009, 04:58 PM
 
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I would also call cps BUT just because cps is called does not mean they are going to take the children away. they would investigate and unless there is more then you know going on they would probably order parenting classes. this might be what these parents need.

Other alternative is to buy a parenting dvd "for yourself" and "lend" it too her saying that you really enjoyed it and she might as well. It may be thinly veiled but you never know.

All this stuff seems so crazy. I can not imagine my oldest ds walking 1/2 mile at 8 let alone my 3 year old. Now when ds1 was a toddler and under dh's watch he got out of the house 2 times early in the morning when dh was asleep and I was riding my bike. I think he walked a block or 2. This stuff does happen (though would not have happened on my watch. but to have it happen over and over. and 1/2 mile would take a little one along time to walk. How can you miss your dc for that long?
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#66 of 67 Old 05-17-2009, 05:14 PM
 
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OP, you have gone above and beyond with this family. You're a bigger person than most. If things haven't changed when they return, set some clear boundaries. I see no reason why you couldn't do it in a nice way, but you need to make it clear that this isn't working for you. If all that happens and it doesn't change, you need help from authorities.
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#67 of 67 Old 05-18-2009, 11:57 AM
 
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Hey, if you have the kid over as often as you say, and enjoy the 'more the merrier' atmostphere, then you dont sound like a snob to me at all. I was just rying to look at it fromt he perspective of the other mom (who on this thread has been berated), and the 3 yo, who sounds like he misses being at your place.
That said, leaving the kid with you all day long like that, is not on, nor is peeing on the cat etc, these are all terrible things.

I suppose there are 'boundaries'-you need to let the mom know whats not ok, and then there's a general attitude that either welcomes other people/community in, or, shuts them out (in the name of the nuclear family)

I suppose i am more continuum concept in my attitude.
But just to clarify, you sound like a kind person, who is community minded, not a snob at all, and who is being taken advantage of by someone who doesnt seem to know any better (or maybe doesnt have the energy to deal with it)
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